Problem in the bedroom, advice??

[dseven]

Hi everybody! I hope everybody is okay and happy n.n

So, today is my birthday, I'm turning 22 and my girlfriend and I wanted to engage in some birthday sex.
The problem is that since our first anniversary, which was incidently 5 days ago, I've been having some problems.
I feel like my libido has been significantly lowered, even though I want to have sex with my girlfriend and I get erections like before when I'm with her (which is practically all the time), when I'm about to penetrate her, I lose my erection, the funny thing is that a few minutes later I get it again. Since this was kinda sudden and acompanied with some other physical symptoms, I went to the doctor. She (the doctor) made me do a blood test and a chest x-ray, and I checked out fine. She said that what I'm experiencing are physical manifestations of a stressful situation.
I want to say that my girlfriend was very supportive through all this and she keeps saying that even though she would miss sex between us (which is incredible), she loves me and she knows that our relationship is far beyond just sex, so she'll wait for me as long as it takes.
The problem is that the first thing that goes through my head when something like this happens, is that I'm turning gay, I know it's an irrational thought since I'm still very turned on by her and I still love her with all my heart (and plus my libido towards guys has also been lowered) , but I can't shake the feeling and it's not helping.
I know it will probably in time resolve by itself but patience is not one of my virtues so I'm in need of your experience.

Thanks, and hugs.
Alex/Dseven.

[LonelyLeo469]

What are you thinking about before penetration? Maybe you should try letting your Gf take control of the situation to keep your aroused. Oral or handjob before penetration might help.

[Neonaught]

This is not that usual a problem and yes, it's probably stress-related. Some men as they age have an erection that waxes and wanes during the act, though you're a bit young for that. Try to relax and if it persists consider trying a cockring.

[Realist]

Could be performance anxiety, too.

Have you had thoughts like: "You love her, want to ensure she feels good and enjoys the experience, but fearful that she may be left unsatisfied?"

Or, does thoughts of wanting to be with a guy enter your mind, when you feel you should be thinking of only her?

Many scenarios come to mind, but at your age, I'd think that nothing could dissuade your ardor!

I'd think that people, who are seriously conscientious, wanting to please a lover, (even more then themselves) would be more prone to having difficulty.

A selfish person would probably not care, as long as they did what they wanted!

Personal theories, only.

[cbb83]

When vanilla quits doing it for ya, find your fetish. Most people entertain a few.

[Gearbox]

Try having sex less often and not think of intercourse as such an important part of it. You probably see it as something you fail at now, and THAT will cause problems itself.
So relax, and just tease her vagina with your cock as you'd tease it with your tongue or finger, and don't fuck her. Sooner or later you will fuck her, it will be great, and that 'fail' will drop from your mind and be replaced with succsess.:)

[dseven]

@LonelyLeo: Well, we are always playing and switching roles so that's not a problem with us, but it was easier when I let her take control.

@Neonaught: Nope, that's not it, I have absolutely no problems with erections, nor I ever had any. Plus, I'm too young, I have perfect health, blood pressure, and a good cardio-vascular condition.

@Realist: I don't feel it's performance anxiety, don't get me wrong, my girlfriend has a very big libido, but I'm usually very able of satisfying her, we have a lot of chemistry and sex is amazing. And when I'm with her, sometimes I think that I'm with a guy too (like in a threesome) but only when she penetrates me with her fingers while I'm fucking her. And it doesn't make me feel guilty or anixous. And I get pleasure when just by the feeling of her getting pleasure so it's not that I'm putting her before me, although I make sure that she finishes a few times (ten is a nice number) before I come.

@Cbb83: We have our fetishes, but they mostly involve some mild bondage and alternating dominated-dominatrix games, mixed with mild spanking. But when the problem started, we wanted to do it vanilla style, since it was our anniversary.

@Gearbox: Actually that sounds like a very interesting idea, before the problem started, we had had sex like 4 days straight and more than once each day.

Okay, today we were at her place instead of mine, we let a couple of days without intercourse pass and I stopped putting pressure on myslef (plus we did it without a condom since she's on her period), and we had sex nicely and neatly a couple of times, it was nice and as Gearbox said, the feeling of failure fell off my mind and it was replaced with success. I don't think I'm completely out of the woods, but it's a nice start. We'll lower the amount of sex we have (I think there's something like too much sex) and we'll be fine.

Thanks for your help everybody!!
Hugs
Dseven/Alex

[elian]

Glad you are both feeling better :)

The idea of having a baby if you aren't really prepared/expecting one would definitely give me some anxiety..

Realist's response hit my problem right no the nail - I guess you all are just going to have to tie me down and show me how to relax..