The Male Gaze: Girl Watching

[tenni]

"It was the first of the warm spring days that inflated Toronto this week. I was on my way to work on my bicycle. Two blocks from my house, I turned right and found myself 10 feet behind a young woman.
I use the word “behind” hesitantly.

She might have been 20. I am 58. She had long blond hair, and was wearing a short putty-coloured jacket, nude hose – I didn't think anyone wore nude hose any more – and a white miniskirt, trim but straining, tucked primly beneath her.

My first sight of her felt like a light blow to the chest. Her body held my interest, but so did her decision to wear a miniskirt on a bike, along with her youth, her loveliness, even the fleetingness of the six blocks I kept her company – she turned right, and she was gone. We owed each other nothing.
The inevitable backwash of guilt arrived, as all men know it does. I have a daughter her age. I am married but spent several minutes gazing at a pretty girl's backside. I could hear the charges: objectifier, perv, pig, man.

But it was such a beautiful day. And so I decided to spend the rest of it cruising the city, investigating the famous male gaze, to find out just how ashamed we lads ought to feel. These days, with women charging so fast past us, we're happy to feel anything.
***
Details that catch my attention: lively calves, French blue puff skirts with white polka dots, red shoes, dark skin, olive skin, pale skin, lips (various shapes), curly hair (to my surprise). A pretty girl with too much bottom squeezed into her yoga pants – and, mysteriously, twice as sexy for the effort. A slim blond in enormous sunglasses carrying a banana peel as if it were a memo. An expensively dressed and tanned woman climbs out of a taxi, so vivacious I panic and can't look at her. Slim girls, curvy girls; signs of health, hints of quiet style. Coloured headbands. A rollerblader in white short shorts does nothing for me: Her look is the sexual equivalent of shopping at Wal-Mart.

But each woman makes you think, parse her appeal. The busty brunette in her 20s is wearing a rich emerald-green ruffled blouse, but it's sleeveless and obviously not warm enough to wear outside. Is she a bad planner? Would she be a sloppy mate?

..........This is another thing that made the girl on the bike so appealing: she was free. It would be nice if we all were. Y, a 35-year-old married friend who still flicks his gaze at passing women the way other people flip channels, blames our national earnestness. “The problem for us as men is that we're in the wrong culture, and we're men at the wrong time. We're not a culture that empowers men with casual sensuality.”

I ask a woman sitting in an outdoor café if she minds being looked at by men. Her name is Ali – a 26-year-old student with an Italian boyfriend who looks at everyone. That used to bother her but doesn't any more. “Just looking, I don't think it's offensive. But I think it's offensive if there's comments.”

Every woman I speak to says the same thing, without exception. So why does girl-watching have such a terrible reputation?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/why-men-cant-and-shouldnt-stop-staring-at-women/article2379872/page1/

[pepperjack]

"It was the first of the warm spring days that inflated Toronto this week. I was on my way to work on my bicycle. Two blocks from my house, I turned right and found myself 10 feet behind a young woman.
I use the word “behind” hesitantly.

She might have been 20. I am 58. She had long blond hair, and was wearing a short putty-coloured jacket, nude hose – I didn't think anyone wore nude hose any more – and a white miniskirt, trim but straining, tucked primly beneath her.

My first sight of her felt like a light blow to the chest. Her body held my interest, but so did her decision to wear a miniskirt on a bike, along with her youth, her loveliness, even the fleetingness of the six blocks I kept her company – she turned right, and she was gone. We owed each other nothing.
The inevitable backwash of guilt arrived, as all men know it does. I have a daughter her age. I am married but spent several minutes gazing at a pretty girl's backside. I could hear the charges: objectifier, perv, pig, man.

