Boyfriend is bisexual he doesn't know that I know

[Imokwithit]

Ok I have been with this man for over a year and he is moving in with me and my kids. I have known him my whole life and he is not one that you would think would be bi. Before we got together I was married for 19 years and my ex had cheated on me twice. That was the most devastating experience I had ever had. My current boyfriend knows all the hell that I went through with the ex. We are in love and have talked about marriage. I however have trust issues and he has never given me any reason to not trust him. I am madly in love with him something that I never felt with my ex for 19 yrs. He left his phone one day and I just decided to put my mind at ease not thinking I would find anything. Well I found a text with some crazy pics and him wanting 2 guys at once. While I was a little weirded out at first. I had the conversation all ready in my head and when I got home I couldn't do it. I just asked if I make him happy. He said yes and was very concerned for my feelings and why I would ask that. We didn't take it any further and I took a day to really absorb what I found out. I found that it was not the same betrayal as with my ex while it was not the best of marriages we married young (18/19) and our sex life was non existant it hurt tremendously because we had kids and this was a deal breaker. My boyfriend on the other hand always comes home, he professes his love for me, he treats my kids like his own, and this is a love like I have never known. After really thinking about it I was aroused by it. I came home and pleasured him and played around with his anus which made him have a very intense orgasim. It made me so excited I had to do it again to him the next night. A couple days later we were fooling around and he pleasured me and then asked me why I touched his anus. I told him it was just the heat of the moment. He was curious if I had ever tried it on anyone else which I hadn't. Honestly I don't know if I want to bring it up to him at all. He is a very quiet person to begin with and I feel he is not telling me because he is ashamed of it. I also went into his email and found emails from him trying to get safe casual encounters with guys. He likes 2 guys and he is a bottom. I don't want to embarass him or shame him. I am thinking about just trying to add things to our sex life and see where it goes from there. We have talked about marriage and we are in no rush to do so but he is moving in and my biggest fear is that my kids get more attached to him as a father and later he decides he only wants men. I don't see that happening but it is a fear. I have known him since I was 4 as we were neighbors growing up. We hadn't seen or talked to each other for 20 yrs when we started dating last year. He is not much of a talker on feelings. He seemed open when we were talking about sex the other night about maybe opening up more and telling me what he wants. He doesn't talk at all when we have sex but per his emails to guys he likes verbal and a little rough. Any advice would be appreciated.

[twoforone16]

Talk to him about his Bi-sexually. It will be tough as you went behind his back by checking his phone. Maybe during sex you can play with his anus again, and go from there. I was married to a woman who wanted me to have no contact with men it did not work out for us I loved her and would have never left her for a man. I current wife I told before I moved in her and she knows I love her and man man sex is just sex and is some thing she can give me althiugh strap-ons come close. She does play with me and my friends some times or just takes pictures, or stays home it is always up to her. So the real question is can you live with him being Bi and at time needing sex with a man.
I wish the Best

[Imokwithit]

That is just it. I can live with it. I think that it is just man man sex and nothing emotional there. I feel awful about what I did going behind his back. Like I said he doesn't talk much. I try sexy texts and I get a little out of him. when we talked the other night we talked about some of the texts I had sent him trying to get him to open up and he said that he has quite an imagination but I think he is afraid to tell me what he really wants. He did start talking a little by asking me if I like to make love or if I like to fuck! He is a very analitical person so I think it is just a process we have to take. He is very attentive I am a few years younger and being in my bad marriage for so long I am a little sexually repressed myself and just figuring out what I like and being able to verbalize it. I do things now that I would have never even think of before. He is truly bringing out the best in me!

[FinkDoodle]

From what you describe I really don't think you should fear him jumping the fence and being only interested in men. While it does happen sometimes, most of us bi men are bisexual primarily because we enjoy the variety of both genders. You're also very astute in recognizing that there's generally far less of an emotional attachment between bi men than they have with the women in their lives. Personally I'm not attracted to men on an emotional level beyond a friendship and the majority of bi men I've known have felt the same way.

