Could gender be irrelevent to recreational sex?

[LoveYourCum]

Here is my philosophy, built from a lifetime of introspection and a little reason and logic.

All sex intended for pleasure and not procreation is recreational.

Pleasure from sex has no relationship to gender. Sex is pleasureable for both men and women. (If you'e doing it right anyway.)

If sex is recreational then gender is irrelevent. Gender is only relevent to sex in the context of a preference, the fantasy, the idea of sex, not the physicality.

All of the labeling is counterproductive and leads to unnessary hate. Each relationship should be treated as unique. There are many people that turn me on because of thier attitude not thier gender.

Passion is erotic, gender is irrelevent.

:2cents:

[raingrrl]

hmm.. I think that you may be onto something and I have often wondered something similar along those lines..

I think that humans as we are currently constructed are able to distinguish between pleasure and procreative activities, because of our pleasure is not entirely contained within the "straight vanilla" sexual routine.... Since our pleasure organs are not depended on the recreative act of intercourse.. A clitoris as far as I know serves no other function but as a pleasure source, and indeed, the nerves in the penis head, the prostrate and other erotic zones are not solely linked to the procreative sex.. If my understanding of the male body is correct, then the only direct route to the prostrate is through the anus... if this was so, then why is the clitoris location so far from the vaginal opening... etc..

Working in a queer library, I've been privy to some of the literature out there that discusses homoerotic activity amound a variety of different species.. so please excuse my biological take on the post...

[LoveYourCum]

No need to opologize for your biological take, I find that facinating and had not thought of it that way before.

Everyone you encounter brings to you a piece of your puzzle, your unique life question. By automatically shutting off half of the population from ever becoming intimate, how can we ever expect to see the complete picture?

[DeafF2M]

As a transguy who attemped to live his life as a woman before transitioning... what you've said makes so much sense to me.

Incidently, I enjoy sex so much more NOW than I did before. Hmm...

Alex

[Chris CT]

When you say "many people that turn me on because of thier attitude not thier gender" I think you are introducing the term "attraction." Sometimes we want to have recreational sex with someone we find attractive and for a person that is bisexual, that attractiveness can be found in both sexes.

I don't want to have sex with someone because I think it will feel good. I want to have sex because I find the person sexually attractive. I know any number of people who could probably find and stimulate every sexual nerve ending I have but I have no interest in them. But sometimes I encounter someone who, for some reason, immediately interests me. There is some chemical or emotional reaction that I certainly don't understand but isn't limited by that person's sex.

Chris

[LoveYourCum]

Yes you are seeing the point. "Attractiveness", desire, preference, al of the factors associated with relationships and or sex have nothing to do with gender. Every relationship should be treated as unique with potential to lead to intamacy, sex, or not, based on the interplay between the people.

I think at the base of point I'm making, and i know i'm preaching to the choir here on Bixesual.com, is why do we waste so much time and mental energy dealing with these meaningless catagories of bi gay str8 when there is nothing to associate these catagories to. I'm not anything other than open to the people that come into my life. If we have sex great, rare but great, if not situation normal. If I have sex with a man then tomorrow I had sex with a man, and unless I caught a disease from that sex, I will carry nothing away from that sex other than a good memory. I have not become anything else, I was not something before the sex. I had sex, I did not become gay bi str8 or anything else, these words have no meaning. I'm am not broccoli because I ate Broccoli, I did not go green or come out of the garden.

Why do we deny our biology? Sex is at our core.

I think in the scheme of things it's the imposed limit to sex with one gender or the other that seems controlled, artificial, and abnormal.

I ramble against type and wasted chances. I do appreciate the readership on this site. It shows a determined sense of self and ability to think outside those imposed paradigms. Bravo to you all.

[Apleasureseeker]

Sex o0f any sort is, to a certain extent, different to different genders/gender preferences. Guys are usually pretty comfortable with sex for sex' sake. Women generally need an emotional attachment. First time same sex experience for boys usually comes out of a strong sex drive--exploring with friends because you're too young & shy to get a girl. For girls it's often from a strong emotional attachment. You often find places where men go for casual sex with other men, sometimes even through a hole in a wall, that makes no connection of any sort--no kissing touching or talking. Places where women meet for sex, either with other women or men, are never that impersonal.
A guy I knew who was an expert at picking up girls for one-nighters said that no matter how straightforward the girl is that she wants pure sex, he knows that if he doesn't say something abuot an emotional connection, the girl will usually change her mind.
That being said, Here's a reason I've usually gotten on well with les/bi women--for whatever they've been though, they have the ability to enjoy sex for sex, like a man, if they choose to.

