Being a masculine bisexual

[mikey78]

Hi im 34 very masc, jock type. I always thought i was attracted to only women. Then about when i turned 30 i started jacking off to alot of gay porn and finding out I like both men and women. I fantasize about what its like to be with another guy and get sucked off too. Anway I have a problem with accepting the fact that i am bi. I never want a relationship with another guy but sex is alright. Anway i go back and forth in my mind trying to accept the fact that i can still be masc a jock and all that stuff an d still be bi.Nobody needs to know except for me right? The biggest problem is not others accepting me but me accepting myself.;)

[tommyswing]

I always found it hard to accept, for a long time I was in a state of disbelief. I've found acceptance of this like peeling an onion, there's a more subtle layer on non acceptance underneath. I'm masc also and it goes against who and what I'm suppose to be, so I have to keep on working on acceptance. The truth is I love sucking cock and love getting fucked, and nothing going to change that. Give time time acceptance will become easier.

[BLUELITE]

I am a masculine jock type as well. I love my beautiful wife and i love to eat her and make live to her. But I think that I am attracted to cock as well. I do not look at a man and say wow he is hot , it is the cock that does it for me. It is all about the cock .

[Gearbox]

When you get round to meeting other bi's you'l find that your not the only masc. I don't think I've met a fem bi male. I've met more masc gays than fem ones too.
Sucking cock is not a fem thing to do. Neither is fucking a blokes arse or having a bloke fuck yours. Your either fem or masc, and it has nothing to do with what you put in your mouth, on the end of your cock or up your arse.:bigrin:
Just relax! Get to meet others like you and you'll find it much easier to accept yourself.

[biblkman]

Your not alone !

There are more bi and gay masculin men than you think, society has us believe the fem bi and gay men are the majority, take a look @ Craig's list well over half the men who are bi or gay are masculine men seeking other masculine men.

Society well most hetro people want people to think that bi and gay men are feminine so they can label them as soft or weak just another way to controll people's views.

Trust me your fine! It's understandable that you have these feelings, most bi men do when comming to terms with there sexuality. If you ever do have a male/male encounter afterward you might feel ashamed embarrassed and vulnerable, its natural to feel that way most of us bi men have gone through it.

But remember there is nothing wrong with you or any sex you have as long as its conncenttual, and adult.

And as far as it being nobodies business...your right, it isn't, my lady likes to lick my ass but she's not gonna tell everyone and would probably deny it if was asked, some things are personal.

And you may get some people on this site to tell you to come out...don't listen to that garbage, if you decide your bi and want to come out you'll do it on your own time and on your own terms. And if you decide to keep your sexuality private...more power to you.

Good luck on your road to self discovery

[just lonely]

I also am pretty masc. and work in a very masc. job. None of my co-workers know I enjoy getting head from guys or watch she-male porn. Honestly, they do not need to know. Some how we have been taught to feel ashamed of things that bring us pleasure.

[DiamondDog]

A lot of so called "masculine" men are anything but! They may look masculine, think that they are, or claim to be but they open up their mouths and a purse falls out. This includes the "jock" and body builder types too.

Feminine bisexual men are around. Just look at the number of men on this site who are into putting on women's clothing or wearing women's underwear. ;) Or they'll post things that are very camp or the way feminine men are.

I also am friends with bisexual men who are feminine, and there's nothing wrong with this since that's just how they are.

One question I have is why do people who are closeted have the defense mechanism or defensive reaction to stay closeted that if you come out as bisexual or anything other than het that it's somehow completely telling everyone and society about your own personal sexual preferences, what you do sexually with others, and that it's somehow telling all about your personal sex life?

IME coming out is not like this at all and telling others what your sexuality is, is not telling anything at all about your personal sex life or what you are into doing sexually with someone else or other people. If someone has questions about gay sex or bisexual sex, or what it's like being a bisexual man then yes I will answer their questions if I want to and if they're being respectful.

Men who are completely closeted about their sexuality are the easiest to tell that they are bisexual or gay.

Even if your gaydar/bidar is broken or you think it's not good it's still insanely easy to tell if someone's bisexual or gay and closeted. Men who are bi or gay and closeted think that they're hiding and that nobody can tell that they're bisexual or gay. However they stick out and are more obvious than completely out bisexual and gay men who are feminine.

[biblkman]

Hey, mikey let me say this again...if You figure out your bi and you choose to be closeted or open is all up to you!

And diamond...not starting a fight, I'm letting mikey know he's nit alone.

