Thinking of becoming a donor for a lesbian couple

[Bicuriousity]

I have thought about this in the past and have recently been talking to a lesbian couple about being a sperm donor.

I would love to help them, and have no doubt they would be a loving couple. I sincerely want to help them.

Of course one obvious issue is to establish the liability issues. I have heard of men being sued for child support later on. Also what is the child at 18 wants to meet their biological father.

Beyond all at i am wondering what emotional issues id have on my end. Id surely think about the child and the way it is set up id never see the, or be a part of their life. Would i feel guilt. It is an issue of personal morality and am wondering how i would feel in the long run.

Has anyone else ever thought about this?

[swmnkdinthervr]

I would potentially have the same moral/emotional issues as you knowing I had a child out there.

We know of someone that was brought into court for child support after the couple this guy made the "donation" to divorced, she had custody and decided she would sue for support from the biological father also. They had a contractual agreement that after much arguing (lawyers and money) held up in court and he avoided child support...HOWEVER...if he had been in another state that had the appropriate child support laws (many of which do) the contract wouldn't have been recognized by the court.

[welickit]

Obviously you have been reading the news. Suddenly everyone is a donor.

[Gearbox]

Tot up the pro's and con's. Can't think of any pro's myself, but a long list of cons though. So NAY for me!

[Jobelorocks]

These are some of the many reasons I never sold my eggs in college.

[darkeyes]

I have thought about this in the past and have recently been talking to a lesbian couple about being a sperm donor.

I would love to help them, and have no doubt they would be a loving couple. I sincerely want to help them.

Of course one obvious issue is to establish the liability issues. I have heard of men being sued for child support later on. Also what is the child at 18 wants to meet their biological father.

Beyond all at i am wondering what emotional issues id have on my end. Id surely think about the child and the way it is set up id never see the, or be a part of their life. Would i feel guilt. It is an issue of personal morality and am wondering how i would feel in the long run.

Has anyone else ever thought about this?In the UK u may at some time be a part of the life of any child born of ur sperm donation if done by IVF for records have to be retained to enable a child should he or she so choose at some stage when old enough to decide to attempt to trace his or her natural father..

Regrading child support normally no father would be responsible for child support, however the Child Support Agency and DWP can become involved should a mother call on the state for certain state benefits, and pressurise her for the name of the father.. no mother is compelled to comply but her benefits may have a deduction to allow for assumed child support from the father of her child...many, indeed most mothers who have had a child through IVF do not know the name of the father to enable them to comply even if they so wished and I believe that the DWP does not normally make the deductions for assumed child support in such instances.. occasionally, where a father's name is known, however sperm was donated, as has happened at least once to a father who donated sperm to allow a lesbian couple to have a child, upon the ending of the relationship between the two women, a father has been found responsible by a court of law and ordered to pay child support.

[mesaharleyrider]

My son and his partner have done as you are contempating. They are the donor fathers of two daughters and one son (By two different Lesbian couples.) Prior to any exchange of bodily fluids, they had rather restrictive contracts drawn up that did not give them "father" rights nor support rights. The kids are 19, 19, and 16. They (the donors) have had a very successful relationship with all three. With the girls, because they live in the same community, it has been for almost life. With the son, only since he turned 18. I would tend to urge you to follow your heart. Yes, there are cons, no doubt but, you may find yourself giving someone life that, without you, would not exist. Why not?

[Bicuriousity]

My son and his partner have done as you are contempating. They are the donor fathers of two daughters and one son (By two different Lesbian couples.) Prior to any exchange of bodily fluids, they had rather restrictive contracts drawn up that did not give them "father" rights nor support rights. The kids are 19, 19, and 16. They (the donors) have had a very successful relationship with all three. With the girls, because they live in the same community, it has been for almost life. With the son, only since he turned 18. I would tend to urge you to follow your heart. Yes, there are cons, no doubt but, you may find yourself giving someone life that, without you, would not exist. Why not?

I am wondering if i could email your son about this. I have a contract that was signed but since this woukd be a very informal method and not involve a fertilization clinic since the couple doesnt have good insurance, it is trickier.

[mesaharleyrider]

The two girls were, actually, not done using a clinic, either. I will get ahold of him and see if that will be OK>

[darkeyes]

Kate and I have discussed several times us having a babba together through IVF... quite recently 2... yea I know we already have 2 at home.. not zactly babbas but they r gorge and we love them dearly... more accurately, she has suggested I have the babba, or at least contribute my eggs and whether the child is carried by me or a surrogate, we never got that far cos I'm not keen.. I know her reasons for suggesting it, and they are good reasons; actually very touching ones born out of love, and she knows mine for my reluctance and for the present, deciding not to proceed.


