Can you really choose a side?

[The Bisexual Virgin]

I was wondering lately can bisexuals really choose a side and stick with it, for the rest of their lives? I often hear from the straight community, and sometimes the gay community that most bisexuals need to pick a side and stick with it, but if I had to be honest I realize the majority of bisexual men prefer men. Now about bisexual women I don't know. but founding that most bi guys prefer men is not really a surprise.

[Jobelorocks]

Well I am a bisexual woman who prefers men, but I know plenty of bi women prefer women. I think there is a problem with finding out what the exact numbers are for bi men and what they prefer and bi women and what they prefer, because many bis tend to pose as either straight or gay or haven't come to terms with their sexuality. I think many bisexuals tend to just pick a side because they feel they have to due to societal norms and pressures.

I don't think one can really "choose a side" because no matter what you do you still will have attraction to both genders no matter what your sexual practices are. Now I think that I could be with just my husband and be perfectly fine with that, but I don't particularly want to. My hubby and I swing and he is supportive of my sexuality which is wonderful. If he wanted to stop swinging or for me not to have sexual relations with other women anymore, I would have no problem with that. His feelings are way more important to me than being able to sleep with other people.

[Implanted]

Most of the bisexual men I know are primarily interested in women. If they were forced to choose (as many feel society forces them to do) they would have to choose--as would I--to be with a woman. As it is, I am married to a wonderful woman who fully accepts my sexuality, so i have the freedom to remain with the woman I love and still seek companionship with men.

So I guess to answer your question, 'could I choose to stick with one sex or the other,' I would have to say----

Yes, I could choose...

But why should I. It's too much fun to explore.

[falcondfw]

I agree with Implanted. I prefer women, both sexually and emotionally. I suppose it is possible I could form an emotional bond with a man, but I am not inclined to and have never met a guy I would consider falling in love with.

When I am with a guy it is mostly pure lust and the eroticism of the moment.

If I was forced to choose, it would not be difficult for me to choose women.

[Gearbox]

You can chose to stick to one gender, but that doesn't change your sexuality. I chose to be celibate for a few years, but I wasn't asexual.:tongue:
Bi males can get as much cock as women, so it's no surprise that they will. They don't often go for just one particular male person, like their female partners, but will scout through a big variety of males. That doesn't necessarily mean they prefer males. IMO sex with males is viewed differently than with females, by bi males.

[jamieknyc]

I was wondering lately can bisexuals really choose a side and stick with it, for the rest of their lives? I often hear from the straight community, and sometimes the gay community that most bisexuals need to pick a side and stick with it, but if I had to be honest I realize the majority of bisexual men prefer men. Now about bisexual women I don't know. but founding that most bi guys prefer men is not really a surprise.

You're assuming that a bisexual- or anyone else, for that matter, should chose to do one thing or the other, whenthat is not the cae. In reality, people's sexual orientation can vary at different times, or with different partners, or at different stages in life.

[tenni]

The entire point about being a bisexual is that we are not monosexuals. As others have stated why should we chose one or the other? That is the plus of being bisexual. We can chose both.

I am a bisexual man who is capable of being both physically and emotionally attracted to both men and women. At this point in my life, I chose not to pick a side. I chose to share my affection mostly with men because they are easier and simpler to relate to. I have been monogamous with both women and men(mostly women). I chose not to do that at this point. I am still sexually attracted to women but chose not to open the emotional door with them. I might one day though do just that if I met a bisexual woman and we both clicked with each other.

btw There is more than one type of bisexual let alone more than one type of bisexual men if you pay attention to the responses.

[biblkman]

I understand what your getting at...

I see no difference in asking a straight man can he not have sex with other women or ask a straight woman if she can only be with one man...the answer is yes...the fact is you like what you like, its about self control weather your bi,gay or straight.

And the I don't know know were you heard bi men prefer men, most bi guys have a woman, they seek sex with a man cause there woman doesn't have the male parts that get them turned on when they are in that mood.