But it was such a beautiful day. And so I decided to spend the rest of it cruising the city, investigating the famous male gaze, to find out just how ashamed we lads ought to feel. These days, with women charging so fast past us, we're happy to feel anything.
***
Details that catch my attention: lively calves, French blue puff skirts with white polka dots, red shoes, dark skin, olive skin, pale skin, lips (various shapes), curly hair (to my surprise). A pretty girl with too much bottom squeezed into her yoga pants – and, mysteriously, twice as sexy for the effort. A slim blond in enormous sunglasses carrying a banana peel as if it were a memo. An expensively dressed and tanned woman climbs out of a taxi, so vivacious I panic and can't look at her. Slim girls, curvy girls; signs of health, hints of quiet style. Coloured headbands. A rollerblader in white short shorts does nothing for me: Her look is the sexual equivalent of shopping at Wal-Mart.

But each woman makes you think, parse her appeal. The busty brunette in her 20s is wearing a rich emerald-green ruffled blouse, but it's sleeveless and obviously not warm enough to wear outside. Is she a bad planner? Would she be a sloppy mate?

..........This is another thing that made the girl on the bike so appealing: she was free. It would be nice if we all were. Y, a 35-year-old married friend who still flicks his gaze at passing women the way other people flip channels, blames our national earnestness. “The problem for us as men is that we're in the wrong culture, and we're men at the wrong time. We're not a culture that empowers men with casual sensuality.”

I ask a woman sitting in an outdoor café if she minds being looked at by men. Her name is Ali – a 26-year-old student with an Italian boyfriend who looks at everyone. That used to bother her but doesn't any more. “Just looking, I don't think it's offensive. But I think it's offensive if there's comments.”

Every woman I speak to says the same thing, without exception. So why does girl-watching have such a terrible reputation?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/why-men-cant-and-shouldnt-stop-staring-at-women/article2379872/page1/


Yes, it's the season of being bombarded by subtle & relentless sexual stimuli;during this time,I liken myself to a pot of hot water on the stove, ranging from a simmer to a low boil. BTW, very well written post.:bigrin:

[pepperjack]

"It was the first of the warm spring days that inflated Toronto this week. I was on my way to work on my bicycle. Two blocks from my house, I turned right and found myself 10 feet behind a young woman.
I use the word “behind” hesitantly.

She might have been 20. I am 58. She had long blond hair, and was wearing a short putty-coloured jacket, nude hose – I didn't think anyone wore nude hose any more – and a white miniskirt, trim but straining, tucked primly beneath her.

My first sight of her felt like a light blow to the chest. Her body held my interest, but so did her decision to wear a miniskirt on a bike, along with her youth, her loveliness, even the fleetingness of the six blocks I kept her company – she turned right, and she was gone. We owed each other nothing.
The inevitable backwash of guilt arrived, as all men know it does. I have a daughter her age. I am married but spent several minutes gazing at a pretty girl's backside. I could hear the charges: objectifier, perv, pig, man.

But it was such a beautiful day. And so I decided to spend the rest of it cruising the city, investigating the famous male gaze, to find out just how ashamed we lads ought to feel. These days, with women charging so fast past us, we're happy to feel anything.
***
Details that catch my attention: lively calves, French blue puff skirts with white polka dots, red shoes, dark skin, olive skin, pale skin, lips (various shapes), curly hair (to my surprise). A pretty girl with too much bottom squeezed into her yoga pants – and, mysteriously, twice as sexy for the effort. A slim blond in enormous sunglasses carrying a banana peel as if it were a memo. An expensively dressed and tanned woman climbs out of a taxi, so vivacious I panic and can't look at her. Slim girls, curvy girls; signs of health, hints of quiet style. Coloured headbands. A rollerblader in white short shorts does nothing for me: Her look is the sexual equivalent of shopping at Wal-Mart.

But each woman makes you think, parse her appeal. The busty brunette in her 20s is wearing a rich emerald-green ruffled blouse, but it's sleeveless and obviously not warm enough to wear outside. Is she a bad planner? Would she be a sloppy mate?

..........This is another thing that made the girl on the bike so appealing: she was free. It would be nice if we all were. Y, a 35-year-old married friend who still flicks his gaze at passing women the way other people flip channels, blames our national earnestness. “The problem for us as men is that we're in the wrong culture, and we're men at the wrong time. We're not a culture that empowers men with casual sensuality.”

