I thought I was a Sex Addict but I'm only Married Bi Woman, scared and lost.

[Howtobe]

I can't believe that I typed in "bisexual and married support" into Google. I better clear my cache. Wait, there is actually an option that isn’t just pornography and sex? There are hundreds of other people in my situation! Holy mother of God, I’m not alone. I couldn't stop smiling. But why am I smiling? This is a disaster for me.

I’m not bi-sexual, I’m a sex addict. That’s what I’ve been telling myself for almost a decade! That’s why I attended hundreds of hours of Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. That’s why I’ve been living by the term of ‘Sobriety’ (No sex with yourself or those other than your spouse.) Because having sex with myself let me enjoy and feel my body and led to thinking about enjoying and feeling another woman’s body!?? Something is not right here, and I can’t sort it all out.


That’s what has prevented me from actually searching for support because all bi-sexuality has meant to me (FOR MYSELF, NOT OTHERS) is that I’m a sex addicted female and need to squash these things. I married my high school sweetheart, what the fuck difference it makes. I made my choice; I have to live with it. This is what I tell myself, and I would NEVER say this to anyone else, but for some reason it’s totally ok for me to say it to me: “How could you be so selfish as to ruin the beautiful life you have because you want to feel and touch another woman’s silky luscious skin. ?”


I have a friend in the same position however, she’s separated and ‘allowed’ now to explore her sexuality. It was so hard to hear about this relationship. I cried and cried. My husband, who is the greatest man on earth (and can make me multi orgasm like crazy!) found me crying and he I blurted it all out.
He knew that I considered myself bi-sexual, but he had no idea how much it really affected me. He began to cry. He said, and I totally believe him, that he wants to be everything to me and he is so sad because he realizes that he cannot. That he is scared of seeing me drift farther and farther away.
Plus we have 2 kids under the age of 8.


And my husband is a Sex Addict. Which is what led me to believe that I was, in fact, one as well because of what I was going through. My husband even thinking about me being with another woman, is like an alcoholic taking a drink. Please read that again, My husband even thinking about me being with another woman, is like an alcoholic taking a drink. This has clearly and rightly been established for him BY him.
Is it possible for my husband to just look at the bottle and not pick it up?
How can I even ASK that of him! It would be like me keeping beer in the fridge! Or cookies in the cupboard! Cruel and mean. I love him so much, I am so lost.
I've only just realized that this is a bigger issue for me here than I initially thought. So this post is more tongue-in-cheek sarcastic like. It helps me cope.

Now what? Divorce? Absolutelyfuckingnot! Not an option. He's my best friend, the best husband and father ever! Like really, my friends should be fucking jealous! I’m so proud to have him as my second half, he’s really an amazing person, I love him so deeply.

Open relationship? Just how in the hell do I go from a monogamous relationship if 13 years and swing that!??? hahaha It's not like baking a pie! and I can't even do that right!

Talk about it? Oh sure, and I like looking at the ice cream more than eating it

Suppress it? I'm afraid that I will blow over the years with all these emotions bubbling out!

Take up Jesus: You'd have to beat with a whip too

[Gearbox]

I'm not sure what goes for 'sexaholic' these days but it sounds more like your bi urges scare you. Is that what you mean?
Your husband CAN fulfill your needs by allowing you to explore your sexuality with other women. Yes it might be opening a big old can of worms, but that's what happens when we get born and we all survived that. Quit fearing yourself and avoiding life and set your kids a good example.;)

[falcondfw]

Wow!!!
HowToBe,

I totally understand your dilemma. I admire someone who has realized she has a good thing and has sacrificed so much to keep it.

But, sadly, that sacrifice has led you to this point. I see anger at yourself in your post. I see fear of what is and what will be. And a whole lot of other emotions wrapped up in your post.

I wish I could just give you a big ole hug and have it magically solve the issues you have, but even if i could hug you, it may make you feel better for a while, but only you will be able to solve this one, in the end. You are the one in the situation. You know hubby the best. You know your relationship the best. Eventually, you will have to solve it, if there is anything to solve. Or you will have to find a new way to deal with things.

I think you have already made a fantastic start by talking with your husband. I think you did more right things when you sought out advice. I think the best chance for a positive resolution of this whole situation is to keep the lines of communication wide open to hubby and to keep speaking with people here and on other groups who will support you and try to help you through this difficult time. One word of caution, however. Listen to the people online who try to help and give advice, but weigh what they say carefully. Not everyone is really trying to help. Such is the nature of the anonymous internet.

