Situational Bisexuality

[tenni]

I was reading on a different thread about men who find themselves in sexless relationships with women after twenty plus years. I've met such men and it included several who stated that the relationship worked other than the sex aspect. Men who had been in this situation for seven to ten years turned to sex with men rather than another woman.

I've also met a guy who was in prison and became sexual with other men. When he returned to mainstream society, he stopped having sex with men and married a woman. About five to ten years in to that relationship, he began to want to have sex with other men again. He had considered his initial contact with men sexually in prison as something that he had to submit to. Yet, later in his life he wanted to have sex with other men.

I also read quite some time ago about levels of bisexuality and it did refer to "situational bisexuality" where for reasons such as the above two situations, men become sexual with other men and they had not considered it or desired it.

I know that some believe that labels are a distraction and that society should just accept that any two people regardless of gender may become sexual with each other. That is probably a good position but it doesn't really help bisexuals deal with prejudice and discrimination imo.

I'm just wondering if there are bimen on this site who believe that they became interested in same sex activity because of a situation.

If you don't like or disapprove of men having situational sex, please start your own thread. Please let this thread be free of judgment posts.

[darkeyes]

:kiss:*Shakes head and laffs*

[tenni]

Why? You do not believe what I have experienced? This is the thread for you to post your views about situational bisexuality babes. ;) not the other thread.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

There is no such thing as situational bisexuality. The men you speak were probably always gay, and just wanted an excuse to fuck other men when their wives got tired of dealing with them.Although I dont condone cheating they could have always seek out other women,but oh no,they decided to go after men.

And maybe that man who was in prison finally decided he was gay later on down the line.He might have gotten turn out in prison,who knows?

[Gearbox]

There is no such thing as situational bisexuality. The men you speak were probably always gay, and just wanted an excuse to fuck other men when their wives got tired of dealing with them.Although I dont condone cheating they could have always seek out other women,but oh no,they decided to go after men.

And maybe that man who was in prison finally decided he was gay later on down the line.He might have gotten turn out in prison,who knows?
Why the Christ are you on a BISEXUAL site, when you clearly don't believe in it? No, sorry.....you only believe it if a WOMAN claims it.
What's the difference? Why are you having such a hard time with it?

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Why the Christ are you on a BISEXUAL site, when you clearly don't believe in it? No, sorry.....you only believe it if a WOMAN claims it.
What's the difference? Why are you having such a hard time with it?

I am on a bisexual site because I am a bisexual woman.And I did not say,I did not believe in it, I was just questioning the actions of these men.

[Gearbox]

I am on a bisexual site because I am a bisexual woman.And I did not say,I did not believe in it, I was just questioning the actions of these men.
Your questioning the BISEXUAL actions of men and concluding that they are HOMOSEXUALS. Not just once or twice in highly suspicious circumstances, but every time you comment on a male who has sex with a male. We really can't win. We're either riddled with HIV+ etc (according to some women here), raving misogynists or we don't even exist.
You really wonder why men find it relaxing to have NSA sex with other men?:tongue:

[Realist]

Tenni, I knew two, who may have been in situations that influenced them in the ways you describe.

One was a young fellow, who received a sentence of two years, for theft. He was a young, good looking boy of 18, when he was sent to prison; he was placed in with older hard cases, some of whom were murderers, rapists, and various other criminals.

Having heard of the rapes and murders in prison, especially for young, inexperienced, males....he was naturally scared shitless. That's when his self preservation skills came into play.

He chose the biggest, meanest-looking fellow in his cell-block and told him he'd do anything he wanted, as long as he'd keep the rest of the inmates off him.

The big fellow agreed and the young guy survived. Surprisingly, the big guy he chose to look after him wanted very little in the way of sex. Mostly oral and that wasn't often.

After he was released, he never again had a sexual relationship with a man. He'd done what he had to, to survive, then when he was released, he never felt the desire to be with a man again.

I assume that would be a situationally gay, or bisexual (since he only wanted to be with women), relationship.


The other incident had a different outcome.

I had a male lover, Mike, some years ago, who was gay. At about 8 years old, his 12 year old cousin began raping him. The cousin was a scary individual, who threatened Mike to keep him quiet. At first, the rapes hurt and he bled, some. For almost every other day, Mike had to submit. Strangely, over time, he began to get used to being forced and by the time he was 10, or 11, he actually began looking forward to it! By the time he was 13, he found himself craving his cousin's attention and would seek him out.

His cousin, however, didn't want him to have that desire; he wanted Mike to fight and struggle. Mike's passivity turned him off and he began to refuse Mike, then finally moved on. Then, Mike began to seek out others to fill in for his cousin.

Personally, I thought the cousin should have been caught and put in prison for the rest of his life. By the time I met Mike, his cousin was married and seemed to be happy and in a normal life. Mike refused my advice to have his cousin prosecuted.

Mike was brilliant, a successful teacher of mathematics, languages, and history. Few people I've ever known were as interesting, or as knowledgeable.

But, I saw many things in his thought process and sexuality, that was convoluted, because of the way his cousin had treated him. He had little self esteem, even though he'd achieved many accolades for his teaching expertise, he was a very good-looking fellow, too.

But Mike thought of himself as a pawn, to be used and abused. He'd sought out relationships where he'd be used for pleasure, but there was no effort from anyone he'd been with, to ensure Mike's satisfaction. He could only get pleasure from giving and had no idea how to react to anyone wanting to reciprocate in kind. After he'd satisfied his lovers, he then masturbated, giving himself the only release he'd known.

Not sure how this fits your theory of situational bisexuality, but these two certainly were who they were, because of the situations in which they'd been involved.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Tenni, I knew two, who may have been in situations that influenced them in the ways you describe.

One was a young fellow, who received a sentence of two years, for theft. He was a young, good looking boy of 18, when he was sent to prison; he was placed in with older hard cases, some of whom were murderers, rapists, and various other criminals.

Having heard of the rapes and murders in prison, especially for young, inexperienced, males....he was naturally scared shitless. That's when his self preservation skills came into play.

He chose the biggest, meanest-looking fellow in his cell-block and told him he'd do anything he wanted, as long as he'd keep the rest of the inmates off him.

The big fellow agreed and the young guy survived. Surprisingly, the big guy he chose to look after him wanted very little in the way of sex. Mostly oral and that wasn't often.

After he was released, he never again had a sexual relationship with a man. He'd done what he had to, to survive, then when he was released, he never felt the desire to be with a man again.

I assume that would be a situationally gay, or bisexual (since he only wanted to be with women), relationship.


The other incident had a different outcome.

I had a male lover, Mike, some years ago, who was gay. At about 8 years old, his 12 year old cousin began raping him. The cousin was a scary individual, who threatened Mike to keep him quiet. At first, the rapes hurt and he bled, some. For almost every other day, Mike had to submit. Strangely, over time, he began to get used to being forced and by the time he was 10, or 11, he actually began looking forward to it! By the time he was 13, he found himself craving his cousin's attention and would seek him out.

His cousin, however, didn't want him to have that desire; he wanted Mike to fight and struggle. Mike's passivity turned him off and he began to refuse Mike, then finally moved on. Then, Mike began to seek out others to fill in for his cousin.

Personally, I thought the cousin should have been caught and put in prison for the rest of his life. By the time I met Mike, his cousin was married and seemed to be happy and in a normal life. Mike refused my advice to have his cousin prosecuted.

Mike was brilliant, a successful teacher of mathematics, languages, and history. Few people I've ever known were as interesting, or as knowledgeable.

But, I saw many things in his thought process and sexuality, that was convoluted, because of the way his cousin had treated him. He had little self esteem, even though he'd achieved many accolades for his teaching expertise, he was a very good-looking fellow, too.