I ask a woman sitting in an outdoor café if she minds being looked at by men. Her name is Ali – a 26-year-old student with an Italian boyfriend who looks at everyone. That used to bother her but doesn't any more. “Just looking, I don't think it's offensive. But I think it's offensive if there's comments.”

Every woman I speak to says the same thing, without exception. So why does girl-watching have such a terrible reputation?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/why-men-cant-and-shouldnt-stop-staring-at-women/article2379872/page1/


An afterthought here; this post reminded me of a French movie I saw awhile back titled LILA SAYS. Incredibly erotic!

[LeeNorCal]

Great post! Having been a "girl watcher" since before puberty, I have learned the "secret" when caught (especially since the sexual revolution of the 60's): A truly heartfelt appreciative nod and smile, definitely no comments, followed by turning my attention elsewhere. Oddly enough, I have actually been thanked by numerous women who said they felt very flattered. Of course, we all have different "tastes", but that's another story.

[Jobelorocks]

Well, I don't blame men for looking at an attractive woman (sometimes it does creep me out, though). It does bother me though when a grown man is checking out a young girl. I remember middle-aged men and even older really "checking me out" as young as 10. Mostly I do find that the older men tend to do more then just look. I tend to get more cat-calls, inappropriate comments, the licking of lips, kissing the air in my direction, ect. from older men.

[unicorn_factory]

Women sort of creep me out these days, so I no longer have much of a problem. I used to be more of a peeping Tom when I was younger. To answer the question, I think it`s eat-your-cake-and-have-it-too feminism that created this reputation. Do everything to call attention to your body, then hold said attention in scorn. Passive-aggressive crap. I`ve got better things to do.

[Annika L]

Tenni, I love your post...well-written, fun to read, thought-provoking.

To some other posters, I'll say there is girl-watching, and then there is girl-watching. I'm as apt to notice and appreciate a well-built and alluringly adorned woman as a well-built and alluringly adorned man. But in both cases, I maintain awareness of that person's comfort...I pay attention to where my eyes go, where they linger, and who sees this (ideally, nobody else but me is aware that I just had a "wow" moment).

Personally, I like to feel like I look good, and I love it when my efforts in those directions are appreciated...but I don't like being viewed or treated as an object. So, unicorn_factory, in my case it isn't that I scorn attention...it's that I scorn certain disrespectful kinds of attention. As Jo says, catcalls, kissing the air, etc., or blatant stares...kinda creepy. A flick of the eyes, a brief *polite* (nonspecific) comment ("hey, you look great!" rather than, "wow, you're lookin' good in that sweater"), or a light-up smile when you see me...that can make my day. To me, this isn't about having your cake and eating it too (though I *am* rather fond of cake)...it's about treating a person with respect.

And to me, this answers Tenni's question: girl-watching has its reputation, because too frequently, the attention is of the creepier sort. What Tenni did I have no problem with, even with the age disparity.

[Irish69]

In the summertime, girl watching at the New York Library, is almost a sport. Men and women each play a role. The men sit on the steps and the women walk by. or the women sit on the steps and the men lean against the wall facing the steps. The first time I went there for lunch I didn't realize what was going on. It goes on every day, everyone know the deal. I love Summer!

[tenni]

Annika and a few others. I should correct you and write that I didn't write the OP. It was an article in the Globe & Mail newpaper.

[unicorn_factory]

girl-watching has its reputation, because too frequently, the attention is of the creepier sort.That`s not the whole story. Most women encourage and reward attention of the creepier sort (despite the public show of faux taking-offense), hence why it continues.


A flick of the eyes, a brief *polite* (nonspecific) comment ("hey, you look great!"), or a light-up smile when you see me...Is that the kind of attention you want? Then lead by example. If you play it as if it`s a man`s job to give a woman attention, you`ll just have to deal with whatever comes your way. The best way to get the kind of attention you want, is to give it first.

