O.T. - polyamory.com ???

[cherry88]

ok guys i know this is a little ot but im just coming back here to see if i could get some technical feedback here... i have been reading the site polyamory.com and learning a lot and really liking it and learning a lot..

i posted a few posts for introduction and stuff and particiapted in a couple threads, most of my messages were still in moderation since i just started out. i felt like i was being my normal self and i gues im usually fairly polite and things in these groups? i mean i dont really think i do stuff that would result in any kind of permanent ban... but for some reason they have told me that i was banned today? they didnt give a reason, and they said the ban would be lifted 'never'. i have probably written less than 5 total posts at this point and i cant see how any were remotely controversial.

im pretty distraught as it was an excellent resource. i wrote them to figure out what i could have possibly done wrong but not heard back. does anyone know what could have happened or have familiarity with the site? i mean honestly i just cant figiure out what i could possibly have done to deserve a permanent ban with no reason even given? ive never been banned from anywhere before.... especially permenently with no reason even given. i usually try to be pretty easy to get along with and polite and i really dont understand what possible guidelines i could have broken.

im quite heart broekn right now and just wondering, have you heard of this before? does anyone here know anythign about that site. just figure i would ask in case anyone here is also a member there. i cant access anthing not the archives or anything. it doesnt feel super great. i guess thres not much i can do but if anyone here knows anything about that site it would be really helpful to have some idea what i might have done or hew they do things there. hope everyone is well.

im quite sad! i mean i usualy figure im a pretty good natured person. this just feels really weird. thanks for your other hlep here. really hope someone can tell me something anything about that site or something??? take care happy new year everyone. btw my bf is definitely polyamorous. we are working through it and that site was helping a lot. :<<< hope -this- isnt seen as inappropriate! i jsut know theres some poly-ish people here too and maybe they are familiar with the rules there. :<<< :cry: :(

[Long Duck Dong]

some sites have a closed door policy and they are not very welcoming of anything that is not * in * with the theme of their site...... and for some sites, it can be any posts that may be considered to be * drawing into question * their ways of life.....

having not been to polyarmory.com, its hard to say.....but i am sure that there are some poly members that may know of some open and welcoming sites where you can talk freely about things....

[cherry88]

thanks ldd. :<< :sniff: well i mean i could understand if for some reason they thought i wasnt like appropriate for the site at all being mono.......// but it did seem there were lots of people there who are mono and learning to deal with poly partners...... i read a lot of the archives and things... it seemed pretty common. ive got a poly partner and im trying to learn to deal with that, that seemed like a very common thing there... some of the senior members id as mono themselves. thats what was so confusing, it seemed i was writing about stuff that lots of people there were writing about already with no problem... so im pretty confused as to what exactly i might have done differently. its heartbreaking cause the people there were really brilliant and i mean had a lot of incredibly useful brilliant stuff to say. i will go to another site but id like to try to fix it, if it was just a misunderstanding. :<< maybe someone else here has familiarity with the way they do things! thanks for writing it just seems pretty depressing as im just trying to honestly learn here and stuff. sigh. maybe there are other better sites out there but its still depressing as honestly that was a really good resource. ive never been banned from anywhere before especially so harshly. hopefully someone has some ideas. :>>

thanks for the reply it was comforting. seems like if it isnt one thing its another some days. hope stuff is good for you guys. thanks a lot for the reply. <3

[Realist]

Cherry,

It's a shame that they didn't, at least, warn you before pulling the plug. A moderator, or owner of that site, usually has the power to eliminate anyone at their whim.

You do not seem the type of person who gets thrown off a site, like that. I hope you find your answers.

I've had two poly relationships that were successful and one that wasn't, but I'm no expert, by any stretch of the imagination..

[welickit]

From reading your post it would appear that you did not read the terms of service when you joined the group. I moderate a web site and our lead moderator has a policy that when a person violates the terms or policies we reject the post they submitted and email them a copy of the group policy. That usually solves the problem but we also have a two strike rule that will get you banned. Not informing you of what you did wrong seems odd but there are other bisexual sites that will boot you immediately just for mentioning another site. I was kicked out of a chat room for mentioning bisexual.com to an individual I was chatting with. Goes to show...censorship is alive and well.

