How to handle both of us being bi

[chibiguy123]

I've been on this site for a while now and this is my first post here. So my wife and I have been married for less than a year now. When we started dating we both told each other we've had same-sex experiences in the past and that never bothered either one of us nor did we talk about it much. Lately that topic came up and we finally "officially" admitted to each other we're both bisexual and we're still interested in the same sex.

So to my friends here who are in open bisexual relationships (where both partners are openly bi), how do you handle this? What ways have you found that allows us to continue our bi ways but yet not have it negatively affect our relationship? I'm just curious on how other couples handle this kind of thing.

[Long Duck Dong]

communication..... communication..... mmm communication..... and ahhh communication....... did I also mention communication.....

a lot of people read it as talking about how to enjoy their same sex attractions and a open relationship / marriage..... and well, your relationship / marriage is so much more than your bisexuality..... and many things in your relationship / marriage, involved communication .....

the difference between talking about Mc'D's or kfc and a open marriage.... is that you are taking about a core part of your marriage, and that is what you and your partner share together, is suddenly a aspect of the relationship that you are thinking about involving other people in......

sit down and make a checklist of what you think you will face.....

1) talking about rules and boundaries
2) talking about the criteria of the people you want to interact with
3) how you meet the people and if it happens at your place, their place etc
4) as a couple or single person encounters

then make the real list of the things that really matter and concern you

1) are we both ready to meet other people in a intimate setting, that are not our partners
2) are we ready to deal with the idea that our partner is being intimate with other people, not just us
3) what do we both want from this, a open marriage, closed marriage with another couple joining with us from time to time
4) how have we both dealt with issues of jealousy and envy in the past....

the biggest issue that most people face with open relationships and marriages, is they confuse a aspect of things..... you can go fuck a random person and then walk away from them, you can not do the same thing to your partner if you want your marriage to survive...... and its something that has destroyed so many marriages.... issues arise in the marriage and people try to walk away from them cos its easier to do but it doesn't work.....

most couples that open up the marriage, do so with the understanding that at any stage, the doors can be closed again in order to work on and strengthen the marriage if cracks appear, and that is a good way of doing it as both partners are working together...... but there can be a issue where one partner wants to close the door cos of issues and the other partner believes that the issues can be worked thru without closing the door.....

I would suggest that both you and your partner work out in advance what you both want with the marriage status, then slowly bring it into a reality.... IE you both want a open marriage and sexual interaction with others..... so build up to it... do a lot of talking, agreeing, compromising, arguing and disagreeing... then start meeting potential people for coffees and non sexual meetings, to see if there is any issues within the marriage that need to be dealt with, so you have a duffer zone to work with.... this will help strengthen the connection between you and your partner as you both build up to the big event and it makes dealing with issues easier as you are dealing with the smaller ones as they surface, rather than doing the big event and trying to resolve a shit load of small issues that were the warning signs of larger ones to come.....

a good open marriage is complimented by the people that you open up your marriage to... they should be the type of people that help remind you just why your partner is the one that you love so much and want to be with for the rest of your life..... and that helps ease your partners mind about the fact that they are still the ultimate person in your life..... and the same for you, its nice to know that no matter whom your partner may go with, that they can not wait to be back in your arms and making love with you cos its simply unequaled....

lastly, but most importantly.... find a good and reasonable priced source of condoms..... lol

[swtwtrslut]

Everything LDD said plus, communicate with each other!!! My husband and I have been married 25 years, were in about the 7th year when we decided to try swinging. We went through about a million versions of it before we settled into a routine. Its not going to happen like you think it will, but have the discussions first, and always put your other half firmly ahead of the additional partner. When something does unexpectedly bother one or the other of you, STOP, talk it out, adjust the rules as you go. Remember it is all flexible, nothing is written in stone, except the word NO. If one says no, then it means no for both of you.

Above all, enjoy each other.

[NakedInSeattle]

And don't forget - every day thank your lucky stars that you are both open to your total sexuality. You don't know how many frustrated people there are out there that cannot enjoy their true happiness potential because of being in a relationship where they have to hide their true feelings.
Enjoy life!

[welickit]

We have always taken things one day at a time. Both bi and both very comfortable with it. The open line of communication is, as others have said, very important. Things evolve and things can happen when you least expect. Remember to include your dislikes when you discuss things.

[Jason0012]

My wife and I are both Bi and have been aware of this in each other from the start. We do not have an open relationship exactly, though we kind of do. I know that might sound confusing so I will explain. We felt that the best thing would be to find another couple we could all get along with. We looked for quite a long while with many disasters along the way. It is fairly difficult to get four people on the samepage with anything! We currently have a guy we are involved with, and she is persuing a woman outside of the three of us. After around twenty years its the best we have been able to do. That said, I can't imagine being in a marriage with someone who didn't understand so completely. There are great advantages to both being bi, and both out. It adds greatly to the comfort level.

[welickit]

I can't imagine being in a marriage with someone who didn't understand so completely. There are great advantages to both being bi, and both out. It adds greatly to the comfort level.

Well said. To bad more folks aren't aware of it.

[bityme]

Chibiguy, you have been given some good advice so far, but there is one issue that hasn't really been discussed. That is emotional needs. Bisexuals usually fall into one of 3 categories. Those who are sexually and emotionally attracted to both sexes, those who are sexually and emotionally attracted to the opposite sex and only sexually attracted to the same sex, and those who are sexually and emotionally attracted to the opposite sex and only emotionally attracted to the same sex.

Fortunately, I fall into the second category. It is also fortunate that my two previous wives and my present wife also fall into this second category.

Not being emotionally attracted to the same sex makes the integration of a both-Bi couples same sex desires much easier. We view our intimate moments as making love and our play with others as recreational sex. One of the things we enjoy is watching each other in our carnal pursuits and joining in. It's lots of fun to share that third person between us.

We play together rather than go off on our own and we enjoy groups, generally giving our own monthly parties.

Best advice I can give you is: ENJOY!!

Pappy

[horny54]

Honesty we have a semi open relationship she knows I need to satisfy my bi needs and allows me to go and get some if she wanted to do the same I would have no problem with that but most times we play as a cpl with someone we have been part of the swinglifestyle since 1999 and we feel it has made our relationship stronger we have been married for 34 years.

[chibiguy123]

Thank you all for your great advice. Everything you all said make sense and I will definitely keep it in mind during our future discussions about this topic. But I guess I was leaning towards what methods you guys have done to continue having your same-sex "play time"? Like do you allow each other to have one same-sex partner to play with on your own. Do you guys just keep it at 3 somes (with both a guy or a girl), or have another bi-couple to play with on a regular basis? I know every couple is different but I'm just curious what has worked for others and what hasn't.

[NakedInSeattle]

One more thing - don't over-think it. Go with the flow. We've had 3-sums with guys and 4-sums with bi couples. The only thing we haven't had is a 3-sum with a gal...you know, the elusive unicorn is still elusive. It's all good. Try Adult Friend Finder or one of the other swinger sites. Give everything a try.

[onewhocares]

I must agree with EVERYTHING that LDD has said. Communication and frankly, honest is the key. Being able to express what EACH partner wants from a relationship is key. I must say that one thing would be to get some preliminary rules on the table before you begin, but be willing to change as the need arises.

Belle