elian
Dec 10, 2012, 9:00 PM
In the same sex kissing thread hiswife made the following comment:
and see now I'm even more confused. I'm straight, my husband is bi, yet I think there's more and I have no idea what to think anymore.
I've read his chats where he loves to kiss. I didn't automatically think he was gay because of this one simple act- but it was one of the final things that lead me to believe that he is more than just "bi".
He has been given the challenge of hooking up with other woman yet does not persue, instead he upgrades his gay ap to actively seek more men. When we were with another couple he lost his erection with her multiple times but when the husband touched him he became erect again. He cannot be a 'top" if you will to me, he also looses erection.
So here I am wondering why in the hell is he so jealous and possesive of me being with another man if he isn't truly attracted to woman- but claims he is??
Help me- what am I missing?? What don't I understand?
I am continuing the thread here..I hope she doesn't mind.
There are different types of attraction, romantic/emotional and physical - I find that I am very much attracted to men a lot easier than women although it would be a mistake to say that I don't like women at all. There are a handful of women that I absolutely love and desire but they are few and far between. It may sound stupid but I am so shy around women that it takes quite a lot to be in a situation where I can be at ease sexually with them.
It is very easy for me to get distracted during lovemaking, to the point that I often wonder if I really LIKE "fill in the blank" gender or not..I find myself with really, really wet underpants but unable to orgasm, sometimes tired and nervous...and just when things start to feel really good I worry more about pleasing my partner .. it only takes a split second of distraction and the erection is gone...I hate to think in terms of dominance and submission but it's almost like I need a lot of trust and permission, almost insistence from my partner to just let go and feel good. Romantically, I absolutely adore being in their arms, the warm caresses, gentle breathing, sound of the heartbeat, the scent and just BEING with another person so intimately.
With some of us it takes a lot of patience and love, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are unwanted. Also, if I stop mastrubating for about two weeks I find things are a lot more satisfying, try tying your bf's hands behind his back for a week so he can't touch himself and you might be pleasantly surprised. ..
As far as the jealousy goes maybe some men have that in them, a lot of it is brought about by insecurity...I certainly hope that it is not abusive..he needs to handle those feelings in a healthy way..I hope he realizes that he is loved for more than just his body and that you do love him. If you feel as though you are being abused then I guess it's time to talk gently about things or if it is very bad maybe time to leave..I have heard that framing things using "I" words rather than "you" tends to not place blame on the other.
Really neither of you should be ashamed or seek to place blame for the circumstances of your life that brought you to this point in time and your relationship together..we come into relationship with others to learn, grow and (yes) change. Even if your worst fears are true, at one time this man probably did love you very much..maybe he still does and just has a hard time showing it. As far as being deceitful, yes it was absolutely wrong of him if he did not to admit to you that he liked men. However it is possible that he either didn't realize it, or was deeply ashamed of that desire. Growing up I hated myself for loving men so much, the people I looked up to told me I was worthless. It was only by divine love and the compassion of loving friends that I now know my true worth and I am still here to write this message.
Thank you for taking the time to try to understand and work through these issues, they aren't easy to come to terms with..your courage and compassion are important and appreciated by all of us who are struggling to understand who we are and what our place in the world really is. By trying to come to terms with this in a healthy way you've already shown to me that you are a strong and beautiful woman no matter what happens.
-E
and see now I'm even more confused. I'm straight, my husband is bi, yet I think there's more and I have no idea what to think anymore.
I've read his chats where he loves to kiss. I didn't automatically think he was gay because of this one simple act- but it was one of the final things that lead me to believe that he is more than just "bi".
He has been given the challenge of hooking up with other woman yet does not persue, instead he upgrades his gay ap to actively seek more men. When we were with another couple he lost his erection with her multiple times but when the husband touched him he became erect again. He cannot be a 'top" if you will to me, he also looses erection.
So here I am wondering why in the hell is he so jealous and possesive of me being with another man if he isn't truly attracted to woman- but claims he is??
Help me- what am I missing?? What don't I understand?
I am continuing the thread here..I hope she doesn't mind.
There are different types of attraction, romantic/emotional and physical - I find that I am very much attracted to men a lot easier than women although it would be a mistake to say that I don't like women at all. There are a handful of women that I absolutely love and desire but they are few and far between. It may sound stupid but I am so shy around women that it takes quite a lot to be in a situation where I can be at ease sexually with them.
It is very easy for me to get distracted during lovemaking, to the point that I often wonder if I really LIKE "fill in the blank" gender or not..I find myself with really, really wet underpants but unable to orgasm, sometimes tired and nervous...and just when things start to feel really good I worry more about pleasing my partner .. it only takes a split second of distraction and the erection is gone...I hate to think in terms of dominance and submission but it's almost like I need a lot of trust and permission, almost insistence from my partner to just let go and feel good. Romantically, I absolutely adore being in their arms, the warm caresses, gentle breathing, sound of the heartbeat, the scent and just BEING with another person so intimately.
With some of us it takes a lot of patience and love, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are unwanted. Also, if I stop mastrubating for about two weeks I find things are a lot more satisfying, try tying your bf's hands behind his back for a week so he can't touch himself and you might be pleasantly surprised. ..
As far as the jealousy goes maybe some men have that in them, a lot of it is brought about by insecurity...I certainly hope that it is not abusive..he needs to handle those feelings in a healthy way..I hope he realizes that he is loved for more than just his body and that you do love him. If you feel as though you are being abused then I guess it's time to talk gently about things or if it is very bad maybe time to leave..I have heard that framing things using "I" words rather than "you" tends to not place blame on the other.
Really neither of you should be ashamed or seek to place blame for the circumstances of your life that brought you to this point in time and your relationship together..we come into relationship with others to learn, grow and (yes) change. Even if your worst fears are true, at one time this man probably did love you very much..maybe he still does and just has a hard time showing it. As far as being deceitful, yes it was absolutely wrong of him if he did not to admit to you that he liked men. However it is possible that he either didn't realize it, or was deeply ashamed of that desire. Growing up I hated myself for loving men so much, the people I looked up to told me I was worthless. It was only by divine love and the compassion of loving friends that I now know my true worth and I am still here to write this message.
Thank you for taking the time to try to understand and work through these issues, they aren't easy to come to terms with..your courage and compassion are important and appreciated by all of us who are struggling to understand who we are and what our place in the world really is. By trying to come to terms with this in a healthy way you've already shown to me that you are a strong and beautiful woman no matter what happens.
-E