Married, Bi-Sexual Bottom - Barebacking Top

[hopelesslybottom]

I am a very happily married man who is a pure family man...my kids and wife come first. I rarely get "me" time. But for 20 some odd years, I've battled bi-sexuality and I've always wanted that as my "me" time. I've looked for tops now and then and never really clicked with one. Until now...and he is bareback only. And here are his reasons:

He is married. He has regular sex with his wife.
He has only been with one other bottom and that was a 9 year relationship. That bottom was also married. They barebacked during the entire nine years until he had to move away on a job.
In those 9 years, he has remained disease free and still is now.
He is 9 inches and said that condoms don't do much for him.

So, I finally meet someone but totally afraid of the barebacking, if only for the high risks and anything that may harm my wife.

I know most people here will tell me to run from him and that is most likely the best advice. But I am sure turned on by the prospect of "safe" barebacking and hooking up with him.

Thoughts?

[Jobelorocks]

You need to be really careful with that sort of thing. When you think of it, you really don't know this guy and you have to take his word for it that he doesn't have any STDs. Even some STDs don't show for 6 months, a year, or even sometimes more. It is risky business and it isn't just yourself you are putting at risk. Does your wife know about your extra-marital sexual activities? If not what worse way can she find out then by getting an STD? Just something to consider. Also cheating and betrayal is always wrong especially if you willingly went into the relationship with the expectation of you being monogamous.

I know that I even got an STD before from a boyfriend who assured me (even showed me an STD test) that he was clean. He was my first too! Luckily it was something that could be treated, but still, it has made far more cautious! Also a friend of mine had a boyfriend who wouldn't use condoms because he didn't like how they felt and then decided to cheat and gave her chlamydia. People are selfish and will do and say almost anything to get what they want.

[hopelesslybottom]

You need to be really careful with that sort of thing. When you think of it, you really don't know this guy and you have to take his word for it that he doesn't have any STDs. Even some STDs don't show for 6 months, a year, or even sometimes more. It is risky business and it isn't just yourself you are putting at risk. Does your wife know about your extra-marital sexual activities? If not what worse way can she find out then by getting an STD? Just something to consider. Also cheating and betrayal is always wrong especially if you willingly went into the relationship with the expectation of you being monogamous.

I know that I even got an STD before from a boyfriend who assured me (even showed me an STD test) that he was clean. He was my first too! Luckily it was something that could be treated, but still, it has made far more cautious! Also a friend of mine had a boyfriend who wouldn't use condoms because he didn't like how they felt and then decided to cheat and gave her chlamydia. People are selfish and will do and say almost anything to get what they want.

Thanks for the reply...as I expected...I shouldn't let the excitement get in the way of common sense.

My other options is this older gay couple, who practice safe sex 100% and wouldn't hear of not using condoms...which brings me to my next point...is swallowing a much lower risk than barebacking?

[Gearbox]

Yes swallowing is far less of a risk than BB'ing as a bottom. I hear that the chances of catching HIV from cum in the stomache is VERY small, due to the acids etc.
You could even do away with that and spit instead.

[hopelesslybottom]

Yes swallowing is far less of a risk than BB'ing as a bottom. I hear that the chances of catching HIV from cum in the stomache is VERY small, due to the acids etc.
You could even do away with that and spit instead.

Thanks gearbox...as Jobelorocks points out, if I can't share my needs to be with a guy with my wife, I am better off remaining celibate with these urges...because my family is my life...I just haven't been able to shake the bisexuality...sometimes it helps to talk it out...LOL.

[Gearbox]

You could try camming? You can not get safer sex than that.lol
Hope you tell your wife what you are though. You could still chose not to act on it, but you might get some support.

[TouchHere]

Lack of symptoms is not lack of infection! Testing and re-testing (while being monogamous) is a path towards barebacking. All the tests are easy to do and often free via your local health department. I like BB'ing but only did it after many months of safe play and both getting tested and re-tested with a friend I knew these last 20 years. As a nurse, I get myself tested for HIV at least once per year as I handle blood regularly (and of course carefully). If this fellow is up for a LTR, then he should be patient! There are larger condoms out there too for his long john (9 inches!). I'm married and very careful as well which means much less MSM (none right now). So my wife with her wonderful fingers and pegging me satisfies that urge. Good luck!

[i_shoot_blanks]

I accidently anally entered my wife several years ago. Results: a urinary infection!!!!!!!!