But Mike thought of himself as a pawn, to be used and abused. He'd sought out relationships where he'd be used for pleasure, but there was no effort from anyone he'd been with, to ensure Mike's satisfaction. He could only get pleasure from giving and had no idea how to react to anyone wanting to reciprocate in kind. After he'd satisfied his lovers, he then masturbated, giving himself the only release he'd known.

Not sure how this fits your theory of situational bisexuality, but these two certainly were who they were, because of the situations in which they'd been involved.

I hate to hear that. I really believe that young man might have some traumatic experience for him to act the way he did.I really both sought out therapy after the experiences

[Long Duck Dong]

i know of a number of situational bisexuals.....and there has been a couple of threads / posts in the site about prisoners that used other males as their * bitches * in prison... its something that happens when you have people with a sex drive and limited options in the ways of outlets

a lot of the time, prison sex is not so much about sexual relief but more intimidation.....

a simple google search about prison sex and prison bitches, will bring up info and vids about situational bisexuality in prisons and the stories of some of the males that are involved, ex and current prisoners......

using google for a search of the different types of bisexuality, will help a person find psych and counselling articles that actually list situational bisexuality as a aspect of sexuality for some people.....

there is more to situational bisexuality than two guys that want to be sexual..... so much more.... and its not always society that has the issue with situational bisexuality, its also the LGBT people that do not want to accept that its a reality for some people

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Your questioning the BISEXUAL actions of men and concluding that they are HOMOSEXUALS. Not just once or twice in highly suspicious circumstances, but every time you comment on a male who has sex with a male. We really can't win. We're either riddled with HIV+ etc (according to some women here), raving misogynists or we don't even exist.
You really wonder why men find it relaxing to have NSA sex with other men?:tongue:

Because they might prefer men sexually.And I guess you can't win if you think that way.Maybe next you can ask a few unicorns why most people think bimales don't exist.

[darkeyes]

Why? You do not believe what I have experienced? This is the thread for you to post your views about situational bisexuality babes. ;) not the other thread.
I was only laffing not cos I dont believe u but it was oddly convenient...and once again actually it seems to me to be quite restrictive as to gender... but no matter me luffly...

What u call situational, I have always referred to as circumstantial.. people do all kinds of things they would not normally do through circumstance.. we will have sex with another we wouldn't normally fancy for various reasons.. alcohol, tiredness, strain..despair..rejection..need and frustration,, sometimes we need the touch of someone and hey presto there is someone there...why? Because they are there.... it may or may not develop into sex but it is common enough for it to do so. Imprisonment like single gender education often breeds same sex nookie... sometimes people are victims but time and resignation can bring them to enjoy what was originally a very unhappy experience which simply would not have occurred in the outside world... we are sexual animals, and social animals and isolation from our sexual and social norms does change our perspectives and our desires often require sating by other than our own hand...

In the circumstances or situation where people have sex with those they would not normally, whether they can be classed as bisexual or homosexual, or even heterosexual is a good question. They are homosexually or heterosexually active but that does not necessarily mean that they are either homosexual or heterosexual, or even bisexual... it is the situation as u put, the circumstances in which they find themselves that determine how they act, not necessarily their sexuality...in fact I doubt if in very many cases it ever determines their sexuality.. it may awaken the to their true calling but I dont think it determines that calling..

I never went to a single sex school, neither have I been to prison but know those who have been to one and to both.. and their sexuality was never determined by their sexual experiences at school or in clink.. it was release from stress and the frustration of no sexual contact with another human being. Upon release from prison for instance, they reverted to their previous sexual norm and deny not that they had lesbian or homosexual acts but tell me that it was need and circumstance which determined their same sex sexual activity. Similarly both men and women I know who went to private single sex boarding schools or public schools and participated in homosexual activity... several continue this activity and consider themselves gay or lesbian, one considers herself bisexual, but most ceased sexual activity with their own gender the day they left school and consider themselves heterosexual. There are also instances of same sex activity from those who served in the armed forces going back generations and while some upon return to more normal social life continued their activity and were gay or bisexual, most returned and for them they returned to being heterosexual as they had been prior to their military service. What they really were is anyone's guess...

Circumstances which are not of the norm, situations if u prefer, do make us act differently to how we would normally and sexual activity is no different. Many of us have wakened up beside those we would not normally consider suitable bed partners.. I certainly have.. circumstance determined that we would fuck... and for each of us those circumstances are different and what we will do and with whom is different... even from day to day these circumstances are different for each of us...

Human social and sexual relationships are far too complex for us to know for sure what people are because of what u term situational relationships... even those who have been through it many of them don't know for sure. It is an interesting subject tenni, but it is one we will never quite find an answer to. We are just much too complicated. I don't know the answer and doubt if anyone truly does.

[DuckiesDarling]

There is no such thing as situational bisexuality. The men you speak were probably always gay, and just wanted an excuse to fuck other men when their wives got tired of dealing with them.Although I dont condone cheating they could have always seek out other women,but oh no,they decided to go after men.

And maybe that man who was in prison finally decided he was gay later on down the line.He might have gotten turn out in prison,who knows?

It does exist, for both men and women, I know of people of both genders who have had encounters due to alcohol, drugs, or forced contact rather than actual curiosity. To say otherwise bespeaks of a lack of actual life experience.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

It does exist, for both men and women, I know of people of both genders who have had encounters due to alcohol, drugs, or forced contact rather than actual curiosity. To say otherwise bespeaks of a lack of actual life experience.

And I know plenty of people, who were drunk as a skunk, and all they did was pass out. And forced contact sounds like rape to me,there's a difference.

[Jobelorocks]

Your questioning the BISEXUAL actions of men and concluding that they are HOMOSEXUALS. Not just once or twice in highly suspicious circumstances, but every time you comment on a male who has sex with a male. We really can't win. We're either riddled with HIV+ etc (according to some women here), raving misogynists or we don't even exist.
You really wonder why men find it relaxing to have NSA sex with other men?:tongue:
Amen brother. I think we are all tired of her nonsense. Every time she mentions bisexual men, it is always either in a negative way, or saying they are really gay and not bisexual. Bisexual men exist, just like bisexual women. If you are going to deny the existence of bisexual men or talk down about them repeatedly, you have prejudice against them. If you are prejudice against bisexual men, then a bisexual forum is probably not the best place to spout it, even if you are a bisexual woman. Who is she to say what other people's sexuality is? Even if a man cheats on his wife with men, doesn't mean that they are gay.

[darkeyes]

And I know plenty of people, who were drunk as a skunk, and all they did was pass out. And forced contact sounds like rape to me,there's a difference.
The point is that they don't all pass out nor are they forced.... we are too complex members of a much too complex species to say X Y and Z circumstances determine that we are A B or C... we are all different.. when I was 15 I got rat arsed with me bf and m8 and 'er bf and we nicked a car.. stupid; criminal; insane... we acted stupidly, criminally and insanely but did that make us for the rest of our lives stupid, criminal and insane?

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Amen brother. I think we are all tired of her nonsense. Every time she mentions bisexual men, it is always either in a negative way, or saying they are really gay and not bisexual. Bisexual men exist, just like bisexual women. If you are going to deny the existence of bisexual men or talk down about them repeatedly, you have prejudice against them. If you are prejudice against bisexual men, then a bisexual forum is probably not the best place to spout it, even if you are a bisexual woman. Who is she to say what other people's sexuality is? Even if a man cheats on his wife with men, doesn't mean that they are gay.

Sorry,sweetheart I am not going anywhere.And just in case you have not notice I posted other things besides bisexual male stuff here as well.