[Annika L]

That`s not the whole story. Most women encourage and reward attention of the creepier sort (despite the public show of faux taking-offense), hence why it continues.

Is that the kind of attention you want? Then lead by example. If you play it as if it`s a man`s job to give a woman attention, you`ll just have to deal with whatever comes your way. The best way to get the kind of attention you want, is to give it first.

I cannot and do not speak for "most women". I speak for myself.

And I certainly do not "play it as if it's a man's job to give a woman attention." Methinks you may be a bit fond of overgeneralization, and too inclined to make assumptions about people. I believe that I treat every person with the respect that I would like to receive...at least initially...if I am not treated respectfully, I do not suffer fools gladly.

[unicorn_factory]

I cannot and do not speak for "most women". I speak for myself.

And I certainly do not "play it as if it's a man's job to give a woman attention." Methinks you may be a bit fond of overgeneralization, and too inclined to make assumptions about people. I believe that I treat every person with the respect that I would like to receive...at least initially...if I am not treated respectfully, I do not suffer fools gladly.Fair enough.

[dafydd]

I think it`s eat-your-cake-and-have-it-too feminism that created this reputation. Do everything to call attention to your body, then hold said attention in scorn. Passive-aggressive crap. I`ve got better things to do.


Why shouldn't women have their cake and eat it? Feminism doesn't mind sharing 'the cake' with a man...its advocates are simply fed up of cooking it, icing it, clearing it away, washing it up, chucking it up, and then having to suck the icing out of their husband's big limp dick every night ...sometimes all at the same time... and getting paid considerably less than a man would do for the same job.

though to be honest i know some men who gladly do the whole process for free. anything just to get to the cake icing part... and the bowl licking.

That's why feminism doesn't really know what to do with male bi/homosexuality. it's courteous and kind of course ....but there's an air of a shrewd business woman about it: that as long as she knows the limits of her competition, she wont ever run the risk of being undercut by its services.

d

[unicorn_factory]

That's why feminism doesn't really know what to do with male bi/homosexuality. it's courteous and kind of course ....but there's an air of a shrewd business woman about it: that as long as she knows the limits of her competition, she wont ever run the risk of being undercut by its services.

dThat`s the whole point. As a bisexual man, being respectful is not enough for me anymore. Either a woman will run the risk of rejection and share the load of the initiation, or I`ll stick to boy watching. ;)

Respectful to me, sounds like code for "you do the dirty work of approaching me and I`ll sit here, look cute and passive, send off signals, and take no risks." Cute, hypocritical euphemism; much like "equality", etc. I`m all for having your cake and eating it too, just don`t call it "equality" to my face because that`s the same as saying you think I`m too stupid to tell the two apart.

I`m bi. Equality is not an abstraction for me. I actually interact with people with whom I relate on a complete level of equality. And 99% of those people are boys. The other 1% are bi women.

Women almost never initiate toward men who are their equals ever. They by-and-large choose men who are their superiors. Nor do they do equal work outside a tiny slither of the office economy. To many men who aren`t within the top 5% earning bracket, it looks the opposite: women go to college more, get better jobs, and have more money (even if the money is not necessarily theirs). And, still have the right to call men assholes and all the perks that being oppressed has. And, if you even put the above into question, you`re a chauvinist pig.

Of course, there will be people who will come here and say that I`m generalizing (shoot me!) and that all women aren`t like that. Yes, there are exceptions. (Thank god!) But, an exception is still an exception, and it won`t do any good for the exceptions to come to the defense of the rule.

Anymore than I come to the defense of doormat, sucker upper, knuckle-dragging, ring-wearing, no-condom wearing, alimony-paying, tab picker upper, hetero men. Yes, they are creepy! And hetero women love it, so they can keep up their princess act.

[Jobelorocks]

That`s the whole point. As a bisexual man, being respectful is not enough for me anymore. Either a woman will run the risk of rejection and share the load of the initiation, or I`ll stick to men.

