musica
Mar 25, 2012, 1:26 PM
Hey all:
Looking for some advice here. About three months ago, I admitted to myself I have attraction to men as well as women. I'm a 33 yo guy, previously married to a woman, up until very recently had a great gf. Over the three months since, I have been on a rollercoaster of self-discovery, sometimes thinking fuck I'm gay, realizing how much I value male companionship, looking back over my life, thinking well shit, maybe I wasn't attracted to women all this time.
What I've learned is that holy shit, sex and attraction are way more complicated than I thought they were. And in the process, learned to love myself in a way that I didn't really know was possible, which has been cool.
Now I gotta figure out how to manage my life. I am somone who has always been monogamous to a fault, a little sexually uptight, and kinda sensitive. I really vibe with the whole two-spirit thing, because I feel both very male and somewhat female at times. I value both rather intense male attributes in myself (if I am to label these things) - analytical, intense, somewhat aggressive, and female attributes - empathy, aestheticism, sensuality.
Here's the rub. I find myself attracted to men, fewer sexual thoughts than at the beginning, probably more sexually attracted to women, most fantasies have been about women. I find myself aroused by male energy but my thoughts veer towards women relatively quickly most of the time. But I still have male fantasies.
I have been open about this to close friends. My open-minded friends say - cool, this is all possible. More close-minded straight and gay friends tend to push me towards the hey you are a closeted gay idea. That doesn't really vibe with my experience, otherwise I don't know why I would be lusting after women and jerking off to lesbian porn, although who the hell knows. Maybe I'm transitioning into gay while thinking about fuck..ing girls
I would ideally like to have a long term relationship with a woman (my ex was amazing, still would like to get her back) but I don't want to hurt anyone, and I know many women are not too friendly to the idea of bi guys, as I have both heard female friends talk some serious shit about the existence of male bisexuality and whether tehy would ever date a guy in that position. Would be keen to have children and a relatively traditional family, or at least I think I would like that, but I also want to be responsible about my relationships.
It seems to me one has to figure out where one sits on the spectrum, and figure out how to deal from there. I think I love women too much to be with men, but I have this undeniable attraction and curiosity about many guys as well and about gay culture..It doesn't feel quite as much about sex as it does about acceptance, but who knows..
It makes me wonder if I will be alone in life, or if I can arrange something with my ex, or whether I will be pushed slowly towards having relationships with men simply by the fact that women would have trouble with this side of me, or maybe even that I couldn't be faithful.
I am accepting myself now, whatever that is, but I would love to know how other people have dealt with this. Particularly when you're single and past your early 20s. Gracias.
Looking for some advice here. About three months ago, I admitted to myself I have attraction to men as well as women. I'm a 33 yo guy, previously married to a woman, up until very recently had a great gf. Over the three months since, I have been on a rollercoaster of self-discovery, sometimes thinking fuck I'm gay, realizing how much I value male companionship, looking back over my life, thinking well shit, maybe I wasn't attracted to women all this time.
What I've learned is that holy shit, sex and attraction are way more complicated than I thought they were. And in the process, learned to love myself in a way that I didn't really know was possible, which has been cool.
Now I gotta figure out how to manage my life. I am somone who has always been monogamous to a fault, a little sexually uptight, and kinda sensitive. I really vibe with the whole two-spirit thing, because I feel both very male and somewhat female at times. I value both rather intense male attributes in myself (if I am to label these things) - analytical, intense, somewhat aggressive, and female attributes - empathy, aestheticism, sensuality.
Here's the rub. I find myself attracted to men, fewer sexual thoughts than at the beginning, probably more sexually attracted to women, most fantasies have been about women. I find myself aroused by male energy but my thoughts veer towards women relatively quickly most of the time. But I still have male fantasies.
I have been open about this to close friends. My open-minded friends say - cool, this is all possible. More close-minded straight and gay friends tend to push me towards the hey you are a closeted gay idea. That doesn't really vibe with my experience, otherwise I don't know why I would be lusting after women and jerking off to lesbian porn, although who the hell knows. Maybe I'm transitioning into gay while thinking about fuck..ing girls
I would ideally like to have a long term relationship with a woman (my ex was amazing, still would like to get her back) but I don't want to hurt anyone, and I know many women are not too friendly to the idea of bi guys, as I have both heard female friends talk some serious shit about the existence of male bisexuality and whether tehy would ever date a guy in that position. Would be keen to have children and a relatively traditional family, or at least I think I would like that, but I also want to be responsible about my relationships.
It seems to me one has to figure out where one sits on the spectrum, and figure out how to deal from there. I think I love women too much to be with men, but I have this undeniable attraction and curiosity about many guys as well and about gay culture..It doesn't feel quite as much about sex as it does about acceptance, but who knows..
It makes me wonder if I will be alone in life, or if I can arrange something with my ex, or whether I will be pushed slowly towards having relationships with men simply by the fact that women would have trouble with this side of me, or maybe even that I couldn't be faithful.
I am accepting myself now, whatever that is, but I would love to know how other people have dealt with this. Particularly when you're single and past your early 20s. Gracias.