The Great Barrier

[mas8092]

I'm 48. The first time I I touched another man's cock was when I was 45. Since then, I've had 15 penis' in my mouth and bottomed 4 times. Surreptitious meetings with married or attached men are not romantic. They are sex and I enjoy being naked and comfortable with another man. The Great Barrier is kissing.

At this point, I think I am bisexual. However, I could be heterosexual with a penis fetish. How do I solve this puzzle? The easy answer is meet more unattached gay men. Why? Only then will I know if I can form an emotional bond and attraction.

The day I cross The Great Barrier is the day I know I am really bisexual. Otherwise, I am just playing.

[Long Duck Dong]

the key is being comfortable in yourself enuf to make the step when you are ready...... there is no pressure, no time limit, no * you have to complete A, B and C in order to be bisexual "....well most people do not have a check list on what a person has to do in order to be bisexual, those that do have the list, are often the ones that do not complete the list themselves...lol

the hardest thing about working out if you are bisexual, is that you are trying to fit some preconcieved * ideal * of what a bisexual is, does and thinks.... and honestly, bisexuality is too diverse to put in a box, emotionally, mentally or sexually......

how do you solve the puzzle ? the first step is stop trying to be something, you are whatever you want to be, whatever label feels good and fits you right.... there is no point in trying to call yourself a heterosexual with a penis fetish if its like wearing underpants that are 2 sizes too small and crush ya nuts in the process......

many of the bisexual people that call themselves bisexual, do so cos they know they have a attraction to males and females on some level, and the ones that are the most comfortable with their sexuality, also feel the need, not to question it or debate it... they just embrace cos they know who they are and what they are.....

so in a nutshell, when you are ready, you will solve your own puzzle.... until then, enjoy sorting out the puzzle pieces cos you can not do a puzzle without all of the pieces and if you do... it looks kinda weird

[elian]

I just recently read a chapter of Fritz Klein's book on bisexuality and it dealt with this very topic - why it is difficult for people to accept the idea of bisexuality.. It was an interesting read but it boils down to people preferring to deal with something that is known and well defined. It can be uncomfortable to deal with ambiguity, especially as it relates to something fundamental like sexual identity.

My position is that whether we like it or not, people love themselves and others to various different degrees and in different ways. Sometimes people confuse "ambiguity" with a lack of honesty. I think you can be honest with people no matter what, even if that is saying, "I just don't know right now."

People do not like to be labeled, but we are wired to behave that way. Neural networks are great at classifying things into groups - it makes it very convenient to catalog things so we can act on them quickly.

People also unconsciously measure themselves against the outside world all the time. Whether I am gay or straight It's easy to know where I stand if I meet another gay or straight person - but this bisexual person says he loves both .. hmm - wait, I love my best friend A LOT, could *I* be bisexual too?

I would walk through hell with a smile to love my friends in all the ways I love them, but for some people the thought is too much to bear.

I am thinking of relationships but of course, it may just be that the thought of a physical cock gets you excited. Nothing wrong with that either.. If I went around asking people if they liked men or women sexually and deciding to only be friends with half of them that would make my world a pretty boring place to live.

[Gearbox]

Even 50/50 bisexuals with all the certificates and diplomas in being bisexual are not going to form emotional bonds with every Tom, Dick & Harry they meet.
It's NEVER that simple for anybody of any sexuality! Who hasn't had sex or dated somebody who we just didn't 'click' with?
But you are right about seeking unatached men before exploring your emotional side. You'd at least have a chance of being met half way.

As LDD points out, you just can't fit yourself into a box because you think you need to. Exploring your sexuality is about discovering your personal likes&dislikes, which you have no say in the matter. You simply discover! You can either embrace it or deny it, but never truley dictate to it.
So that 'great barrier' of kissing you have, is just something that awaits your exploration. No guaranteed outcome available.

I've kissed many, but only a few I've wanted to stick around for something more. Had it not been for that few, I'd probably think I had a cock fetish too. In my case 'arse fetish'.lol Same with women. There'd be no such thing as 'significan't other' if we 'clicked' with everybody we have sex with.
Allow yourself to feel all you can, and hope that you get pleasant surprises. In my experience Ive had lots of those concerning sex & emotions, and a few times I've been SHOCKED to my core, even a bit scared.:tongue:
Nice to know yourself though.lol

[elian]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqBchf20MnI

[tenni]

mas
You are only kidding (deceiving) yourself if you think that you have to wait until you kiss a man as a barrier to accept yourself as bisexual. You don't have a penis fetish! A dick is not a fetish. Its a sexual organ.