Respectful to me, sounds like code for "you do the dirty work of approaching me and I`ll sit here, look cute and passive, send off signals, and take no risks." Cute, hypocritical euphemism; much like "equality", etc. I`m all for having your cake and eating it too, just don`t call it "equality" to my face because that`s the same as saying you think I`m too stupid to tell the two apart.

Women almost never initiate toward men who are their equals ever. They by-and-large choose men who are their superiors. Nor do they do equal work outside a tiny sliver of the office economy. To many men who aren`t within the top 5% earning bracket, it looks the opposite: women go to college more, get better jobs, and have more money. And, still have the right to call men assholes and all the perks that being oppressed has. And, if you even put the above into question, you`re misogynistic.

Of course, there will be people who will come here and say that I`m generalizing (shoot me!) and that all women aren`t like that. Yes, there are exceptions. (Thank god!) But, an exception is still an exception, and it won`t do any good for the exceptions to come to the defense of the rule.

Anymore than I come to the defense of doormat, sucker upper, knuckle-dragging, ring-wearing, alimony-paying, hetero men.
There is a respectful and disrespectful way to approach a woman. I don't mind if a man asks me for my number or if I want to go out sometime (although, I will turn him down if I am not interested, which usually I am not), but it is a whole different story if they are doing things like cat-calling me, using dirty pick-up lines, grabbing me without my permission, kissing the air at me, especially when this is done when I am holding my husbands hand.

Even though I am happily married, I think that I should still be able to dress how I always have, which ends up getting attention. Especially when I come from a big city (Los Angeles) where there are significantly higher standards of beauty (we move a lot due to my hubbies job). It isn't that I am trying to get more attention then I did while I lived in L.A., I just don't want to buy whole new wardrobes every time I move.I don't mind looks and polite advances, but when they get too pushy, won't take no for an answer, or are disrespectful in the ways I described earlier, I get creeped out. I am respectful to everyone and expect the same. Even the ones who are rude and creepy, I try to let down gently.

Women should be able to dress in a way that is flattering and makes them look good, without being treated as something less than human, a mere object of sex. All I ask is to be treated like a human with respect. You can show interest in me, just be respectful about how you do it.

Also, I don't know statistics of where you live, but in the U.S. women are still paid 73% of what men get paid for doing the same job. Equality still hasn't been reached. P.S. I have asked out plenty of guys and most of the women that I know have asked out guys as well.

[unicorn_factory]

where there are significantly higher standards of beauty (we move a lot due to my hubbies job). I imagine by standards of beauty, you mean bringing attention to precisely the parts of your body that you don`t want said creepy men to touch. Am I warm?

And, those are the same parts of your body that, if you`re out at a club with the girls, you`ll let them touch to their heart`s content and take facebook pictures doing it to boot.

Don`t forget that I get probably more and more aggressive attention from guys than you do. When I lived in New York, walking through the West Village was virtually impossible. The only difference is that when I show flesh, it`s because it is actually available.

It`s not simply an attention-whoring at the expense of someone else`s blue balls.

[tenni]

[QUOTE=Jobelorocks;226090]There is a respectful and disrespectful way to approach a woman. "

I agree with you but the gaze is not about going further. It is just about looking.


"I should still be able to dress how I always have, which ends up getting attention."

Well, in some respects yes. However, question may be raised and perhaps should be raised.

Yesterday, I was on a commuter train and had the window seat. I could see people getting off the train and walking past as I was on the upper level, I get an interesting perspective. I like looking at people from that angle. You see things that you don't see when your perspective is eye level ;)

It was a cool day but sunny. I saw a woman with one of those tops on that is cut lower than what a man would wear. I could see just the beginning of the crease between two breasts. I could see her cleavage from a different angle. After observing that, my next thought was well isn't she a bit cold? She had a jacket on and still her boobs were being presented as a rack to watch. wtf Don't tell me that she is dressing not to get attention to go to her rack..not her face etc.

