Why is this so hard???

[john_jenn26]

I have been on here for about 9 months and have meet (just on here) some very interesting people and lots of educational threads. What my problem is, is that I am very bi curious but to no avail have I found anyone who is close to me. I've had these bi curious feelings for years but could never say anything for sake of being critized by friends or people close to me. My girlfriend I have now is bi and she has told me since she has been with me she has no desire to act on it. But she has told me I need to know what it's like and go enjoy this if this is what I want. She wants me to fulfill this desire before we decide to get married because after that we wont be doing anything like that, which I respect dearly. It's so frustrating but I'm also taken my time to find the right person that is willing to be understanding knowing this will be my first time. I have looked at other sites but none appeal to me. The other sites that people suggest on here are good but hard to trust. I really do like this site more than any other and have contacted friends from here but they are so far away which really sucks...lol. I can travel a little ways since I live on the va/nc boarder. Any advice I can get is more than appericiated. I'm starting to think that I wont be able to satisfy my desire to know what it's like to be intimate with a guy. My girlfriend even wants to be there to watch and enjoy my desire but not participate. Thanks ahead for any suggestions.

[slipnslide]

Maybe stop striving for what you don't have and instead enjoy what you do.

[Long Duck Dong]

its cos you have standards... you are not just going off with the first person that wants a quick fuck......

is there a chance that you both can try a local LGBT group or support group and make some friends that may be more than a friend at some stage..... .. I know that its hard to find the right person and its fantastic that your GF wants to be there with you and share the experience..... so maybe if you both try a place where you can meet people and decide whom is going to share the experience with you and ya gf, it may work better.......

the trouble with sites like this, is you can make some excellent friends.. but long distance friends and the people that are close to you by way of location, may not be interested in much more than a hook up ... and you do come across as the type of couple that would enjoy friendship that is ongoing, even without the sexual aspect.......

[elian]

Yes, I like reading the threads because the folks on here have interesting experiences but I have found that most of the people live at least a few hours from me. There are other sites that are more for hook ups if that is really what you want..I actually met a very sweet man from Virginia on here but the distance was a bit much, and now even further since he moved even further away.

One thing I really miss about dial-up BBS's is that everyone lived fairly close since nobody could afford to pay for a long distance paid by the minute for transferring data..so we WERE actually able to all get together for an annual picnic which was a lot of fun, since you actually got to meet the people you were corresponding with. We have such a broad geographic area on this site that I think the best we could do in that regard would be regional get-togethers.

[tenni]

Slippy's suggestion is valid but I suspect will not satiate you. Some have suggested that you have standards. That's good as long as they are realistic. Are they?

You have a primary relationship with a woman. List what you want from another man?

-just sex one time to see what it feels like to ....?
-just want to kiss and jo with a man?
-just want to feel a man's cock up against your cock?
-feel his body up against your body
-just want to suck a (big?) cock to see what it is like?
-want to receive anal to know what it is like?
- a one time sex thing with someone that I know is "clean"?
-the guy has to be very handsome and really physically fit?
-he must be less than a half hour away from me as number one priority?
-an on going friendship with sex?
-his ability to converse is more important than his looks or cock size?
-a closed loop relationship with my g/f?
(doubt it as she is saying no m2m after marriage..that may be a danger sign depending on how your experiences go)

What are your top priorities now? Keep it to two or three.

[_Joe_]

Nothing like the internet to bring us all together to see how far apart we are.

[john_jenn26]

I appericiate all the comments, I'm mainly looking for a way to fullfill my desire to know what it's like to suck a cock and to get fucked by one (but only in a way that wont hurt). Easy going and understanding being my first time. I'm sure I will enjoy it and want more, which is fine with my girlfriend till we get married (which will be awhile, like years). I want the same size cock that is mine which is 7 cut. I want a guy who is either shaved or trimmed there and clean. Someone who looks like they take care of themselves as far as cleaness. Someone who is understanding and has feelings of sexual desires. Friendship will be good also but with the understanding that it may b a one time thing. But like I said and read maybe I do have standards which I believe will all do. Why wouldn't you have standards? You never know what u will get or run into. You don't want to catch something that you will regret down the road. Thanks for yalls responce and any more to come.....John :)

[Realist]

John, I appreciate your having standards.

