Partner is BiSexual. Need advice how to deal with it.

[camomommy86]

Well here is my story. Me and fiance have been together 2 years now. And about 6 months ago he told me he was bi. .In the beginning he hid it from me and has lied to me a lot about it. It has taken a long time to get this out of him. He has lied to me about being with men. And he told me he has not done anything since we have been together. However i found out that he has been on a chat thing with a man to where they sent personal pics to each other and he took care of him self while looking at them. So there is major trust issues there for me. I love this man very much. So i don't know what to do right now. I know i can not change who he is and what he wants. But i am not sure how we move forward. To where we can be happy together. And i am not making him change.

[tenni]

Hi
Many biguys find it difficult to admit to themselves that they are bi. There is a lot of phobia connected to guys having sex with other men. They are not real men etc. phobia.

Where are you on that aspect about men having sex with other men?

Are you comfortable with men having sex with other men or do you find that degrading and unmanly?
Are you comfortable with him having sex with other men?

Some biguys are quite capable of remaining in a cross gender relationship and do not need to have sex with other men. Once their partner know they are comfortable talking about it. Some women even point out attractive men to their guy. Some find it very difficult and report that they need sex with other men. He may be separating sex with men from loving you. He still loves you but needs sex with other men may be his position. It is a physical rather than emotional thing for some bimen. Talk to him and see what he thinks.

If you do some thinking on this and you are ok with him having sex with other men as long as he follows rules that you both agree on, then you may move forward in a more honest open communication.

If you expect him to remain monogamous with you and not have sex with other men, there may be some other things that you can try. He may feel ashamed that he wants to perhaps be penetrated. If he wants to be penetrated some biguys report on this site that is enough for them. Their female partners "peg" them with a strap on. Not all biguys want penetration though.

Honest communication should be done in a non judgemental manner.

Good luck and hopefully he is comfortable enough to be more honest with you.

[camomommy86]

I am not sure i am ok with him having se with other guys. But i have been tossing g the idea around of letting him text and chat with other men and send pics and what not. Hoping it will be enough for him. The hard part is he does not like to talk about any of this. And he has hid it so much and lied to me so much about it. I am finding it very hard to trust him. Because when he chatted with this other man while we were together he was at work. And he works in a place where he drives a truck all over 20 thousand acres so i am always scared of what he is doing while he is at work. Because he is inthe middle of nowhere and nobody around him. Also i am the only one who knows about him being bi other then his brother who is fully gay. He does not want any one to know either.

[camomommy86]

I just need some help as to what i should do. I love him very much. But i also know i can not keep him from being what he is. I just need to know what i can do to keep both of us happy. Some one please i need advice

[zanybrainy]

I don't think you letting him text and chat is going to do either of you any good. You may always have that nagging idea that he is cheating on you.

Just put it out in the open. Either he is totally monogamous with you or find someone else.

You don't trust him now, imagine how it will be later when you really have doubts. It will probably be a really messy break up.

Just my $.02.

Zany

[camomommy86]

Thank you for that. I am just trying to find a way for him to still be who he is and has been. And us still be able to be together. If him chatting with guys and what not is what is going to make him happy. Do u think j should do it. Or will it be to hard on me. I am just putting a little of my personal out there. I am also currently in treatment for PTSD. And i am just tryjng to figure out how to get him back to being happy

[Swingbi]

I have recently come out to my wife so I know hard and embarrassing it can be to do. I have never cheated on her nor would I but I couldn't deny the desires any more. If you believe you can deal with him having sex with men and you do love him stick with him, maybe even join in with him it could be great for you.

[eitherway<3]

It doesnt matter that he is bi, if he is cheating thats still cheating, you would still be just pissed off if he cheated with an ugly girl as a really good looking one. Your in a relationship, he chose you he shouldnt be looking at anyone, girl or guy.

[SwtLstyBi]

Cheating is cheating, as the above poster said, but if you really ware interested in being happy with him, learn about it, see if you can deal with it, I myself did not get my husband to admit his bisexuality for years into our marriage, but suspected it myself so kept hinting that it would be something I would enjoy watching. Now we play together and are very happy. You have to make sure that you are going to be comfortable with it first, though. If you aren't he will not share with you and it will not be pretty when you catch him.

[matutum]

Talk to him....