I come from a family of large breasted women. I recall my little sister being followed by guys in their 20's as a ten year old!! ffs. It scared her. Yep, she had developed and the guys in cars must have thought that she was late teens or 20's. Most women with large breasts know what they are doing when they dress. Many large breasted women that I know do not wear low cut tops. My niece does. She knows what she is doing and drawing attention to her assets. Her mother has done that and was the ten year old at one time. She no longer wears low cut tops much anymore. The size of her breasts is still noticeable but no longer advertising. She will wear low cut tops on occasions. I have no idea why this occassion and not another? LOL

[Jobelorocks]

I imagine by standards of beauty, you mean bringing attention to precisely the parts of your body that you don`t want said creepy men to touch. Am I warm?

And, those are the same parts of your body that, if you`re out at a club with the girls, you`ll let them touch to their heart`s content and take facebook pictures doing it to boot.

Don`t forget that I get probably more and more aggressive attention from guys than you do. When I lived in New York, walking through the West Village was virtually impossible. The only difference is that when I show flesh, it`s because it is actually available.

It`s not simply an attention-whoring at the expense of someone else`s blue balls.
I don't let anyone touch those parts without my permission especially in public, my sexuality is a private matter and needs to be kept in a proper context. I really don't go to clubs. You can't just walk up to a stranger and grab their genitals, butt, or breast, that is a little thing called sexual assault, mind you, mild sexual assault. I mean by higher standards of beauty that we don't go outside in sweats or pajamas, most women wear a full face of make-up, are expected to be thinner, ect. I am not gunning for attention, but I like fashion, I am an artist and I like to dress nice, not trashy. I still get that attention as if I were sub-human. Sorry, but I like women a lot, but I would NEVER cat-call one, kiss in the direction of, grab a part of them, ect. no matter how they are dressed and especially not if they are a stranger. It is just so disrespectful and unwarranted. Chances are most women who are dressing that way are doing so to attract the people they find attractive, attracting other's is a bi-product, not the goal. Most people don't want to have sexual contact with people they don't find attractive. That is why each of us must realize, not everyone wants us sexually, so if we are interested we must approach them respectfully, and if they turn us down, respect that.

P.S. I am a swinger so technically I am available even though I am married. Also I find that no matter how I dress I get the same attention. I even get cat-called in snow pants, a snow coat, a beanie, snow boots, gloves, and a scarf. So in those instances even by your reasoning, there is no way I am "asking for it".

[Jobelorocks]

Tenni- When a woman is wearing a low top, she is most likely trying to draw attention to her breasts. If I am wearing a top that is low cut, which usually I don't, I don't mind men looking at my breasts, I mean, what else would I expect. It is all about how they approach it though, with respect for the person and not to degrade them as just a sex toy or object. If you are interested the correct answer is not to go up and grab her breasts, but maybe ask for her number, if she wants to go out, or if you don't want to start a sexual relationship just look. There is no need to cat-call, kiss at the air, grab private parts, say dirty pick up lines, ect. Those things are disrespectful. When I approach a woman or man that I am interested in, I do it with respect, no matter how they are dressed. If they turn me down, I leave it at that and leave them alone. To push further is harassment. No means no.

[unicorn_factory]

I don't let anyone touch those parts without my permission especially in public, my sexuality is a private matter and needs to be kept in a proper context. I really don't go to clubs. You can't just walk up to a stranger and grab their genitals, butt, or breast, that is a little thing called sexual assault, mind you, mild sexual assault. I mean by higher standards of beauty that we don't go outside in sweats or pajamas, most women wear a full face of make-up, are expected to be thinner, ect. I am not gunning for attention, but I like fashion, I am an artist and I like to dress nice, not trashy. I still get that attention as if I were sub-human. Sorry, but I like women a lot, but I would NEVER cat-call one, kiss in the direction of, grab a part of them, ect. no matter how they are dressed and especially not if they are a stranger. It is just so disrespectful and unwarranted. Chances are most women who are dressing that way are doing so to attract the people they find attractive, attracting other's is a bi-product, not the goal. Most people don't want to have sexual contact with people they don't find attractive. That is why each of us must realize, not everyone wants us sexually, so if we are interested we must approach them respectfully, and if they turn us down, respect that.

