Is my buddy Bi-sexual

[lovetocamp]

Ok, I have this friend, he is straight acting, married, but he has done some things to make me believe he is bi. Here is why,

1) He has grabbed me a couple of times.
2) He told me once that he trims his pubes, so i said joking let me see. Later that day in the locker room he came in, started to undo his pants and said do you want to see, and I said no. He got somewhat mad, and said "You had your chance".
3) A few months later, we got talking about blow jobs, and he asked if I would let him cum in my mouth,I said as long as I can cum in yours.
4) He became somewhat distant towards me so I figured he had something going on so I left him alone.
5) Once in a while as we are talking and joking around, and I might say to him, keep it up and I will grab your cock, he says go ahead.
6) He once said, I will let you suck my dick if you want.

But lately we shoot the shit, and I make a comment to him about giving him head, or wanting to see his cock. He will come back with, I am not that kind of guy.

I truly think this guy is Bi, but I am thinking he is scared to admit it to me, and scared to try anything or get caught.

Am I wrong or what.

[Realist]

This is just my opinion and I could be totally wrong:

I think he may have fantasies about MM sex, but is very undecided about it. I may be wrong, but, if you got him to join you at a weak moment, you might be able to do whatever you'd like with him.

However, since he is so wishy-washy about it, you may be better off leaving him alone.

Here's why: Sometimes, when a novice allows someone of the same gender to get him off, or gets someone off, themselves, afterwards they can have a huge rush of guilt. They may even get violent, when the realization of what they've done, hits them!

It's something to ponder, anyway!

[tenni]

I think that you are both crossing boundaries of friendship. Some straight guys may joke this way but most don't imo.
The point that you have made sexual jestures to him and he has said that he is not that kind of guy should be paid attention to. Stop the sexual inuendos even if he starts one.

You write that he grabbed you. Do you mean your cock or ? How does he react with other guys? Does he grab them or just you? Are you both in your early 20's?

Does he know that you are bisexual? If he does, he may be testing the waters but as Realist states it could end your friendship violently. If he doesn't know that you are bi, why not tell him to see his reaction?

[DiamondDog]

There's no way that guy is heterosexual.

I'd be more concerned about how he's a major tease. Next time he pulls his BS games tell him, "Either suck my dick, or shut up, and don't touch me again!" Or you could say, "Does your wife know you want to have sex with men? Do you actually not respect her that much that you won't tell her this?"

I understand that what he's doing could be weird to you since not everyone does or wants to sleep with their friends, and this guy is married.

[The Young Pretender]

This is just my opinion and I could be totally wrong:

I think he may have fantasies about MM sex, but is very undecided about it. I may be wrong, but, if you got him to join you at a weak moment, you might be able to do whatever you'd like with him.

However, since he is so wishy-washy about it, you may be better off leaving him alone.

Here's why: Sometimes, when a novice allows someone of the same gender to get him off, or gets someone off, themselves, afterwards they can have a huge rush of guilt. They may even get violent, when the realization of what they've done, hits them!

It's something to ponder, anyway!

I've always wondered what I'd do in the event a friend had a moment of weakness. I'd refuse, as I've had one friendship fucked up due to...fucking! Do you have any experience in this matter? I've always imagined that your typical white guy (TWG) in who's grown up in hetero-normative society might eventually come to hate/despise/be revolted by/blame the bi guy should guilt or confusion emerge from some horny play amongst buddies. It's become of great concern as I know one "mostly straight" friend enjoyed mutual sucking and fucking with an acquaintance of his some time ago. Still, after sex complicated and ruined a friendship with a woman, I am very hesitant to risk a friendship with my fundamentally TWG friends just for a cheap thrill.

OP: I am assuming your friend knows that you're bi, right? If so, I would take those offers seriously. Combined together, I would interpret those cues as, "I've seen straighter circles."

[fredtyg]

I am assuming your friend knows that you're bi, right? If so, I would take those offers seriously. Combined together, I would interpret those cues as, "I've seen straighter circles."

I'd say there's no question he's at the very least bi- curious, or bisexual. I can't imagine a guy mentioning he trims his pubics, then bringing it up later and giving you a chance to take a look. Never mind all the other hints.

His sexuality may wane back and forth, thus the "I'm not that kind of guy" comment. He might not have been in homo mode when he said that. Other than that I'd be willing to bet money on it, although my gaydar's been very wrong before.

