How / when do you tell a girl you are bi?

[growing up bi asian]

Hi everyone,

I'm so glad to have joined this community. Thank you.

I have recently accepted the fact that I am bi. I have not come out to anyone except to my gay friend of mine (who used to be my roommate.. we used to fool around and still do from time to time) I have decided that I want to settle down with a girl as I have always also been attracted to woman throughout my life. How do I find a girl who can accept me for me? I want to be open and honest about my sexuality but somehow I don't think any girl would say "Ok, cool!". I read an earlier thread about Married men coming out to their wives but this seems slightly different. Can someone give me some advice? Past experiences?

[Bi_Druid]

I have personally found being just plain open and frank about it from the word go helps a lot.
All my on-line profiles quite happily have me down as Bi to anyone who'll take the time to read it. And hanging out at BiFests and BiCon and other similar events helps in meeting others already in the community.
I also find wearing my bi-pride-flag dog tag also helps, as it's nearly always the other person who opens the subject with "oo, what's that mean?" Make's broaching the subject much easier and feel less like you're having to shoe horn it into a conversation.

[ErosUrge]

Though I respect very much Bi Druid being open to everyone, not all of us are able to for various reasons.

I do agree with him that it's important to be up front with this from the very beginning. Though there will be many women who will turn away because of it, there are a certain number who will be accepting of it. It's always best to be clear about this from the very beginning as far as I'm concerned. I say this because when I do connect with that certain woman, I want to know that she accepts this about me. I have had one girlfriend turn away because of it though she tried to accept it for the year we were together. But I told her from the beginning. Hiding is always a miserable option.

It might be a long road before you meet such a girl, but don't give up. Sooner or later, she will arrive. And yes, you're right that it's a different matter altogether when men come out to their wives after being with them for a period of time without their knowledge. You will of course run into many girls who aren't accepting but don't let this deter you from your goal....best to you.

[IndyBiFun]

Bi Druid makes a good point. Find some social, support groups that you can go to and meet other like minded people. As he said too, festivals are a great way to get out and be around supportive people. You might just meet someone who is bi herself or at least understanding and supportive.

Best of luck!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Just be open and totally honest directly from the start, Hon. Thats the best way to go. Or, if you're doing something from one of the dating sites or what not, simply put Bisexual or Bi Curious on your profile. :}
Good Luck.
Cat

[Realist]

To Growing Up:

The first male lover my age, was a boy raised in a traditional conservative Oriental home. He was instilled with the values of his parents, regarding the family unit, study, work, honor, and sexual "purity". He possessed all of those virtues except one......... discovered early in life that he was bisexual, but hid it from himself and others until he was in junior high. Unlike me, he bit the bullet and began to let any prospective girlfriend know that he was bisexual.

I thought, then, that would be the kiss of death, for any decent relationship.....but, when he was in his early 20s, he met and then married a bisexual girl. I lost contact with him in the early '60s, but at that time he was leading a happy successful life with his lovely, understanding wife.

I however, continued hiding my bisexuality, having one failed relationship after another, until I was an old man. Then, I finally decided to be open and honest about my bisexuality, to any prospective partners. Like someone mentioned above, I was rejected by most women I met until I met and began a relationship with my present GF. Also bisexual, she has become the light of my life and even though there is a vast difference in our ages, we are the most compatible people I know!

So, from the experiences above, I think that you may have rejections.........but, if you remain honest and open about your bisexuality, some understanding lady will come along and fulfill your dreams. If it can happen to me, it certainly can for you!

Good luck and welcome to the site.

[BiDaveDtown]

I told my wife when we were dating when we were still getting to know each other. Other women and men I dated I told as well. The guys who know that they're bisexual while they date women or men yet stay locked in a closet because of fear are cowards.