Run like hell from the bare backer

[Jobelorocks]

The whole, my penis is too big for that condom is bogus anyways. You can stretch a regular size condom over your forearm with no tearing and without cutting off your arms circulation. I know, I have tried it. lol. No guys like wearing condoms because it doesn't feel as good. That is probably why he only bare-backs.

[biblkman]

My advice keep looking nit worth the risk especially for your wife.

[biblkman]

My advice keep lookin not worth the risk...especially for your wife

[fredtyg]

Testing and re-testing (while being monogamous) is a path towards barebacking. All the tests are easy to do and often free via your local health department. I like BB'ing but only did it after many months of safe play and both getting tested and re-tested with a friend I knew these last 20 years

That's my feeling. If it's a monogamous relationship and you've both been extensively tested, why not?

[cbj4162]

i bet it wd b really Hot to suck that nice dick!! :D :D

[hopelesslybottom]

Hey all...sorry for the long delay...as you may relate to, I vacillate between my straight and bi sides. I have too much to lose with my family should I get caught or at worse catch something. The barebacker is still waiting on me and claims to have no met any other guy. Just not sure if I can trust him. I am better off with the safe, older couple.

[Mr. Suck]

Who is to say that either of them, the man or the couple are "safe"? Secondly why are you a year later leading on the other guy and still being a tease? Just tell him no thanks and say how you're married. Since you're married don't cheat since it's wrong and it will just come back to bite you in the ass and it will ruin your marriage to your wife/husband.

[hopelesslybottom]

Who is to say that either of them, the man or the couple are "safe"? Secondly why are you a year later leading on the other guy and still being a tease? Just tell him no thanks and say how you're married. Since you're married don't cheat since it's wrong and it will just come back to bite you in the ass and it will ruin your marriage to your wife/husband.

You are right...and I just need to learn to live with these urges...trust me...I am the first to tell you I shouldn't cheat...she is precious to me as are my kids. I just need another way to deal with the urges...safely...perhaps spice up our own sex life! :) She wants a Tantra sex chair...perhaps worth the investment.

[biblkman]

No offense...but come on, you can't realy fall for that one!

He can't be trusted ! He has a wife but wants to bareback with you but claims he isn't out there...please ...if he's willing to lie to his wife and risk bringing something home from barbacking than what makes you think he's strait up with you!

Sorry to be so blunt, I hope you choose not to have any kind of sex with this man, and at least find someone who prefers to use protection when sleeping with someone they don't know or know there status, good luck

[elian]

<sighs> ..I am sorry that you are "battling" bisexuality, I know that these issues are seldom black and white or easy to deal with. I don't suppose there is any way your wife would understand your feelings?

If you are both clean and *100%* committed to each other, what is the problem? Someone who is in a 9 year relationship at a time sounds stable to me. You should both get tested periodically anyway because STDs can be transmitted in more than one way.

I don't get someone who REFUSES to wear a condom with a stranger - unless he finds that he needs to buy special elephant size ones or something.. You think he would be concerned about the safety of his other partner. If that were the case I would be finding other ways to pleasure each other. I hope that you are still giving your wife lots of intimate attention too?

Better yet, can you get your wife to help you pleasure yourself?

I was very happy to hear this week that they are recommending national testing of all adults for HIV - the fact that everyone gets tested should remove the stigma from this test.

[stonebow]

Hmmm....seems you may have already found an answer to your dilemma. Your wife wants a Tantra sex chair?... evidently she's open to some degree of experimentation. Perhaps she'd not be averse to pegging you? If so, you can scratch your itch safely and she need never know that you considered risking your (and her) health by letting this horse-hung stud do you without protection. Now, if you also crave a cock to suck well that's another matter altogether....

[i_shoot_blanks]

What Stonebow said!!! Four weeks ago I spent Friday and Saturday night in the hospital with a urinary track infection. I was passing blood in my urine and plugged up my urinary system with clots. I also plugged up a smaller catheter just for good measure. It turned out that the infection was e-colai, a common bacteria found in the colon. My point in adding my opinion is that I had not had anal sex with anyone in well over six months, and that was WITH a condom!!! I spent last night in the emergency room for another urinary track infection. Not sure if latest was e-colai or not. The only thing I can figure out is I have been doing sitz baths for a hemorrhoid and possibly got something via the warm water. Unprotected anal sex is very dangerous, both to the top and the bottom.