That caution aside, I think that you have made tremendous internal sacrifices for the sake of your husband, your family, and yourself for a long time. But suppressing who you are inside comes back to haunt you in the end. From how you describe hub, do not divorce. If half of what you say about him is true, he is a terrific guy. But you need to figure out a way to get fulfilled, without risking the destruction of your marriage and your family.

Maybe a "girls night out" once per week with the understanding between you and hub that whatever happens on girls night out stays with the girls? You are away from the house so no risk of nosy children who can't sleep catching mommy.

Maybe you can make do with internet porn?

Maybe you can use the situation to enhance an already great love life with hubby by fantasy role playing using your bi side and toys and other things?

If thinking about you being with another woman is that serious of a problem for hubby's sex addiction, I seriously hope he is getting help for the issue. If he is seriously that bad, then it puts you in a tremendously difficult situation. But the thing is, if he is seriously that bad, you have already set his imaginative gears in motion just with what you have discussed with him already. If he has not gone crazy at the thought of you and another hot chica getting it on by now, maybe he can handle more than you think and now is a very good time to completely discuss everything with him and to allow him to respond so that you can both truly understand what is going on inside each other?

These are just some ideas I had while reading your post. I hope some of them help. Anyway, keep posting to try and get advice to help. There is a solution out there. It will just take time to find.

[tenni]

I may be completely wrong but I think that your bisexuality is far from being a sex addict.

It seems that he is a hetro monosexual. He wants women and not men for gratification? You are stating that you are bisexual and attracted to both men and women. You have your husband and also want a woman. Do you want an endless number of other men and women or would you be satisfied with your husband a woman lover? As a bisexual some of us need both genders to be happy while others are happy with only a same gender or cross gender partner in a monogamous relationship. Some move from one relationship to another and the gender of the person does not matter. Does the gender matters to your heterosexual husband? There is a difference.

Ask yourself again, how you are different from a sex addict? Read the threads. There are more relevant to bisexual men than women but there are threads that are focusing on bisexual women. Your husband's issues are not your issues at all imo.

It may be best to go to counselling with a bisexual positive or understanding skilled in bisexuality and sex addiction counsellor.

[Jobelorocks]

You guys may want to see a sex therapist. They might be able to help you. I am pretty sure you are not a sex addict, just bisexual. I think that talking to a sex therapist can help you sort out whether either of you are actually sex addicts, or if you think you are just because you want more than one sexual partner. I know neither my husband or I are sex addicts, but we regularly (once every week or two) get together with another couple so I can sleep with the female (I am bi my hubby is straight) and we can swap partners. Maybe swinging is the answer for you two, maybe just self control, maybe something else. Don't just jump to the conclusion that you must be a sex addict because you want women.

[Long Duck Dong]

hugs howtobe, ....your situation is one of those cases where people have to try to work out what happens when a unstoppable object hits a unmovable object..........

based around what you have posted, you both have talked and really understand a lot more than the average couple, about the situation that you both find yourself in..... and that has told me just how much of a issue this is for both of you......

a bisexual partner with a sex addict partner, is one of those cases that crosses a desk and the counselor / therapist says " oh fuck me, it may be time to retire " cos there is a very fine line to walk between both people and what they can say to one person, is not always what they can say to the other person.......

in a way, the idea of a girls night out is one of the few options available to you without revealing details, but that tugs at a persons sense of respect, loyalty and understanding of their relationship / partner... and with your husband being a sex addict, well.. that would be more dangerous than openly going with another female cos of the * thrill of the chase is better than the catching them * aspect.... the idea that his wife is secretly with another woman in the throes of sexual passion, their bodies intertwined as they lick and touch and kiss..... oh yeah, very dangerous indeed....

there is no easy answer, only a long list of suggestions that could be made, some more outlandish than others.....but the majority of the problem is not so much finding a way to open the door for you to explore and enjoy your sexuality... but doing it in a way that is respectful of your hubby and his addiction and doesn't cause any issues or issues that are not able to be worked thru without pushing him over the edge, so to speak, cos its more about keeping your marriage strong and intact for both of you.... and in all honestly, you both have done bloody well so far..... many people struggle with sex addiction and marriage, cos they enjoy sex with their partners and thats a bit like being a alcoholic that socially drinks....