[cbb83]

OP: Something like that is something you disclose immediately as it may impact her decision to even be your girlfriend. If you hide it and then cheat on her later, that just makes you sort of a douche. Better to end things honestly than cheat. Also, getting it out of the way at the start can prevent massive waves of drama. Remember: you want your partner to accept you - they can't do that without full disclosure.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well said CBB..:} ;)
Cat

[creamerandpussy]

when I first met creamer I lived together with my girlfriend so he knew that I was lesbian. But the girl I lived together with was absolutely lesbian and I knew that I was bi so creamer and I started to know each other and I fell in love with creamer. After a while we found out that creamer was very bicurious and so we met other guys who were bi and had a few threesomes, so creamer had the opportunity to explore everything about his sexual orientation. So we found out, that he was much more homosexual as he had believed before. He got to learn how to receive sperm in the ass and on his face or in his mouth. And he learned how to feel, if his girl gets creamed by another man. He loves to lick out sperm out of my ass or my pussy. But best we like, if a couple has sex with us where both parts are bi, That makes a tremendous varity of sexual possibilities.

Pussy

[Realist]

C&P, you are exceptionally lucky to have found each other! Your honesty and openness, I'm sure, was one big reason you were successful in finding the relationship you have. Congratulations!

[prettyrabbit26]

I think it's best to be upfront like most people mentioned on here! I would LOVE to date a bisexual man, because this world is made up of different and unique people. However, I would rather him be up front and tell me than to have "a talk".

[Herculoid Poirot]

In my small town I couldn't really hide from my bi "rep"; everyone already knew it. I still met people who were interested. I think it's best to be up front, but it's super important that you think about how you want your relationships to be set up. Will you be monogamous? Open? NSA? Whatever happens, your partners will be more accepting if they know where they stand.

[bi4asplay]

Though I have read stories of a guy telling his GF or wife after a short time that he is Bi and it working out. In real life I have only seen it be the end of the relationship. Myself as soon as I start to get to know a lady I let her know. That is if I think there could ever been anything between us. I have had a few ladies walk away then. Those that I really had anything in common with,any way ,where good with it.It is very hard to relax and have fun when you have to be on your P,s&Q,s all of the time.Honesty is always the best idea. If you don't lie you do not have to remember it. Ladies are much sharper than us guys. If she sees you peeking as good looking guy walk by, if even for a very short time she probably already knows that you have the desire.

[runwildtonight]

I personally have found this to be hard to do but necessary. I tell guys/ladies that I'm bi fairly early on. It almost always turns them off and heads them running for the hills. Unless they give me a good feeling from the beginning that they are cool with LGBT community I wait until they know me a little so they have a perception of who I am without stereotypes ruining it. By the 3rd date or first time sleeping together they know, whichever comes first. It can get lonely to get rejected for one aspect of who I am especially when they dig everything else. I did have one gf who knew from the begginng but down the line just couldn't fully accept it. Honesty can sting but it is better in the long run...I'm hoping. My dream is to find a smart, kind, sexy bisexual woman to be with in a LTR.

[jimdawg]

I do quickly. Don't want a pointless breakup over it later...

[leo_theprince]

when I first met creamer I lived together with my girlfriend so he knew that I was lesbian. But the girl I lived together with was absolutely lesbian and I knew that I was bi so creamer and I started to know each other and I fell in love with creamer. After a while we found out that creamer was very bicurious and so we met other guys who were bi and had a few threesomes, so creamer had the opportunity to explore everything about his sexual orientation. So we found out, that he was much more homosexual as he had believed before. He got to learn how to receive sperm in the ass and on his face or in his mouth. And he learned how to feel, if his girl gets creamed by another man. He loves to lick out sperm out of my ass or my pussy. But best we like, if a couple has sex with us where both parts are bi, That makes a tremendous varity of sexual possibilities.

Pussy


WOW!!! i recently found that on craiglist there are many other cpls that are into things like this....i wouldnt be opposed to it but not all the time...maybe once every month or so.

[dm330]

The best time to tell her is when she walks in and catches you giving a blowjob to another guy lol! Just kidding. Find out from her what she would like. Ask her if she would like to have a 3sum. If she is repulsed, drop the bi thing completely. If she's up for it, find out more information before you divulge you bi desires.

[bobbyd]

This is the way I told my wife
"yes, I had his balls hanging from my chin, that's only because I am Bi"

[ErosUrge]

Hi everyone,

I'm so glad to have joined this community. Thank you.