[Jobelorocks]

Sorry,sweetheart I am not going anywhere.And just in case you have not notice I post other things besides bisexual male stuff here as well.
I am not telling you to, I am just saying maybe you shouldn't be spouting off your prejudice speech against male bisexuals on a bisexual forum. I understand that you post stuff other than stuff about bisexual men, never said that you didn't. I just am saying this negative speech against bisexual speech is getting on everyone's nerves and you are sure making yourself a lot of enemies. And again, don't call me sweetheart. I don't appreciate the sarcastic pet names.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

I am not telling you to, I am just saying maybe you shouldn't be spouting off your prejudice speech against male bisexuals on a bisexual forum. I understand that you post stuff other than stuff about bisexual men, never said that you didn't. I just am saying this negative speech against bisexual speech is getting on everyone's nerves and you are sure making yourself a lot of enemies. And again, don't call me sweetheart. I don't appreciate the sarcastic pet names.

Well your sure did make it sound that way,and me getting on everyone's nerves really is not my prerogative.And with the few enimies I have I am sure I have a few friends here as well.

[Jobelorocks]

Well your sure did make it sound that way,and me getting on everyone's nerves really is not my prerogative.And with the few enimies I have I am sure I have a few friends here as well.

I am fine with you staying on, I as well as all the bisexual men, as well as several of the women on this site, would greatly appreciate if you stopped with your prejudice speech against bi men.Well if you remember your last post about bisexual stereotypes that bother you, there were several of us that were quite annoyed at your prejudice attitude as well as in other previous posts and now again you have still people annoyed with you. There is a reason that people keep on getting on your case.

[Gearbox]

Because they might prefer men sexually.And I guess you can't win if you think that way.Maybe next you can ask a few unicorns why most people think bimales don't exist.
Homosexual men don't just prefer men sexually, but have no sexual attraction to women at all. You do know that?

[The Bisexual Virgin]

I am fine with you staying on, I as well as all the bisexual men, as well as several of the women on this site, would greatly appreciate if you stopped with your prejudice speech against bi men.Well if you remember your last post about bisexual stereotypes that bother you, there were several of us that were quite annoyed at your prejudice attitude as well as in other previous posts and now again you have still people annoyed with you. There is a reason that people keep on getting on your case.

Yeah I know why.I realize not everyone is going to agree with me on certain things, and vice versa.Look,if I see a post that really bothers me, or that find interesting I will post what I have to say

[Jobelorocks]

Homosexual men don't just prefer men sexually, but have no sexual attraction to women at all. You do know that?
I know, right?

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Homosexual men don't just prefer men sexually, but have no sexual attraction to women at all. You do know that?

WHAT!?!if they don't just prefer men sexually,and they are not sexual attracted to women,then who else are they attracted too? Most gay men I know would not go near a woman with a ten foot pole.

[DuckiesDarling]

WHAT!?!if they don't just prefer men sexually,and they are not sexual attracted to women,then who else are they attracted too? Most gay men I know would not go near a woman with a ten foot pole.

Are you really as stupid as you are making yourself appear??? Just wondering...

[Jobelorocks]

WHAT!?!if they don't just prefer men sexually,and they are not sexual attracted to women,then who else are they attracted too? Most gay men I know would not go near a woman with a ten foot pole.
I prefer men sexually, but I am ALSO attracted to women sexually(just not as much as men), so I am a bisexual. So some bisexual men prefer men sexually, but are ALSO attracted to women sexually (just not as men), would STILL make them bisexual. Most bisexuals don't have equal attractions to both genders. I prefer cheesecake to birthday cake, but I like both. I think you need to learn what prefer means.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Are you really as stupid as you are making yourself appear??? Just wondering...

No,you heartless wench.Read his damn question again.

[Jobelorocks]

No,you heartless wench.Read his damn question again.
Ya, you don't know what the word prefer means. I prefer boots to pumps, but that doesn't mean I only like boots. I like both. People can prefer one gender to the other, but also like BOTH. Fancy that. I am MORE attracted to men then women so I prefer men, but I like both, so that STILL makes me a bisexual.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/prefer?s=t Here is a definition.

Prefer-to set (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/set) or hold before or above other persons or things inestimation; like better; choose rather than: to prefer beef tochicken.

So by definition you can prefer one, but like both.

[DuckiesDarling]

No,you heartless wench.Read his damn question again.

A simple yes would have sufficed.....

[Jobelorocks]

A simple yes would have sufficed.....
Amen to that.

[Jobelorocks]

[/B]

Yeah I know why.I realize not everyone is going to agree with me on certain things, and vice versa.Look,if I see a post that really bothers me, or that find interesting I will post what I have to say
But you don't wonder why so many people here get on your case? I sure don't find near as much people getting on my case as you. You know why, because I am not spewing prejudice speech. People aren't on your back because they have friendly disagreements, they are against prejudice against bisexual men.

[turnedout]

Its happened to me after a stint I did in jail/prison some time ago. I had been forced into a passive gay lifestyle there, and after a short time got used to it to the point where it turned me on. I guess I ended up being transformed into the prison bitch, punk or man slut , and it forever has changed my sexuality. Ask away and I explain in more detail .

[jamieknyc]

Sorry,sweetheart I am not going anywhere.And just in case you have not notice I posted other things besides bisexual male stuff here as well.

That is, until you get banned.

[Realist]

I've often wondered that, if I hadn't had an early sexual experience with both genders, would have turned out to be bisexual?

As an innocent boy of about 8, my female cousin encouraged me to kiss and play with her neighbor boy, while she directed us. I had done some things with her, as well....she taught me how to French kiss, for one. I had no concept of sex at that time, I only felt it was pleasurable to enjoy them both.

My first orgasmic experience was with an older male, who induced my very first ejaculation, orally. Since that time, I have had both romantic and platonic relationships with both genders.

The question is; would I have evolved into a bisexual person, if I had not experienced sexual encounters with both genders, as a child? What is different between me and those who experimented, then never went back to being with both?

Who knows?

[The Bisexual Virgin]

But you don't wonder why so many people here get on your case? I sure don't find near as much people getting on my case as you. You know why, because I am not spewing prejudice speech. People aren't on your back because they have friendly disagreements, they are against prejudice against bisexual men.

I know why people get on my case, and if you think it's prejudice that's fine with me.

[Jobelorocks]

I know why people get on my case, and if you think it's prejudice that's fine with me.
I don't think, I know it is. I bet others would vouch for this. As some have already made very clear to you that they don't like your negative statements about bi men and your statements saying that bi men are really gay.

[æonpax]

I've often wondered that, if I hadn't had an early sexual experience with both genders, would have turned out to be bisexual?

As an innocent boy of about 8, my female cousin encouraged me to kiss and play with her neighbor boy, while she directed us. I had done some things with her, as well....she taught me how to French kiss, for one. I had no concept of sex at that time, I only felt it was pleasurable to enjoy them both.

My first orgasmic experience was with an older male, who induced my very first ejaculation, orally. Since that time, I have had both romantic and platonic relationships with both genders.

The question is; would I have evolved into a bisexual person, if I had not experienced sexual encounters with both genders, as a child? What is different between me and those who experimented, then never went back to being with both?

Who knows?

In a manner of speaking, much of bisexuality can be "situational", not so much turning on/off your orientation but acting or not acting on it.

[NjbiGuy01]

I've often wondered that, if I hadn't had an early sexual experience with both genders, would have turned out to be bisexual? Who knows?

Well, I too, played with a female cousin from a young age. I later played with a few male friends in a jerkoff group in my teens. The occasion came up to play with one dude (rest of the group didn't show up) , and we mutually evolved to oral and anal sex. Never kissed, sucked nips as I recall... He showed me porn (screw magazine...) where a guy was fucking a chick while sucking a dick, a woman and a man sucking dick together, and we came to accept that we could enjoy sex with both. I don't know if he ended up bi like me, and often wondered.......