A bi woman like a bi man ...in a lot of cases...will seek out the same sex cause its different ...I mean if your a bi woman of course your gonna seek out women cause you already have Dick at home ready. The same for most bi men,


But to answer your question ...in my opinion...man or woman...you can be committed to one person regardless of there sex especially if that gender is with someone you love and are committed to

[Annika L]

I have been with my (female) partner for 26 years...monogamously. But I do not consider myself to have "chosen a side": I am still quite attracted to both men and women. And the same part of me that aches for the men I cannot have also aches for the other women I cannot have. So to me the answer is that yes, bisexuals can be committed life partners...to people of either sex. But each one of us (straight, gay, bi, male, female, whatever) needs to learn about our own response to monogamy before signing on...unfortunately, that's not something you *can* learn about a priori...it takes years of monogamy to figure that out.

[ExSailor]

When gays and lesbians say "Pick a side" it's biphobia and they're hypocrites and just as bad as homophobic people.

[chapear]

I've tried "picking a side" but it doesn't work for me. I've been monogamous with guys and gals before but I'm not happy in that situation.

[DuckiesDarling]

I was wondering lately can bisexuals really choose a side and stick with it, for the rest of their lives? I often hear from the straight community, and sometimes the gay community that most bisexuals need to pick a side and stick with it, but if I had to be honest I realize the majority of bisexual men prefer men. Now about bisexual women I don't know. but founding that most bi guys prefer men is not really a surprise.

Where are you getting the information that forms your opinion that most bisexual males prefer men? You seem to have a recurring theme about that, but the majority of the bisexuals I know in real life and the ones I know from this site do not fit that bill at all.

You say you don't know about bisexual women but you are one, so what do you think? Do you think that because you might prefer men over women for your life partner that all bisexual women do?

Generalities are not really something you can say about bisexuality, it's the reason there are such extremes on the scale. I don't think anyone could pick a side, there will always be an attraction but acting on it is a different story. Some choose to only be with one person at a time, it can be either male or female and the next partner might be the opposite. There are some who choose to be mostly with one but have others on the side, there are some that choose to not really just be with one partner primarily and float around. Those are what I like to call umm SINGLE :D

[Paddarick69]

pick a side? I already have! the side is called "my wife"! haha... it would mean the world to me if we could incorporate a man into our bed from time to time, maybe even find a boyfriend to love, but if mah sweetie just wants me all to herself forever I may not feel 100% fulfilled but what's that compared to a lifemate?!?!

and, uhhhhhh, preference for men? men are fantastic, they definitely have something I want... but it's the women who have always had what I NEED! :)

[void()]

I am a bi guy. I have no preference, that is my 'side'. Thank you.

[gen11]

"Straights think gays are sick; gays think straights are narrow-minded; and bis think . .. life is a smorgasbord" -- and are therefore envied and resented by both of the other groups.

As someone or several someones pointed out, bi is bi -- BOTH. And the comment that a person's sexuality can fluxuate as life's phases pass by is very accurate. Me? I love my wife, but I have a strong desire to have sex with men, and they have the advantage of including a population that does not bring the risks of possessiveness, emotional entanglemenets, jealousy, and betrayal which are at least potentials in all "outside" women.

[æonpax]

Yes. You can choose a side. When you order two eggs and two strips of bacon, you get to order a side of hash browns or hot cakes, all for the low price of $3.99...at George Webbs.

[cbb83]

I have been with my (female) partner for 26 years...monogamously. But I do not consider myself to have "chosen a side": I am still quite attracted to both men and women. And the same part of me that aches for the men I cannot have also aches for the other women I cannot have. So to me the answer is that yes, bisexuals can be committed life partners...to people of either sex. But each one of us (straight, gay, bi, male, female, whatever) needs to learn about our own response to monogamy before signing on...unfortunately, that's not something you *can* learn about a priori...it takes years of monogamy to figure that out.