And as far as the masculine men really being fem, well I don't get that, the truth is you will pass a bi or gay man and nit know it cause they are masculine and closeted,

You may come across 1 maybe 2 fems in A day...but that doesn't compare to how many masculine bi or gay closeted men you may pass, but you wouldn't know it cause there masculine and closeted.

And to defend myself...I never said stay closeted. I said if you decide to be out its cause its what he wants.

I don't like when out people tell people to be out and I don't like it when closeted people say be in the closet.

And as far as being out. Well put it like this. Your sexuality does reflect who you are...yes it shouldn't but that's how society as a whole thinks.

If I like to jack off while getting pissed on most people won't separate sex with personality or morals or values, they will say that's sick your a perv and guess what they will treat me as such. It's basic human nature to single out and ridicule things that are different to make one feel more normal or accepted.

Like I said not trying to start anything just needed to clarify

[DiamondDog]

And as far as the masculine men really being fem, well I don't get that, the truth is you will pass a bi or gay man and nit know it cause they are masculine and closeted,

You may come across 1 maybe 2 fems in A day...but that doesn't compare to how many masculine bi or gay closeted men you may pass, but you wouldn't know it cause there masculine and closeted.

And as far as being out. Well put it like this. Your sexuality does reflect who you are...yes it shouldn't but that's how society as a whole thinks.

If I like to jack off while getting pissed on most people won't separate sex with personality or morals or values, they will say that's sick your a perv and guess what they will treat me as such. It's basic human nature to single out and ridicule things that are different to make one feel more normal or accepted.

I can easily tell when a masculine man is bisexual or gay, and when they're straight. It's very easy for me to do especially if we're in public. Call it bidar/gaydar, or just instinct.

Bisexual and gay men can easily tell that I'm not heterosexual. It's like this for other bi and gay men I know.

Even before I knew what it really meant to be bisexual or gay I could easily tell this about adult men and even peers and friends my own age. It has nothing to do with bad stereotypes about how if a man isn't heterosexual that he'll be feminine or other things.

Straight men and some straight women on the other hand can be downright clueless when it comes to telling if other men are bisexual or gay.

Why would you let society or other people dictate how you feel about yourself and your sexuality? Fuck society.

[bityme]

Hi im 34 very masc, jock type. I always thought i was attracted to only women. Then about when i turned 30 i started jacking off to alot of gay porn and finding out I like both men and women. I fantasize about what its like to be with another guy and get sucked off too. Anway I have a problem with accepting the fact that i am bi. I never want a relationship with another guy but sex is alright. Anway i go back and forth in my mind trying to accept the fact that i can still be masc a jock and all that stuff an d still be bi.Nobody needs to know except for me right? The biggest problem is not others accepting me but me accepting myself.;)

Mikey,

What "being bi" means is different with every person. Even Kinsey's scale has 5 of it's 7 classifications that can be considered BI.

Same sex attraction can be physical, emotional, or a combination of both. There are no tests to pass or special requirements to meet prior to considering yourself to be "Bi."

Everyone, whether straight, gay, or Bi, has both male and female traits. How they are expressed varies from person to person. The discovery that you desire or enjoy physical or emotional intimacy with someone of the same gender certainly does not require that you take on characteristics commonly attributed to gays by the media or anti-gay factions. Putting it bluntly, you don't have to start lisping to suck a cock or cross-dressing to be a bottom. You can remain the person you have always been, only now with the additional realization that you enjoy something about or with someone of the same gender.

I'm one of those who absolutely love women. When I marry, it's for a lifetime. I'm now nearing the end of my first year with my 3rd wife. (This will make a total of 39 years of marriage.) My former wives were, and my current wife is, bisexual. I have been bisexual over 40 years.

I have had a lot of relationships with men over the years, but never more than friendships, some with physical benefits. I've never had a man as a "love interest." I've never ruled it out, but it has never happened. My emotional, and primary sexual attraction, is to women. My interest in men is either platonic or physical.

Think of your new-found interest in men as just another aspect of your personality. You are free to set the parameters of that interest. There is no requirement that you adopt any identifiable affectation to "qualify for club membership." Just continue to be the person you are and who you want to be in the future. Outwardly, they may be exactly the same. Inwardly, you obviously have recognized a change.

In or out of the closet? Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Disclose what you want to whomever you want. It's your life and your decision. No matter what you decide or who you open up to, there will always be someone who says you should have done it differently. You decide what's right for you and the hell with everyone else.