hypnotherapy is one option.....for hubby, not you.... as its more about getting to the root cause of his sexual addiction and creating * buffers * there to help him cope better with the addiction and mostly the addiction triggers..... and its more about giving you both room to breath / talk and think about the issues without having to deal with a relapse of hubbies addiction.... the trouble is that every addict is different and there is no true * one size fits all * approach to addiction, so even going to a counselor / therapist / hypnotherapist is not a short term thing..... but you already know that and so does hubby.....

unfortunately, one of the issues you are struggling with, is not so much the idea of being with another woman, but opening up the marriage to allow it.....and thats something that is coming across as a issue you are dealing with, that can affect hubby as well....and the 100's of hours of SA meetings points towards the fact that you are a woman that found it *easier * to *go without * than *embrace and enjoy * so having a open marriage is not without its own unforeseen issues for people.... tho I am a lil surprised that it was not picked up earlier about your sexuality, unless you never opened up to a counselor about your sexuality....


there is no easy advice I can give, no instant fix.... just a friendly listening ear and its going to take a lot of sharing by you and hubby, for anybody to find the * links in the chains of desire * that can be * broken and reconnected * to other links in the chains, so that you both can enjoy a lifestyle that works for you both, without causing hell on earth for either of you......

[Howtobe]

Thank you so much everyone for all of your thoughtful and kind words. When I'm without the kids and hubby in the next half hour, I'll be more able to tackle and appropriately respond to all these words have brought up for me.

See you soon,

[Howtobe]

I'm not sure what goes for 'sexaholic' these days but it sounds more like your bi urges scare you. Is that what you mean?
Your husband CAN fulfill your needs by allowing you to explore your sexuality with other women. Yes it might be opening a big old can of worms, but that's what happens when we get born and we all survived that. Quit fearing yourself and avoiding life and set your kids a good example.;) No so much scare me, but worry me about what this means for my marriage. I'm not sure he's ready to open that can of worms quite yet! I can't and can imagine him being ok with it, but I really can't say. And as far as my kids are concerned, they need to know nothing of this until they are in their late 20's! (Or seriously dating someone and thinking of marriage, and bi-sexuality might also be an issue for them.) But they are both boys, so I don't see that happening.

[Howtobe]

falcondfw:
Thank you for also recognizing my sacrifice. I guess I am angry. My hubby and I have been through SO MUCH sexually, with his addiction and my perceived one, and childhood sexual abuse etc etc...that it's almost laughable that this is has become an issue for us as well.

I have noticed that there are some people out to hang bi people from their necks, and others that just want to exploit our emotions for thier own personal gain. And those people my friend are ignorant and possibly sex addicts themselves.

" If he has not gone crazy at the thought of you and another hot chica getting it on by now, maybe he can handle more than you think" I'm hoping that this is true.

[Jobelorocks]

No so much scare me, but worry me about what this means for my marriage. I'm not sure he's ready to open that can of worms quite yet! I can't and can imagine him being ok with it, but I really can't say. And as far as my kids are concerned, they need to know nothing of this until they are in their late 20's! (Or seriously dating someone and thinking of marriage, and bi-sexuality might also be an issue for them.) But they are both boys, so I don't see that happening.
My husband and I got married at 22, people get married at different ages. Your kids may not need to know about your sexual practices or your husbands sex addiction, but I figured out that I liked both genders at maybe age 4 or 5. This of course developed more during puberty. It is very important for children to learn about different sexual identities. It would have helped me greatly. Instead I felt so guilty about my sexual attractions and didn't come out to anyone or even accept I was bi until after I was already married. I am not saying this will necessarily happen to your boys, but they could end up being straight, gay, bisexual, or even pansexual. You don't know. I think that what Gear is saying is that they need to see you not being afraid of who you are and accepting yourself.

[Howtobe]

"I may be completely wrong but I think that your bisexuality is far from being a sex addict."I agree with that too. However, I do believe that the program helped me in more ways than I can imagine. I learned so much about myself, was able to cope and deal with flashbacks of childhood abuse, learned coping techniques, what healthy sexually should be and so much more. SA is an INCREDIBLE program.

I've always accepted bi-sexuality in other people. But now I realize that anytime I tried to put myself in the same room as bisexual, I would be 'just joking' or 'as if!' or 'I'm-just-telling-dirty-jokes'. And now, that I've let myself into that room and am actually looking around it, I feel so secure but I'm sobbing. The light is so bright that I can't find the switch to turn it off again. My eyes are not adjusting to this new space and I don't know if I want them to, because the more they do, the more devastation I see left in its wake.