I never really felt "confused". I accepted that it was pleasure, and did not care where I got it from... :tongue:I was actually repulsed when a creepy old man asked if he "could suck my dick for 20 bucks" on a NYC subway one day. I think you can gain acceptance of what YOUR norm may be from situations presented to you. I never felt compelled to become gay, although if I felt then as I do now (that I don't really care what people think), I would consider living with a dude or maybe in a polyamorous relationship with a couple....

[MelissaPDX]

I don't think, I know it is. I bet others would vouch for this. As some have already made very clear to you that they don't like your negative statements about bi men and your statements saying that bi men are really gay. It's true. BiVirgin you can say all the prejudiced and wrong statements about bisexual men all you want but this does not mean that they're correct and that people who know that bisexuality exists in men just as much as it does in women will not correct you or tell you how you're wrong.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

It's true. BiVirgin you can say all the prejudiced and wrong statements about bisexual men all you want but this does not mean that they're correct and that people who know that bisexuality exists in men just as much as it does in women will not correct you or tell you how you're wrong.

What makes you think I want that?

[Gearbox]

What makes you think I want that?
What exactly do you want?

I don't think anybody is against you or dislikes you. It's just confusing why you say the things you do. It just seems so silly.
Believe me it would be so much easier to be either straight or gay for a man. It would be easier for other people to accept you too. But that's not a choice that can be made and we're stuck with it just like you untill whenever.

[tenni]

Thanks Realist, Turnedout and LDD.

Realist your friend Mike, sounds similar to the "Stockholm Syndrome" but not quite.

Actually, when I read about situational it may have use the word "homosexuality". The situation of men in prison and m2m sex sometimes forced and sometimes out of a need for sexual release etc. is interesting and a bit puzzling. As I stated the fellow that I met who had turned situationally into same sex action in prison had no thought about men sexually before he went into prison. As I recall, it was at least five to ten years after he left prison that he said that he realized that he missed that kind of sexual contact with other men and realized that he wanted sex with men. It was not forced on him any more but he wanted it.

Tournedout, did you realize that you enjoyed same sex while still in prison or later? If later, was there a period of time like the fellow that I met?

I wonder if any study has been done about men in prison who engage in same sex action to determine how many of them revert to purely hetero and how many keep their same sex practice after prison continuing quietly like the fellow that I met. I suppose it is a chicken and egg argument as to whether they were really bisexual all the time and became aware after prison.


I think that a similar situation bisexuality or homosexuality comes about with less strict controls with middle aged men in sexless marriages. This may be particularly true in todays society than say forty years ago when bisexuality or homosexuality was never discussed as it is today. I know that some jump all over men who make this decision and they may be reluctant to reveal themselves on this thread or site but I do wonder. I have heard personally from many middle aged men who have made this decision when they have lived without sex for as I wrote seven or more years.

NjbiGuy01, I may be wrong but your situations reads a bit more like sexual exploration but I respect your thoughts. I guess like Realist you may wonder if only? You seem comfortable with your sexuality though.

[turnedout]

I had no thoughts sexually about men before I was locked up. When the initial assaults happened, I thought it was about the worst thing that I could have possibly endured. Possibly around 5 weeks after the original assault, my body had changed, and adjusted to anal, and my mouth had also changed, as my jaw wasnt getting sore and tired as quickly. In actuality, the sex I found rather easy to do and certainly tolerable. It took a little while, but I started to find some partners very sexually exciting, aspecially if they were gentle and not the violent rough type. This continued throught my sentence, and by the time I left, It literally was my sexual experience, cause I only had been with women maybe 6 times, but with men, hundreds? If i would have had the right sexual partner after release, I would have certainly continued passively right away.

[DuckiesDarling]

I don't think, I know it is. I bet others would vouch for this. As some have already made very clear to you that they don't like your negative statements about bi men and your statements saying that bi men are really gay.

Exactly.

[tenni]

drugstore
You may have mentioned that in your societal circles forty years ago, bisexuality was known. In my society, it was not discussed or talked about. There were two types hetero or gay.

As to whether men in sexless relationships are really bisexual and always were, it is a possibility for some. I think that there are many factors in play and it may include more open discussions about sexualities in in my society. Guys are opening up to why not try it but they do it discreetly.

I don't think that the situations are parallel. I agree with you. It doesn't dismiss the possibility that sexual behaviour and some more openness to try an alternative to no sex at all is the same whether you are doing without in prison or a sexless relationship.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Oh good grief. First yet another of your tirades about Bi men, then when confronted you resort to childish name-calling. If you dislike Bi men so damn much why are you here?? I know this has been asked more than once and we have Yet to get a straight answer. No pun intended.
Whats your thing against Bi men? And you Really ought to get some help for that temper of yours.
Cat

[Jobelorocks]

Oh good grief. First yet another of your tirades about Bi men, then when confronted you resort to childish name-calling. If you dislike Bi men so damn much why are you here?? I know this has been asked more than once and we have Yet to get a straight answer. No pun intended.
Whats your thing against Bi men? And you Really ought to get some help for that temper of yours.
Cat
Amen Sister!

[darkeyes]

Oh good grief. First yet another of your tirades about Bi men, then when confronted you resort to childish name-calling. If you dislike Bi men so damn much why are you here?? I know this has been asked more than once and we have Yet to get a straight answer. No pun intended.
Whats your thing against Bi men? And you Really ought to get some help for that temper of yours.
Cat
ehhhhhh... for the bisexual women Cat? Easy peasy 2 walk out door pick up a guy and get laid.... not quite so easy to find a girl 2 have nice time wiv in lotsa places!!! Part of the reason men come here is for men.. women for women.. think BV talks through the bootie a lot. Moren is good for 'er.. but we all learn.. I hope.. bit like going 2 a gay or lessie bar innit? Usually its to pick up 1 who has same bits as us... so don't be too hard on 'er... better helping her understand than slaggin' the poor cow off...:)

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Oh good grief. First yet another of your tirades about Bi men, then when confronted you resort to childish name-calling. If you dislike Bi men so damn much why are you here?? I know this has been asked more than once and we have Yet to get a straight answer. No pun intended.
Whats your thing against Bi men? And you Really ought to get some help for that temper of yours.
Cat

I am here because I am a bisexual woman, I have said this before in this thread,plus I enjoy some of the topics. And I have no plight against bisexual men, but I will say this in regrads of bisexual men being gay:If it walks like a duck,quacks like a duck, and then it's a duck.Although I know that statement is not true for all bisexual men.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

People get on your case because it is prejudice. You do tend to post some highly biphobic things about bisexual men and you practice bisexual erasure. Bisexuality even in men is its own sexual orientation. It doesn't mean that a man is really gay but closeted or afraid to come out, and it does not mean that a man is half gay and half straight. If the situation were reversed and a straight person or even lesbian woman came here saying how bisexual women are all really lesbians or are lesbian but afraid to come out I'm sure you'd post and tell them how they're wrong and being prejudiced/bigoted.


I am really surprised you of all people made a comment.BTW Alexander The Great was GAY. He only married women for the sake of doing so.And to top it off he was a psycho.

[Jobelorocks]

I am here because I am a bisexual woman, I have said this before in this thread,plus I enjoy some of the topics. And I have no plight against bisexual men, but I will say this in regrads of bisexual men being gay:If it walks like a duck,quacks like a duck, and then it's a duck.Although I know that statement is not true for all bisexual men.
And since you are the queen of sexuality, you get to tell other people what their sexuality is or isn't right? Who are you to say what these men's attractions are? How would you like it if they told you that you weren't really bi, you would have a hissy.