I have recently accepted the fact that I am bi. I have not come out to anyone except to my gay friend of mine (who used to be my roommate.. we used to fool around and still do from time to time) I have decided that I want to settle down with a girl as I have always also been attracted to woman throughout my life. How do I find a girl who can accept me for me? I want to be open and honest about my sexuality but somehow I don't think any girl would say "Ok, cool!". I read an earlier thread about Married men coming out to their wives but this seems slightly different. Can someone give me some advice? Past experiences?

To answer your question directly before elaborating on the topic: IT"S BEST TO LET HER KNOW RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING. This way there can be no confusion and if she's really interested in you, she won't go anywhere. And there actually are some girls/women out there that would say, "Ok, cool!" believe it or not.....A lot of information follows of my own personal experiences that I hope can support your feelings about the matter.

I know pretty much where you're coming from...I lived in denial for a great many years about being bi. Oddly, when I was 18 to 22 years old, I was very open about it. But then as I got older and invested most of my sexual and emotional energy to women, I wondered why it was I had sexual appetites for men and not emotional. And I decided that I needed to break away from the sexual with men too since I had only been interested sexually with them. This didn't include my closest male friends who I was never sexual with.

So when I tried to subdue my sexual appetites and yearnings for men and being involved with certain women who wouldn't allow that during those times, I found a great struggle going on. I would finally give in and pursue my appetites enjoying them immensely but afterward always feeling guilty without fail. The more I tried to deny I was bi, the more intense of a struggle it was and the more I wanted sex with men.

After living this way for many years, I finally decided enough was enough. I admitted once and for all to myself that I was bi and that it was absolutely okay. And I also made the decision to let any woman know about it that I was interested in. It made all the difference...to finally be free and live without feeling guilt or that I had to hide was (and is) such a great relief.

To settle down with a girl who will accept you might take some time. But do trust that they do exist....I've met many already but so far, they're all currently involved with someone...I forgot to mention that I have already had women in my life that were completely aware of my sexuality and accepted and allowed me to be sexual with men...for other reasons our relationships ended. Eventually, a woman that understands will arrive. Perhaps when you least expect it....best to you.

[leo_theprince]

honestly, i would get to know the girl first....maybe a good month and begin to learn who she is, you'll know when the time is right to tell them.. i would be honest tho...i would admit it before we did anything sexual....they'd be upset to know they were forced a descision.. :/

[zigzig]

I was lucky, that I meet my fiancee through a dating site, where my sexuality was written down, so he knew about it before we even meet up in life.

[mature_cpl_arkansas]

the best way is to be up front and let her know your are a bi man. when i met my wife, she was aware i liked men also. we have been together 9 years now, and we married 2 years ago. dan and melba from arkansas.
Hi everyone,

I'm so glad to have joined this community. Thank you.

I have recently accepted the fact that I am bi. I have not come out to anyone except to my gay friend of mine (who used to be my roommate.. we used to fool around and still do from time to time) I have decided that I want to settle down with a girl as I have always also been attracted to woman throughout my life. How do I find a girl who can accept me for me? I want to be open and honest about my sexuality but somehow I don't think any girl would say "Ok, cool!". I read an earlier thread about Married men coming out to their wives but this seems slightly different. Can someone give me some advice? Past experiences?

[bicuck2013]

It's not always easy. I have found that sharing my 'bi-ness' with some of my partners has been off putting for them, while for others its been a turn on. I have been bi for over 25 years now, and get to experience the best of both worlds.

My current lady partner knows and has experienced me being bi. In a threesome with her lover, he pulled out of her and came down my throat. She enjoyed that! And how I got to tell her was her telling me her teenage flings, where she liked to get 2 men to play with each other while she watched. She still likes watching.

With me, I dont care what my partners think though - I tell them that I have experienced both. If they like it good, if they don't, its tough fro them. Not that I can get to experience my Bi side as I would like to. I have to wait till she is not home and wont be for a while.

[void()]

In my opinion, a level of trust is gaugeable only by those involved & it is probably best to tell when trust is felt established. Also, I would think in the spirit of honesty it is something one addresses before a relationship becomes direly serious. This allows everyone involved time for consideration, acceptance or rejection as may be. Not sure anyone may say for another, "here is the optimal time to reveal x", as it is in fact a purely subjective issue. Apologies if that is not quite as solid an answer one might seek.