[VZR1800]

I've had unprotected twice, will not do it again. Both times I cleaned out well both before and after. And by after I mean ten minutes after he walked out the door, I was in a hot tub flushing out with hot water. Won't do it again because I really do not enjoy it, the guys cum too fast unprotected. With a condom on they tend to last longer. But truthfully anal is just not my thing. I have to be in the mood, which is why I keep a few dildos around. I'm usually alone when the mood strikes.

After oral I always use Listerine and usually fix myself a stiff adult beverage of something 100 proof or above. Hate to wash away the taste, but safety comes first.

[hopelesslybottom]

No offense...but come on, you can't realy fall for that one!

He can't be trusted ! He has a wife but wants to bareback with you but claims he isn't out there...please ...if he's willing to lie to his wife and risk bringing something home from barbacking than what makes you think he's strait up with you!

Sorry to be so blunt, I hope you choose not to have any kind of sex with this man, and at least find someone who prefers to use protection when sleeping with someone they don't know or know there status, good luck

No...BLUNT is needed...I always believe we can be one mistake from stupid...I've may have gotten just a little too far with my "fantasy" of barebacking...nice fantasy, dangerous reality.

[NjbiGuy01]

With the incidence of STD's, why risk it ? I see too many posts on Craigs list and other places stating "watch out" for this person or that one, as they are infected and someone got sick or some story like that....I played heavily in the late 70's and through the 80's and condoms were the exception not the rule. I am eternally thankful that I'm clean of all STD's considering my wild past. I have to have implicit trust of a partner or couple to play without a condom now. I'd rather not play, than worry when I do...

[hopelesslybottom]

<sighs> ..I am sorry that you are "battling" bisexuality, I know that these issues are seldom black and white or easy to deal with. I don't suppose there is any way your wife would understand your feelings?

If you are both clean and *100%* committed to each other, what is the problem? Someone who is in a 9 year relationship at a time sounds stable to me. You should both get tested periodically anyway because STDs can be transmitted in more than one way.

I don't get someone who REFUSES to wear a condom with a stranger - unless he finds that he needs to buy special elephant size ones or something.. You think he would be concerned about the safety of his other partner. If that were the case I would be finding other ways to pleasure each other. I hope that you are still giving your wife lots of intimate attention too?

Better yet, can you get your wife to help you pleasure yourself?

I was very happy to hear this week that they are recommending national testing of all adults for HIV - the fact that everyone gets tested should remove the stigma from this test.

She asked me if we wanted to get something to stimulate my prostate while she gives me a blow job...just felt kind of taboo with her but it may be a way to open up...especially if she wants a Tantra chair... :)

[hopelesslybottom]

Hmmm....seems you may have already found an answer to your dilemma. Your wife wants a Tantra sex chair?... evidently she's open to some degree of experimentation. Perhaps she'd not be averse to pegging you? If so, you can scratch your itch safely and she need never know that you considered risking your (and her) health by letting this horse-hung stud do you without protection. Now, if you also crave a cock to suck well that's another matter altogether....

My bi-sexual battles are a battle for sure...I am not really attracted to men at all...a woman will turn my head whereas a man won't...once in a blue moon a guy, whom I believe may be gay, will but not too often.

[hopelesslybottom]

What Stonebow said!!! Four weeks ago I spent Friday and Saturday night in the hospital with a urinary track infection. I was passing blood in my urine and plugged up my urinary system with clots. I also plugged up a smaller catheter just for good measure. It turned out that the infection was e-colai, a common bacteria found in the colon. My point in adding my opinion is that I had not had anal sex with anyone in well over six months, and that was WITH a condom!!! I spent last night in the emergency room for another urinary track infection. Not sure if latest was e-colai or not. The only thing I can figure out is I have been doing sitz baths for a hemorrhoid and possibly got something via the warm water. Unprotected anal sex is very dangerous, both to the top and the bottom.
Thanks for sharing...see, you guys are helping me for sure. :)...turning more and more away from this... :) Going to open up to my wife more about by desires...

[hopelesslybottom]

With the incidence of STD's, why risk it ? I see too many posts on Craigs list and other places stating "watch out" for this person or that one, as they are infected and someone got sick or some story like that....I played heavily in the late 70's and through the 80's and condoms were the exception not the rule. I am eternally thankful that I'm clean of all STD's considering my wild past. I have to have implicit trust of a partner or couple to play without a condom now. I'd rather not play, than worry when I do...

Thanks for sharing that...my wife and family are precious to me and since I got back on this thread, everyone has been a big help. I may face bi-sexual urges all my life but it may not be worth the risk.

