Being Bi is so hard and so lonely.

[LavaRed]

You know, after many many years of attempting to find that special someone as a bi man, I realize that it's nigh on impossible. Seriously, how do bi people find significant others than love them and accept them as is? I've tried, I've gone through hundreds of people. None of them seem willing or able to settle down with a bi man. Everyone expects you to choose. It's funny but straight people seem more able to understand gay people and vice-versa. Girls expect you to choose girls-only, and guys expect you to choose guys-only. I suspect that many bi people end up choosing to masquerade as gay people just to avoid the rejection and find a way of fitting it. It's so frustrating. I think Gay people tho complain of being misunderstood never even imagine how hard it is to be bi. It's a million times harder.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel so frustrated. I feel like giving up on finding a stable life-partner, especially a girl. Seriously. It's impossible. :( .

[Brian]

Amen.

I wish I could offer better words than that and more encouragement, but none come to me.

The silver lining perhaps is that I think it will be better for the future generations. Human sexuality is such a complex topic but I think eventually the science of human sexuality will advance us even further, and the mores and practices of our society will catch up with the science. I could see a time when bisexuality is accepted by almost everyone and built into most lifetime relationships - when men and women can have "socially monogamous" relationships, but have relationships that are also "open" sexually (and mutually agreed to of course).

I think time bodes well for human sexuality, bisexuality in particular.

- Drew :paw:

[Jobelorocks]

I found a wonderful man that accepts me for being bi (I am a woman, so it is easier for us). I would suggest maybe looking for another bisexual. You can maybe even try a site like bicupid.com. That may make it easier for you to find someone who accepts your sexuality. Many bisexuals do choose to masquerade as straight or gay just to fit in or find someone. Don't loose hope. You are not alone.

[Something Else]

I can definitely relate to the sentiments shared here LavaRed. If we're talking about seeking relationships with women, it can be a lonely place for Bi men.

It appears, in some ways, that you have to go back into the closet to have a relationship with a woman - which is a mentally anguishing thing to do. I've thought about the reasons why this may be. I've resigned that women are wired differently. They don't simply view monogamy based on exclusive physical elements; they incorporate the mental and emotional too. So if a Bi man is capable of having desires or fantasies - though never acted upon - about the same sex; that would be a deal breaker for *most* women. As they view you incapable of being emotionally/mentally monogamous - albeit physically monogamous.

And that creates the chilling effect of Bi men not telling the woman in their life about everything that arouses them simply to avoid possible drama occurring.

I do agree with you Drew, that years from now Bisexuality will be seen like being able to use both hands [ambidextrous] or having red hair...just another attribute/trait on the human spectrum. Especially with the internet being a forum for Bisexuals to actually talk and express themselves in unprecedented ways. In 2012, it's no longer a shocker to know of a bisexual. However, for Bi men seeking a Bi-friendly woman, well...we have not yet evolved on that issue.

[_someone_]

I hate having to see this. I live in a fairly conservative city that doesn't often see grey areas in sexuality, which I consider lame, and I think it would be far more lame if that was really the only reason they held back their interest. I still have a long life ahead, and I hope it doesn't hold me back. I'll admit I haven't really talked about it much to anyone, but I find that if I were dating someone it'd be a must.

I'd still rather keep a positive attitude, especially since if that's the thing holding us back, it's their problem.

[RavenEye]

I agree with Jobel I will ONLY date other bisexuals. Male or female. Go to OkCupid! It's so easy and fun! :p

[DuckiesDarling]

You know, after many many years of attempting to find that special someone as a bi man, I realize that it's nigh on impossible. Seriously, how do bi people find significant others than love them and accept them as is? I've tried, I've gone through hundreds of people. None of them seem willing or able to settle down with a bi man. Everyone expects you to choose. It's funny but straight people seem more able to understand gay people and vice-versa. Girls expect you to choose girls-only, and guys expect you to choose guys-only. I suspect that many bi people end up choosing to masquerade as gay people just to avoid the rejection and find a way of fitting it. It's so frustrating. I think Gay people tho complain of being misunderstood never even imagine how hard it is to be bi. It's a million times harder.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel so frustrated. I feel like giving up on finding a stable life-partner, especially a girl. Seriously. It's impossible. :( .