You may not get to jump into the sack with the first guy who's willing, but if you settle for less than you want, I doubt if you'll ever be satisfied.

Try to have patience and remain honest and open with your GF. Then, when you do meet someone who fits your needs (and incidentally, you probably fit his needs, too) the connection should be a noteworthy one.

Good luck!

[tenni]

Hey John
I'd call what you want expectations but standards works.
If you rank them, you may be able to be flexible with a few and absolute on others.

I'd rank high
-cleanliness & take care of himself
-understanding and feelings (cuz it will really help if he is considerate of you during your first encounter)

mid range
-cock size being like your own but completely understandable for the "mirror" feeling of two dicks the same
-shaved or trimmed but you may want that higher up depending upon your fantasies(personally I don't care about this "standard" but I see a point)

*The one that I agree with but you may want to alter your expectation is about friendship. Yes, many of us want that but then if you can only promise a one time thing how reasonable are you being? On the other hand a brother of that is a guy who seems decent thinking, can converse with you about things other than sex and your dick. It is like understanding concept maybe? You see some potential for on going but not being sure.

Best in your search. :)

[john_jenn26]

I appericiate all of what yall r saying. I do want friendship, it would b good to have that for the simple fact the person will get to know u and can respect ur desires n needs. I want to experience all I can with a guy. Standards or expectations its all the same to me. As long as the guy understands the feelings behind it. Meaning if it hurts or doesn't feel right to me that they will stop n b understanding to feelings. I'm not looking for love bc I love my girlfriend with everything that is within me. I just want to explore the other side n see if I can call myself bisexual or just curious of it. I do think about it all the time and find myself sizing up other men n what I can see myself doing with them.

[dafydd]

john why dont you just get easy, NSA sex with hot guys who love bi men? how.....? sign up to any gay ' dating' site. DISCLAIMER: if ur girlf allows

[john_jenn26]

Ok I'm still all new to this and don't know what abrev mean. What does NSA mean? I'm not really looking for gay men but I'm not opposed to them.
If it helps my chances then good. But I have looked on other sites and am real comforatble with this one and want to stick with this site. My thoughts
if u stick with something long enough (like this site) it will turn out good for u.

[tenni]

"Meaning if it hurts or doesn't feel right to me that they will stop n b understanding to feelings."

Hey John
If you do not know this pay close attention.

One huge difference between m2m sex and m2f sex is that men negotiate in a non emotional manner for sex with each other.

If you are clear in your statements to a guy and what you are looking for, it can work. There are guys out there who will be good for a first time sexual encounter. They will understand that it is your first time and although there is potential for friendship that you may say no after the encounter. Just be honest with them. You won't hurt their feelings. Also be prepared that the other guy may decide that it didn't work for him and he may back out while you want to move ahead. Just do it!(with your precautions in place)..lol

John
NSA means no strings attached. In you case, you may be interested in on going?

John's template for an ad (maybe?)
"Guy wants to experience m2m sex for the first time. I'm a bit nervous and want to take it slow and easy with a caring, decent guy. Possibly interested in on going but I have a g/f and so open to friendship only. NSA, drug and STI (sexually transmitted infection) free. Let's meet for a coffee and see if we click. " (describe your self and ask for similar description)

and so the promo might go with more details...lol

[john_jenn26]

Oh I understand fully. I know it seams I'm uptight on here or whatever someone may think, but I'm actually a very nice guy n would understand anybodys
way of thinking. I'm not opposed to anyone backing out or say "this didn't work for me" or "I don't want to do it again with ya". I'm a fun guy to b around,
love to pick and play and have a good time. But in my line of work that I have been doing for 11 years I have to be discrete and cautious of anything I do.
And I would hope there could b friendship that could come out of this. I don't have many male friends (hell I'd say i have no more than a handful), the reason
being is I have always related to women and find I have more of a connection with women when it comes to friendship so getting a friend out of this would
b a plus. I'm hoping that I can make all this understanding to someone who is looking for someone like me to enjoy their time with me n and outside of a sexual
relation.

