Straight Men who have sex with Men SMSM

[tenni]

This is interesting and blurs the boundaries even more. Certainly blurs the binary straight /gay and even the straight/bi/gay. I don't believe all that it says and certainly not the Freudian stuff.

http://www.glbtq.com/social-sciences/straight_men_who.html

Men Who Have Sex with Men (MSM) is a term derived from the growing body of literature showing that not all men who have sex with men are gay. Adopted by sex researchers and AIDS organizations to classify men who have sexual relations with other men but whose sexual identity is neither gay nor bisexual, the acronym recognizes a reality that complicates our tendency to divide the world into heterosexuals and homosexuals, with a small number of bisexuals, who are sometimes thought of as simply gay men or lesbians who have not come to terms with their homosexuality. That is, the reality of sexual activity is more complicated than the traditional binary (or even trinary) system of nomenclature can accommodate.

Why Would Straight Men Have Sex with Other Men?There are a number of reasons why straight men might have sex with other men. These reasons range from situational homosexuality to sexual addiction. In general, SMSM behavior is about physical release and sexual behaviors, not about attraction or desire for another man. The attraction is toward the act or the body (or body parts) of the male not the other man himself.

Straight men who have sex with other men often have high sex drives and are easily aroused sexually. They may seek out connections with men for a quick and easy sexual release in which they are not required to engage emotionally or to risk their identity as a heterosexual man.

Some SMSM might be described as "Hetero-Emotional and Homo-Sexual." These are men who are romantically attracted to the opposite sex but whose predominant sexual arousal is by other men. They are usually heterosexually married and in love with their wives, but nevertheless feel sexually driven by a need to have sex with other men.

Other SMSM are socially phobic and have inadequate skills necessary to flirt with and connect to women. They may have such extreme anxiety that they find their sexual release with other men due to the ease and lack of social skills necessary to have a sexual hook-up through the Internet, rest areas, parks, and other places men cruise for sex with other men.

more on the web page above

[Realist]

Hmmm, interesting. I would think that if a guy can get aroused with another guy, there has gotta be some degree of bisexuality, there. I worked with a white fellow in the '60s, who was attracted to black guys and would seek them out for sex. He decided that since he never kissed any male, he was straight. Personally, I think his thought process was flawed....but it was his life, I didn't bug him about it.

[gen11]

This SMSM business describes me to a surprising degree: I am very fond of having sex with men, but I do not -- I think I could not -- have an emotional attraction to them. The quoted material suggests that by definition a man must have an emotional attraction to other men to be either gay or bi. It seems to me that this is a matter of arbitrary definition and a defining of categories by the medical and psychiatric fields for their own convenience. I think most of us include what they define as an SMSM male within our concepts of bisexual males. There are straight males who only have sex with women and are not at all sexually attracted to men; there are men like me who like sex with both men and women but do not have, or want, and probably can't have, an emotionl attraction to a man; there are men like the preceding who can have emotional attachments to men and woman at the same time; and there are men who only have sex with, and develop emotional attachments to, men and cannot do so with women. It seems to me to be a graduated continuum; where science divides into categories isn't very important unless one is a scientist, is it?

[fred123456]

This describes me to a T! And to be honest, I think that there are "degrees" of bisexuality just like any other type of sexuality. To me same sex is all about the act and has nothing to do with emotion. In fact, any kind of emotion detracts from the lustI feel when engaged in sucking cock! And I don't care whether its called straight who likes sex with men or bi. I have never wanted to hold a man. I have never wanted to kiss a man. And while I can tell the difference between handsome and ugly, I've never been attracted to a man. But I completely LUST over dick! This is probably the main reason I love gloryholes so much.... Nothing but the dick! What turns me on the most about same sex sex (both male and female) is it seems to say to me that the parties involved are so turned on that its ANYTHING goes. That, to me, is so hot.

[Plumhead2]

Some SMSM might be described as "Hetero-Emotional and Homo-Sexual." These are men who are romantically attracted to the opposite sex but whose predominant sexual arousal is by other men. They are usually heterosexually married and in love with their wives, but nevertheless feel sexually driven by a need to have sex with other men.

Why does it have to be a predominant sexual arousal by other men? Why can't there be another category of men who are romantically attracted to the opposite sex, whose predominant sexual arousal is by women, and whose secondary or alternate sexual arousal is by men? The range of behaviors gets more and more complex.

The impact of all this is finding people who match your category. From the discussions on this forum, mismatched categories seem to be a major cause of relationship problems, especially when the mismatches are not openly discussed.

[tenni]

Plumhead
I have just posted sections from the article. If you read the article you will find the next two paragraphs after the section you question state

"Usually, SMSM are turned off and left cold by images of naked men. Instead, they are sexually aroused by and attracted to women. Hence, their interaction with men is typically less about sexual desire for their partners than a desire to experiment or fulfill particular sexual fantasies, including fetish interests.