[jamieknyc]

Canadian society in the late 60s and early 70s must have been full of prudery. I'm not just writing from the perspective of my social circles. I am writing about how in the United States bisexuality was very well known about 40 years ago and a very mainstream topic, as well as gay/lesbian men and women and LBG issues as well both political and non-political. I remember in the United States everyone was talking about gay men, lesbians, and even bisexuals since Stonewall happened in the late 60s, there were all sorts of pride events and marches. All throughout the 70s and even early 80s mainstream Americans all knew about bisexuality and you could barely avoid reading about it in newspapers and magazines when it came to reading about entertainment/celebrities. David Bowie came out as bisexual and was not lying or faking. Elton John claimed he was bisexual but everyone that was bisexual or gay or "family" knew he was gay but closeted. Only straight people thought that he was actually hetero or bisexual. In the 70s and 80s I also remember seeing a lot of bisexual porn geared towards bisexual men and even magazines about bisexuality in men in the United States so it was a mainstream topic here and very well known about. Even before Stonewall it's not as though nobody knew what bisexuality was since famous historical figures such as Alexander the Great, Sappho, Oscar Wilde, and other people were bisexual. In the 20th Century James Dean talked about how he was bisexual when he was alive.
There was a period in the 1970s when there was a sort of bisexual chic. It didn't last very long.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

And since you are the queen of sexuality, you get to tell other people what their sexuality is or isn't right? Who are you to say what these men's attractions are? How would you like it if they told you that you weren't really bi, you would have a hissy.

I would say that it would bother me,but deep down I really could care less.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

There was a period in the 1970s when there was a sort of bisexual chic. It didn't last very long.




Why it didn't last?

[jamieknyc]

I am really surprised you of all people made a comment.BTW Alexander The Great was GAY. He only married women for the sake of doing so.And to top it off he was a psycho.
What the Greeks did was really more what we would call pedophilia than gay or bisexual. Same-sex acts between adults were considered scandalous or even criminal.

[Brian]

There is no such thing as situational bisexuality. The men you speak were probably always gay, and just wanted an excuse to fuck other men when their wives got tired of dealing with them.Although I dont condone cheating they could have always seek out other women,but oh no,they decided to go after men.

And maybe that man who was in prison finally decided he was gay later on down the line.He might have gotten turn out in prison,who knows? Complete rubbish. Situational bisexuality is very well documented. The OP gave several examples. Dr Fritz Klein wrote about it extensively. You seem to have an issue with science and facts. That is not going to serve you well in the long run.

- Drew :paw:

[NjbiGuy01]

I have no plight against bisexual men, but I will say this in regrads of bisexual men being gay:If it walks like a duck,quacks like a duck, and then it's a duck.Although I know that statement is not true for all bisexual men.

Problem is: How do you truly make that distinction ? What makes you bi and what makes you gay ? I don't go to or hang in bathhouses, I don't pick up men in bookstores or in a highway rest stop, I could barely count on one hand the number of MM encounters I had with no females involved since my teens. For me, having a women involved feels more right. I found nothing more hurtful than a guy who once accused me of "just sucking my dick, so you could fuck my wife"...sad part is that nothing was farther from the truth. There was male/male play with and without female involvement, and I was hoping for more that just head with the male...it just worked out that she and I hit it off and played a bit. It's sometimes just the way things shake out I guess.

To help a woman please her man, to watch a woman and man please me, to play with a man and watch a woman get wet while watching or directing, well, that is totally hot to me. Some might say it is a way for a man to "not feel gay". I'm happily married, and if my wife were interested in swinging we would do it. I wish she would tell me to find a male in the same boat as me, but she doesn't have interest, she knows I've played bi in the past, and thus, I seek it out discretely on my own.

[tenni]

Post 37
"In a manner of speaking, much of bisexuality can be "situational", not so much turning on/off your orientation but acting or not acting on it."

This is true but not quite what I meant by situational bisexuality.

A difference is that your sexuality is altered by the situation. This may be more common in men. I do not know what female prisoners do but suspect that some may under that situation of little to no interaction with available men, turn to women. I suspect that with women it may be more nurturing and emotional support while with men it can become a strong raw sexual physical release as the reason. It can also be a power play of dominance where sex is used to dominate.

In the situation of men living with women where there is no sex it can become a sexual release. The reasons why another man is selected may vary. It is possible that the man's bisexuality has been suppressed and surfaces. It has also been told to me that the man felt better going with a man rather than going with a woman behind his wife's back. Even though the wife has no interest in sex.

[æonpax]

Study history and human sexuality more. Alexander the Great was bisexual. His marriages to women were not to hide homosexuality, and he didn't marry women just for the sake of doing so. He had 3 wives, a mistress, and relationships with Hephaestion and later Bagoas. Since my husband I are both men I am sure that you would claim that we're "really gay" and just afraid to come out or other BS you think about bisexual men; but that's not the case since we are both bisexual because we have sexual attraction to both men and women, and while we can fall in love with both men and women not all bisexuals can but it does not make someone less of a bisexual just because they only fall in love or have relationships with one gender and not both.

As usual...Wrong.

Alexander the Great was into pederasty (adult male and a younger male)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty_in_ancient_Greece

or was heterosexual,

Sexuality and Alexander - http://wso.williams.edu/~junterek/sex.htm (http://wso.williams.edu/%7Ejunterek/sex.htm)

or was considered gay.

http://humweb.ucsc.edu/classics/hedrick/Alexander/OgdenSex.pdf

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Study history and human sexuality more. Alexander the Great was bisexual. His marriages to women were not to hide homosexuality, and he didn't marry women just for the sake of doing so. He had 3 wives, a mistress, and relationships with Hephaestion and later Bagoas. Since my husband I are both men I am sure that you would claim that we're "really gay" and just afraid to come out or other BS you think about bisexual men; but that's not the case since we are both bisexual because we have sexual attraction to both men and women, and while we can fall in love with both men and women not all bisexuals can but it does not make someone less of a bisexual just because they only fall in love or have relationships with one gender and not both.

To be honest if I would have saw you and your husband I would assume that you are gay, just for the simple fact you are in a gay relationship.And weren't you the one that was telling me that bisexual men prefer men for sex,relationships, and romance? I am pretty sure did,so I really can't take what you say seriously, or you trying to debunk everything I say about bi men to heart.

And to Aeon,although I usually question your posts, and thought processes,Thank You for proving Drugstore Cowboy wrong. Alexander The Great wasGAY, a pedophile, and a murdering evil psychopath. It was reported that he was racist as well.

[Cast Iron]

Since my husband I are both men I am sure that you would claim that we're "really gay" and just afraid to come out or other BS you think about bisexual men; but that's not the case since we are both bisexual

Bisexual apparently means a lot of things, and this has been a great discussion to follow, but I can't even begin to get my head around that comment.

[Brian]

As usual...Wrong.

Alexander the Great was into pederasty (adult male and a younger male)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty_in_ancient_Greece

or was heterosexual,

Sexuality and Alexander - http://wso.williams.edu/~junterek/sex.htm (http://wso.williams.edu/%7Ejunterek/sex.htm)

or was considered gay.

http://humweb.ucsc.edu/classics/hedrick/Alexander/OgdenSex.pdf

What exactly are you saying drugstore cowboy is wrong about? That Alexander's sexual orientation can best be described as bisexual? I think this is what you are saying, and will assume so for the rest of this comment.

