Acting and feeling more effeminate after coming out....

[morandi]

After my coming out i started to act and also feel more effeminate. I acted more lose, talked more easy and had (a little bit) an other walk. I have a little more movings with my hands
I do this unconcious. It is not that very strong but just enough that a few people (women afcourse) who knows me well recognised it. For my self, when it happens, i recognise it as: oh well you doing it again. Are there other men with the same experience? And what do you recognise by yourself? Does somebody knows how it happens..
And.... are there any women who had the same experience? (but than the other way around afcourse)

greetz morandi :love87:

[michel]

Wow, thank you for your post. I was wondering the same thing. When I'm on a date with a man I find myself doing more effeminate mannerisms. I cross my legs differently. I used my hands more effeminately. My voice gets lower and more sultry. I bat my eyes more. I become much more "gentle" in so many ways. My dates seem to react very positively to my mannerisms and lovemaking becomes much more intimate and intense. Thanks again.

[morandi]

Thanks for your reaction Michel. With me it's very subtile. But i should like to know how it works. I don't think i'm doing this with a concious purpose.

[michel]

I have no idea why I do this either. I do it unconsciously too. I'm assuming it's because I'm so attracted to the man I'm with and responding to what he likes. If I'm on a date where the man is not interesting to me, then I seem to maintain my macho behaviors. Who knows? Keep me posted if you can figure it out.

[Laidbackdudeixi]

No way to know for sure, but my theory would be that we fall into one of the two roles we've seen modeled in almost every form of media for um... forever? The dance of Dominance and Submission pops up when attraction is being put to the test. Not to be crude, but we see this in many of parts of the animal kingdom... butt sniffing, tails raised or dropped, mounting, biting... all behaviors around the mating dance.

I have not "come out" for a variety of reasons, chief among them, I don't like the idea of a stranger having even more preconceptions about my identity than he/she is already likely to have, but I have noticed that the friends of mine who have come out as homosexual have all become NOTICEABLY more effeminate in their demeanor. I can't say for sure what the cause of this is, but my theory is that the behavior becomes learned as the "acceptable" social role for a non-heterosexual male or if the masculinity that was initially demonstrated was put on out of a perceived need to "be a man." In that case, it would make sense for someone to ditch the extra effort to outwardly portray an idea of masculinity.

By extension, has anyone noticed a difference in the way people interacted with you AFTER coming out? One of the few (not so great) advantages of not being out is that you can sometimes get access to a person's feelings about homo/bisexuality in a way that an out person does not. I've seen this with friends, family and coworkers and it always surprises.

[tenni]

I've heard of this happening to some gay men after they come out. It may be that you have become relaxed enough about your sexuality that this is you. It may also be the complete opposite, you feel a need to "act" gay and have not quite yet accepted yourself. That happened to a few gay men and their over the top camp behaviour reduced after awhile.