Of course, keep in mind that these are generalizations.

[Apleasureseeker]

hmm.. I think that you may be onto something and I have often wondered something similar along those lines..

A clitoris as far as I know serves no other function but as a pleasure source, and indeed, the nerves in the penis head, the prostrate and other erotic zones are not solely linked to the procreative sex.. If my understanding of the male body is correct, then the only direct route to the prostrate is through the anus... if this was so, then why is the clitoris location so far from the vaginal opening... etc..
...
I love hard science! I've always felt that Women's bodies were meant to take several men at one time, hence the slower orgasm. It's even been proven that there are certain sperm cells designed to fight with other men's sperm within a woman's body, and that a woman hold living sperm within her for about a week. Clits & cocks aren't all that different, same basic morphology. They're both designer for pleasure. A clit really is a small cock, complete with foreskin, head (if it's big enough to see), and shaft. Just different. Neither one is better.
What's more interesting to think about, if you're killing time, is that a man can only experience an orgasm outside of his own body, and his climax expells his own living tissue (sperm) even farther away. A woman's climax can be in her or on her.
Come to think of it, it's the woman that's wired for pleasure, not the clit. I've coaxed orgasms out of women through their nipples, mouth, & wrists. Once through a telephone (Aural sex?)

[mike9753]

I love hard science! I've always felt that Women's bodies were meant to take several men at one time, hence the slower orgasm. It's even been proven that there are certain sperm cells designed to fight with other men's sperm within a woman's body, and that a woman hold living sperm within her for about a week. Clits & cocks aren't all that different, same basic morphology. They're both designer for pleasure. A clit really is a small cock, complete with foreskin, head (if it's big enough to see), and shaft. Just different. Neither one is better.
What's more interesting to think about, if you're killing time, is that a man can only experience an orgasm outside of his own body, and his climax expells his own living tissue (sperm) even farther away. A woman's climax can be in her or on her.
Come to think of it, it's the woman that's wired for pleasure, not the clit. I've coaxed orgasms out of women through their nipples, mouth, & wrists. Once through a telephone (Aural sex?)

Environmental factors are part of this as well. When the environment was more hostile than it is today, sex had to be for procreation to ensure the continuation of the human species. Now, even tho in parts of the world there is still a hostile environment (starvation, hunger and disease in Africa)and we kill each other (Iraq) in other places, we need to stop over-populating our world in some fashion. Sex has become, in the last century and activity for pleasure and enjoyment. The old mores of monogamy is both more important now than ever. On the one hand it's important in order to prevent unwanted births and on the other hand it's irrelevant and outdated - because we can enjoy ourselves with multiple partners.

As a social scientist, I know that when rats are in an over populated state - the competition for limited resources leads to homosexual activity and cannabalism. I believe that homosexuality and bisexuality are more accepted now (we even have a forum to speak to other like-minded people about it - whereas 50 years ago, this would NOT have been possible) because we are competing for resources. Oil has reached $60/barrel, in Africa people walk all day for water, we consume gallons and gallons of bottled water now because we don't trust the tap water we used to drink all the time, we continue to polute our environment with plastics because real fibers and substances are too expensive to use, and the list goes on. So we are accepting various 'sexualitys' now more than ever as a species response to over population.

In addition, I think we are intellectually ready to enjoy this expanded sexual menu, but emotionally, most of us have a long way to go to accept polysexuality in ourselves and in our lovers. All too often we hear of violence as a result of a love triangle.

So what am I really saying? I don't know, can anyone make sense of this rambling?

Well, I guess I am saying is that we are entering an age where polysexuality is not only OK, but it is necessary, as long as we are responsible and mature about it. We live in a closed system - nothing enters the ecosystem but sunlight and a bit of raditation. No more water, no more oil, no more people, no more different sexes - we have only two real sexes. We have to preserve and enjoy. Kind of a use it or lose it mentality.


mike

[LoveYourCum]

I used to the that change happened slowly in societies. That there was a gradual accepting of ideas as time went on. I am finding this not to be true. Attitudes of the masses remain constant until something large changes them. It is more often than not violent too. Such a pity.