The answer to the question "Was Alexander bisexual?" is right there in the 3 links you provided. Link 2 contains the evidence for attraction to males (even though you suggest is it is evidence for heterosexuality, I don't understand why). And Link 3 contains evidence for both attraction to males (see section called "Alexander's Boys") and females (see section called "Alexander's Girls") - but as in the case of your second link, your claim doesn't match the document you link to, as you say the link contains evidence Alexander was "gay".

Are these honest oversights on your part, or do you have an agenda to distort facts, or do you not understand the textbook definition of bisexual, or is it some other fundamental problem?

Alexander's time was very long ago. We can't be certain of events that far back, but based on the evidence we do have, it is almost certainly most accurate to describe Alexander's sexual orientation as bisexual.

- Drew :paw:

[mnTIMIDguy]

You know, I don't care if you can change TBV's opinions, but could someone please get her to insert two spaces after her periods please ? :rolleyes:

[tenni]

Post 34
I'd like to bring back questions that Realist presented.
"The question is; would I have evolved into a bisexual person, if I had not experienced sexual encounters with both genders, as a child?

What is different between me and those who experimented, then never went back to being with both?

I wonder about your questions as well. We can enter into situations and experiment to find out that we like it. From what Realist pointed out he was a young boy with no awareness of sex. He experimented with girls and boys. I think that this is somewhat normal but there are situations where the experience is not pleasant initially like prison same sex action. In Realist's case he found it pleasurable. I think from what he posted at other times, his family was not too open about sexual exploration but he seems to have continued? Despite your family belief Realist continued? Why do you think that you did continue? I know that you have had some lucious life experiences. Did those situations just happen or were you seeking them by the time that you were a teen?

I recall someone posting that men just need a hole and they will be sexual under certain circumstances.

I think that Realist's questions have no clear answer. I know that some men who explore same sex play when young do revisit and desire it after a certain age. Those in prison who do not continue same sex play are also interesting. Unlike Realist and Turnout I'd suspect that they found no pleasure with same sex play?

[Realist]

Tenni asked:

1. "Despite your family belief Realist continued?"

Yes! I was raised to work, to follow orders, and never ask why. From the day I was born, my parents had my life planned for me. Early-on, I understood my parents' definition of right and wrong. They were strict, demanding, and unyielding. But, I knew, somehow, there was more to life than being a puppet, with them pulling the strings. Meanwhile, I had to follow their rules to survive.

In my earliest memory, I developed a method of surviving by being two people.....a split personality. I did what was expected of me, but my true self lived in my brain. My thoughts, dreams, and desires, were obviously not part of their vision of who I should be! Basically, part of me, that I didn't reveal to most, was the truth......the other part of me, the face I submitted to my parents and later, most female lovers, was a lie.

My cousin Judy, who was born the same day I was, was my mentor. From the ages of about 6 until 12, we had a lot of time together. My aunt and uncle lived in a sparsely populated part of Florida, on a large lake, where she and I could explore and be alone. There, she helped me begin my journey into self-discovery and sexuality.

Judy was always brave and adventurous, initiating things I probably would have not thought of, but enjoyed immensely. With her, I was "real"!

The sad thing is, I learned to lie convincingly and chose to live that way during a large part of my life. To fit in and get along, I became who my friends, lovers, acquaintances wanted me to be. Few ever got to know the real me.


2. "Why do you think that you did continue?"

I actually found it easy to fool my parents. I worked hard, did what I was told, and achieved most of the goals they set for me. In their minds, the life they planned for me was coming to fruition....instead, I was waiting for the time until I could leave home and get as far away as I could!


3. "I know that you have had some lucious life experiences. Did those situations just happen or were you seeking them by the time that you were a teen?"

I have had many ill-fated relationships, too. Those failures were mostly my own fault, but my early rewarding experiences seemed to happen so effortlessly that I thought my whole life would be that easy! Boy, was I wrong!

I had three failed marriages, because I played the split personality game with them. I was often not honest with them and, as one might expect, a house built on sand will rarely stand. I cheated on one, during the most of that marriage..............but, did not cheat on wives numbers one and three.

My most successful relationships were LTRs, not marriages; those I began honestly and openly. I don't know why, but after seeing how well the relationships, that began honestly and openly, turned out......I went back to being devious during marriages. Once one begins to lie, it begins a terrible pattern that is difficult to get out of. It was a difficult pattern to break, too.

Yes, I have had some remarkable relationships with both genders. I rarely sought one out, though, especially with males; they just seemed to appear out of the blue. I've never had a one night stand, or sex with any males, who I didn't know well and trust. I've only wanted LTRs with either gender, but did have one one night stand with a German lady, when I was 19.

Looking back, I felt that I could have a relationship with guys, while being my true self, but was convinced that I had to put up a smoke screen to be loved and wanted by the ladies. They responded so well to my reinventing myself. Listening to them, I got an idea of what they were seeking, so I morphed myself to suit their ideals. The skills of acting (lying) to ensure I evaded my parents' wrath, carried on into my teen years and adulthood.

It took many years for me to learn to reveal my true self and understand there actually are people who would accept and love me for being me!

[Laidbackdudeixi]

Realist, reading your last post was like reading a page out of my own journal. It's always a bit terrifying to hear another person's truth so closely align with your own. You spoke of this "split personality"... Did you ever find yourself unnerved by how much you were capable of disassociating from if you put your mind to it?

As an only child to my mother, I have often felt the incredible burden of trying to live up to her expectations and often felt the need to think as both myself and the idealized version I felt my parents believed I should be. As it would turn out, my profession (performing arts) also fed into this duality. I have found it difficult to be "myself" with many people, since I've been aware for so many years that most people are always in a state of acting.

[12voltman59]

After reading some of the posts on here---I know why there were some who got banned--too bad.

[Realist]

Laidback asked, "You spoke of this "split personality"... Did you ever find yourself unnerved by how much you were capable of disassociating from if you put your mind to it?"

Yes, but, I never got used to the power of lies! Scary, is the only term I can think of!

It was amazing how girls would react, when I told them what they wanted to hear. I could be whoever they wanted and they loved it. However, a person can only play a part just so long. I'd either get tired of it, or they'd finally discover that I was not who they thought I was. Once I began to live that way, it was difficult to stop. But my conscience never went away. It was a dichotomy....I enjoyed the power, but understood that those lovers, who I lied to, loved an idea that was not me.

With guys, for some reason, I felt little incentive to lie. They were easier to seduce and relationships, with most, were much less stressful.

So, finally, I decided that if I didn't change my life, come clean, and strive to be honest and open about everything, I would never have a relationship with anyone who was with me for being myself.

Fantastically, although I thought I'd never find a person who would love the real me, I found that person, right here! We've now been lovers for 4 years! Even after I told her about by previous deviousness, failed marriages, and the causes of them, including my bisexuality, she accepted me!

Don't ask me why I didn't do this before...I don't know why. But, I'll be eternally thankful for this site, the advice I got, and especially for the love and understanding I've found!

[tenni]

"With guys, for some reason, I felt little incentive to lie. They were easier to seduce and relationships, with most, were much less stressful."

Yes, I definitely agree with this statement. That is not to say that a guy will not lie and create stressful scenes to another guy though. It just seems less necessary between men.

As far as the "split personality" approach, I can not say that I felt that way. Before I knew the word and meaning of bisexual, I did separate men and women in my mind. I explained it to myself as creating two boxes. One was for men and the other was for women as far as sex was concerned. I could never look at bi porn even after I knew the meaning of bisexual. I have looked at it since and really have to try hard to be comfortable with it. If I give myself permission and I'm by myself I can appreciate bi porn. However, porn doesn't do an awful lot for me anyway so I haven't worked too hard at bringing them together in my mind. Maybe, one day, a mfm scene.

Thank you very much Realist for your comments on post 73.

