The BIG Day

[jedinudist]

I have spent my whole life being confused, hating myself, and in denial.

The way I have felt about myself because of my bisexuality has tainted my personality, attitude, and outlook. I hated myself; and as a result, I could not stand most people. And it showed.

I was miserable, trying to be something that I am not - a heterosexual man. I internalized everything. I grew cold and mean. Yet there was always the true me, breaking down the barrriers and making it's presence known to me. Making me feel weak, dirty, and wrong because I could not allow myself to be that thing.

My wife, the single most wonderful person in the world, is helping me put an end to it.

It has taken me 35 years of my life and 8 1/2 years of being married to the most loving, caring, and understanding human being I have ever heard of, bar none, to get here.

Through her patient counsel, I have grown to see that I am not evil. I am not damned. I am not wrong. I am a wonderful human being capable of astounding love and compassion. I am smart, I am creative. I am artistic. I am a good person!

I AM BISEXUAL.

It was religion and narrow mindedness that programmed me to feel so bad.

This Sunday, I am coming out of the closet.

It is something that I couldn't stop if I wanted to. The release my soul already feels from the pain and misery I have brought upon myself through denial, the peace of accepting who I am, the honesty I yearn for by living the truth instead of a lie, I am already feeling these things and more. In a way, it feels like being reborn, starting a new life, being given another chance.

I can not go back to being the miserable, self-hating person I was. I will stop living a lie. I no longer condemn myself. I no longer feel like I am perverted or flawed. And it is all because of my wife. The most wonderful person in the world, who still loves me like the day we met. Who accepts me and encourages me to embrace my true self and stop kicking it into a corner. I am humbled by her love.

I won't put an ad in the paper. I'm not going to shout it from the rooftops. But I AM going to stop denying it. I am going to say "Bisexual" instead of "Straight" when someone asks me.

And I am going to ask Drew to change my log-in name to my real online identity- the one that has my real first name attached to it all over the internet, so that I can retain the messages and posts I have already submitted, but under my real name. It was very easy to say the things I said here under a false identity. Now I want my friends here to know who I am.

I want to thank my friends here at Bisexual.com - you have also helped.

There is some fear. Fear that I will lose the friendship and trust of those who I think are my friends. So far, VERY few people know of my true orientation. My brother stopped talking to me because of it. A friend told me I was "sick" and has not spoken to me since.

I look forward to a life that will have it's ups and downs - life is like that. But mine will now be much more peaceful, much more honest, and much more enjoyable.

Please, Wish us Good Luck and Good Blessings :)

Blessed Be~

[DiamondDog]

congrats!
I hope one day to join you and that everyone can be open about being non heterosexual without fear of repercussions.

[Mrs.F]

Congratulations! It is a big step, but obviously one you are ready to make and your not making it alone....your wife is beside you and that is all that matters!
The only thing that makes people stop talking to you and thinking you are sick is lack of knowledge and understanding. If the people really care about you it should not matter one little bit what your sexual indentity is. You are still you, you are still the same brother, same friend, same man! Fear is such a huge emotion and can really take control. I let it take control of me when I found out about my husband and then suddenly after a couple weeks..things began to turn around and I saw things differently. (with the help of many on here) And although I looked at my husband differently, it was in a better way..a more loving way. And now after several months (almost a yr) I have grown to love him more than I ever thought possible. Things happen for a reason, I honestly believe that. Our marriage which was having problems has turned around and is now very strong.
So, I wish you luck in being the person you want to be, the person you need to be, the person YOU are! Having your wife beside you is so wonderful. :bigrin: Take care :bibounce: :flag2:

Mrs.F :)

[willbeyours2]

May this be a whole new beginnig for you. The life you need and want with your wonderful wife beside you taking this journey. I like you have a wonderful understanding wife, WE ARE SO LUCKY. Wishing you nothing but happiness in the future.