Personally, while I won't lie to anyone if asked, I don't go around with a sign saying "I'm Bi." Some friends, family and acquaintances know I am bisexual, others do not. I'm not sure what the label would be for that. Hmmmmm . . . let me see . . . Openly-closeted . . . Partially closeted . . . Partially open . . . Honest . . . Honest but discreet . . . Chicken . . . Discerning . . . Hell!! I don't know, but it works for me. I guess that, generally, if there is a sexual attraction for me disclosure comes before proposition. If sexual interaction is possible and the man is straight (the wife and I always play together), disclosure is necessary, as well as an assurance that his limits are respected. If carnal possibilities are not an issue, no disclosure is necessary, but if the subject arises, even in a discussion, and I am asked, I'm open and honest.

Problems accepting yourself? I really don't think that is an issue. The problem really is trying to accept a definition of "bisexuality" that was created by someone else. There is no need for you to fit in someone else's pigeon hole. If you enjoy something with another man, fine, that's your bi side, if there is something that men might do together, but it doesn't inters you, then it's not part of your bi side. You are free to have your own desires and set your own boundaries. Incidentally, that is probably one of the reasons that bisexuals experience difficulty in finding someone whose interests match our own.

You don't indicate whether or not you have actually had any physical experiences with other men. You do, however, indicate that you fantasize about being with other men. Just remember that a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. Your fantasies might cause some problems. For instance, having a fantasy about cross dressing and acting out the part of a woman does not mean you will ever do it, or, if you do it you will enjoy it.

Stay the masculine jock you are, at least for now. If that ever changes, it will happen only because you want it to, not because someone else wrote out their definition of being bisexual.

Enjoy life and seek fulfillment of your desires, not someone else's generalizations of what a bi person should be.

Pappy

[j4u42]

Although psychology and sexuality can be quite complicated, I think it can be as simple as this. If you want femininity, you choose a woman. But if your interested in a man shouldn't he be masculine for the sake of diversity in your sexuality? I mean you have the femininity quality in the female form already. Why go for femininity in a man? For me, that defeats the purpose I think. Masculinity goes along with the whole MAN and being with a man. I guess as the saying goes "It's a guy thing" Just saying

[Ebonybifemme7]

I'm a girl but people look at me, and tell me all the time that I don't seem gay, whatever the hell that means, especially since I'm bi and not 100% gay. I don't understand this. How am I suppose to look?? I went to a lesbian/bisexual women of color conference a few weekends ago and I choose to keep my sexual orientation a secret. I joined another L/B event, a bookclub back in 2006, and a lesbian at the meeting said she doesnt like bisexual women? WTF? For some strange reason I haven't been in the mood to go to pride events. Last year I had two gay guys tell me I'm selfish for being bisexual. Really? We were having a conversation and I told the truth and told them I was bisexual. I didn't lie and say I was gay, cause, that would be a lie. And its not the truth. Many bi's have to go to pride events and lie and say that their gay in order to get accepted. And don't even get me started on straight girl hypocrisy. Tell me how many straight girls you know love having gay guys as friends but would flip their wigs if their straight husband or bf was sleeping with another man, or if he came out as gay or bi to her.

I would say keep reading, reaching, thinking, and be who you are. Have fun, but BE SAFE!!! I know its easier said than done, but that is the only thing you can do. People want everyone to fit in a box, and things don't work like that. I know people have this misconception of how a gay or bisexual man should act.

BTW, I love masculine bisexual men :love87:

[SlimDandy]

To most straight people, the very concept of a "masculine" bisexual guy, is like saying a gay straight guy. To them, it's an oxymoron, a conundrum in concept, and a contradiction of terms. That's only because we've all been indoctrinated into a culture which instantly makes us mentally associate certain images with specific symbols and symbolic functions. For example, the word "masculine", automatically causes one to think of muscles, strength, protection, domination, conquest, erection, etc...However, the word "bisexual" as associated with a male, causes one to think of two men having sex. Inevitably one is getting screwed and enjoying it, while the other is actually enjoying the screwing. Either that, or fellatio is taking place. To straights, these are all acts of emasculation. Therefore, these acts bring about a contradiction of terms or a clash of concepts.

Perhaps we should dispense with such words altogether!

[darkeyes]

As is known I am lessie..me partner..a very fetching also very feminine bisexual girl I adore is my partner.. committed to each other in a legal civil union... parenting 2 children.. it is she who is the instictively monogamous one of we two and me who has real difficulties with it.. but the line holds and my difficulties if they sit uneasily on my shoulders are tucked away screaming too get out... and quite a few bisexual girls I know are as monogamous and committed to monogamy as she.. like there are people of other sexualities.. I am not one who accuses bisexual people of "greed and selfishness"..many gays and lesbians are.. many are not..it is a debate and argument yet to be won.. and it will be.. the very fact that in lgbt there is b tells us that it has been in effect, if only the gay and lessies plebs who still defy reality would stop being such bumptious arrogant arseholes.. but I digress and am not really addressing the thread but part of blackgirl's response to it...