[onesucker4u]

OH MY! Do you Trekies remember the one where http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX8MwpsZI6U Beverly falls in love with an alien that lives thru host bodies? When the 2nd body was male, she didnt have a problem, but when it took a female body= dealbreaker. Now , the alien just couldnt see why Beverly was such a square. I love this cuz I had so many thoughts, going in all directions! Its like, any dick will do, but Vagina?No way! WHAT I WANT TO SHARE HERE IS THERE ARE NO RULES. Humans are sexual and moody and want to love and be loved.
How about those Spartans? ( lets not get to sticky about pure facts, and look at the ideas) I've seen doco's where there was no distinction between hetero, Bi, or homo. A beautiful body is attractive sexually, period, and there were no labels.and young Spartans were encouraged to have gay lovers ( it was quoted that " they died(in battle) beside their lovers", but had to take a wife at a certain age ( it was a ritualistic rape where he snuck into her tent in the dark).
Now, I have never been romantic with a man (surprised,right?) but I can totaly understand it. I came very close with a gorgeous gentle young soul my wife and I were seeing. I have rarely kissed a man, I just dont have those urges, except 2 times with very pretty and young , hairless almost feminine guys. I LOVE Dick tho. and have even goten on top and riden a prety 20 something yo . I am moody , so I could be categorized as situational bi, but I have had long term relationships with women where a guy was meeting me in secret.
again, there are no rules . Now I could probably fall in love with a guy, but I am much more emotionally involved with a woman and enjoy monogamy. I could also be in a triad where we all are "loving" with each other. I could also have a wife that allows ocasional threeways. I am one of the moody Cancerians. I understand Aries is even worse.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

OS4u? I think you need to switch to Decaff, Babe..:} lol
Cat

[Jobelorocks]

Onesucker, I do remember that episode where Dr. Crusher falls in love with that alien. lol. I have never been romantically attracted to women, but if my husband were to magically become female, I certainly would still love him...her...? I would guess him because he is mentally a male. I have never had romantic feeling towards any women, just sexual ones. I guess it would be possible for me to fall in love with a woman, just hasn't happened as of yet.

[IanBorthwick]

Humans are sexual and moody and want to love and be loved.
How about those Spartans? ( lets not get to sticky about pure facts, and look at the ideas) I've seen doco's where there was no distinction between hetero, Bi, or homo. A beautiful body is attractive sexually, period, and there were no labels.and young Spartans were encouraged to have gay lovers ( it was quoted that " they died(in battle) beside their lovers", but had to take a wife at a certain age ( it was a ritualistic rape where he snuck into her tent in the dark).



Actually, I think you mean Atheneans, the Spartans were not well known for that kind of thing in recorded history, not like the natives of Athens were. And the second part was because there was no term for Homosexuality until about 100 years ago. To the Greeks there simply was sexuality...or no sex. A very black and white, un-nuanced view, but pragmatic all the same. Were we to go back to that I'd be all for it. Problem is the way we understand things is by commonality and clustering.... :(

[onesucker4u]

I seem to have made some sence, maybe, to Jobelo. and heres something interesting; I talked to a cute little lady after a meeting yesterday and he said he was a boy right now / transgender. Well, I didn't run away, either physically or mentally. I did look around to see if anyone was listening, and proceeded to ask all sorts of questions.Turns out he never inserted his penis in anything and never wants to. 30 yo btw. Well I said that was a shame but never returned to that specific detail. We talked for over half hour and traded phone numbers and later talked on the phone. I am sure he wants me to fuck him and I think I will, even tho I will never get to touch his cock.

[babloobla]

I was in a situation where I was in love with a girl but she didn't 'see me that way.' I was crushed.
Later I was in a situation where I met a man and was playing backgammon at his house, and then he put on a movie. A man was walking on the beach wearing shorts. As he came closer to the foreground I saw that his penis was erect under his shorts, I felt my penis get hard and the man i was hanging out with noticed and reached over and squeezed my penis then I reciprocated, clothes came off and cocks were sucked and ass was fucked. I never mentioned it to a soul.
A year later met the same guy and had a similar experience.
A year or so later, met a girl became friends.. became lovers.. had a baby.. had a wedding,,, had a divorce...
A year or so later.. had another girlfriend,,, had a couple of group sex sessions with her at her college dorm, she identified as bi, she left me after a while for another man...
A few months later... hung out with a friend of hers, a gay male, went to his house,,, vaseline etcetera..
Really was wondering what the 'eck was i doing? gay? straight? Bisexaul? whatever?
Someone, an acquaintance, said once when he was leaving work, 'I'm going home, it's time to have sex?'
I asked, 'When is it time to have sex?'
He said, 'When I get an erection.' duh.
Being human hurts sometimes. It can hurt physically or mental/emotionally. Mental emotional pain arises out of non-acceptance, mostly of oneself, but also non-acceptance of others. The challenge I feel is to try not to create pain for yourself, and then not create pain for others. It's not an easy lesson, or skill, to master. The hardest part is realizing we create so much of our own suffering, usually out of fear. For some including myself, the greatest pain has been caused by my failing to love because of fear.

[pole_smoker]

Its happened to me after a stint I did in jail/prison some time ago. I had been forced into a passive gay lifestyle there, and after a short time got used to it to the point where it turned me on. I guess I ended up being transformed into the prison bitch, punk or man slut , and it forever has changed my sexuality. Ask away and I explain in more detail .
How many men did you have sex with while you were in prison or locked up?

http://bathhousesex.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Raw-and-Rough-Ken-Byker-Dayton-OConnor-Trelino-Shay-Michaels-Adam-Russo-Cutler-X-Interracial-Bareback-Orgy-Amateur-Gay-Porn-05.jpg

[DMercator]

... it may awaken the to their true calling but I dont think it determines that calling.

Well stated.

[charles-smythe]

I was reading on a different thread about men who find themselves in sexless relationships with women after twenty plus years. I've met such men and it included several who stated that the relationship worked other than the sex aspect. Men who had been in this situation for seven to ten years turned to sex with men rather than another woman.

I've also met a guy who was in prison and became sexual with other men. When he returned to mainstream society, he stopped having sex with men and married a woman. About five to ten years in to that relationship, he began to want to have sex with other men again. He had considered his initial contact with men sexually in prison as something that he had to submit to. Yet, later in his life he wanted to have sex with other men.

I also read quite some time ago about levels of bisexuality and it did refer to "situational bisexuality" where for reasons such as the above two situations, men become sexual with other men and they had not considered it or desired it.

I know that some believe that labels are a distraction and that society should just accept that any two people regardless of gender may become sexual with each other. That is probably a good position but it doesn't really help bisexuals deal with prejudice and discrimination imo.

I'm just wondering if there are bimen on this site who believe that they became interested in same sex activity because of a situation.

If you don't like or disapprove of men having situational sex, please start your own thread. Please let this thread be free of judgment posts.


There is no such thing as situational bisexuality. The men you speak were probably always gay, and just wanted an excuse to fuck other men when their wives got tired of dealing with them.Although I dont condone cheating they could have always seek out other women,but oh no,they decided to go after men.

And maybe that man who was in prison finally decided he was gay later on down the line.He might have gotten turn out in prison,who knows? …like the men you speak of I didn’t start having sex with men until my 40s…but like the other poster said…the bi (gayness) urges had always been there to some extent I just didn’t realize & act on until later…these men you speak of didn’t turn bi on a whim…they were always bi…just not practicing bi…

[DMercator]

I think one of the challenges with this conversation is that sexual acts and sexual orientation aren't necessarily the same thing. A man who is in his 40's that hasn't had sex with his wife in years may choose casual sex with other men as much out of convenience as out of sexual orientation. Casual sex with another guy is easy, uncomplicated, and free. Does that make the husband bisexual? Maybe. Or maybe he's just sexual and adjusting to the situation that he finds his life in. Does it really matter whether we label him bisexual or "situational bisexual"? Who can say?
I don't get hung up on labels in my own life, I'm certainly not so arrogant that I'd presume to know what label to put on someone else's.