The best is yet to be,

Bill

[glantern954]

Good for you!

[littlerayofsunshine]

Awe hun, I am so happy and proud of you. Your story is one that will help others in ways that you could never know or may never see.. But trust me it is totally inspirational. I hope that everyone who knows and loves you will stick by you and remember that you are the same great guy you have always been. You have your wife and friends here supporting you. Good luck and lots of Hugs!!!

[Avocado]

That post almost made me cry. You have such a lovely wife (as do I, not saying I don't) and I'm so happy for you. Sorry about your brother. As for your friend I'd have given him an earful.

[codybear3]

Married_bi-memphis...Congats to you on your bold move to step up to the plate and state you you are. Your world will definately change, and at times, it will not be for the better. The "friends" that call you names and walk away are better left good and gone. Your real friends will accept you as you are. Your family will be a little more difficult (as with your brother) but you cannot make everyone like you or accept you if they are not willing to. Good luck to you. Wishing you the best... :paw: :paw:

P.S. - For me personally, it was funny how some of my "friends" suddenly got a little "bi-curious" after i told them about myself. you may not be as alone in your group of friends as you may think... :rolleyes:

[ezervet]

woohoo! live the dream!

Seriously though, i can only imagine how great its gonna feel. Rock on.

[canuckotter]

Congratulations. It's a scary step, but potentially very rewarding. And having such a loving, supportive spouse obviously makes life a lot easier! :) Make sure you give her a big hug from all of us. :bigrin:

[Lorcan]

You are very couragous.
I am proud of you.
Good luck.
No matter what happens you will have your loving wife beside you.
I hope your courage is contagious.
:bipride:

[biecnal]

Fantastic to hear about your coming out!

Be proud of who you are :bipride:

Lance :-)

[meteast chick]

Congratulations hun, better late than never, that is for certain!

Like you, denying who I truly was changed how I acted. Instead of cold and mean, I became subservient and withdrawn. I find that by accepting who I am, I am warmer and much more comfortable in my own skin. I step forward instead of expecting people to come to me. I am still in the process of deciphering my sexuality, but still, 3 months ago, came out to those closest to me, as a bisexual woman. I may not be, but what I know for certain is that I am not straight. I have yet to tell people who I know will react negatively, but those I love and who love me already know, and some seemed to know before I said anything. The way I see it, those who do not accept us because of our sexuality are not really friends. I feel badly that your brother acted so harshly, I only hope that one day he will come around to realize that our sexuality, a major part of who we are, is still only a part of who we are, and that we are still the people that they grew to love and respect. I don't feel the need to scream it out, but yet I'm not ashamed and will be honest if I'm asked. I don't feel the need to wear it on my sleeve or put a bumper sticker on my van. Take care of who you are and love your wife as she has and will love you: without abandon, without fear and with all of your heart. She is the best and truest friend you will ever have.

Take care,
luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxo
meteast

[strawberry8302]

This is amazing!!! Congrats on your acceptance of yourself!!! I'm so happy for you, your wife is an amazing woman. Now you know how we feel, to accept the real us, life is so much more wonderful. Yea, you'll loose a few friends along the way, but that is better than not accepting who you are. Good luck with everything!!!!

[jedinudist]

We want to thank everyone who has posted all these great messages of encouragement and friendship-

Thank You All!!!!


:grouphug:

[jedinudist]

Wow - 24 hours to go until I officially "come out".

Is it healthy to be this afraid?

[ScifiBiJen]

Is it healthy to be this afraid?

I think so... it just shows that you're alive and how important this is to you.

Congratulations of coming out.



:flag1:

[JohnnyV]

Congratulations on your big move, Memphis. We're all rooting for you. If you feel a little fear, that's okay, as long as you've thought this through and are ready for it, you'll find that any hardships only make you stronger.