[cherry88]

Cherry,

It's a shame that they didn't, at least, warn you before pulling the plug. A moderator, or owner of that site, usually has the power to eliminate anyone at their whim.

You do not seem the type of person who gets thrown off a site, like that. I hope you find your answers.

I've had two poly relationships that were successful and one that wasn't, but I'm no expert, by any stretch of the imagination..

thank you.... haha i got the impression from that place that very few people feel like experts in poly, it seems like of those thigns that takes an awful lot of work and attention.. no mattter how long youve been doing it.. hmmm. yeah it seems like something with an endless amount of things to learn which is why its really disappointing not to have access as i was reading for a lot of hours there before. yeah its just really confusing as to why no warning.. seems like a very tolerant group of people its hard to imagine what i could possibily have done. mabe they will answer my emails but for some reason i kind of doubt it. sigh. thanks for the answer there dont seem to be many other poly sites quite as comprehensive but i wil keep looking :}}}

[cherry88]

From reading your post it would appear that you did not read the terms of service when you joined the group. I moderate a web site and our lead moderator has a policy that when a person violates the terms or policies we reject the post they submitted and email them a copy of the group policy. That usually solves the problem but we also have a two strike rule that will get you banned. Not informing you of what you did wrong seems odd but there are other bisexual sites that will boot you immediately just for mentioning another site. I was kicked out of a chat room for mentioning bisexual.com to an individual I was chatting with. Goes to show...censorship is alive and well.

yeah ive totally seen sites that dont allow mention of other sites, (thats why i was hoping this post would be ok but i was hoping it would since its not a competing website for bisexuality!) but yeah ive seen that.... ok so the TOS, well thats whats so weird i -did- read that stuff, i spent days reading all that stuff. i mean its really mystifying, i mean i wrote a total of like 5 posts, i wrote an intro that noone had any issue with, i posted in a couple threads where again not the slightest controversial thing happened.. noone got upset with me, was offended by something i said, i wasnt off topic, i didnt use questionable language, i posted in the correct areas. i read tons of archives and old threads before posting.

as a matter of fact i only actually asked one question at all, and i really cant see what was wrong with what i asked i just described my story and asked for feedback. so i mean in that tiny space of time its really hard to figure out what rule i oculd -possibly- have broken that was that serious??? i mean mabye i just managed to somehow personally offend someone, but im pretty sure i didnt break any actual rules. @

it just seems a bit extreme. i mean i feel like a reasonable person who would be open to feedback if i was just a bit off somewhere. that sort of implies they didnt even think i could be reasoned with. i guess thats kind of depressing. well thanks for the ffeedback. i gues they cant stop me from accessing the content as long as i dont use my home computer. but thats sure a pain to have to go to the library or whatever and use a dfferent computer just to read that b.s. site now. ARHGHG. and, of course, its not helping since i was really making progress reading that stuff and now im back at square one. ARGHGHG!!!!!!!!!

[cherry88]

You're heart broken and sad from being booted from a website? LOL, well welcome to this site, darling.

aw thats very sweet, actually i love this site i lurk here all the time, i have a lot of fondness for this site cause its the first place i came and people were very nice when i was kind of distraught... actually i learn a lot of great sex techniques here as my bf is partly bi. ^^

however to learn about poly i need to read a poly site!!! so far i havent found another that looks anywhere near as good..... yeah the heartbreaking part is more the loss of a valuble resource that i found very helpful (and some friends i had already made) for what seems like a =very= dumb reason. and its not like i just cant post there, im not even allowed to -read- there..... when i go to the site it just shows a box that says 'you have been banned' i cant even read the archives, i cant access any part of the site in any way.... that just seems, kinda extreme to me. its not giving me a great impression of the community which is really sad. i kind of figured those people for a pretty tolerant group but.. maybe not. //

that seems a terrible thing to say but its how i feel right now. that wasnt a very friendly welcome to someone genuinely trying to open thier mind and learn. :<< that kind of gives a pretty bad impression to be honest. :<< which is sad. thanks though your answer made me smile.

[DuckiesDarling]

psst Cherry, if all you are really missing is reading some of the threads you might want to see if it's like a lot of forums. Log out.. then view it as someone not logged in, should see threads just won't be able to respond.