Hi, I'm the straight partner of a bisexual male, or as I say a male that happens to be bisexual. His sexuality doesn't matter to me, his personality does. I wonder where you tried to find these 100's of people that didn't understand you. There are many straight women who are involved with bisexuals and resolve issues together as a couple. I wish you luck but perhaps expanding your search area might help. As was posted, there are sites like bicupid that might help you find someone who already understands bisexuality and will be looking at you, the person, not you, the bisexual. Good luck.

[Brian]

I agree with Jobel I will ONLY date other bisexuals. Male or female. Go to OkCupid! It's so easy and fun! :p Maybe I am being overly-sensitive, but I think it is bad form to refer a person to another dating site from this site.

- Drew :paw:

[Jobelorocks]

I agree with Jobel I will ONLY date other bisexuals. Male or female. Go to OkCupid! It's so easy and fun! :p
My husband is straight. I don't care about what sexuality the person is. I was just suggesting that if you are having a hard time finding someone who accepts your bisexuality, finding another bisexual might be helpful. Some straight and gay people out there are supportive and loving to their bisexual partners.

[Jobelorocks]

Maybe I am being overly-sensitive, but I think it is bad form to refer a person to another dating site from this site.

- Drew :paw:
You know Drew, I never really thought of this as a dating site. Then again, my husband isn't bi and I would think we would have a hard time finding a couple that was a fit for us. Also I just did a search of my area before and there really isn't anyone near my age in my area. It is hard for younger people to find other young people here. This is a better dating site for a little bit of an older crowd.

[darkeyes]

This has never been principly a dating site.. I doubt now it ever shall be.. it has always had a dating element and it is right that should be so... to turn it now into principly a dating site and not a community based site of broader interest would be a mistake and actually rather difficult to achieve and a loss not just to bisexuals but to others who have a reason to care about both them and the broader lgbt... as long as other features such as forums and the newer blog feature exist on site dating will be very much of secondary importance.. and there are so many other dating sites which exist better suited to those who want them...

[Realist]

LavaRed, I've found that certain locations are better or worse than others. I was born into one of the most conservative areas in Florida and raised in an uber-conservative family. However I managed to lose my virginity to another male at an early age. I spent two years in Germany and the attitudes I experienced there were much more accepting. On a couple of trips to Canada, I found the people more at ease and less opinionated about others' sexuality. I've heard that places, Like Jamaica and some locations in South America, were adamantly against and not tolerant of bisexual, or gay lifestyles.

It seems to me that many of the larger cities have a greater share of tolerant populations, than rural areas. Most of the places I've lived in the states were usually conservatively/religiously against gay and bisexual activity.

But I'm hard-pressed to give advice, on how to find a bisexual lover, because it seems that most of my male lovers just appeared out of the blue. I joined this site, hoping to meet a bisexual fellow from my area, but ended up meeting a bisexual lady, who lives close to me. We've been lovers for 3 1/2 years, now, and the relationship has been perfect in almost every way.

Don't give up trying, though. When you meet the right one, the benefits will make your struggle seem inconsequential!

[Gearbox]

You know, after many many years of attempting to find that special someone as a bi man, I realize that it's nigh on impossible.
Your 23yo! Calm down.lol

[NjbiGuy01]

I agree with many of the posts above. But additionally, the frustration of writing others who write back and disappear, or don't write back at all, well, frankly it's very frustrating. We're a unique culture us Bi folks. I've put out more e-mails asking to chat online, talk on the phone, or meet for coffee, and I could count on one hand the number of times it really happened. One guy recently said "nice profile but I don't play with married". I respect that, and I thanked him for responding. No sweat. Another guy and I had a few e-mail exchanges, which let to a great chat on the phone for almost an hour. "Hey man ! You sound perfect, I'm a top, you're a bottom, we live close to each other, this could really work out great...." Yes, I suppose it could be "really great", if that guy responded to e-mails or texts since the phone conversation ! Damn this is so difficult, it starts to simply kill your drive to keep trying....

[BiDaveDtown]

I'm a bisexual man and things are fine for me and have been for decades.

[tenni]

It is difficult for biguys. It depends what they are looking for. darkeyes, I think that we have discussed this before. If you don't think that this is a "dating" or sex site, you have not looked at a lot of men's profiles. There is a very large number of men who do not come any where near the forum. This is a multi purpose site and has been since 2006 when I joined.

I like your optomism drew. That would be lovely. There are a lot of hang ups about sex and monosexual monogamy that prevent such things from existing at this time.