[john_jenn26]

Sometimes I feel like a dunce when it comes to knowing what abrev mean...lol. I'm tring so hard but feel like I'm falling behind on things and afraid
to even ask questions. Because I'm the tpe that should b able to figure these things out but I have found out the older u get the more u have to
ask question what things mean by the youger crowd. My kids laugh at me when I say "what the hell is that?" lol. But they do know I am very knowledgeable
on a lot of things and do come an ask me questions. So I feel like "sometimes" I have the upper hand...lol.

[zigzig]

You must try, because that feeling that you want and never did it will never leave you, unless you tried it. Time goes fast. Try internet. It is global....
Good luck!

[Realist]

I agree with ZigZag.

A lady, who I met on the Internet in 2008, had craved an intimate involvement with another woman most of her life. But, because her husband was fanatically against any kind of sexual "perversion", she hid her needs during her entire 50-year marriage.

When she was about 69, her husband died. Soon after that, she and another widow moved in together. Her friend had bisexual experiences during her marriage and became my friend's first female lover. She wrote that their relationship was the most rewarding thing she'd ever experienced. She felt like she'd finally found true love and was so sorry that she hadn't had the freedom to try it long before!

I certainly hope that anyone, who is in the same situation, would have the ability to discuss their needs with lovers/mates and can be able to explore their dreams. I think it's tragic that she waited so long to find something that was so attractive and fulfilling for her.

[john_jenn26]

You know the only reason I don't go out and meet people is I don't need all the attention and have to be very discrete bc of my job.
So getting on here is the best thing for me.
Now having the standards (or expectations as some would like to call it) does work. While this thread was going on I did receive
a responce from it that someone else had the same views as I did. I knew that if I held out long enough and kept trying on here
something would happen. But we will have to see where it leads. Its all about the attitudes and connection that men have to see how
it will go intimately. So looking forward for my first time and want it to be the most enjoyable time experimenting with this side.
I have read others experiences and seen the good and bad of it. there seems to b more good than bad and I want to be in that
catorgory.
I appericiate all that people put on here and the advice and I have taken them whole heartly. Cant wait to see how this will all end up.

[Ebonybifemme7]

Very hard meeting like minded people.

[BiDaveDtown]

You know the only reason I don't go out and meet people is I don't need all the attention and have to be very discrete bc of my job. So getting on here is the best thing for me. Now having the standards (or expectations as some would like to call it) does work. While this thread was going on I did receive a responce from it that someone else had the same views as I did. I knew that if I held out long enough and kept trying on here something would happen. But we will have to see where it leads. Its all about the attitudes and connection that men have to see how it will go intimately. So looking forward for my first time and want it to be the most enjoyable time experimenting with this side. I have read others experiences and seen the good and bad of it. there seems to b more good than bad and I want to be in that catorgory. I appericiate all that people put on here and the advice and I have taken them whole heartly. Cant wait to see how this will all end up. There's nothing wrong with having standards. I had them when I was single and dating and getting into relationships with men. For example I was not into guys who were only interested in NSA sex or hook ups. If you want them that's fine but it wasn't anything I ever wanted when I was single and in relationships and dating men and women. I don't agree with you about how you need to be discrete. When I was single and sexually active with men and in relationships with men I did work with the public and yet I still openly dated and had relationships with men, had male partners who my friends and family knew, and yet I still went to gay/LGBT bars and dance clubs to meet people. This was before the internet and back when if you were LGBT if you wanted to meet other LGBT people your options were personal ads or going to the bars. Why do you need to be discrete? I know bisexual men who were or are in the military and even before DADT was abolished they were open about how they're bisexual and many live with bisexual male partners and everyone knows about it; but they didn't mention this to their commanding officers in the military, and lived off base.