I fully agree. Loving one individual fully and being in a monogamous relationship is not denying one's bisexuality in the least - it's simply committing to a lifestyle with your partner. Chances are, if you one day find you are no longer bisexual (in your physical attractions) - you never were truly bisexual in the first place - you were just finding out where you fell on the spectrum.

[ErosUrge]

You're assuming that a bisexual- or anyone else, for that matter, should chose to do one thing or the other, whenthat is not the cae. In reality, people's sexual orientation can vary at different times, or with different partners, or at different stages in life.

There are many good points made here, such as GEARBOX and TENNI...I do know of some who have chosen a 'side', but it certainly doesn't apply to all of us. Most of my life, I have been with women but there was a period of about 8 years where I was mostly with men...Being that I have been sexual with both all my life, I find it very difficult to be fulfilled with only one sex. When I am with a woman, I am totally in the moment with her and when with a man, it is the same for me; sexually that is. I have never been emotionally interested in men but have with many women. For whatever reason, it is just the way I am. Perhaps one day that might change but at this point, I am very content with not being involved with anyone right now. Chances are that when that moment happens again, it will be with a woman. But as I have pointed out several times in my posts, it will have to be with a woman who completely understands this 'need' I have for sex with men...and not feel threatened by it. There are indeed many women who are open and okay with this....I do think it is possible for some to 'choose' a side. But it seems to be that there is a possibility they would always yearn for fulfilling the need for the same sex...just my opinion.

[Randypan]

If I was told that I could have one or the other, I would rather be a celibate recluse.

[Rose2Me]

Boy I hate those labels. My "side" is both. Sorry, there's no winning team here. When I am Rose, I love being a woman, and pleasing a man. When I am not Rose, I love pleasing a woman. Be who you want to be always.

[LeeNorCal]

Yes. You can choose a side. When you order two eggs and two strips of bacon, you get to order a side of hash browns or hot cakes, all for the low price of $3.99...at George Webbs.Personally, I'd rather choose either the front or the back, depending on whose it is (sides are only good for profiles!)

[Realist]

I loved a man and thought, "How can life be better than this?"

Then, I loved a woman and thought, "How can life be better than this?"

Then, I loved a man, his wife, and thought, "How can life be better than this?"

The pendulum swings.

[Long Duck Dong]

as a pansexual person ( I do not really see people in terms of gender ) I generally do not take sides....I just take hands

while sexually, it may be possible for me to *settle * and *take a side * with one person.... emotionally and mentally, it would not be possible, as the majority of my attraction to people is not limited to sex.... and in a way that is why I could share a house with people of all different natures without having to share their beds in a sexual way......

[bityme]

I was wondering lately can bisexuals really choose a side and stick with it, for the rest of their lives? I often hear from the straight community, and sometimes the gay community that most bisexuals need to pick a side and stick with it, but if I had to be honest I realize the majority of bisexual men prefer men. Now about bisexual women I don't know. but founding that most bi guys prefer men is not really a surprise.

I think you are misinformed. Over more than 40 years, my experience has been that most bisexual men prefer women but also enjoy the company of men.

Can a bisexual chose a side? Of course they can. Most chose the side of being bisexual.

The trouble with your query is that you failed to ask the right question. You can't tell by your question whether you are talking about choosing sexual orientation, sexual preference, emotional attachment, love, commitment, or just asking about marital selection.

Individuals can choose to act any way that suits their purpose or that of someone else. Changing one's desire is a bit more difficult, if possible.

Many bisexuals live in monogamous relationships. This is not because they chose to be heterosexual or homosexual, but because they chose to commit themselves to their partner and forego acting upon their desire for others. Each couple, or group, has the ability to define the parameters of their own relationship. When a bisexual enters into an exclusive relationship those with sexual phobias call it "picking a side" or "making up their mind." When a heterosexual or homosexual enters into an exclusive relationship they call it "picking a partner" and so does the bisexual.

