Huff Post column: What 'Bisexual' Means to Me, and Why I Claim the Title

[Brian]

By Maria Burnham

The thing is, I didn't always identify as "bi." For the first 20 or so years of my life, I considered myself straight. Of course, during those years I did little actual considering all around, given that I had a boyfriend for most of the time, and that I was raised in a conservative, Christian environment (http://jesusloveslesbianstoo.com/intervention-part-two) that did not address alternative lifestyles. I never really had any cause to review my feelings on the matter, nor did I spend much time exploring other options...

More:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-burnham/bisexual-meaning_b_1277561.html

[ErosUrge]

By Maria Burnham

The thing is, I didn't always identify as "bi." For the first 20 or so years of my life, I considered myself straight. Of course, during those years I did little actual considering all around, given that I had a boyfriend for most of the time, and that I was raised in a conservative, Christian environment (http://jesusloveslesbianstoo.com/intervention-part-two) that did not address alternative lifestyles. I never really had any cause to review my feelings on the matter, nor did I spend much time exploring other options...

More:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-burnham/bisexual-meaning_b_1277561.html

I can relate to this. The early part of my adult life and by that I mean from the ages 18 through 22, I identified as bi and was quite open about it. But then things changed in my outlook from around age 23 until age 43 where I finally accepted my sexuality. The reasons for this are many but I would have to say mostly from my fear of rejection socially. I went as far as to think that I could do away with all my urges for the same sex; it never worked. For those 20 years of struggling with my sexuality, I was still indulging with men but always feeling guilty after the encounter was over. Before the encounter I was very turned on and just had to have the exchange. But felt terrible afterward thinking that I just had to change; that somehow this was just a phase and it would pass. But it never did. So finally at the age of 43, I accepted fully who I was. It took some very deep soul searching and I no longer wanted to live this dual life within myself as in trying to run away from it. When I did embrace it, I went from being disgruntled about my sexuality to being full of life and very happy...Still, I must keep it undercover from certain people, but most of my closest friends know. I've told this story several times in other threads but felt inclined to repeat it again...thanks for posting this.

[RavenEye]

20 years??? This is why I feel so bad for you older generations. You had it so much worse! :( Hell I'm 20 now and I have been able to find out who I am in such a short amount of time. Of course the internet helped out, and surrounding myself with the right people. But in this regard I would personally like to thank all of you "oldies" out there that made all of these liberties and acceptance possible, for if it wasn't for you I would probable be getting electro-shock therapy right now.

[drugstore cowboy]

20 years??? This is why I feel so bad for you older generations. You had it so much worse! :( Hell I'm 20 now and I have been able to find out who I am in such a short amount of time. Of course the internet helped out, and surrounding myself with the right people. But in this regard I would personally like to thank all of you "oldies" out there that made all of these liberties and acceptance possible, for if it wasn't for you I would probable be getting electro-shock therapy right now. I've been out since the very early 70s. As for people who are my age or even younger it was their choice to stay in the closet or in denial about their sexuality. No the older generations did not have it much worse. There have always been out bisexuals from Oscar Wilde and others and despite the way the gay "community" wants to pretend that we don't exist or that we're just "tagging along" with gay rights and want to revise history so that bisexuals are not included which is BS, bisexuals have always been at the forefront for gay/GLBT rights and equality.

[RavenEye]

I've been out since the very early 70s. As for people who are my age or even younger it was their choice to stay in the closet or in denial about their sexuality. No the older generations did not have it much worse. There have always been out bisexuals from Oscar Wilde and others and despite the way the gay "community" wants to pretend that we don't exist or that we're just "tagging along" with gay rights and want to revise history so that bisexuals are not included which is BS, bisexuals have always been at the forefront for gay/GLBT rights and equality.

How did people react when you told them in the 70's?

[void()]

I want to address some birds using one stone here. I will be responding to the article, how it makes me feel, how a link to it makes me feel, some thoughts. While I know that yes, I have emotional and mental problems, know I have had training in dealing with people like myself professionally as well.