[hopelesslybottom]

Thanks to everyone for the honest and blunt talk. Being bisexual isn't easy...for me, I am 100% closeted (this forum being an exception), I don't really feel "gay"...I am more attracted to women...I have a beautiful wife and kids...I am perceived as the "perfect husband and father"...boy next door type...I am a good worker...I am respected in the community and active in a Church (that counts acting on these desires as sinful)...Just since I was 20, I've had bi curious urges. From the health risks mainly, I am now convinced to learn to live with these urges and desires and through renewed sexual exploration with my wife with her requested Tantra chair, I could learn to keep them in check.

[creeksideguy]

You can buy bottom condoms now, I think they are called orgami

[elian]

She asked me if we wanted to get something to stimulate my prostate while she gives me a blow job...just felt kind of taboo with her but it may be a way to open up...especially if she wants a Tantra chair... :)

Dude, I would take her up on this offer, it sure seems like she is trying to be open minded and help you.. Try the chair or see if she would be willing to use an anal toy with you.. :)

The urges are a part of you and they aren't "sick" or "sinful" by themselves. I am in no way trying to judge you, but if I was in your situation I would consider not being honest with your wife and instead committing adultery a greater sin than having the urges. None of us are saints or angels, we do struggle with challenges in our lives but that doesn't mean that are worth less. Indeed perhaps the whole point of being here is that we face challenges in our lives that help us to grow and reach our full potential. God knows what you have been through and what is in your heart much, much better than I ever could.

From a young age I was affectionate and just wanted to love, up until people started giving me dirty looks I never really thought that gender mattered all that much. I knew I was different from the beginning and so I waited to get married, to try and figure out if I could be happier in a gay or straight relationship. What a strange experience to find out I was actually attracted to both.

Since you are a religious person I will tell you that I once was very concerned and expressed to God how disappointed he must be that I never got married, had children. The response I got was, "I just want you to be happy". Of course being bisexual there is always the chance for a wife and a family but it was just a relief to know that God did not judge me over this great sort of anguish in my life that I felt as a teen. All loving God thought the exact opposite of what so many people preach.

I am not out there looking to sleep with anything that moves. I think that God values a relationship built on trust, love and commitment - period.. I'm not so sure the physical gender matters.

There are a lot of guys who are 'stuck" because they doubt that their wives would really understand; and for some if the differences cannot be resolved then a divorce may happen. Of course, you never know - I hear stories on here of couples that do make it work..honesty and communication make a difference.

I feel empathy for your situation - it can't be easy but at least for me the psychological need is more about giving up the idea that I always have to be in control. I spend a lot of energy holding myself away from others, guys in particular haven't always treated me kindly in the past. I don't know if it's hormones or what but periodically the stoic, introverted, hands off exterior crumbles and the thought of trusting and feeling pleasure, love and union from someone else in an intimate way consumes me.

A lot of people have a desire to feel wanted and I guess some adults have a need to be wanted in an "adult" way. It can be a very powerful desire. I look toward men a lot but if I had a wife that I loved and trusted, and she was willing - I think I would definitely try it with her..who would you love and trust to treat you that way more than a significant other?

Of course, some guys really just want lustful sex, I think for me it has always been about more than JUST sex.

[elian]

Whether I wanted it or not I was forced to have the gift of an open mind. Because of it I feel absolutely compelled to write against things like gay teen suicide. What a terrible thought, that a child, a part of creation worthy of love and respect would end their lives before they even got started because other people tell them who they love is wrong.

Much to the dismay of others I preach love - sometimes incessantly and radically - because it was the one thing that made a difference in my darkest times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6BHib3I3Z0&list=PLAAA30E682314BDBA

[hopelesslybottom]

Dude, I would take her up on this offer, it sure seems like she is trying to be open minded and help you.. Try the chair or see if she would be willing to use an anal toy with you.. :)

The urges are a part of you and they aren't "sick" or "sinful" by themselves. I am in no way trying to judge you, but if I was in your situation I would consider not being honest with your wife and instead committing adultery a greater sin than having the urges. None of us are saints or angels, we do struggle with challenges in our lives but that doesn't mean that are worth less. Indeed perhaps the whole point of being here is that we face challenges in our lives that help us to grow and reach our full potential. God knows what you have been through and what is in your heart much, much better than I ever could.