Another irony to it is the groups whos foundations rest on love tend to be quick to hate.

I wish I knew a place I could go where people exchanged ideas freely, and the sexual nature of us wasn't repressed but celebrated.

Maybe I am odd after all, for me the best pleasure comes from giving pleasure. The one thing that can really turn me on is the soft sighs of my lover when we have been in the heat of passion for hours but only foreplay. Hearing her cum again as I continue to devour her hour upon hour or feeling that cock swelling up just before it explodes to me turns me on more than any pleasure i can recieve.

Wouldn't it be nice to be among those who can still give freely without fear no mater the gender of the lover(s)

We need less "morality" and more compassion, understanding and open mindedness.

I've been such an idealist to actually believe that this change can happen. Not I would settle for being among my fellows who are not bound by imposed conevtional thought.

This forum seems to be an oaisis of free thinking and exchange. I wish there was a brick and mortar place for us to meet.

[fallingindefinitely]

A clit really is a small cock, complete with foreskin, head (if it's big enough to see), and shaft. Just different. Neither one is better.

Ooooh, not true, not true, not true! A clitoris is actually far superior to the head of a penis. Yes, they both elongate when aroused. Yes, a penis does resemble a clitoris in some ways. But NO, they're not even slightly the same. (And I do think that a clitoris is better than a penis, but that's mainly because I'm biased.)
A clitoris actually has somewhere around 3 times the nerve count than the entire penis does, which produces a more concentrated and more powerful sensation than the entire penis can ever get.
So to quote one of my favorite women, Eve Ensler (author of The Vagina Monologues and The Good Body)- "Why use a handgun when you've got a semiautomatic?"

[LoveYourCum]

And it is a great pleasure to suck a clit like a cock. I love bobbing my head up and down gently sucking her like a cock. I must admit clits are better.

[garik]

Fair enough, but then I think we'll all agree that some people turn us on more than others, and some are a positive turn-off. I don't believe, for example, that I would find sex with Ex-Prime-Minister John Major pleasurable at all. Possibly slightly less revolting than sex with Margaret Thatcher, but there we are...

Therefore, I'm prepared to accept what most people say about what turns them on. I can believe monosexual people when they say they're not attracted to whichever sex it is.

Gender might be irrelevant to you, to me etc, but not to everyone.

[LoveYourCum]

You are absolute right. If sexuality was accepted as a normal part of intimate relationships regardless of gender, I would expect to see a gaussian distribution of preferences with monosexuality or a sexuality at either end and a tendancy for the majority to accept sexual relations regardless of gender in the middle. If you look over the course of most peoples lives this seems to hold true.

I believe the vast majority of people have some kind of same sex experience, often in puberty or as young adults.

I think it is ironic that the ultimate source of this unhealthy pressure wants nothing but peace and love by doctrine, yet reaps exactly the opposite, fostering conflict and hate.


It's taken me until my mid 40's to shake off the social programming that gave me an irrational fear of same sex experiences. I see a lot of writing by men around my age beginning to explore free sexuality. Am I reading an interpretation into the data only seeing others my age or is there some kind of threshold when experience finally outweighs social programming?

I am glad that I have freed myself from that imposed paradigm, I am very excited about exploring a whole new world of sexual experiences. Now all I need is some experience...

[phlash]

Absolutly spot on. Well said.

[Fresia]

Bump it up!

[charles-smythe]

Here is my philosophy, built from a lifetime of introspection and a little reason and logic.

All sex intended for pleasure and not procreation is recreational.

Pleasure from sex has no relationship to gender. Sex is pleasureable for both men and women. (If you'e doing it right anyway.)

If sex is recreational then gender is irrelevent. Gender is only relevent to sex in the context of a preference, the fantasy, the idea of sex, not the physicality.

All of the labeling is counterproductive and leads to unnessary hate. Each relationship should be treated as unique. There are many people that turn me on because of thier attitude not thier gender.

Passion is erotic, gender is irrelevent.

:2cents:...it is to me...that's what makes me bi..