The choice of whether or not to practice monogamy is governed more by an individual's emotional needs, desires, and attachments than it is by their physical attractions. Being bisexual does not mean that the person is automatically equally interested in both genders emotional and physically. The intensity of each of those interests (emotional and physical) can be found anywhere on the wide range of possibilities between being exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual. It would be a logical conclusion that the closer one's preference lies to either end of the spectrum, the easier it would be for that person to function well in a monogamous relationship with another person at that end also.

The real problem is that too many people seem to view possessiveness and jealousy as healthy responses. Unfortunately, they are probably the primary reasons that bisexuals have agreed to monogamous relationships in the first place.

Pappy

[tenni]

Actually she is correct. A lot of bisexual men do prefer men both sexually and romantically; but they're still sexually attracted to women since they're bisexual. The dirty little secret that never gets addressed in the so called “gay” world is the fact that many gay men do go through a second coming out and re-identify as bisexual. These men may still overwhelmingly prefer men, but their orientation and identity are not exclusively towards men and they’re sexually attracted to both women and men. It's also like this with many women who are bisexual but first identified as lesbian. There are some gay men who are highly bigoted towards bisexual men. Just like there are some lesbians who dislike bisexual women and trans women. These factors are also reasons why men and women who are bisexual yet call themselves gay or lesbian do not want to come out as bisexual.

I'm sure that what you post drugstore is true for "SOME" bisexual men just as Pappy is correct for "SOME' bisexual men. I think that the best answer is that bisexual men chose the side of being bisexual. This is not binary like I think that the OP was asking. Monosexuals think in binary. Bisexuals feel pressured to think binary but are not nor should they be if they want to be happy with themselves.

[æonpax]

Actually, ya’ll are wrong, I’ll start with this;


Myth: Bisexuals are promiscuous/swingers.
Truth: Bisexual people have a range of sexual behaviors. Some have multiple partners; some go through partner-less periods. Promiscuity is no more prevalent in the bisexual population than in other groups of people.

Myth: Bisexuals are equally attached to both sexes.
Truth: Bisexuals tend to favor either the same or the opposite sex, while recognizing their attraction to both genders.

Myth: Bisexual means having concurrent lovers of both genders.
Truth: Bisexual simply means the potential for involvement with either gender. This may mean sexually, emotionally, in reality, or in fantasy. Some bisexual people may have concurrent lovers; other may relate to different genders at various time periods. Most bisexuals do not need to see both genders in order to feel fulfilled.

Myth: Bisexuals cannot be monogamous.
Truth: Bisexuality is a sexual orientation. It is independent of a lifestyle of monogamy or non-monogamy. Bisexuals are as capable as anyone of making a long-term monogamous commitment to a partner they love. Bisexuals live a variety of lifestyles as do gays and heterosexuals. - http://www.uhs.uga.edu/sexualhealth/LGBT/bisexual_myths.html


There are no hard/fast rules governing bisexuals.



Does Bisexual Infidelity Count? - “ …Men are far more likely (60 percent) to stay with a female partner, after she has an affair with another woman, than are women likely to stay with their male partner, who has sex with another man (only 26 percent of women would stay in relationship).

In contrast, 33 percent of women would stay with a man who had a heterosexual affair, and 25 percent of men would stay with a woman after heterosexual infidelity. The authors suggest that this reflect the role of evolution, and the male fear of cuckoldry driving the great disparity between male reaction to heterosexual or bisexual infidelity.

They further suggest that female fear of the loss of intimacy and support, also allegedly driven by evolutionary influences, explains the female pattern, that in male partners, "homosexual affairs are more reflective of ensuing abandonment as they evince a more complete absence of emotional intimacy and satisfaction with one's partner." - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201101/does-bisexual-infidelity-count


In any kind of relationship, when the mutually agreed upon terms are violated, there are repercussions, hetero and homosexual. Sexual infidelity is “usually” a major transgression involving the severest sanctions. The degrees however, are different between genders. This also suggests emotional violations involving monogamous relationships, appear to be biologically similar between the straights and homosexual or gay groups.