[charles-smythe]

I think one of the challenges with this conversation is that sexual acts and sexual orientation aren't necessarily the same thing. A man who is in his 40's that hasn't had sex with his wife in years may choose casual sex with other men as much out of convenience as out of sexual orientation. Casual sex with another guy is easy, uncomplicated, and free. Does that make the husband bisexual? Maybe. Or maybe he's just sexual and adjusting to the situation that he finds his life in. Does it really matter whether we label him bisexual or "situational bisexual"? Who can say?
I don't get hung up on labels in my own life, I'm certainly not so arrogant that I'd presume to know what label to put on someone else's. …amen…well said…

[matutum]

it's easier to have sex with a man than a woman- most men can sit and watch porn or go further - so 2 guys play with each other and get sexually satisfied- instead of eating at the Y they suck other- I would prefer a woman but I'm married- no sex here- to find another woman is a pain because they a tuned differently than a man, humans will pretty much get sex one way or another- we need human contact-

[elian]

I'm pretty sure it's well proven that sexual behavior is often situational - for example straight men having sex with each other while incarcerated or at a gender segregated school. The point about sexual acts vs. orientation probably applies to this situation. I am sure there are some men that would prefer a female but have no options besides celibacy, masturbation or sex with another man.

Maybe anti-LGBT folks think this is the way that ALL humans are and that is why they can't understand why people would "choose" that behavior.

I still believe that there is such a thing as an innate (sexual and romantic) orientation - I believe it is a combination of genetic predisposition, environment and experience - especially during the formative years of youth.

The conventional wisdom is that men are "easier" with respect to sex, but actually I don't find that to be the case at all trying to date some of them. Many are very selective about what they will reveal to others. Maybe my approach is wrong, because I want a bit more than to simply get off.

[charles-smythe]

…this whole question confuses me…the answer is so simple…if you fuck women & suck dicks then you’re bi…if you fuck women & don’t suck dicks then you’re straight…if you don’t fuck women but do suck dick you’re gay…

[Annika L]

…this whole question confuses me…the answer is so simple…if you fuck women & suck dicks then you’re bi…if you fuck women & don’t suck dicks then you’re straight…if you don’t fuck women but do suck dick you’re gay…



I get where it can be confusing. But just to get those grey-juices pumping, here are some scenarios (I'll keep them all from a male perspective for you):
(1) What if you fuck women, don't suck cocks, but really, really want to, but are in a monogamous relationship and won't cheat?
(2) What if you love to suck cocks, and love to eat pussy, but are uninspired at the idea of actually fucking a woman?
(3) What if you fuck women, dislike sucking cocks, but want to be anally fucked by a guy (not a dildo)...but have no interest in fucking a guy?
(4) What if you love doing anything with a woman, and love sexual BDSM-play with guys, but not fellatio or anal sex (or same, but with male/female roles reversed)?
(5) What if you suck cocks, don't like fucking women or eating their pussies, but still go nuts over their breasts, and masturbate to the fucking scenes in straight porn?

The list could go on. With your "so simple scheme", #1, #3, and #4 are straight, and #2 and #5 are gay; and yet none of those assessments really sound right, at least to me. Nor do I suspect any of the men in those scenarios would identify as your scheme would identify them.

[tenni]

…like the men you speak of I didn’t start having sex with men until my 40s…but like the other poster said…the bi (gayness) urges had always been there to some extent I just didn’t realize & act on until later…these men you speak of didn’t turn bi on a whim…they were always bi…just not practicing bi…

Yes, some of the men were like you and in hind sight saw that they were always bisexual. However, some were not only surprised and even shocked to find themselves being more and more attracted to other men..Some were only attracted to cock. Some swore that they never were attracted. I think this group were the most disturbed but usually got over it fairly quickly and got to m2m sex. That made them a bit different from guys who were always attracted but repressed their attraction wishing it would go away.

[cuttin2dachase]

As part of the birds & bees speech I'd gotten from my Dad when I was 9 or 10 years old, he also told me about "queers". It was concept I'd never heard of or imagined existed though I did know the part about how babies were made. Back then, you usually found that out from other kids at school the same way you found out there was no Santa Claus long before your parents told you about it. In his simple explanation, he portrayed "queers" as older men who took advantage of young boys like me. Basically he said I should run like hell and come tell him or my Mom if an older man ever asked me to take off my clothes or if a man exposed himself to me or touched my privates, etc. It was only then that I became aware of the existence of homosexuality. I lost my male virginity to a hot 21 year old college girl when I was 14 and was completely pussy crazy from then on.

About a year later when I was 15, I had a homoerotic experience that was initiated by a 17 yr old neighborhood acquaintance. We were camping out and perving the centerfold in a Playboy mag he'd brought when he asked me if I jerked off. I said yes and she said he did too. He suggested we take off our clothes and jack off together. That soon progressed to him reaching for my cock to jack me and asking me to jack him. I went along with all of it, not thinking it to be a big deal. We made each other cum and that was it, so I thought. Later I awoke moaning to find him sucking my cock. I was surprised and kind of weirded out, but it felt good. I feigned sleeping through it. He stopped and moved back to his sleeping bag after I came in his mouth. He never knew that I had been awake. I suppose since he was near my age that I didn't think of him as "queer" because he was not an older man like my Dad had told me about. I felt no guilt or shame and pretty much forgot about it. I didn't skip a beat in chasing girls or give mm sex another thought until many years later (read below). That was a situational bi experience for me at that time.

Fast forward 17 years....I was 32 and 1st wife and I had a wild sex life that included swinging with couples and other men. She had a fantasy to watch and help me and another man suck each other. I was hesitant, but she kept begging me to try it for her. It was only then that I remembered my only other mm experience. Remembering it as not a big deal back then, to please her I sucked and was sucked by a man during a 4some with a bi couple. I believe that was a still a situationally bi experience up until the point when I took his cock into my mouth for the 1st minute or so LOL When it swelled in my mouth and he began to moan as our wives were getting off watching and helping, I believe that to be the moment that I became bi. From that moment on, I craved other men and their cocks as much as my hotwife did ! Any "situation" when I could be naked and have oral sex with a man with or without wifey could no longer be considered "situationally bisexual". I'd become a full blown bisexual man (pun intended) and have been ever since. Although I am very closeted about it by choice and zealously conceal it from heterosexual people, there's no way I can deny to myself and other bi/gay people that I am bisexual. My own opinion is that millions of individuals have same gender sex at some point in their life and that there are millions of unique situations or circumstances in which it can and does occur. Each individual decides whether he/she is str8, gay, lesbian or bisexual or situationally bisexual. It's not for others to judge them for their choice or tell them which sexual orientation they believe them to be.

[biguy1940]

Your questioning the BISEXUAL actions of men and concluding that they are HOMOSEXUALS. Not just once or twice in highly suspicious circumstances, but every time you comment on a male who has sex with a male. We really can't win. We're either riddled with HIV+ etc (according to some women here), raving misogynists or we don't even exist.
You really wonder why men find it relaxing to have NSA sex with other men?:tongue:

gearbox, you hit that one right on the head...maybe if BV gets hit on the head she'll get it

[biguy1940]

Sorry,sweetheart I am not going anywhere.And just in case you have not notice I posted other things besides bisexual male stuff here as well.
i noticed in your intro it says "voted off the island"...hmm, i wonder why..LMAO