P.S. I am a swinger so technically I am available even though I am married. Also I find that no matter how I dress I get the same attention. I even get cat-called in snow pants, a snow coat, a beanie, snow boots, gloves, and a scarf. So in those instances even by your reasoning, there is no way I am "asking for it".Actually, my reasoning is two-pronged. But, I`m afraid we won`t ever agree and we'll go in circles, so I think I will have said all I want to for now after I say this:

1) Yes, there are creepy motherfuckers who will cat call anything that comes their way. They are playing a role, as much as women play the role of the pursued. The best way to maximize the kind of approaches you want and minimize the ones you don`t is to approach men yourself, the men you want, the way you want to be approached. Playing passive-aggressive will get you cat-called even if you`re in your granny`s sweatpants.

2) Dress and act in a way that draws attention to the parts of you you want to be drawn attention to. Nothing wrong if that part of you is your boobs or ass, just don`t be such a hypocrite and share with those you choose to show them to. The love you withhold, is the pain you bring...to yourself (unless you secretly enjoy it :P).

3) Homeless guy stares at you anyway, stare at him back and say "Looking at something, friend??"

Learn from the boys. ;)

[unicorn_factory]

not to degrade them as just a sex toy or object. Those things are disrespectful. No means no.Except, no means yes all too often. Women hardly ever hook up with a guy without an initial show of faux resistance.

Don`t want to be treated like an object, don`t want to be disrespected? Do the same for yourself and others. Cockteasing is disrespectful to both parties!

[Jobelorocks]

Actually, my reasoning is two-pronged. But, I`m afraid we won`t ever agree and we'll go in circles, so I think I will have said all I want to for now after I say this:

1) Yes, there are creepy motherfuckers who will cat call anything that comes their way. They are playing a role, as much as women play the role of the pursued. The best way to maximize the kind of approaches you want and minimize the ones you don`t is to approach men yourself, the men you want, the way you want to be approached. Playing passive-aggressive will get you cat-called even if you`re in your granny`s sweatpants.

2) Dress and act in a way that draws attention to the parts of you you want to be drawn attention to. Nothing wrong if that part of you is your boobs or ass, just don`t be such a hypocrite and share with those you choose to show them to. The love you withhold, is the pain you bring...to yourself (unless you secretly enjoy it :P).

3) Homeless guy stares at you anyway, stare at him back and say "Looking at something, friend??"

Learn from the boys. ;)

As I have said earlier, which you seem to ignore, I do approach people that I am interested in, but that in no way limits the cat-calls, pinches, ect. I don't know what makes you think that will in any way limit how men treat you. I approach men and women the way I want to be approached and always have. That in no way limits men being disrespectful. You have made assumptions about me that I dress in a way that shows off my tasty bits, but I really don't. I mostly wear jeans, a tank, t-shirt (not low cut), or a nice blouse, maybe a sweater, ect. unless it is hot out. I dress accordingly to the weather. If you notice in my picture you see no cleavage. That is very common for me. Still I get stares at my breast, my booty, or up and down. I dress pretty modestly in the fact that I am covered up. I just tend to dress more formal (like I never wear athletic shoes unless I am working out and NEVER go out in sweats or pajamas and I always do my make-up) than the people in my current area.

I show everyone respect even the women who are wearing low-cut tops, mini-skirts, or showing off their midriff. Everyone deserves respect and it is never okay to grab a strangers private parts or to treat them in a disrespectful manner. Looking or hitting on someone in a respectful way is a non-issue. It is when you get disrespectful or keep on pushing, that it becomes sexual harassment or assault.