OMG, I just remembered, that the last social worker that I had counselling with is back with my family doctor! Oh! to be able to talk to a professional and not have to get to know them, or them know me, is such a blessing. Oh, how lucky am I for that! I can't wait to call on Monday and make an appointment! and she's free!

back to your post...
about the heteromonosexual thing, he wants me (he's made that clear lovingly), but yes only women. We've talked about %, where I'm 50/50, he thinks he about 10/70.

I don't want an endless number of men. I want my husband. He satisfies so much in me. Which is why I'm in so much pain that something so seemingly selfish is tearing me apart.
I don't want an endless number of women either. It would be great to...shit I don't know if I can let myself entertain that though right now....should I?

"It may be best to go to counselling" We agreed this morning that we'd see if our old marriage/sex counsellor is available to see us again. WOW, holy fuck, again, to not have to start fresh. I mean there would be get to know you again stuff cause it's been so long, but we know we can trust him and he's good.

I'm so lucky, but so sad.

[Howtobe]

Jobelrocks (1st post): Thanks for your response, as you can see above I've discovered that we might have a lead! What a relief. I think?

[falcondfw]

"I may be completely wrong but I think that your bisexuality is far from being a sex addict."I agree with that too. However, I do believe that the program helped me in more ways than I can imagine. I learned so much about myself, was able to cope and deal with flashbacks of childhood abuse, learned coping techniques, what healthy sexually should be and so much more. SA is an INCREDIBLE program.

I've always accepted bi-sexuality in other people. But now I realize that anytime I tried to put myself in the same room as bisexual, I would be 'just joking' or 'as if!' or 'I'm-just-telling-dirty-jokes'. And now, that I've let myself into that room and am actually looking around it, I feel so secure but I'm sobbing. The light is so bright that I can't find the switch to turn it off again. My eyes are not adjusting to this new space and I don't know if I want them to, because the more they do, the more devastation I see left in its wake.

OMG, I just remembered, that the last social worker that I had counselling with is back with my family doctor! Oh! to be able to talk to a professional and not have to get to know them, or them know me, is such a blessing. Oh, how lucky am I for that! I can't wait to call on Monday and make an appointment! and she's free!

back to your post...
about the heteromonosexual thing, he wants me (he's made that clear lovingly), but yes only women. We've talked about %, where I'm 50/50, he thinks he about 10/70.

I don't want an endless number of men. I want my husband. He satisfies so much in me. Which is why I'm in so much pain that something so seemingly selfish is tearing me apart.
I don't want an endless number of women either. It would be great to...shit I don't know if I can let myself entertain that though right now....should I?

"It may be best to go to counselling" We agreed this morning that we'd see if our old marriage/sex counsellor is available to see us again. WOW, holy fuck, again, to not have to start fresh. I mean there would be get to know you again stuff cause it's been so long, but we know we can trust him and he's good.

I'm so lucky, but so sad.

Honey, don't be sad. I think you are one of the most together people around. You know yourself far better than most others know themselves. And you truly have a solid marriage and you both know what it takes to make it work. You also have a very supportive hubby. Finally, you are able to analyze a problem and if you can't find or don't know the answer, you are humble enough to ask for help. You are a very lucky lady, but hub is also incredibly lucky to have someone like you.

[Howtobe]

long duck dong: "in a way, the idea of a girls night out is one of the few options available to you without revealing details, but that tugs at a persons sense of respect, loyalty and understanding of their relationship / partner... and with your husband being a sex addict, well.. that would be more dangerous than openly going with another female cos of the * thrill of the chase is better than the catching them * aspect.... the idea that his wife is secretly with another woman in the throes of sexual passion, their bodies intertwined as they lick and touch and kiss..... oh yeah, very dangerous indeed...."

Hit the nail on the head right there!

"finding a way to open the door for you to explore and enjoy your sexuality... but doing it in a way that is respectful of your hubby and his addiction and doesn't cause any issues or issues that are not able to be worked thru without pushing him over the edge, so to speak, cos its more about keeping your marriage strong and intact for both of you"

yes, without making it toxic for one of the partners.

No, I've never opened up about it. At least I don't think I have, maybe jokingly, because I don't feel I really admitted it to myself fully until just last night.