I think it's really cool of you to be both accepting and a little adventurous in these circumstances. Maybe the next time you two take a shower together you can probe a little further . . as it were . . :)

[Imokwithit]

Thanks for the advice. Just from what I have read in his email it just appears to be sex. He is not looking for any type of relationship with them just the sex and not all the time. I just feel this is different than the last realtionship where it became distant emotionally as well. I am glad I found this website. I really have led a sheltered life.

[savferris]

I think I would avoid coming right out and telling him what you found, unless you don't think he would mind you going through his email and phone. He is probably embarassed and ashamed and figures if he told you your feelings for him and the way you see him might change. Even worse, you could be disgusted by it (which would probably be the most common reaction) and leave him. As long as he is not going out and xposing himself and you to stds, I would go slowly. Build trust and make him know it is safe to talk about fantasies and what you each are into, without the other judging or rejecting. Maybe in the future this will be something you can enjoy together. Most bi men would love to have their partner watch, be turned on by it, and join in.
Just keep doning what you are doing, exploring and talking. If he is a bottom, he probably would enjoy light bondage and blind folding games with you. Maybe eventually introduce toys. He could use a vibrator on you while performing oral, then you use it on his anus while performing oral. He won't mind. Eventually you will be able to insert, finger, vibrator, whatever, and keep reassuring him how hot it is and how much you love him. Make him feel safe. He would probably love to have you use a strap-on with him. You could say would you ever do " " while you to are in the heat of the moment.

I can tell you from my perspective, that I have bi-sexual fantasies about giving receiving oral and anal with a guy. I do not find guys attractive nor do I have any emotional desire for a relationship. It is purely sexual. I have used a vibrator on myslf for years, but never told any women I was with about any of these desires out of fear. It seems acceptable for women to have their girl-girl fun, but not so for men. If he is able to experience this with you and know you still feel the same, it could bring you two even closer than you already are. I understand his fantasy. I would like to be submissive and have a couple guys "force" me. Blow one while the other fucks me, and I would never leave any relationship to be with a guy. I just worry so much about stds and finding the right person.

[tenni]

Hi
First consider yourelf scolded for going through his text messages. I don't know exactly why but there are a lot of hetero women who post on this site about going through a guy's computer or cell phones to discover that their partner has bisexual interests. You write that you have trust issues but you think that you will be ok with him having sex with men as long as he is not emotionally involved with the man. Are you sure? This does not really jive. If you can, that is excellent.

Let him know (if he doesn't know that you have trust issues and explain them) I don't know this guy and so I can not tell you wether you should tell him that you found out that he is interested in being a bottom with a man. He may want that and not want you to treat him like a bottom(therefore the dirty talk in the text). He may be more than willing for you to penetrate him with a strap on.

The main point seems to be that you want him to open up about his interests with men. Do you watch porn with him? Slip in a bi porn with two men and a woman. See if he will talk about that. Start inferring or stating that you are comfortable with men having sex with another man and still being in love with a woman. (if you have your head around that idea and truly are comfortable). You may not have to disclose how you found out about his interest in men. Don't be surprised if he is not willing to discuss his bisexuality. It can be hard for a guy to accept that about himself due to taboo.

Good luck and happiness with this guy. You seem like a match ..except this sneaking into his phone etc...lol..tsk tsp.:yikes2:

[FinkDoodle]

Personally, I don't think the direct approach is the best solution in this case. This is a tricky topic with guys and many of us are brainwashed into thinking that all women find the idea of two men together to be somewhat undesirable.