Love,
J

[arana]

Congratulations and good luck Memphis!! :bounce: I'm sure tomorrow will be an anxious day for you. I hope it goes well and you find you have more friends behind you then you thought. I'm sorry your friend and brother can't see you're still the same man they thought good enough before you told them. I'm very happy you have a good woman standing by your side, supporting you. With that you can accomplish many things. Cheers! :tong:

[jedinudist]

The Big Day went GREAT!

Thanks to my wonderful wife for all her Love, patience, acceptance, counseling, understanding, encouragement, and for her "I've got your back, Baby" outlook.

Thanks to everyone here for your advice, encouragement and support as well.

My friend was actually honored that I told him, and on my "Coming Out Day" at that.

I know my path through life will have it's ups and downs, and that some of them may be because I have chosen to live honestly as a Bisexual, but I feel incredibly better for having made this decision and followed it through.

[arana]

That's wonderful Brad! I'm so glad that your friend was encouraging. Wish more people were like that.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Oh Brad that's so wonderful and I am so happy that your day went smashingly! Btw, Love the name :)

[jedinudist]

And of course...

A very big THANKS! to Drew for changing my username!

[twodelta]

Congradulations, not just on coming out(isn't life brighter outside the closet than in), but also in being married to Your soulmate! - Dave

[jedinudist]

Oh Brad that's so wonderful and I am so happy that your day went smashingly! Btw, Love the name :)

THanks :D

[wildangel]

Glad to hear everything went so well for you! Congratulations!! :bibounce:

[agoodbiwife]

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. It is very much like my husband, who left like he did not quite fit into any catagory. It was a fluke of seeing a handsome man in a changing room and his making that comment to me that changed our lives. Accepting who you are, is most important to yourself.

I can tell you that you have a wonderful wife. Take it from ME, a woman who has been there and done that. SHe is your best asset. I guess that I always assummed that all women were like me, supportive, understanding, and compassionate to their bi spouses. How wrong I was. Many are so bitter and condescending. What I do not understand is that a woman falls in love with her husband-her friend, her lover, her soulmate. How then does this change in an instant when she finds out he is bi? Tell me why. She is the one who is scared.

Franny

[Azrael]

Hells yeah. Good for you dude. I'd have commented earlier but I was institutionalized and must have missed this one. Intimidation be screwed!
Glory be to Brighid.

[Nara_lovely]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!
So glad you have a loving partner by your side.
Makes such a difference in your life, and I hope (and know) it'll be exciting being free to be YOU!

[Nara_lovely]

My family, and friends all accept me for who I am. I've been fortunate with that.

Unfortunately...hubby of 15 years (now separated for 6 months) has taken on his faith to a new level, doesn't make a decision without the church input...and has basically told me I have to stop being me.
oh goodie

So far...he's the only one who (now) dislikes my bisexuality.


Glad your DAY was so successful, and congrats again!!!!!

[Sparks]

Congratulations! I'ts wonderful that you have the love and support of your "mate". In due time, It's my hope to social views regarding bisexuality will change and be openly accepted. So, from one bisexual (actually I prefer part time homosexual) to another, take good care of you and those that you love.

[jedinudist]

In due time, It's my hope to social views regarding bisexuality will change and be openly accepted.

One beautiful day, we will be there. :)

[OralBiGuy]

I salute you for having the courage to come to terms with your sexuality.

As I read your post; minus the spousal influence - it seemed almost identical to mine, only in reverse.

It's interesting with this Bisexual community the multitude of parallels. It knocks me over.

I too am already getting flack for my 'bisexual' realization. Some of it is quite annoying. Some are giving me the silent treatment or the brush off.

Thankfully for you, you have one helluva partner: your wife. She must be a real gem. That she has enabled you to come to terms with your sexuality and with full support, love and understanding. She's a keeper!

As I type this, I realize it has taken me almost 43 of my living years to find some sort of comfort wearing these shoes that fit 'just right'. My experience thus far is 'nil' right now, but in my heart and mind: it's there! Always has been. Have to stop denying myself; just as you've stopped doing.