[cherry88]

psst Cherry, if all you are really missing is reading some of the threads you might want to see if it's like a lot of forums. Log out.. then view it as someone not logged in, should see threads just won't be able to respond.

hi dd its very good to see you! you were one of the people who was friendly to me when i first got here for sure. :>

ok so i went and tried that, nope its not like that.. ive seen other boards where you can see parts but not others when you are not logged in.. however this is a heavy duty ban... they have apparently blocked my IP address. (i would think it might be some sort of technical mistake, however i have emailed them 3 seperate times politely asking them if they might reconsider as whatever i did was obvoiusly some kind of total misundertsanding... and have heard nothing)

so in other words there is no access to any part of the site in any way. there is only a blank screen with a box that says 'you have been banned - date ban will be lifted - never'. i mean thats all i get. a blank white screen with a box. they have blocked my IP address.

so.... geez i have to say.... the poly people i have met on -this- board, have struck me as truly nice and understanding human beings..... they have made me want to learn about poly in good faith. (thank you)

(ive also got more love for bi people than before i knew more about it. i never had any problem with bi people just didnt know a lot about it. knowing you all has made me understand it and have more love and undertanding for it cause ya'll seem like really awesome friendly folks and went out of your way to help me here) however this attitude of the people on that board has left a really bad taste in my mouth and kind of left me feeling a bit disgusted and turned of.

if i wasnt really motivated right now to learln about polyamory i would probably honestly be really turned off to the entire thing and give up in disgust.... if it wasnt for my bf and the fact im motivated to undertsand him personally, at this point i might honest decide polyamory was a crock and those people are full of it! im sure thats not what they want people to think about them.

so please dont think i really feel that im just upset...... the individual poly peeps ive met -have- seemed very undertsanding and like people worth getting to know. so theres another poly board i have found, there are not many others, it seems smaller and less awesome but stil good enough, im completely terrified to participate thought becuase if they get a hair up their @ss about me there are no other options available... so after i get over being completely disgusted with the whole thing i guess i will try to start reading there. it seems like there are some of the same people there also on the other group which isnt suprrising, i hope i dont get blackballed out of the whole community. geez louise.

like i said if they honestly want main stream people to understand and not be judgmental of them its probably good not to act like super intolerant jerks. just sayin'.

as an update things are tough at times with my bf, but we are in counseling now and sticking togehter through this. he is sticking by me very much also. we both love each other so much and we know for sure even if we dont stay together through this our love isnt going anywhere and we'll be true friends always. he gave me like 3 of the best years of my whole life thats a precious thing. id honestly really like to stick with him through this, i think the main limitation is i just dont know if im emotinally strong enough.

he also recently told me he recognizes this is gonna be a bit harder for me to get into than he thought and as a result he first offered a year of monagamy while we work it out. now he has told me he has taken the whole thing off the table as it is stressing me too much. he said hes not even really wanting an open relationship right now, until we work out our own internal issues. so he has backed off a lot which has taken a lot of pressure of me.

even tho we started out with a bit of indiscretion on his part it was just largly his own naivete about how easy going i was likely to be about it.... he just didnt understand the depth of betrayal trauma i have and what a huge huuuuuuuuuge deal it is. now he knows it isnt like that he has shifted gears considerably which means everything to me. im usualy so non jealous and laid back i really think he thought this would be no big deal but i think now he is realizing theres going to be alot more to it.

i know how much he regrets starting things out the way he did... i know he feels pretty awful about that for both of us. i honestly hope its something that he learns a really really good life lesson from. like, think before you do shit. how hard is that. so right now we are working on reparing the damage and sharpening our communication skills and all that stuff. im working personally on my own trauma stuff which is going to be.. a lot of work.

so if we do opeon stuff up later on we will do it from the strongest possible internal place.

thanks guys i will try on the other forum, geez im gonna be terified to say anything, i hope these people are a little more uh. tolerant or something...... its kinda hard to know since i dont know what i diid wrong?? unbelievable.

thanks for everything guys. youve been very comforting. this has sure been a crazy ride.

[DuckiesDarling]

Cherry... get VPN direct :)

[Jason0012]

I don't know much about polyamoury.com, did they give any indication as to what line you crossed? If you are seeking a similar site try poly match maker, they have a pretty good forum and I am unaware of any wierd rules. There is also Poly Percolations.