The important question, as mentioned above, is whether he knows you're bisexual. I'm not sure exactly how that would matter, although I would think if he knew you were he might be more likely to just be playing around or testing you. If he doesn't know I'd say it's much more a sure sign he's bi as I can't see the vast majority of guys saying some of the things he's said to what he thinks is a straight guy.

What Realist pointed out is true, regardless. Introducing sex into a relationship can have bad consequences. I don't know that means you might not explore the idea, though. As long as you don't get too forward, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

The best course of action I usually recommend and was discussed here recently, is to let him know unequivocally that you're bisexual, assuming he doesn't know already. I wouldn't be in his face about it. Just drop some clear hints. Best way I know is have a few beers with him and start talking about sex. When you feel you've come to the right moment in the conversation, you can tell him you've sucked cock before and enjoyed it. That, or say you happen to know guys give the best head because you've had some guys suck on yours (and wouldn't mind having it done again). Let him take it from there.

Either way, once he knows you're not averse to man to man sexual relationships, he might be more willing to open up and tell you how he really feels.

[fredtyg]

lovetocamp wrote, " A few months later, we got talking about blow jobs, and he asked if I would let him cum in my mouth,I said as long as I can cum in yours.".

Just rereading and noticed this. What did he say after you said "As long as I can cum in yours"? I realize it's too late now, but a better answer on your part would probably to have just said "Sure", when he asked about cumming in your mouth.

[Gearbox]

2) He told me once that he trims his pubes, so i said joking let me see. Later that day in the locker room he came in, started to undo his pants and said do you want to see, and I said no. He got somewhat mad, and said "You had your chance".
Do you realy honestly think he's going to do anything more than talk, after you rejected him in that way?
Now, he has THAT in the back of his head warning him that despite all your cock-teasing, you'll reject any attempt he makes to get physical with you.

Best you can do now is initiate something physical and hope he's not as scared as you about it.;)

[fredtyg]

Do you realy honestly think he's going to do anything more than talk, after you rejected him in that way?
Now, he has THAT in the back of his head warning him that despite all your cock-teasing, you'll reject any attempt he makes to get physical with you.


I think you're being a bit harsh on him. I'm sure many of us might have backed out of a situation like that depending on how we felt at the time. I will agree that it sounds as if he's passed by some easy opportunities to find out the answer to his question.

I can think of at least one situation in my early 20s that, queer as I was, I backed out of a potential homosexual relationship. Kind of the opposite of lovetocamp's situation as I was the one that could have shown a guy something he indicated interest in. Due to my mood and the location I was just too nervous to take the simple step of lowering my pants and letting the guy fondle me. I regret that to this day.

[lovetocamp]

Thanks for all the responses.
He does make comments to other guys; such as when we are in the bathroom, let me see your uncut dick. So I know he has talked to other people about the male organs.
Another time I caught him checking me out, looking at my package with clothes on.
And yes, he does grab other guys; in the cock.
He may know that i am bi, but i never told him.
We are both between the age of 38-40.

I personally think he is BI; I have been friends with him for 15 years, and he has always made comments about sucking cock. I truly think he is afraid to try anything; and that he is married might be stopping him. With that I can see he has respect for his wife.

[Bisexual Explorer]

When I first read, lovetocamp's first posting, I thought "heck yes this guy is bi, go for it." Reading "lovetocamp's posting above, I've changed my mind. This gut is very likely bi, but he is certainly crazy. Who goes around around randomly grabbing cock? I can't speak for Wisconsin, but here in NJ that could get you stiffed (and I don't mean a hard on) real quick. I would stay far away from this guy; I hate having blood, especially mine, splattered on my clothes.

OK, you say, Wisconsin is not NJ. Goodness, this guy has been giving you every signal that he wants cock. He must be wondering whether you're bi. Tell him that you like seeing him look at you and grabbing you. Tell him, you want more. Make a date and have fun (I hope). Leave his wife out of this. What he does or doesn't tell his wife is not your business.

Bisexual Explorer

[fredtyg]

And yes, he does grab other guys; in the cock.
and he has always made comments about sucking cock.

I'd say there's no doubt he's bi or homosexual. Your best bet is to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that you are too.