Consider steering him toward some scene with two girls being cozy - be it a magazine ad, tv show or just red hot American porn . . and then just casually observe that these scenes always have two girls together but never two guys, since - after all - girls might like a little eye candy as well :)

You also might want to look up Slash Fiction on the web. . . but that's a whole 'nother bottomless pit altogether :)

[md0821]

I'm going to second tenni in a little scolding of you for going through his texts and emails. That, IMO, is a deal breaker in relationships that is very hard to overcome. Never bring it up that you found out about his sexuality by spying on him. If you're really still interested in him and open to his bisexuality, then I'd approach it more cautiously. Work in some toys into your sex life and open up and talk about your fantasies. Over time, you can bring up that you'd like to see two guys together, that you think it's sexy. Maybe even tell him that you think bisexual men might be more in tune with a woman's emotional needs (a stereotype, I know). But it would make him comfortable talking to you and opening up. Many guys (not me) are reluctant to bring up their sexuality because, as byronvench said, we're conditioned to hide it because we think women will be turned off by it. Keep that in mind. That's why he hasn't talked about it to you before.

[Long Duck Dong]

imokwithit, you have a choice in your relationship but it requires your partner to be honest with you... and if you feel that he is not being open and honest with you, then it can make it very hard on the relationship.... the fact that you went thru your partners phone, is the lesser of two evils, you had a reason to wonder about what was going on and found that your partner was not being honest and open with you

we can not keep making excuses for a lack of honesty with our partners.... its part of the reason why people say that you can not trust a bisexual to be honest.....

society doesn't control how honest we are with our own partners, we decide that....and it can really put a dent in things when we ask our partners to trust us and the first thing they can say, is how can I, you were not honest with me in the first place.... and it can make a partner feel like we do not trust them or actually know our partners, if we can not be honest with them in the first place

I am saying this as a person that is honest with my partners, because I value them as partners and give as good as I get,.... I want my partner to know about me and the things I deal with, something that is appreciated by my partners as they have had a choice in their future and their relationship....

sex is sex, it can be a intimate / passionate connection or a casual / random hookup.... relationships are much more complex and take a lot more work....and as times change, so has the understanding of people.... more and more people are starting to have the attitude that there is ME and I in relationships with their partners.. and that is why so many relationships fail... cos its a compromise and understanding between two people.....the WE and US is often lost.....

your BF needs to realise that if he wants to keep you in his life, he needs to treat you like his partner and show you that he does trust you, care about you and is willing to be honest and open with you, cos if he can't, you will end up finding that you will never trust him and that will only continue to grow and destroy the relationship and the people in it......and that has nothing to do with bisexuality, cos it happens in many relationships where there is a lack of honesty....

ps most people snoop cos they are looking for the truth, they would not need to snoop, if they were told the truth in the first place

[DuckiesDarling]

Ok I have been with this man for over a year and he is moving in with me and my kids. I have known him my whole life and he is not one that you would think would be bi. Before we got together I was married for 19 years and my ex had cheated on me twice. That was the most devastating experience I had ever had. My current boyfriend knows all the hell that I went through with the ex. We are in love and have talked about marriage. I however have trust issues and he has never given me any reason to not trust him. I am madly in love with him something that I never felt with my ex for 19 yrs. He left his phone one day and I just decided to put my mind at ease not thinking I would find anything. Well I found a text with some crazy pics and him wanting 2 guys at once. While I was a little weirded out at first. I had the conversation all ready in my head and when I got home I couldn't do it. I just asked if I make him happy. He said yes and was very concerned for my feelings and why I would ask that. We didn't take it any further and I took a day to really absorb what I found out. I found that it was not the same betrayal as with my ex while it was not the best of marriages we married young (18/19) and our sex life was non existant it hurt tremendously because we had kids and this was a deal breaker. My boyfriend on the other hand always comes home, he professes his love for me, he treats my kids like his own, and this is a love like I have never known. After really thinking about it I was aroused by it. I came home and pleasured him and played around with his anus which made him have a very intense orgasim. It made me so excited I had to do it again to him the next night. A couple days later we were fooling around and he pleasured me and then asked me why I touched his anus. I told him it was just the heat of the moment. He was curious if I had ever tried it on anyone else which I hadn't. Honestly I don't know if I want to bring it up to him at all. He is a very quiet person to begin with and I feel he is not telling me because he is ashamed of it. I also went into his email and found emails from him trying to get safe casual encounters with guys. He likes 2 guys and he is a bottom. I don't want to embarass him or shame him. I am thinking about just trying to add things to our sex life and see where it goes from there. We have talked about marriage and we are in no rush to do so but he is moving in and my biggest fear is that my kids get more attached to him as a father and later he decides he only wants men. I don't see that happening but it is a fear. I have known him since I was 4 as we were neighbors growing up. We hadn't seen or talked to each other for 20 yrs when we started dating last year. He is not much of a talker on feelings. He seemed open when we were talking about sex the other night about maybe opening up more and telling me what he wants. He doesn't talk at all when we have sex but per his emails to guys he likes verbal and a little rough. Any advice would be appreciated.