Congratulations. I tip my hat towards you.

I admire you and find your post resonates with me too!

I've had a past that was connected to fundamentalist religion that frowns upon everything. That was one millstone I caste off long time ago.

All the best.....and your journey now continues. Many wonderful places await, both physically and psychologically.

Respectfully yours,
RAY

[jedinudist]

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. It is very much like my husband, who left like he did not quite fit into any catagory. It was a fluke of seeing a handsome man in a changing room and his making that comment to me that changed our lives. Accepting who you are, is most important to yourself.

I can tell you that you have a wonderful wife. Take it from ME, a woman who has been there and done that. SHe is your best asset. I guess that I always assummed that all women were like me, supportive, understanding, and compassionate to their bi spouses. How wrong I was. Many are so bitter and condescending. What I do not understand is that a woman falls in love with her husband-her friend, her lover, her soulmate. How then does this change in an instant when she finds out he is bi? Tell me why. She is the one who is scared.

Franny

Indeed, I count myself as among the most supremely blessed people on Earth. Not only was I blessed to actually find my soulmate, but we both fell in Love with each other at first sight and married.

On top of that! - She is the one that accepted my orientation before I could accept it myself. She counseled me to accept who I am and encourages me to be myself. I know this can not be the easiest journey she has ever taken, and yet she supports me!

I am more blessed than any person who has ever won the lottery, for I am still in Love with her, and she is still in Love with me!!!! She is truly a rare wonder.

Thank you again to everyone for all of your kind comments. This has been the most wonderful experience for me instead of the dreaded thing I thought it would be.

I wish you all the same in your lives - Love, acceptance, support, and understanding. :)

Blessed Be~

[Avocado]

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. It is very much like my husband, who left like he did not quite fit into any catagory. It was a fluke of seeing a handsome man in a changing room and his making that comment to me that changed our lives. Accepting who you are, is most important to yourself.

I can tell you that you have a wonderful wife. Take it from ME, a woman who has been there and done that. SHe is your best asset. I guess that I always assummed that all women were like me, supportive, understanding, and compassionate to their bi spouses. How wrong I was. Many are so bitter and condescending. What I do not understand is that a woman falls in love with her husband-her friend, her lover, her soulmate. How then does this change in an instant when she finds out he is bi? Tell me why. She is the one who is scared.

Franny

Seconded

[utahjim]

Your story has brought many warm memories flooding back to me. Some 54 years ago, about this time, I proposed to the first girl who ever gave me the want of having sex with a female...prior to that, it was all m/m starting at age 5. During the courtship, I shared the information of my being "somewhat gay" knowing I had dated girls and found them attractive but never found on which incited me to try sex. That was reserved for my male friends. My thought being, IF she couldn't accept and handle that part of my life, was far better off , NOT pursueing marriage.

After 53 years, 3 month, 10 days, 11 and ahalf hours of marriage she passed away with lung cancer from smoking...but during that time I had a steady lover for 30 years, who coincidentally died of alcoholism since he was unable to handle who or what he was.

At times she would ask what we had done, when I had been with him..and other times she chose to ignore my bisexuality completely. It was as tho there was an unspoken approval, just dont get in her face about it. So I respected that, but when she wanted to know, I have to admit the description of our sex together would get her toooo hot and bothered, I would literally be raped..

Twice, during his 30 year tenure with me, I strayed in a sense. A business situation had the attention of others and members of a nudist group my wife and I belonged to at the time, were questioned, "you people let that cocksucker be president of the group?" WELL that didnt' set well with alot of members....but amazingly two of the male members asked me out on dates right after that....*S* and my wife found that very amusing in that she figured the ones who might, didn't and ones who wouldn't did...*S* Those ran their course, because they were "cheating " on their wives.

So all in all, good luck on your search, good luck on your marriage, and you have a wonderful life....