[Gearbox]

Yes, sorry about that. I've been there too, and the only way to quit the fantasy is to get it physical. Scary, but worth it.
I've been fantasising over a certain neighbour for decades due to my failure to to that when I could have. Lets hope the OP will outdo us.:)

[lovetocamp]

This guy is not a violent person at all. I have known him for 15 years and he has never hurt a soul, and he has had chances to do so.
Bi Sexual Explorer, let me re-phrase myself, he does not grab anyone; only our buddies, I have never seen him grab someone who he does not know.
Anyways, if he is bi he might not want me to know just yet, or is trying to tell me by doing these things.
Hopefully some day I will find out.

Gearbox,

I see your point in your first post. He also may have become mad because he thought i was Bi, and when I shot him down, he may have thought then I was not Bi, and he embarrassed himself. If we would have been somewhere else, (the locker room was at work), I would have gave in.

[fredtyg]

If we would have been somewhere else, (the locker room was at work), I would have gave in.

That's exactly where we were in the instance I mentioned above where it was up to me to show the guy my cock. Not exactly at work but a bathroom/ locker room next to the parking lot at work. It was tempting and there was rarely anybody there but him and I. I was just too worried about someone walking in on us, among other things.

[DiamondDog]

Lovetocamp I would leave this guy alone. He's your acquaintance/friend, and he's married. He's also a major tease. Find a different guy who is out as bisexual or gay, not a tease, and who is not a longterm acquaintance or friend.

[tenni]

Ok..so we know that he is not violent and has grabbed other friends' cocks. He seem like he has carried "frat boy" pranks over into mid life behaviour but only with his long term buds. The question is do you want to have sex with him? I think that the answer is yes. Disclose your sexuality to him in private. See if that changes his behaviour one way or the other. I think that it is "shit or get off the pot" for you and you need to take the initiative. If he is bi and doesn't want to have sex with you, so be it. If you don't want to disclose to him, accept his sophomoric behaviour as just that.

[rodman2005]

Don't play this game. Coworkers are just that. Go to an adult bookstore and get blown or suck a cock or whatever. Do not play his game.

[elian]

I think he probably has bisexual tendencies or maybe acts the way he does for the attention/thrill of it. He probably went away because he IS married and you actually came pretty close to taking him up on his "trash talking". What is the line between a best friend and a lover/sex buddy? If he's a co-worker how much do you like your job? Would it make you feel bad if you were the reason he split up with his wife? I have/had some best friends where my whole being ached to love them more than just platonic but it's just not worth the friendship unless you are sure that he's COMPLETELY laid back and open minded.

When I was a very young and horny teenager I used to tease good friends (male and female) with sexual innuendo all of the time, I never grabbed people's crotches but I did have a mouth. I always loved the fact that I could feel safe teasing them because I KNEW they weren't going to punch me in the face for saying it. It gave me a little relief from always having to hide my sexuality and be ashamed of it growing up. Never in 100 years did I ever imagine that anyone would take me up on my offer but one of the ladies actually sat down on my lap facing me and I'm pretty sure as a 20 year old boy that was the only day in my life that I was truly 100% white (because I was scared shitless someone actually listened to what I was saying to the point that all the blood drained out of my face). Once I regained my composure (and my pulse) I did enjoy falling asleep in her arms that night - one of the few ladies that I've ever been attracted to.

[fredtyg]

Never in 100 years did I ever imagine that anyone would take me up on my offer but one of the ladies actually sat down on my lap facing me and I'm pretty sure as a 20 year old boy that was the only day in my life that I was truly 100% white (because I was scared shitless someone actually listened to what I was saying to the point that all the blood drained out of my face). Once I regained my composure (and my pulse) I did enjoy falling asleep in her arms that night - one of the few ladies that I've ever been attracted to.

Am I the only one that doesn't understand this? I'm not getting what being with a girl has to do with the subject here. Sorry. Not trying to pick a fight. Just don't understand the relevance.

[elian]

Why should a guy be scared of having sex with a woman? Well, I was more into guys at the time.

I was just as scared to approach my friends as lovetocamp's buddy was and it turned out OK for me. Bear in mind that my friend wasn't married or a co-worker though. Of course as others have said the guy could just enjoy the attention and not actually want the sex..

[NakedInSeattle]

If you are sure he thinks/knows you're bi, I'd just get serious with him and say.."I'm bi and if you'd like to seriously discuss being bi, I'd be happy to. I'd be glad to answer any questions you may have." But you WOULD be coming out to him. You'll have to weigh the risks.

By the way, did you say or not that you are attracted to him and would welcome play?

[querty]

My advice is to not engage with him in any of this at all. There are way too many potential issues. If he eventually directly engages you on the topic, then talk to him about it but be thoughtful and cautious