Is there any support out there for him?

[Howtobe]

Jobelorocks (2nd post) I agree. So far, we've introduced or explained the idea of two mommies or two daddies, and that boys can love boys and girls can love girls. Hasn't really gone any farther than that. But hubby and I are open.

[Jobelorocks]

Jobelorocks (2nd post) I agree. So far, we've introduced or explained the idea of two mommies or two daddies, and that boys can love boys and girls can love girls. Hasn't really gone any farther than that. But hubby and I are open.
Good to hear.

[Howtobe]

okay, it all came out lastnight, that I was thinking about an open relationship, and he emotionally lost it. He says he feels betrayed and I get that.
I feel soooooo terrible for how he's feeling right now, and want to stuff myself back into the closet.

[Gearbox]

okay, it all came out lastnight, that I was thinking about an open relationship, and he emotionally lost it. He says he feels betrayed and I get that.
I feel soooooo terrible for how he's feeling right now, and want to stuff myself back into the closet.
No offence, but your husband doesn't need pity or a martyr! He needs a good therapist IMO. I'm sure you wouldn't just bow to your childrens whims if they 'emotionaly lost it'! I'd expect you'd try to teach them that it's wrong to emotionaly blackmail, and that Mummy doesn't put up with that kind of manipulation.
Saying that though, he might get over that initial stage and come to terms with you being a person as well as a partner & mother.

[SlimDandy]

Most guys that I know wouldn't mind and extra woman in the bed. That goes for bi or str8, too!

[darkeyes]

Most guys that I know wouldn't mind and extra woman in the bed. That goes for bi or str8, too!
It's whether they r up 2 the task tho hey?;) *laffs*

[SlimDandy]

It's whether they r up 2 the task tho hey?;) *laffs*

Most of us are cyclists and in very good shape, sweetheart ;)

[darkeyes]

Most of us are cyclists and in very good shape, sweetheart ;)
Trick cyclists hey?:tongue:

[falcondfw]

okay, it all came out lastnight, that I was thinking about an open relationship, and he emotionally lost it. He says he feels betrayed and I get that.
I feel soooooo terrible for how he's feeling right now, and want to stuff myself back into the closet.

NOOOOOO!!!! You need to stop giving yourself up!

If he "lost it", and this will be hard for you to hear, then he needs to grow up. He needs to listen to where all of this is coming from instead of getting defensive. Solve the problem of where it is coming from and he won't have to be defensive.

You guys have communicated well, it seems, so far. Why did he stop now? How did everything come out? Did you just blurt out "Hey babe, don't want you to feel threatened or anything, but I'm thinking about exploring an open relationship."? If that's how it came out, I can see how he would get upset and defensive. But if you sat down with him and told him everything that you have been telling us here, he needs a swift kick somewhere that the sun doesn't shine.

Yeah, I get it that he has issues. We all do. It's time people (Especially you!) stop letting him use his issues as an excuse for bad behavior. One of my sons has Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Dyspraxia, severe ADHD, and is borderline Autistic (although he is intelligent and can do things when he applies himself). I do not let him use his issues as an excuse. When a specific issue truly impacts him, I help him find ways around it. But I do not let him use his issues as an excuse to do as he wants. You need to do the same with hub. If he wants help for his issues, and wants to get better, he will. If not, there's not a damned thing you can do for him.

Regardless of what happens with hub, you need a serious therapist yourself. I think you are doing amazingly well, but this is a serious issue and you obviously cannot talk to hub without him getting defensive (HIS problem, NOT YOURS!). You really need intensive therapy. I think you have been burying and denying yourself for so long that you really need to re-discover who you are all over again.

We are here for you.

[SlimDandy]

Trick cyclists hey?:tongue:

Tricks...I'd say we're like some of the best magicians on wheels. I know for certain, that once I pull out the magic wan, you'll be completely mesmerized! ;)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

So have you ever talked to Hubby about maybe exploring these urges Together? Find a Swingers group in your area where you can go and Talk to other people in the Lifestyle who could give you some insight and info, answer questions, let you vent, and maybe even come across the possibility of finding another lady, or even couple for you to experiment with? Just something for you to think about, Hon. :}
Good luck to you both.
Cat

[darkeyes]

Tricks...I'd say we're like some of the best magicians on wheels. I know for certain, that once I pull out the magic wan, you'll be completely mesmerized! ;)
*laffs*.. yea rite.. sure I will... can't wait:eek2:

[Howtobe]

hahaha, two conversations at once :)

He didn't lose it, he yelled temporarily but cried and cried. I can see that look in his eyes, so lost and sad.
I have an appointment with my therapist that I have not seen in a couple of years, and a message out to our marriage/sex therapist that we have not been to in about 9 years.