Sorry, but people who use how someone looks as an excuse to treat them disrespectfully, to harass them, or even assault them disgust me. Everyone is deserves to be treated with respect and dignity even if they are dressed "hot", "hoochy", or whatever.

[Jobelorocks]

Except, no means yes all too often. Women hardly ever hook up with a guy without an initial show of faux resistance.

Don`t want to be treated like an object, don`t want to be disrespected? Do the same for yourself and others. Cockteasing is disrespectful to both parties!

Wow, you sound alot like the people who blame rape and sexual assault victims for being raped or assaulted. NO means NO. Period. You never have the right to do anything sexual to a person when they say no. Even if it is something more on the mild side like grabbing a body part. I can't talk about this anymore, it is making me sick to my stomach.

[unicorn_factory]

Wow, you sound alot like the people who blame rape and sexual assault victims for being raped or assaulted. NO means NO. Period. You never have the right to do anything sexual to a person when they say no. Even if it is something more on the mild side like grabbing a body part. I can't talk about this anymore, it is making me sick to my stomach.That makes two of us.

[Jobelorocks]

That makes two of us.
I think for drastically different reasons. It reminds me way too much of conversations I had with people after my rape and them blaming me for being raped.

[unicorn_factory]

I think for drastically different reasons. It reminds me way too much of conversations I had with people after my rape and them blaming me for being raped.Oh, please. I was ready to let it go. This is not how you`re going to get sympathy from me. Throwing some sleight-of-hand accusation at me, and equating me with something I am not by a long shot.

On the whole, I don`t look at women. I don`t approach women. I don`t touch women. I like men. Your whole no means no platitude should be said not to me, but to the women who think I am not "confident" enough because I treat them the same way they treat me.

The women that I do like are apt to agree with what I have said. And, what I have said has nothing to do with rape apologists...If anything, I wish bisexual men, at least, stopped sucking up to women.

If you want your rape to be taken seriously, go after the real bad guys. Being raped does not give you the right to pass judgment on large swaths of men without ever thinking about women`s roles critically, and be right at the same time.

[Jobelorocks]

Oh, please. I was ready to let it go. This is not how you`re going to get sympathy for me. Throwing some sleight-of-hand accusation at me, and equating me with something I am not by a long shot.

On the whole, I don`t look at women. I don`t approach women. I don`t touch women. I like men. Your whole no means no platitude should be said not to me, but to the women who think I am not "confident" enough because I treat them the same way they treat me.

The women that I do like are apt to agree with what I have said. And, what I have said has nothing to do with rape apologists...If anything, I wish bisexual men, at least, stopped sucking up to women.

If you want your rape to be taken seriously, go after the real bad guys.

I never said it was the same and I don't want your sympathy. I said it reminded me of those conversations. They used all the same arguments you did to justify rape. Saying that it must of been how I dressed or looked or that my no doesn't mean no. They say all these victims ask for it because they had their cleavage showing or they were flirting with the guy. These arguments are taken to the extreme and not only used to justify sexual harassment, disrespect, and minor sexual assault (grabbing and such), but this kind of thinking is what many use to justify sexual assault and even rape. This kind of thinking it is okay to treat women like objects because of how they look or dress needs to stop.

[unicorn_factory]

I never said it was the same and I don't want your sympathy. I said it reminded me of those conversations. They used all the same arguments you did to justify rape. Saying that it must of been how I dressed or looked or that my no doesn't mean no. They say all these victims ask for it because they had their cleavage showing or they were flirting with the guy. These arguments are taken to the extreme and not only used to justify sexual harassment, disrespect, and minor sexual assault (grabbing and such), but this kind of thinking is what many use to justify sexual assault and even rape. This kind of thinking it is okay to treat women like objects because of how they look or dress needs to stop.Yes! Because I criticize Israel`s policies, it must mean I am justifying The Holocaust!

[Jobelorocks]

No, I said you are using the same line of reasoning, I did not say you were justifying rape, don't twist my words. You did seem to justify men grabbing women's private parts (if they are showing them off) which is a mild form of sexual assault.