Should I attend?

[azoroth87]

Alright, so here's a question for you guys. I've recently been invited to a gay sex party. Not to participate but just simply to hang out, have a drink, and watch. My issue that I have is my wife said she doesnt care if I go. However, I'm not sure how much she is really okay with the whole ordeal. I know that I won't do anything to "cheat" on her, and I am fairly positive that she knows that as well.

But do I go? Or not risk creating any problems with the wife? What input do you have?

[Warrior Poet 69]

If you are not going to participate then you at simply talking about hanging out with friends our going to a party. What's more important to you, your wife or a party? Imo, if your not sure about her true thoughts and feelings, pick the wife!

[ErosUrge]

hmmm....well, your wife obviously has a great deal of trust in you to allow you to go...my question is, why would you? I know everyone is different and after having read your profile you give no indication of what your sexuality is, so I'm guessing mostly straight. But I might guess that she might be wondering why you would want to go. Have you ever talked about male to male sex? what are her thoughts on it? positive; negative; or somewhere in the middle? I must say that if you are not going to join in, what is it that's curious to see it going on? I have known of men that were curious and then got turned on watching it and then taking it a step further. That's not to say that you would; but if you didn't you're a much stronger man than me. Is there some latent desire to be with a male and maybe by seeing it going on it will fulfill at least the curiosity of what it might be like? It's all a bit curious to me. But you would know this for certain; I think. I will say that if there is any kind of latent desire to be with a male, this will only stir that desire all the more I'm quite sure. Again, it may very well be that you are going to this event with a scientist's cold discerning objectivity. Kinsey was a scientist....but his objectivity sometimes found him in the midst of his experiments... before closing, I'm not trying to discourage you from going. I suppose I'm giving you a somewhat lopsided warning of something that could present itself: the desire to be sexual with men from watching them in action....but you know for certain; I think.

[eitherway<3]

If you have any doubts dont go, simple.

[darkeyes]

Just to watch and have a drink? If u think u are there just to watch then I think u are very naive.. someone is pulling ur lil tinkler methinks..

[FinkDoodle]

I'd be far more impressed if you took responsibility for your own actions and made your own decision, rather than quizzing a bunch of total strangers who know absolutely nothing about you which pretty much makes all of our opinions irrelevant to your situation.

[Gearbox]

You won't get a guarantee on how your wife will take it. Nor will you score any 'Inoccent' points when one thing leads to another at the party, and you got a bit drunk, and they got a bit frisky, and before you knew it.......................:rolleyes:
NOPE! Be honest with yourself, honest with your wife, and see how both feel about things. She may be right when she says she doesn't care.
Do you feel unsure of yourself being around all those gay men? Out of place?

[DuckiesDarling]

Interesting replies so far, what I'm wondering is how she said "I don't care" was it an honest as in she doesn't care about what you do as long as you don't cheat or an exasperated "I don't care" because she was tired of being asked or an "I don't care" as in not caring period about you or your activities. It could go any of those ways from the way you posted.

I have to agree, if you think it's gonna cause problems then obviously you two need to communicate more clearly with each other, so skip the party and talk with your wife.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Personal experience: When Hubby and I first agreed to play alone with others. Because bi couples are hard to find in this area and being full time parents makes it hard to get outside of the house just the two of us. He was able to strike gold and found himself a man who wanted to play. I reassured him he should do it and it's what he needs. And at the time I said that I felt that for sure. But the day came and was quiet and he went straight there after work (an hour and 1/2 drive) some of it on the phone with me. I was alone at home with the kids. Worried "What if the guy was crazy or a murderer" and then concerns crept in. He arrived at his destination and told me he loved me and would see me later. Silence for hours, put the kids in bed and told them daddy wasn't going to be there to tuck them in tonight. A sense of hurt had set in. He hadn't let me know if he was ok. Then he called. And I began to get details putting up my best front that everything was ok. But he could hear something wasn't right. He asked me what was wrong, and I said "Nothing, I'm Fine". And everyone knows what that means. He got frustrated with me and so I broke facade and let him know that I had been so worried and that he didn't call me sooner like he said he would and then he was "Well you said you were Ok with it all". And I said "Originally I was, but..." Then he began "I knew it, I shouldn't have done it!".. I felt a great sense of guilt that got stabbed even deeper within me with those words he spoke.

So I shadowed his "nice time" with my feelings. Though not my intention. And I realized I had a little bit more growing up to do that night. It's not the same way now mind you.

Basically, one doesn't know how they will react to a situation, until they are in the situation. Patience and understanding need to be on both sides of the coin. Whatever your choice. I wish you both luck and love.

[justinmysox]

WAIT a MINUTE...
Are we not all missing one thing here?
He is posting this on a Bi site- which would indicate he might be bi or bi curious - don't you think???
The question I have is is he being truthful to himself? The wife sounds very cool with the notion - thats very lucky for you and if she said as much then I suspect your question about attending may really be driven by your own questioning feelings...

I say go! BUT if you get hit on what are you going to do? seriously think about that one first before you find yourself in an awkward situation.
I wish I had more time to add more here but thats a quick thought that crossed my mind as I read your initial post

[tenni]

I thought that "I don't care" and a few other lines from a woman means "you had better not dare" regardless of the tone. ;)

I think that ray has hit on a very important point about thinking that you are ok with something and then reality hits you emotionally.

So, has Justinmysox.
What is it that you expect to get out of being a voyeur in this situation? How are you going to deal with the temptation and if someone touches you? If your interest is to be a voyeur, you may want to start with a smaller group like two guys and you watching them where the lines are clear as to your participation. ....and one that you can exit from easily.

[mongojustapawn]

I believe your wife may be fascinated by the idea of you going. Make sure you are getting the right signals from her. Some women are turned on by men having sex together. Get a clarification on it then if she says its OK then go. But, ask yourself, why are you going? Based on your answer move from there. If you are going as a curiosity then do not go, its not fair to those who are there to meet each other. If your not willing to play, don't go.

[ExSailor]

If you're in an open relationship or open marriage and your wife is totally fine with you going and potentially having sex with a man I would go. However based on what you've written this does not seem to be the case. It sounds as though if you go she'll just get mad or she will accuse you of cheating on her or wanting to cheat on her even if you don't have sex with anyone at all. ER the term "mostly straight" is just another term for being bisexual. I have seen people who are closeted use this term to describe their sexuality when in reality they're bisexual but don't want to admit it to themselves or everyone else.

[SeekingSimilar24]

OK, I think the bigger thing would be to simply ask her right out what she would be OK with. Discuss boundaries and safety concerns. If you can't do that with her, then she is most likely not comfortable with the idea. If you go to watch she might be OK, but in past relationships there is a HUGE difference between watching and joining, even if watching involves oral or a handjob, there still might be a whole other issue when it comes to something more intimately close as in some guy fucking you or kissing you. You should really talk to her about it. Ask her what her boundaries are if she can't answer or gives vague answers, then table it and return later when she has had some time to think about it, but don't act until you know for certain.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

As a felow female I'd bet she's testing you to see if you really will do it or not. If a woman says "I dont care" in a flat tone, you better watch yer ass, Darlin. You may be better off with a regular Swinger's Party, that way Both of you could go, kick back, have a drink and observe.
Checking something out is all fine and dandy, but if she's not good with it, yopure better off saving your hide and not going..unless she Really means that its ok to do so...
Cat

[falcondfw]

If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. It depends on if you have an open marriage (which I suspect you don't) and how much you value your marriage. Go to youtube and search for Gallagher - Oh Nothing. There you will find the answer you seek (Here's a hint - When you ask a woman a question and her response is "Oh Nothing.", it's always something.