They may be strongly compelled and interested in various sexual experiences that may be labeled as homosexual (such as an interest in anal intercourse, especially if they desire to be penetrated, or fellatio). To fulfill these interests, they may seek out gay men, whom they perceive as less judgmental than women and more open to sexual experimentation without commitment."

So, the article gives several categories that the authors believe fall under SMS.

http://www.glbtq.com/social-sciences...t_men_who.html (http://www.glbtq.com/social-sciences/straight_men_who.html)

[ExSailor]

These guys are bisexual but are in flat out denial about their true sexuality. If they were actually straight or heterosexual they wouldn't be having sex with other men or seeking out male sexual partners, or sexually obsessed with men's genitals.

[Bisexual Explorer]

If I were an academic needing to find a research topic, I might be interested in the difference between bi men and MSM men. I'm not an academic; I'm not interested, and I'm not sure why anyone else here should be either. I am considering changing my profile to include seeking bi and MSM men. I don't want to offend anyone by excluding them.

Is there an MSM.com website? Should we now expect to hear about WSW women?

Bisexual Explorer

[Gearbox]

I think I should confess. I'm not attracted to mens feet! SORRY, but I only like the other bits, and their feet turn me right off. So much so, that I often ask them to leave their socks on during sex.
Of course this means that I'm a raving heterosexual.:yikes2: Coz yu know, I only maturbate about mens 'good bits' while blocking their feet out of my mind. Any emotional attraction I have for them is only from the ankle up, and I don't think I could ever love their feet. I'm just not that way inclined.
I can love and fuck every bit of a woman, but not a man. So I must be 100% heterosexual and only use men due to some social retardation I have.:rolleyes:

Can't wait for the SMSM Pride parade.lol

[cbb83]

What gets your dick up (or your lips wet) is not a good measure of your sexuality. You can make yourself engage in sexual acts with anyone of any gender (hell, I've been aroused after smelling certain plants before - does that make me a plantae-sexual? (for the curious - no, I did nothing with the plant :P)).

The real question is: can you love the same way? Would you be just as happy and fulfilled with a partner of the same sex as of the opposite, or even both? If your answer is no, you're probably not bisexual or gay - you probably have some other hangup. Maybe you have a phallic fetish, maybe you like the aesthetics of a male body. Maybe you had some experience that has left a mental need to do something (behavioral shifts - think prison bitches, they often go in straight - come out gay, etc). Maybe you're just a hedonist that loves getting off in all its glory in any way that's available!

Point in case - all these subcategories are getting ridiculous. It's going to wind up LGBTZEPFGHJKLMNOQRSD before long. While I'm ranting, why is T even connected to LGB? I've known several transexuals and their professed sexuality is varied. Why is T considered a sexuality? That's more of a gender issue than a sexuality issue... but never mind that for now.

Moving on - there are actual physical differences between gay, straight, and bi people. Each category has different patterns in how the halves of their brain are connected (not kidding, its a difference in how each hemisphere communicates with the other), as well as differing numbers of said connections. They are also zeroing in on clusters of activated genes that are present in gay/bi people but typically not activated in straight people (although if they are right about the genes, it has to make you wonder how many "straight" people who have them just never figured it out?).

They need to quit inventing all of these little niches that don't actually exist in the physical sense. Categories should have biological base - because using behavioral patterns as a base is a sad and inconsistent joke.

[BiDaveDtown]

The real question is: can you love the same way? Would you be just as happy and fulfilled with a partner of the same sex as of the opposite, or even both? If your answer is no, you're probably not bisexual or gay - you probably have some other hangup. Maybe you have a phallic fetish, maybe you like the aesthetics of a male body. Maybe you had some experience that has left a mental need to do something (behavioral shifts - think prison bitches, they often go in straight - come out gay, etc). Maybe you're just a hedonist that loves getting off in all its glory in any way that's available! The guys in the article are not in prison at all though and they're not being forced to have sex with men or being raped like in prison. Falling in love with both genders is not a requirement for being bisexual. I'm bisexual and I can fall in love with both genders but there are many bisexuals who only fall in love with one gender and not both yet they are still just as bisexual as people like me who can fall in love with both are. I agree that these guys are not hetero since if they were they would not be having sex with men at all and the term for these guys are men who are in denial about their sexuality. Its not possible to have a phallic fetish since a penis is already sexual and therefore not something that's an actual fetish like a foot, hand, etc. All the excuses of someone being a hedonist, behvaioural shifts, aesthetics of the male body, etc. are just excuses that a guy that's in denial of being something other than heterosexual would claim.