You really need to start communicating a bit better. Honestly, I know why you checked the phone. Been there done that, once you have been betrayed that first time.. the pure trust is just gone. Trust is forever tainted no matter how many times your new partner proves they can be a person of their word. You would wonder everytime he/she went out the door. That's water under the bridge for you at this point but something you need to mention when you talk to him.. Yes, talk to him. Ever wonder if he left the phone on purpose to see if you did check? But to follow up checking on things after you didn't mention seeing the phone... You gave him no chance to explain anything even though he asked you point blank why you did certain things. Missed a golden opportunity there.

You need to be honest with him and tell him you looked at his phone, give him the chance to tell you about his possible bisexuality. In the meantime you can make positive comments about LGBT and kinda let him know you are really okay with it.

Good luck but please don't delve further into things without breaking the ice on this with him. The more you look.. the more you find, it's Murphy's Law.

[Gearbox]

He left his phone one day and I just decided to put my mind at ease not thinking I would find anything.
The instant you convinced yourself that violating your partners privacy was ok, you joined the many cheats who do the same 'justifying' for other reasons.
Thank God you realise that as being nothing to be proud of, unlike some.:rolleyes:

As luck would have it, you don't seem to be very distrought over what you found. As with many bi's who cheat with same gender, you don't think it's the same thing as cheating with the oposite gender. That's a pretty common understanding, and thankfully your open to it with your partner.
BOTH have trust issues, but your now in a possition to gain his trust, by letting him know that your ok with him the way he is. If you manage that, I'm sure he'd be equally as eager to let you know that there'd be no 'other woman', and no 'falling in love with a bloke'.

If you have any doubt about how 'JUST SEX' is for most bi males, try posing as a bloke on a hookup site and offering a candlelight supper with NO SEX to a bi male.:bigrin:
You'll soon get the idea!lol
Some bi's are capable of loving both genders. But I highly doubt that's what your partner is interested in, considering he is happy with you for that. Sex and love are completely seperate, and as already said: most bi's (and males) know that very well. And even if he did love a bloke, it wouldn't take anything away from his love of you.

His lack of talking openly with you is prob coz he doesn't expect you to understand. The chat between two bi's is VERY different than between those of different sexualities. Even with gay blokes, I have to edit what I have to say, due to them not understanding, and not wanting to point out our differences. With a bi bloke nothing is 'off limits' or 'strange'. So you get that comfortable at ease feeling in every way.
That's not out of your range being a heterosexual female though. You already love him, forgive him and willing to understand him, so your half way there. Just got to get him to meet you half way.
If he knew m-m sex turns you on and isn't a 'bad thing', you'd have little trouble there.;)

[Imokwithit]

You are right I am not all distrought over finding this out. I thought that I would be. I have been back and forth with it in my head and I really think I am ok with it. My ex when I found out he had a gf on the side it was extremely different he was emotionally distant and was never around with me and the kids. It was the biggest betrayal I have ever felt. Part of me thought when I found out about my bf being bi that I was so damaged that it didn't really register. But that is not the case he is not emotionally distant he is always here when I need him and for the kids. He is the true love of my life. When he told me that I make him happy and he loves me the other night I could see in his eyes that he is just as in love with me as I am with him. I don't doubt that at all. I think that is the difference. I think this will just be a process and being patient with it will be the key.