I guess this had to come out somehow. I think about pushing it down again, but I can't do that any longer. At least, I feel that I shouldn't have to.

No swinging or having a 3sm together wouldn't work in accordance to hubby's sex addiction. But I don't want either. I want to experience the soft lusciousness of a womans body, her smelll, her hair, soft cheeks and ARRRHAGRHAGRHAGRA!!!!!!!!!!!!

[falcondfw]

hahaha, two conversations at once :)

He didn't lose it, he yelled temporarily but cried and cried. I can see that look in his eyes, so lost and sad.
I have an appointment with my therapist that I have not seen in a couple of years, and a message out to our marriage/sex therapist that we have not been to in about 9 years.

I guess this had to come out somehow. I think about pushing it down again, but I can't do that any longer. At least, I feel that I shouldn't have to.

No swinging or having a 3sm together wouldn't work in accordance to hubby's sex addiction. But I don't want either. I want to experience the soft lusciousness of a womans body, her smelll, her hair, soft cheeks and ARRRHAGRHAGRHAGRA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two conversations or four or six at once is a common occurrance on threads here. lol. You get used to it.

Second, STOP TORTURING YOURSELF!!! STOP DENYING WHO YOU ARE!!!! It will only make things worse. (I am referring to the ARRRRRHAGGGGG!!)

Third, Yelling for a while, then breaking down crying . . . is losing it. Plain and simple. I know. I've done it many times myself.

Fourth, I think you are doing the absolute right thing contacting the counselors. Have you explained to him that you have done so? And that you did so in order that you two could work through this problem together? I suspect you have. If so, it will be very reassuring to him. If not, you need to. He needs to know you feel this is YOUR serious issue and that you will try almost anything to make it work within the confines of your current relationship. He is vulnerable and maybe a little hurt right now. This will go a long way towards reassuring him that your love for him has not changed and that you still love him and want him very much.

Fifth, you are right on two accounts. When you suppress stuff, IT WILL come out. Usually at the worst time. and you are also right that you should not have to hide who you are.

[Howtobe]

thank you thank you.
I have told him that I have an appointment with my counsellor Thursday morning, and that there is a call in for marriage counselling.
Lastnight, he gave me a big hug and said: "I can't believe I'm saying this, but It'll be ok, we'll work it out, I just don't know how."
It's hard in my position to not read into that right now, but I think I've learned that I need to take this one step at a time, and start thinking about what it means to me and us that I'm Bisexual, and keep the open relationship bit on the shelf until the foundation is built.

My inner critic is on my shoulder shouting obscenities at me :)

[falcondfw]

thank you thank you.
I have told him that I have an appointment with my counsellor Thursday morning, and that there is a call in for marriage counselling.
Lastnight, he gave me a big hug and said: "I can't believe I'm saying this, but It'll be ok, we'll work it out, I just don't know how."
It's hard in my position to not read into that right now, but I think I've learned that I need to take this one step at a time, and start thinking about what it means to me and us that I'm Bisexual, and keep the open relationship bit on the shelf until the foundation is built.

My inner critic is on my shoulder shouting obscenities at me :)

AWESOME!!! Seems like things are looking up for you and working out. Just keep the communication and honesty going and most importantly, be honest with yourself.

[Howtobe]

So our marriage counseller is not available, but it didn't sound very much that he wanted to take this 'case' and I don't want someone who doesn't want this! We need someone who cares about this situation as much as it's affecting us! So I'm on the hunt, hopefully my counsellor tomorrow will have some leads. Last night, we were talking and he finally wanted to know exactely how I saw this open relationship working. Guess what I had been thinking about all day!! So I told him that it would have to be another bi-sexual married to a straight spouse. That our situation is very unique. That it would be a couple that we would become friends with, that are also happily married but the wife has the same desires that I do, including the desire to stay happily married. He laughed, genuinely and kindly....it was so nice to hear him laugh. He said: I imagine me and this guy sitting on the couch while you two are..away..whatever...and I say to him: "You want a blow job? No? Naw me either...this sucks." (and pretended to flick the channel on a tv.) I laughed out loud as well. HE GETS IT! That far anyway. He said he was so relieved that he could finally see that I was concerned about our marriage just as much as I'm concerned about my desires. The make up sex was amazing and there was no guilt in his face this morning. crying happy tears.

