Broke up with bf because of lack of sex... right thing?

[jumptheshark]

Hey guys. Forgot I had this account, and now seems like a good time to come back with an over-complicated self-pitying post, so here goes :eek2:

I've recently broken up with my boyfriend, 4 days ago. We've said we'll stop talking for a week, then see if we can remain friends. I was a virgin with both men/women until I was with him, and although we did have sex in our 8 month relationship per say, it was only a few times and I never finished. We also didn't do oral, or anything like that. It was mostly making out without the extra fun stuff that it should lead to. I understood to a point, because we had nowhere to go, to be alone. But we did go on holiday for a week. Alone in a room, I thought here we go then. We tried, it hurt him, we stopped. Then nothing else apart from a few hand jobs. He reckons I was too big for him and we can never have sex because it hurts too much. He also has hang-ups about being physical due to his ex. I was a bit disheartened, I was a virgin before him and wanted to experience everything with this guy that I really care for. I asked about oral as an alternative, but he paused for far too long that I had to say yeah, it isn't working. He kind of understood, he knew I wanted to experience more like he already has with his past boyfriends. So that was that.

I still love him, but know it was the right thing if we were hardly going to have any sort of sex life. I've already missed out on so much (don't even get me started on never being with a woman :() and didn't want to waste any more time. My question is; am I in the right here?

I'm also meeting up with a guy that I met online for, want of a better word, a shag. I'm meeting him in person first, then we've talked about getting a hotel room next week and, well, you know. I'm treating it as fun, and it feels exciting, something my ex never was. He was never spontaneous, then talking to this new guy he's complimenting me, saying I'm cute, and we're both horny as hell. Have I left enough time between breaking up with ex and doing this? I know we're not together any more, but I feel a little bad.

Just trying to make sense of the new situation I've found myself in I guess. It took my so long to find my boyfriend and feel comfortable with him. Sigh.

[Gearbox]

Staying with your ex and pretending you were happy to, wouldn't have been the 'right thing' to do. You'd just get more down as the days of sexual frustration went by.
There's no special time limit betwen breaking up and hooking up, so don't feel bad about it. Your adapting back to being single and thinking yourself as 'free'.
Did you talk about opening up the relationship, or are you happier with it ending?

[jumptheshark]

That's true, he said it had come out of nowhere and he was shocked because he thought everything was fine, but like you say it wasn't and wouldn't have been. I could have just bit my lip and pretended, and would have been happy but not 100% - I mean sex is a vital part of a relationship, right? Shame he doesn't really see it as such.

I guess so, I'm not going to worry about it and just have a bloody good time, after the sexual frustration with my ex it'll be great. We didn't talk about that. I suggested a break at first, to which he agreed with, although I'm sure he said something like "but I wouldn't want you to go round sleeping with everyone in town!" - so was unsure if he meant too many, or anyone in general? Maybe I should have asked, but we talked the next day to finalise the break and that's when he mentioned the sex wouldn't work. So no I'm not happy it's ended, I could have done with the break, maybe slept with a few people, but the problem would have still been there if/when we got back together. His final stance was that I was "too big" for him - is that even possible? The more you do it, the more you get used to it, right? I don't know, I just still love him so it's all a bit of a mess at the moment, but thanks for the reply!

[Gearbox]

Yes you can be too big for some. Espescially if they don't use it for ages. You could use techniques such as rimming, fingering, and making him relaxed to go with a BIG dollop of lube to counter that. Get him on all fours to make it easier for him, or get him to sit on you etc. Or just ram it up when they least expect it.LOL. (Not reccomended!)
Sex is an important part of life as well as a relationship IMO. He really should have the wisdom to see that you need to experience sex with as many as you damn well chose, before your ready to pack it all in for a man who couldn't give a toss about it (Or literaly ONLY gives a toss.lol). He must have expected you to drift off eventually.
You could tell him that your off to see what you can learn to make your relationship with him better. Having FUN is no crime while your at it though!

[MelissaPDX]

How long were you with him for?

[jumptheshark]

Well he hadn't had sex before me for about a year he said, and then we left it 4/5 months after our first time before we tried again. But he seemed unwilling to keep trying, which I get, and I did make him bleed once which worried him I think. He doesn't like rimming, not a fan of fingering etc. Like I say, his ex messed him up big time apparently, and he's not great with getting intimate. I think it's the fact he's probably tried all that stuff before, decided he didn't like it, so was unwilling to do anything with me. I'm unsure if I'm going to tell him about this guy I'm meeting up with, does he need to know? We're going to try and stay on good terms, but I think deep down I am hoping that some day we can get back together.

And we were together about 8 months Melissa, known each other for just about a year. He was my first real relationship I guess, so I'm finding it tough.