[McBice]

For a minute I thought you were my wife, Imokwithit..lol..Our situation is almost exactly the same except for a couple of details. We've known each other for only 4 years and my wife couldn't get into my e-mail...but that aside, i'm in your bf's position and I can tell you that being patient and going slow is the right track...Good luck, I hope things work out for you as well as they have for us.

[Sum14fun]

Here's something for you to try. Talk about what types of porn you like. As the various types become open you can always say you like watching guy on guy porn. Tell him it's a kind of turn on and such. Don't expect him to open up to you right away but it opens the door to let him open up. He may open up right away and if so you should be ready to deal with that right then and don't take a demanding position over him. Just be supportive of him.

[dick_pumper]

While I am against the fact that you went through his phone, my wife and I had a huge fight over that when she went through my phone, I would say now that you know what do you do? Since you are ok with it and he seemed to like you playing with his ass, next time you two are in bed tell him you want to fuck him and have a strapon available. If he balks tell him it is a fantasy of yours to fuck a guy in his ass. If he accepts, then once you get it in and are getting a nice rhythm going, just kind of say something like "You like this cock in your ass don't you?" and if he responds in the affirmative, then say "I think this is so hot but I want to see a real cock in you while I play with my pussy" Now you have thrown the door wide open and see if he comes in.
I dream that my wife would surprise me with a strapon.

Good Luck

[bcadventure]

If Kinsey was right, and I think he was, most people are bisexual. On Kinsey's scale, a 1 is totally heterosexual and a 6 is completely homosexual. Very few people are all one or the other. The dynamics of sexual attraction are as varied as there are people.

If I had to make a guess, I think your boyfriend is as he presents himself to you, in love with you and attracted to you. I think it's also true that most people who are mostly attracted to the other sex but have and attraction to the same sex as well, men especially, don't really open up about their same sex attractions with those they are closest to easily. I've only discussed my attraction to men with a few people in my life, a therapist and a few women I know platonicly but never with a woman I've been involved with romantically. I must admit that admitting my sexual attraction to men to a friend was a bit scarey but it was also a bit thrilling to finally reveal a closely guarded secret with someone I know. It was easier for me to do because those women I've told were bi themselves and were incredibly fascinated and intrigued by my revelation and weren't turned off or judgmental but very supportive and wanted to hear all about my fantasies. They loved it. Couldn't get enough in fact especially since most ostensibly straight men don't usually open up about fantasizing about gay sex. It was nice to have a sympathetic soul to talk to about it without shame.

So, it's most likely that your boyfriend is like me. He has this attraction and he seeks to explore it for the sake of adventure. The defying of a rigid masculine taboo becomes an incredibly dangerous and alluring need. The thrill is compounded by terror of being discovered and the fervent hope you're not found out. Should you discuss it with him? Maybe now is not the best time especially because of the way you found out. Just be patient and trust him. When the right time comes, you'll know it and maybe he'll know it himself and reveal it to you in his own way. And then the fun really begins.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

**He left his phone one day and I just decided to put my mind at ease not thinking I would find anything.**

Another one who feels the need to snoop in order to satisfy a curiousity. If you're going to be this way Before you get married/partnered, what are you going to be like afterwards? Constantly peeking on his phone, looking into his emails to see if he's talked to other people? TALK to the man. Communicate, discover, learn, but quit being such a snoop every time he lays his phone down. If there's no trust, you have Nothing.
Just my humble 2 cents
Cat

[tenni]

post 1
“I however have trust issues and he has never given me any reason to not trust him. “


post 10
“the fact that you went thru your partners phone, is the lesser of two evils, you had a reason to wonder about what was going on and found that your partner was not being honest and open with you”


post 12
“The instant you convinced yourself that violating your partners privacy was ok, you joined the many cheats who do the same 'justifying' for other reasons.
Thank God you realise that as being nothing to be proud of, unlike some.”