[Meliss]

If I were in his situation, I would at some level have the fear that your statement was the first shoe to drop, and there was possibly some yet undisclosed agenda.

I also believe you need to keep something special, some thing reserved only for him. Finally if you find yourself spending enough time with the third person that you start bonding by sharing inner secrets you may be not giving enough to the prior relationship with him. No idea is my thoughts are psychologically sound, but they were the thoughts I had upon reading about your situation.

[bi4asplay]

I can't believe that I typed in "bisexual and married support" into Google. I better clear my cache. Wait, there is actually an option that isn’t just pornography and sex? There are hundreds of other people in my situation! Holy mother of God, I’m not alone. I couldn't stop smiling. But why am I smiling? This is a disaster for me.

I’m not bi-sexual, I’m a sex addict. That’s what I’ve been telling myself for almost a decade! That’s why I attended hundreds of hours of Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. That’s why I’ve been living by the term of ‘Sobriety’ (No sex with yourself or those other than your spouse.) Because having sex with myself let me enjoy and feel my body and led to thinking about enjoying and feeling another woman’s body!?? Something is not right here, and I can’t sort it all out.


That’s what has prevented me from actually searching for support because all bi-sexuality has meant to me (FOR MYSELF, NOT OTHERS) is that I’m a sex addicted female and need to squash these things. I married my high school sweetheart, what the fuck difference it makes. I made my choice; I have to live with it. This is what I tell myself, and I would NEVER say this to anyone else, but for some reason it’s totally ok for me to say it to me: “How could you be so selfish as to ruin the beautiful life you have because you want to feel and touch another woman’s silky luscious skin. ?”


I have a friend in the same position however, she’s separated and ‘allowed’ now to explore her sexuality. It was so hard to hear about this relationship. I cried and cried. My husband, who is the greatest man on earth (and can make me multi orgasm like crazy!) found me crying and he I blurted it all out.
He knew that I considered myself bi-sexual, but he had no idea how much it really affected me. He began to cry. He said, and I totally believe him, that he wants to be everything to me and he is so sad because he realizes that he cannot. That he is scared of seeing me drift farther and farther away.
Plus we have 2 kids under the age of 8.


And my husband is a Sex Addict. Which is what led me to believe that I was, in fact, one as well because of what I was going through. My husband even thinking about me being with another woman, is like an alcoholic taking a drink. Please read that again, My husband even thinking about me being with another woman, is like an alcoholic taking a drink. This has clearly and rightly been established for him BY him.
Is it possible for my husband to just look at the bottle and not pick it up?
How can I even ASK that of him! It would be like me keeping beer in the fridge! Or cookies in the cupboard! Cruel and mean. I love him so much, I am so lost.
I've only just realized that this is a bigger issue for me here than I initially thought. So this post is more tongue-in-cheek sarcastic like. It helps me cope.

Now what? Divorce? Absolutelyfuckingnot! Not an option. He's my best friend, the best husband and father ever! Like really, my friends should be fucking jealous! I’m so proud to have him as my second half, he’s really an amazing person, I love him so deeply.

Open relationship? Just how in the hell do I go from a monogamous relationship if 13 years and swing that!??? hahaha It's not like baking a pie! and I can't even do that right!

Talk about it? Oh sure, and I like looking at the ice cream more than eating it

Suppress it? I'm afraid that I will blow over the years with all these emotions bubbling out!

Take up Jesus: You'd have to beat with a whip too

I think it is BS

[BiMukMan]

I am a married male bi and am in the same position. Nothing could make me leave my wife or hurt her in any way, but I have a craving for cock and am also a true sex addict. I can really sympathize. Best of luck to you.

[joeeileen]

I'm not sure what goes for 'sexaholic' these days but it sounds more like your bi urges scare you. Is that what you mean?
Your husband CAN fulfill your needs by allowing you to explore your sexuality with other women. Yes it might be opening a big old can of worms, but that's what happens when we get born and we all survived that. Quit fearing yourself and avoiding life and set your kids a good example.;) Well said! I will at some point shamelessly steal the can of worms line!