However if we ever do proceed, I would wish to get to know just what I am dealing with, and who the donor is.. it is one thing having basic information regarding a donor and his intelligence, educational qualifications, profession, hair colour, eyes colour, height, health history blah blah blah, but there is no substitute for knowing the person and what he is like.. there would never be any suggestion of him contributing to the life of the child during her (and it would be a her) childhood.. a child who would be both Kate's and mine, not his..not even should we get down on our luck.. it was our decision, and is therefore would be our responsibility to make whatever arrangements we can to feed, clothe and provide a roof over the head of the child.. in the event of something happening to us, we already have arrangements put in place regarding the 2 we do have now and it would be a relatively simple matter to for us at least to for those arrangements to take into a account a third child..

.. but while we would want to get to know the father, we would not want any contact whatsoever with him once the child was born... this can have some unsettling affects on all concerned but we would wish that arrangements were made to somehow enable the child, should she so wish it, or for the father at some time after the child has reached the age of majority to make contact..

We have discussed in a little depth just how we would wish it to be, and even if for the present, and probably for the future it is not going to happen, it is not entirely a dead issue, and circumstances and feelings may change.. but we understand entirely any man's concerns as to his liability in such circumstances... certainly in respect of IVF and even if done by moost other methods, but donation by more usual procreational means raises other ethical questions regarding liability and I think proper legal advice should be taken before embarking on what may be quite a tricky issue as the years roll by..

[ohmymy69]

This comes from "Jeffrey M. Brown," an attorney in Chicago Illinois. With 20 years of experience in custodial/support matters.

Under Illinois law: public policy demands that children be supported by their "parents." Whether the child was born out of wedlock or born through artificial means is of no concern. The state is far more concerned that the child does not become a public ward than how a child is conceived. Thus, parents cannot agree among themselves for one parent to "waive" child support.

For this reason, the Illinois courts have the power to invalidate any agreement or any portion thereof that is contrary to the state's public policy. Accordingly, the donor's attempt to rely upon his/her agreement with the mother will not be enforced, and the court will invalidate that portion of the agreement that allowed the donor to waive support for the child.

I suggest CAUTION!!!

[Bicuriousity]

Thanks for posting the illinois specific information. I know someone had mentioned state specific differencs in the law are a possibility. Illinois screws us again. I am unlikely to go through with it now. I feel bad for the couple they are very interested and excited about me.

[darkeyes]

They have been experimenting with creating sperm cells out of female cells..there has been some success and rudimentary (sterile) sperm cells have been produced... a year or two back I wrote of my point of view on this and it was a personal one nothing else... if they could make viable sperm cells out of female cells, I would accede gladly to my partners wish to have a child of mine in our lives no matter how shit scared I am of pregnancy.. it would truly be our child.. but I very much doubt it will become viable in my lifetime...

[ohmymy69]

Thanks for posting the illinois specific information. I know someone had mentioned state specific differencs in the law are a possibility. Illinois screws us again. I am unlikely to go through with it now. I feel bad for the couple they are very interested and excited about me.

That is sad...what's worse is that most states adhere to that public policy law.

[elian]

That's a shame but I guess the law is slow to change at times. I was wondering about doing this for a couple that I know who has had trouble having a baby but there are just too many issues, including the ones expressed here. There are a lot of adoptive children in need of loving homes..

[csreef]

The Law says that if it is your sperm that was donated,You have a financial obligation to that child untill they are of the age of Majority.

I grew up with a father who never wanted any contact with me. I would never do that to another child.

Hopefuly you'll read this and think about it before you take any action.

[matutum]

life is a very precious thing.the human brain can justify anything.if a same sex couple wants a child and they can't reproduce one then i think they should face the concequences of not being able to reproduce.Its the price you pay for having same sex relationships.

[darkeyes]

life is a very precious thing.the human brain can justify anything.if a same sex couple wants a child and they can't reproduce one then i think they should face the concequences of not being able to reproduce.Its the price you pay for having same sex relationships.
Then the same can be said for heterosexual couples who are unable to become parents can it? Is that not then the price to be paid for being born unable to conceive or father a child?

[DuckiesDarling]

life is a very precious thing.the human brain can justify anything.if a same sex couple wants a child and they can't reproduce one then i think they should face the concequences of not being able to reproduce.Its the price you pay for having same sex relationships.

That is probably one of the most trollish posts I have ever seen on this site, you should be ashamed of yourself. There is nothing wrong with same sex couples utilizing friends or even sperm banks to have a child. Just as there is nothing wrong with them using a surrogate just as we see nothing wrong with heterosexual couples doing the same. Really, you should just apologize sincerely for that post as it was rude beyond imagining.