From a young age I was affectionate and just wanted to love, up until people started giving me dirty looks I never really thought that gender mattered all that much. I knew I was different from the beginning and so I waited to get married, to try and figure out if I could be happier in a gay or straight relationship. What a strange experience to find out I was actually attracted to both.

Since you are a religious person I will tell you that I once was very concerned and expressed to God how disappointed he must be that I never got married, had children. The response I got was, "I just want you to be happy". Of course being bisexual there is always the chance for a wife and a family but it was just a relief to know that God did not judge me over this great sort of anguish in my life that I felt as a teen. All loving God thought the exact opposite of what so many people preach.

I am not out there looking to sleep with anything that moves. I think that God values a relationship built on trust, love and commitment - period.. I'm not so sure the physical gender matters.

There are a lot of guys who are 'stuck" because they doubt that their wives would really understand; and for some if the differences cannot be resolved then a divorce may happen. Of course, you never know - I hear stories on here of couples that do make it work..honesty and communication make a difference.

I feel empathy for your situation - it can't be easy but at least for me the psychological need is more about giving up the idea that I always have to be in control. I spend a lot of energy holding myself away from others, guys in particular haven't always treated me kindly in the past. I don't know if it's hormones or what but periodically the stoic, introverted, hands off exterior crumbles and the thought of trusting and feeling pleasure, love and union from someone else in an intimate way consumes me.

A lot of people have a desire to feel wanted and I guess some adults have a need to be wanted in an "adult" way. It can be a very powerful desire. I look toward men a lot but if I had a wife that I loved and trusted, and she was willing - I think I would definitely try it with her..who would you love and trust to treat you that way more than a significant other?

Of course, some guys really just want lustful sex, I think for me it has always been about more than JUST sex.

Excellent reply and you are not judging me. I know cheating with another man is wrong...not only is trust broken but I take the chances of spreading unwanted things to her AND perhaps him. And to be honest, being bisexual, I've had opportunities to be with other women too but have been strong enough to avoid those situations. Since renewing this thread and talking to everyone, it seems the urges, at least the past week or so, have subsided and have been easier to control. I almost met the barebacker Monday. The couple who uses condoms but still does oral emailed me today to come over at lunch today. Didn't even reply! :) My wife and I are saving for that chair now. :)

[bi4asplay]

You need to be really careful with that sort of thing. When you think of it, you really don't know this guy and you have to take his word for it that he doesn't have any STDs. Even some STDs don't show for 6 months, a year, or even sometimes more. It is risky business and it isn't just yourself you are putting at risk. Does your wife know about your extra-marital sexual activities? If not what worse way can she find out then by getting an STD? Just something to consider. Also cheating and betrayal is always wrong especially if you willingly went into the relationship with the expectation of you being monogamous.

I know that I even got an STD before from a boyfriend who assured me (even showed me an STD test) that he was clean. He was my first too! Luckily it was something that could be treated, but still, it has made far more cautious! Also a friend of mine had a boyfriend who wouldn't use condoms because he didn't like how they felt and then decided to cheat and gave her chlamydia. People are selfish and will do and say almost anything to get what they want.

Ain't it the truth

[Cutiliae]

I'm married and the married top (unproven) that I have been sucking off wants to bareback me. He did me once with a condom, but now he wants to bb. I suck him off all the time and that is what I prefer. I think I'm going to end it and move along. Not worth the risk.

[charles-smythe]

I am a very happily married man who is a pure family man...my kids and wife come first. I rarely get "me" time. But for 20 some odd years, I've battled bi-sexuality and I've always wanted that as my "me" time. I've looked for tops now and then and never really clicked with one. Until now...and he is bareback only. And here are his reasons:

He is married. He has regular sex with his wife.
He has only been with one other bottom and that was a 9 year relationship. That bottom was also married. They barebacked during the entire nine years until he had to move away on a job.
In those 9 years, he has remained disease free and still is now.
He is 9 inches and said that condoms don't do much for him.

So, I finally meet someone but totally afraid of the barebacking, if only for the high risks and anything that may harm my wife.

I know most people here will tell me to run from him and that is most likely the best advice. But I am sure turned on by the prospect of "safe" barebacking and hooking up with him.

Thoughts?…damn what all these others say…have a ball & suck the guy’s dick…& don’t forget to swallow…it’ll keep him coming back for more…I probably got to blow 200 guys because their wives either didn’t suck or didn’t swallow…& I did…guys love cumming in another guy’s mouth…especially if he swallows….