[darkeyes]

It is difficult for biguys. It depends what they are looking for. darkeyes, I think that we have discussed this before. If you don't think that this is a "dating" or sex site, you have not looked at a lot of men's profiles. There is a very large number of men who do not come any where near the forum. This is a multi purpose site and has been since 2006 when I joined.

I like your optomism drew. That would be lovely. There are a lot of hang ups about sex and monosexual monogamy that prevent such things from existing at this time.I have never said that .com is not a dating site, nor have I ever claimed it is not a sex site... I have and do claim that it is not and never has been principally a dating site.. it is and always has been much more broad based than that and aspired to be a proper community site for bisexuals and those who support and believe in their right to be...

...there are indeed a very large number of men who never go into chat or post in forums.. as there are to a lesser degree women.. but then there is a vast army out there who are at best infrequent fly by night visitors and many, many more who have been, seen and moved on never to return... I agree it is a multi purpose site.. I think where we probably disagree is the importance and the extent to which dating has been a part of it...

[slipnslide]

I'm glad I'm not the the only one who was surprised when Drew referred to this as a dating site. And no Drew, it's not bad form to refer someone from a site where it appears the majority of members never even knew there was a dating component, to a site with magnitudes more people and is clearly a dating site.

I've met people from okcupid, not sure I'd want to meet anyone from here.

[slipnslide]

I went and checked out the "dating" section. It's just old guys and pics of their junk.

[RavenEye]

I promise I didn't have any ill intent Drew. :( I just don't really see this as a dating site is all. I agree with DarkEyes it's more of a community. :)

[_someone_]

looking at the profiles near my area, I can't say I'd hook up with <i>any</i> of them here... while we're on that subject.

[Herculoid Poirot]

It's further complicated by the fact that sexuality can change over time. But don't give up, be honest with yourself and those around you and it WILL happen.

[IanBorthwick]

I actually had to stay in the closet to be accepted, and though it near tore me to pieces I did get married and have two children. My wife, when I came out, near tore our marriage apart, relegated me to the sofa or out of the house until SHE came to terms with it. I didn't cheat, I am monogamous, and this was hard considering I am naturally poly and have fallen in love with several people I knew but stayed at home with my wife. SO this hurts a ton, and I can tell you I am sorry. But the fact is hetero and homosexuals don't really understand us that well at all, and it takes patience and sometimes a lot more compromise on OUR part than theirs to make things happy in the end.

[ErosUrge]

Yes, it surely can be difficult to find that certain someone who is accepting and understanding of our sexuality. Jobel's situation is ideal and she is fortunate. But I would venture to say that generally women being bi is more accepted than men being bi.

With that said, I have in many of my posts talked about couples I know personally who have been together years. Most of them where both are bi and some where only one is. It always amazes me about them because so far I haven't met that single person yet for the same kind of connection. Yet, there's no doubt in my mind that she's out there somewhere. Don't lose hope as there really are people who exist who are looking for the same as you LavaRed...
Obviously it can be frustrating and disappointing when time continues to slip by and it doesn't come together as we wish.

My advice would be to not lose hope and enjoy your time as a single person....I have been doing just that and am very pleased with the friends I have and the sexual partners I have too. Do I want more of a connection? Yes I do. It's easy to become obsessed after many disappointments. Try not to allow obsession to rear its ugly head.

[axlton]

I've been married for a while now, and recently came out to my wife as bi, I can honestly say it's been one of the most positive things to happen to me in a long time. My wife is completly ok with my bisexuality and very supporive of me...

I asked her not too long ago why she thought she could accept it so well when other women might not and her response was: "well, I grew up with tons of gay friends, and still have a lot of gay friends, so when you tell me that you're bi it's just not much of a shock to me."

So, that might be a route you can try. Try to find yourself a woman who has lots of gay friends and I think the odds of her accepting you are going to be much greater. Of course I can only speak from my own experience, what worked for me might not work for you, but it's worth a shot at least.

[jem22]

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time, but you know, no matter what your sexuality, anyone will go through a frustrating search to find someone compatible. I'm new to this site. I'm hetero and interested in bi men. It's not like heterosexuals have so many great people to choose from, and don't get judged for our proclivities as well. When single, enjoy your own company and foster your own growth and interests so you won't be a frustrated bore when the right person/people come along. But lying or suppressing who you are is never the answer.