I agree with you Gear. In post 1 the OP states that the b/f has given her no reason not to trust him.

Yet, poster 10 states that he has not been honest and open and that makes it ok to invade the man’s privacy. Even if you have no reasons to suspect anything????? To dismiss and justify a person’s sneaking about into private cell phones because of their own issues about trust is cheating in some respects. Post 10 shows little understanding (let alone empathy) about bisexual men and lacks rational thought. My friends tell me that they think that Quacks are like that. ;)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

So Tenni, you listen to your friends a lot, I take it. Just because a person has an opinion that differs from yours, they/he/she automatically becomes a quack. I dont you supporting three letters after Your name, so what gives you the right to judge others? That's not what the PO's thread was all about, so how bout you keep your biased opinions to yourself. Your constant barrages on Duck and DD are gettin' really old. And I'm not the only one on this site who thinks this.
Cat

[Intimate_Light]

Imokwithit (http://www.bisexual.com/forum/member.php?145203-Imokwithit),

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." ~ Mark Twain

"And the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~ Anais Nin

"Just Be love and the rest will take care of itself." ~ Anonymous


I've read the gist of the feedback here to your dilemma and agree that it's a tricky situation, but in the end here is the simple truth:

Both of you were to afraid to rejected by the other and so both of you essentially "cheated" on the other by not being open with another. Both of you are both innocent and both "guilty" and so the only solution is to own that -- in a mutually empowering and forgiving way. Stuff like this festers (be it his hiding his bi-ness or your knowing of it and not being able to trust, etc.) and so might as well find some way to propose this mutual openness-forgiveness.

I get that he's not very verbal with you and I honor and find it caring that you are trying to find ways to perhaps satisfy him in ways that kind of border on what he gets in his bi-ness. I'm not you, I don't know him so I can't come up with a solution for you. But sometimes one can approach something touchy and tricky by talking about the essence or end-game you wish to get to - in this case the mutual forgiveness or however you feel it.

So maybe you can have some conversation with him about your childhoods and about stuff that you felt you needed to hide from your parents or even other peers for you felt you wouldn't be accepted exactly-as-you-are.

In short, instead of a "truth or dare" dialogue, a kind of "truth and I care" conversation.

Another approach could be to take some time to thing about if you yourself were ever attracted to women or even just enjoyed a kiss or hug "just a bit more than platonically" or talk about differences of how people of the same sex can open up to each other more then opposite sex. If you can remember any such moments with girlfriends or your mother, sister or other female; such anecdotes could lay the ground-work for testing the waters into the sexual aspects of this. If only as a "what if" musing on your part - but not as innuendos or subtle attack of him or yourself. As genuine musing.

Or go read articles about bi women and get a sense of what they are experiencing and bring that up as a topic conversation.

Whatever approach, use your intuition and watch both him and yourself so that it doesn't feel forced or uncomfortable. You have to be clear deep down inside that your core intention is to heal this situation and love both yourself and him in the process. Because neither the attack or defense strategies are going to work..

Udderwise put...

It has to come from a place of love.. If you do come from there, he'll instinctively sense it and be far more open to at least begin to open up. This doesn't mean that either or both of you might not slide back into some attack/defense moments, but if the dancefloor feels safe, both dancers know it's OK to stumble.

[rodman2005]

I personally think you shouldn't have invited him to live with you in your home. Your first responsibility is to your kids. Period.
Throw out the bi guy and take care of your kids and then date a real STR8 man when the youngest turns 18. Amen.

[elian]

Well, at least you weren't already married, and the thought of pleasuring your man this way makes you happy. I think he really does care for you obviously, he may feel hurt when/if you tell him you went through his personal things..hopefully he knows you have trust issues and can forgive that if you bring it up.