I am what is referred to by many as a lipstick lesbian..feminine, like clothes shoes and girly things... the female equivelant of the masculine gay or bisexual male.Gay girls aren't meant to be feminine are they? It is what I am for good or ill and it is a skin in which I am intensely comfortable.. most bisexual girls I know and most lesbians I know are as feminine as me... it is how we are and occasionally when people dont know us they are a bit taken aback.. even more so when Kate and I tell them we are married to each other (the de facto situation if not quite the legal reality.. but the bill is b4 parliament so that should change in the next year or so)... we dont look like "dykes" What does a dyke look like?

Like most people I refer to some girls who like girls.. the stereotype.. as a "butch" girl or lessie... not all girls who like girls are butch,.. not even lesbians... and in fact if we consider just bisexual girls few are.. there are more "butch" lessies because so many reject the overtly feminine ways of of our societies to a lesser or greater degree.. there is nothing wrong with that. It is but a way of living and what they prefer and in a free society fine. Just as it is ok for men to be masculine... or more feminine.. what in the UK is called the "fairy" by those of less tolerant opinion... the "Jessie" in Scotland... both terminologies which are far less common than once, are still used if in a broader sense to define a man of any sexulaity who is more wimpy than gay.. but u can see where the origins of these terms lie. In fact the overtly feminine male is much less in evidence these days and this is something which I think was inevitable with greater sexuality liberation and tolerance than once was the case.

We are what we are.. gay bi, str8..and within each of those sexualities are people of both more masculine and feminine bearing. I witnessed a friend who is tbh a little "butch" land one on a girl who harped in her ear and badgered that she was a gay cow and have witnessed friction between other heterosexual girls of such bearing and those who would accuse them of so being. This same girl has been attacked and beaten up twice in her life for being a lessie... something she certainly is not.. she dresses and looks as she does because she is both comfortable with it and working as a landscape designer it suits... she may feminise herself slightly for going out with the girls clubbing, or to other functions, but she is still always what we would consider a "butch" girl... and it is guys who are the thing that tickle her fancy absolutely and completely... and any who doubt it just have to watch her in action on a dance floor with tongue well down the throats of many a guy of this fair city of a Friday or Saturday night...and at parties.. well that's quite a diff story and far more raunchy but u get the gist...

..and so I sympathise with Slim Dandy and it may be that we should all be looking to ourselves.. we are who we are as human beings... that should be enough for the world to accept us but we know that isn't going to happen overnight. We use labels (all of us one way or t'other) to describe ourselves yet criticise others for labelling us.. none of us can be put in a box and labelled exactly for we are all so very different.. but some kinds of labels maybe we should think bout dispensing with.. although I am very fond of thinking of myself as a lippie lesbian... maybe even that too...

[DuckiesDarling]

I think any male, regardless of orientation, can appear more masculine or more feminine at any given time. Personally, my bisexual male partner is more masculine than my straight ex husband but there are times he can come off as more feminine depending on the activity or the discussion. There is nothing wrong with either way, so OP stop worrying so much about how others see you and only care about how you see yourself. You'll be happier that way. Welcome to the site, btw.

[Diablo598]

Like several others have said in this thread your/my sexuality is nobodies business unless I choose to make it theirs. I learned a while back that it is okay to be bisexual, even if I have not gone all the way with another guy. I currently work as a Maintenance Supervisor and I keep my sexuality quiet unless the need arises. I spent 16 years as a Volunteer Firefighter and during that time not one of the guys that I fought fires with knew I was bi-curious. It was not until a few years ago that I started watching gay, bisexual, and transgender porn. It was at this time that I started tasting my own cum all the time. I have always liked looking a pictures of naked MEN and WOMEN. On many occasions I have had other guys make passes at me, and several times I have gone to gay bars and wanted to leave with another guy, but have walked out with nobody. Do I spread it around that I consider myself bisexual, no because as my girlfriend would say it is nobodies business. However do I stand up for those that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender HELL YES I do.l

I came out to my boss last week after she made a gesture and comment about a future resident being gay. I could have parked a MACK Fire Truck in her mouth when I told her I am Bisexual. I swear to God she just looked at me and then all she could say was that she had no clue. I looked at her and said how do you think I was able to calm down apt $%, and then she just got very quiet.

Will I tell the guys that I work with, NO not unless I have to, I did that once before and paid a heavy price.