We had to manage mentally challenged people on rescue squad calls. The military also gives you a rough crash course because in the line of fire you might face the unstable. They may or may not actually be intent upon causing harm, you have to respond appropriately. Bullets are not always the answer. Sometimes the answer is putting the gun down, talking, helping solve an unrelated issue even if trivial or obscure.

In having such knowledge one gains an interesting perspective, even of oneself. You can in many ways feel as though you've drifted off. Maybe that is why the article and its content left me feeling like asking, "so what?" It might also be that in coping I am extending outward less and less. Frankly, I have no idea who Maria Burnham is beyond someone who wrote a book and article. That in mind what is there given for me to tether an investment of caring?

Then again, I am not one 'in the scene' obviously. I live my life as best able with what is at hand. I do not care to follow the news much beyond fleeting casual interest in politics, even then really not too bothered. I don't watch many new television shows, do not watch Logo. I have a few shows that I like. Some of those include, The Andy Griffith show, M*A*S*H, Hack, Flashpoint, Criminal Minds, Murder She Wrote.

Yes, I know these shows probably are not trendy or fashionable. They are however in my view wholesome and timeless, they deal with people making do and trying to be better for it. There is no need of flash and glitz. Life provides more than enough without adding to it. And so, I am often stuck asking "who", when people talk about actors on the Jackass show, or some Buffy Twilight at the Gates Being Human. Sorry, I just don't get that crowd.

I consider too, I'm probably growing into a curmudgeon. That's fine by me as well. Still this feeling of links posted to articles which leave one asking "so", is interesting. I know Drew probably means well. "Look, you aren't alone in being bisexual. Take comfort." And that's probably the whole of the spirit in which it was posted. Glad of it but when a person doesn't know another from Adam, it loses meaning. It becomes "here's a hollow trinket hopefully giving you some consolation." I'm not a trinket person.

Many here are though and such baubles they ply to weaving a glamorous and trendy façade. "Look at me, I'm such the bi, I'm aware of who Maria Burnham is, even I'm not. It was on the bisexual site, must be fashionable." Then, people like me get a little chuckle. Because it's not about being trendy. It's about living the best you can with what you have, where you are. If that means you write comments which admit you have a skewed view and find yourself asking who is it that was just brought up in conversation, so be it. And if you feel like everyone handles you with kidd gloves because of your view and being a little off the bubble, so be that as well.

See? When you've had training to deal with crazy and are crazy, you know when others pull 'protocol' on you. "Hi, hope your day is all soft and safe happy fuzzy bunnies. Mine is, and you need to be there too. Don't you want to join the group and be safe? We even have free coffee, tea, cookies. And look you're aren't alone being bi, that should make you feel right at home, dear."

Sorry, it doesn't actually help. It makes matters worse in fact. Makes you stop and wonder, "gee have I really gotten that far off kilter? Who can I ask? Am I risk to others, myself? Do my friends know? If they do why didn't they say?" And that constant sense of doubt really can destroy a person. A better solution, just be there, be a real friend. It's okay for a friend to say "hey man, that was whacked out, cut it off." Of course, it also helps when friends can help you understand why it's crazy and why you think and feel what is considered crazy.

No, we just want happy, fuzzy, safe and trendy bunnies. We aren't bothered with really being human any more. It takes too long, requires investing care. And people no longer want others to care. If so, they'd offer them something to care about except for a click, sound byte. I like pearl diving inward. Deep inside where the monsters dwell, serpentine darkness eats light, there are glimmer pearls brighter than any sun. And sometimes I bring them to the surface. But everyone has clicked away to the next click.

And so it goes. It is what it is. Don't suppose any of us will change it, even we desired something different. We don't have it any more. Newspaper obituaries use a code passed on by emergency responders. If the person is a suicide, the responders tell the press 'died at home'. No one wants to know, or care. Obituaries no longer take up a full page for a person, telling you how they lived as much or more than how they died. We all die. That's the boring part. Tell me how somebody lived.

Ah, I've rambled longer than a click.

[pepperjack]

Whitney Houston's funeral service was most definitely NOT BORING! I was riveted, emotionally overcome.