However, all these things are “conditional” in the sense that we are from young on, “conditioned” to believe that certain things are right and wrong. The reaction to sexual infidelity is one of those conditioned responses. Should being totally monogamous really matter?

[ExSailor]

snip No there are no rules for bisexuality however since you're very biphobic, homophobic, and pozphobic you should understand that the idea that bisexual men spread HIV to women, while heterosexual men are somehow more "safe" is bullshit and another myth about bisexuality. Bisexuals aren't plague dogs The early warnings about HIV and AIDS targeted us as a 'high risk group', when the real risk is not about who you are, it's about what you do. Bisexuals have taken this personally and have taken the lead in educating about safer sex. The blunt truth is this: * Bisexuals don't spread HIV * Sex with Bisexuals doesn't spread HIV * Bisexuals are not "the bridge" for HIV infection between gay and straight people. * Unsafe sex and sharing needles spreads HIV, regardless of sexuality It's not who or what you are, it's what you do. Q: Bisexual people spread HIV/AIDS because they have sex with gay people, then go pass AIDS on to straight people. True or False? A: 9) Bisexual people spread HIV/AIDS because they have sex with gay people, then go pass AIDS on to straight people. True or False? False. Dishonest and irresponsible people spread diseases of many kinds, including HIV/AIDS, by having unprotected sex with infected partners and passing diseases on to uninfected partners. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. People who are not honest about their sexual behavior or desires may also not be honest about their need to protect themselves with safer sex, as if it can't hurt them if they don't really admit it's true that they want or like something they don't think they are "supposed to" like or want. Being honest about whether or not you are engaging in a sexual act that might put you at risk for an STD (including AIDS), and using appropriate safer sex methods, is the only way to help cut down on your risk of contracting an STD or of getting infected and passing it on to someone else. Germs and viruses can't tell what your sexual orientation is, what your sex is, who you are, how old you are, or who you sleep with. They don't care. The only thing you can do - whether you consider yourself bi, gay, lesbian, straight, or something else entirely -- is be honest with yourself about when you need to protect yourself and the people you have sex with, and have safer at all times.

[bijohnmpls]

I don't want to choose a side.. I have the best of both worlds.

[sexual26]

Look if hetros and homos want to fight a war with each other that's fine but why should be caught in the middle having to choose a side. I'm happy just sitting on the sideline with my pussy on one side and my cock on the other and watch the never ending battle.

[FunE1]

As so many others here have said: I don't see why I should have to choose. Sometimes I have sex with men. Sometimes I have sex with women. If I'm really lucky, I get to have sex with both at the same time. My desire for men, just like my desire for women, is something that's simply a part of me. Neither desire was a conscious choice I made.

[æonpax]

No there are no rules for bisexuality however since you're very biphobic, homophobic, and pozphobic you should understand that the idea that bisexual men spread HIV to women, <snip>

The reply above is an excellent example of actually how large and varied the Bisexual umbrella is. There are many bisexuals who can give give intelligent, well reasoned and articulate responses that stay on point on any given topic. Then, there are replies like this one above.

[tenni]

Nothing I wrote is binary, and not all gay people or heterosexuals think in binary when it comes to sexuality. Being bisexual is not a "side", nor a choice; but it's a sexual orientation.

You are correct. I do however believe that most people do prefer binary answers ..yes or no etc. There may also be more than two sides...people prefer simple choices.

[darkeyes]

People do choose.. they may not choose to be what they are, for that is their lot in life, but they may choose to deny what they are, or hide what they are, or they may choose to live what they are... but whichever they choose they choose their side.. and some exposed by circumstance have choice thrust upon them...