If you let another guy put his penis in your butt, you are doing a same sex activity and that makes you not heterosexual. Based on what you wrote, you have not been hetero for more than three years. Even before that, you were not hetero. You do not need an emotional attachment to another man before you are bisexual. Some bisexuals never develop an emotional attachment to another man but they are still bisexual. The rarer version is to not attach a physical sexual attachment to men but have an emotional attachment(very rare )

What you are is in denial and bullshitting yourself.

[gen11]

You're caught up in a definition conundrom of your own making. You've decided that "bisexual" requires, or involves, emotional attachments, and short of that is "straight with a penis fetish." It is generally accepted that if you enjoy sex with both men and women, you're bisexual. I am in that category. I kiss men when conditons are right and I'm so moved. I do not form emotional attachments to men. I'm not in a pigeon-hole definition as this, that, or the other -- just bisexual.

Relax, enjoy what you enjoy when you enjoy it, and dont' make a honeycomb of definitional categories out of life.

[bi4asplay]

I have been Bi for a lot of years.I have kissed a couple of men.It did not make me BI, I was all ready Bi. With all of the men and most of the women I have been with the only emotion involved was lust.Being Bi is simply that you drsire to have sex with both male and female partners. You can not be hetero if you desire the feel of a same sex partner, and have acted on those desires. If you have not acted on them it is a fantasy, which every man has at one time in thier lives.
Just my two cents worth.

[Coastocoast]

I consider myself bisexual. I was never sexually attracted to men until I was in my early 30’s after I gave a guy a ride home from a BBQ at the request of the host when he had too much to drink. I knew he was bisexual but never considered that he might make a move on me. As I was pulling up his dark driveway, his hand went up my shorts, his mouth headed for my lap and I made the split second decision not to stop him. I was not drinking, was horny, so I put it into park and turned off the key, said what the hell and let it happen. He got the shorts off me, externally played with my prostate and it was very physically intense. I have always returned oral favors with women so made the decision before he was done I would return the favor, he declined. I let it go as a fluke at the time, that would never happen again and my bisexuality is something that evolved.

I later married am divorced and being a single father with custody has made long term relationships with women difficult. I had a divorce male friend and we rode bikes, worked out together several times a week and were great friends. One day things changed and it started a FWB situation which lasted for a year before he moved and he is now married. We usually traded oral, he occasionally liked to bottom but we did not kiss. One day after working out, we cleaned up, went to dinner, came home, watched a movie and traded oral before we fell asleep together which happened only when we were without kids. Somewhere in the middle of the night while still half asleep, he pulled out a condom and I topped him, then I blew him. Before falling asleep again he kissed me and I responded without much thought. The following day the fact we had kissed hit me and I considered the situation. I realized it did not bother me and was not any turning point it was just a natural progression. I am a person who has casually made out with women but have not with men, have done things with women that I have not done YET with men. Kissing men is not something I am always comfortable with but with the right person it can happen over time.

Remember being bisexual is not the same for everyone. For me it is far from an equal attraction to men and women. I am more emotionally attracted to women but am to a degree sexually open to men. Once I asked and admitted to myself that I was attracted to both sexes, I knew I was bisexual. Does any one element of what I do with men or women define my sexuality, no. My bisexuality is a not me although it is a part of me. Bisexual does not always mean bi-emotional, the attraction is not always 50/50 and it can change back and forth towards either sex. You can be bisexual before having sexual contact with the same sex and the first time just confirms things. Some may suspect they are bisexual but after contact with the same sex realize instantly they are not. Generally most who engage in sexual activity with both genders will not continue to do so over time if they are not bisexual. You will need to decide for yourself and if you are honest with yourself over time you will know. Do not get too hung up on definitions and just be who and what you are.

[YYC XY]

Remember being bisexual is not the same for everyone. For me it is far from an equal attraction to men and women. I am more emotionally attracted to women but am to a degree sexually open to men. Once I asked and admitted to myself that I was attracted to both sexes, I knew I was bisexual. Does any one element of what I do with men or women define my sexuality, no. My bisexuality is a not me although it is a part of me. Bisexual does not always mean bi-emotional, the attraction is not always 50/50 and it can change back and forth towards either sex. You can be bisexual before having sexual contact with the same sex and the first time just confirms things. Some may suspect they are bisexual but after contact with the same sex realize instantly they are not. Generally most who engage in sexual activity with both genders will not continue to do so over time if they are not bisexual. You will need to decide for yourself and if you are honest with yourself over time you will know. Do not get too hung up on definitions and just be who and what you are.

This sums it up perfectly, from my point of view. Well done!

[mas8092]

Thank you all for the very intelligent posts. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in the boat. Boobs and cocks. Perhaps I need a a t-girl! LOL. Again, thanks to all.