How to find out if my friend is bi.....?

[luvemboth28]

Ok, long story as short as possible. This is the male half posting BTW..... I've had a guy friend of mine for almost 20 years now. We've always been close. We went to school together, worked together when we were younger,pretty much best friends. Never anything sexual between him and I. We did tag team a girl once, but him and I never touched each other during it. Not even "incidental" touching. So, lately, I've found myself getting attracted to him. I've always had a feeling he was bi, but nothing has ever been confirmed. He has no idea I'm bi. How do I go about asking him? Without outing myself, and straight out asking if him and I can hook up. The best I can come up with so far is asking " between, you and I, if a guy asked if he could go down on you, and nobody would EVER find out, would you let him?" Lame, I know, but it still kinda keeps it light hearted and to the point. Any ideas? Experiences? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.

[ExSailor]

Ask him, or better yet come out to him. Keep in mind that since he's a friend and you've known each other for decades he may not want to have sex with you. I have male friends who are both bi and gay who I've been friends with and that's all we are. We've never had sex together and having sex together would ruin our friendship.

[Realist]

There's a million ways to find out....... and a million ideas how to find out. The above advice might work.

I once knew a fellow for over 6 years, before I learned he was bi-curious. We were alone watching an 8mm movie, that would be very subdued by today's standards...but, toward the end of one scene, there was a brief shot of one guy in the background sucking another one's cock.

I could tell my friend was definitely interested!

We had been drinking just enough to lose some of our inhibitions, when he asked me what I thought about the scene? ( alcohol is a helpful tool!)

I felt pretty sure he would be discreet, so I told him I had done some of that, myself.

He was so excited and stated that he'd long wanted to try something sexual with me, but was too afraid to mention it! Right then, we began a very gratifying relationship that lasted a little over 10 years.

So, you'll never know, until the cards are on the table.

You know your friend better than anyone here, so you may already know the key, but just haven't thought of it! There will be some more ideas coming, I'm sure~

Good luck!!

[XxxpandedMind13]

Male half here: I'd just straight up ask him. If he wants me to know, he'll tell me. If not, o well. Don't stress it

[fredtyg]

As much as you don't want to let him know you're bisexual, that's probably the easiest way to get him to tell you if he is.

[daddio3311]

I've done this a few times. Start a conversation about how horny you are. Chances are, he is too. Discuss how you've been to gloryholes and didn't know, or care, who was sucking you. See where that leads. Or when you're both horny watch some porn and start rubbing yourself and looking over to him. Things tend to happen then.

[fredtyg]

Great idea. Letting him know you don't see anything wrong with homo activity, but not putting him on the spot so his privacy feels threatened. I'm sure there are other good ways to broach the subject but that's a good one.

[topper99florida]

Maybe since you've already done a tag-team before, another one is a good bet? If you're married, or can't otherwise do that, how about lunch at a strip club? Watching porn depends on whether you've done that together before or not, and what kind of porn are you viewing. Whichever, you may have to ease into it over time. I've never been interested in my close friends (they are straight or just not that good looking :), and I've scared off one or two casual friends (who WERE good looking) with the suggestion of hooking up. Funny enough, when I was younger I missed clear signals from friends, coworkers, and even one boss, put out to me that they wanted sex: I guess I was just way too innocent back then.

[fredtyg]

I've scared off one or two casual friends (who WERE good looking) with the suggestion of hooking up.

I would think the key is to not be too up front about it, at least at first. I can't think of any other way than to let it be fairly obvious, but not too in- your- face, that you're bisexual. Always leave room for them to ignore your sign, or at least act like they're ignoring it or didn't see or hear it. Leave them an "out", so they can back out of the situation and not feel as if they're being confronted. If they're interested, let them tell you, if at all possible.

[fredtyg]

daddio reminded me in a private message of the two friends I've successfully talked into sexual relationships. Both involved alcohol and sex talk. No porn was involved in either, although the first one was back in the late 70s when access to porn was problematic, anyway.

They were both slightly different. The first had no idea I was queer. The second one I'd actually made some drunken sexual comments to some years earlier, so in the back of his mind he probably knew.

In both cases we got to drinking, then I steered the conversation to sex. At that point I was able in the first case to get us to jacking off and I eventually went down on him. No worries and that relationship continued for months.

The other was the same but we didn't jack off. We just had a buzz on and got pretty risque in our conversation. We got to talking about blowjobs and I finally just blurted out that I loved sucking cock and always have. He didn't miss a beat and then even admitted to having some homo behavior in his past, although nothing specific. That's all it took. I was out to him and it ended out working pretty well.

The first one I might have been too forward with. If that was a good friend where I really had something to lose had he not gone for my move, I might have literally blown it. The second one I just said I liked sucking cock and let him take it from there. Luckily, he didn't mind taking the conversation further. If he felt uncomfortable, he could have always changed the subject.

The bottom line: alcohol and sex talk has always worked for me.

[bityme]

You could tell him a story about having been on a business trip where you had to share a room with another guy. Your roommate went out by himself one night and when he came back, a bit tipsy, said he had been to an adult book store that had porn movies. He said the booths had glory holes and, being horny, he got a blow job but didn't care who it came from because it felt so good and relieved him.

Ask him if he has ever been so horny that he thought about trying the same thing.

You could talk about your reaction or your experiences depending on how much you want to disclose to him.

[fredtyg]

That would be one way to do it without really outing yourself, but I'm not sure you could put the guy at ease talking about someone else doing something. He may take it to mean you're poking fun at the guy or testing him and he may be even less likely to come out of his shell.

I realize a lot of guys are afraid of outing themselves first, but I think that's really the only way you can set a friend's mind at ease that he can come clean about any homosexual desires. As daddio related above, you can make it something that happened in the past, but it's best if it's you. Then the friend won't feel he's exposing himself to being outed as bisexual.

I'm sure others here have seduced a same sex friend into sex before, just as I have. Does anybody else have personal examples of what worked for them? Daddio's is a good one. I can elaborate on mine if anybody's interested. I'm sure there are some here who might have used an approach the rest of us might not have considered.