Bringing up the idea of being open in sex play may work, eventually I would probably confess to my partner, at least that I had doubts about the commitment. If it was someone I seriously wanted to devote my life to I would rather know if they can live with me the way I am than not. Before the step of getting married you have some communicating to do. For starters, if he will be allowed to bring any men into the picture. Some bisexual men like both but are perfectly happy committing to one person. Some are happy using toys (or having you use toys), others may be unhappy not being able to have the same sex at all. You need to figure that out before you get married.

Sounds like both also need to know that you can go to each other with -anything- and be heard without having your character totally destroyed..if it works it will be neat lesson that the universe can teach both of you by being in relationship with each other, but watch out - it takes a LOT of trust and faith (patience?) and love - to know that lesson. Even if you aren't together "forever" you may both be together for a long time and possibly better off for having known each other anyway. The only person you can change is yourself, so the agreement you make should be harmonious to both of you, otherwise you may end up only hurting each other. If you really can't work that out maybe you can at least be friends.

I agree that the children are important, but I don't think that bisexual people automatically make less fit parents than straight people.. It is possibly more complex. If you are serious about spending the rest of your life with this man I would be looking to know "crystal clear" from my mate just what the boundaries of a bisexual relationship will be for the sake of the children.

[bi4asplay]

If you really want to find out if he would go there with you try this or a virsion of it. While giving him head while playing with or fingering his ass. After you have him really turned on.While you have your finger rubbing his P spot ask him if he has ever thought about having another guy do this to him. Maybe tell him that you would like to see it, after he is comfortable with your asking if he thpought he might like it.Maybe ask him to lick a toy that you have had in you. Sugest that he might like for you to try it on him. Just do not push it

[McBice]

Its been about a month since your last post, Imokwithit...would love to know how things have progressed..

[gen11]

Why all the pussyfooting? If you're okay with it, tell him you THINK he's bi and you're okay with it. It's almost a certainty that he'll admit on the spot. It will be an enormous relief to him and he can be honest and truthful to you about it.

I didn't read the lengthy passages above, but speaking as an active bi male who cannot possibly let my wife know, I have no emotional attachement to men, and his liking it verbal and rough almost guarantees he doesn't either. You may see that is him NOT having divided loyalties.

You may also find, if you open your mind enough, that the idea will begin to appeal to you, and you may even want to join in.

[chicagom]

Your boyfriend will be relieved....but gen couldn't possibly tell his wife. Good person to be getting advice from.....do what I say and not what I do.

[gladius]

Your boyfriend will be relieved....but gen couldn't possibly tell his wife. Good person to be getting advice from.....do what I say and not what I do.


Gen......I do believe you have a stalker.

[lsufan1974]

My wife played around with my anus while going down on me, it turned me on (and her) a couple days later playing with toys, goofing off, she grabbed it and pressed it against my ass - we both laughed and she said she always fantasized about using one on a guy! We talked, basically me asking her if it would change her views of me if I let her? She said no! She enjoys anal and assumes it would feel just as amazing for me, so I let her! When she saw how much I enjoyed it she had mixed emotions not sure what to think! She asked if I have ever done this before? I asked her if she loved me and if she did could something like this in my past change her love for me? Naturally jealous she wanted to know if my xwife had done this, lol - I said no - I took a leap of faith and told her I was bisexual.

That conversation has been about two years ago. At first we didnt discuss it often, now some of our conversations can be very serious about insecurities or very hot and steamy about sharing a guy (although I doubt that happens). She now has a collection of strapons and has became a pro! She loves the exchange of power and understands that bi, straight, or gay a committed relationship means monogamy unless another agreement is made.

The most important thing to her is honesty - the most important thing to me is acceptance!

Its very hard for a man that has lied to himself and everyone else for 30 years to be honeat with you! Thats my personal experience, but now that its out there we are stronger than ever!