Same Old Story

[mandoprof]

13 FEB 2012

Bi-curious, MWM in Alabama here. Want to experience new things and new adventures. Incredibly frustrated sexually. Wife has completely shut down on me since starting menopause. I know she'd freak if she knew about my curiosities. Still, she might not care who does what to my cock as long as she doesn't have to do anything to it. I told her I was thinking about becoming a bisexual. I told her that it appeared to me that if I was ever to have sex again I'd have to "buy" it. She laughed at me.

And I'm not an ogre. I know I'm an attentive, thoughtful father. I've been faithful since the instant I saw her in 1984. My family gets all my income. I don't take drugs, drink excessively, smoke, etc. I make a good enough living that she can stay home. I think I've kept my end of the bargain pretty well all these years. And I'm still in shape and in good health.

Mine is the same old story I've read here so many times. I'm frustrated, but want to be faithful to my wife and hope things change. I'm scared to act on my curiosity beyond a little camming and chatting with local guys. Too much to lose if I'm caught. We have a beautiful young daughter, and I don't want to lose my life with her.

I'll be doing some traveling this year, and I've started checking out saunas, etc. in different cities. That might be a way in for me. With my curiosity satisfied, I might calm down or decide it's not for me. Still, I'll know what I did, and I think it will eat me up inside.

I don't know why I'm so concerned with all this when she seems so inattentive to my needs and desires. It breaks my heart and my spirit. I want her so much, and she seems to want me so little.

Anyway, thanks for reading and letting me vent here. It might help for a little while.

mandoprof

[Jobelorocks]

Has she seen a doctor? Sometimes (but not always) there are treatments that they can take to help rekindle their sex drive. If that doesn't work, then I would consider asking her if she would be cool with you sleeping with other people. I mean, if she has no interest in sleeping with you, she may not care as much. Honesty is the best policy. You have a lot to loose, not to mention how it could crush her to find out about you being deceitful and betraying her trust.

[keefer10.7]

You've kept your end of the bargain, you say? I never viewed marriage as a bargain, but now that you've equated it to a Turkish bazaar, let's deal with that. In the bargain you made with her, did anything like sickness and in health ever get raised as a bargaining point? I hope not, because you just broke the bargain. A few weeks ago there was a spirited dispute over what constituates womans rights. I want to see that same crowd come in and chime in on this one. While we're at it; can any one person explain to me what bargain us males can't fulfill at the moment that our wives would want to go have sex with another woman? Mind you, I didn't say man, but a woman. I'm pretty much fed up with this tired ass excuse put out by men for them to sniff another mans crotch brecause their wife is going through menapause. Talk about a total downgrade to female equality, let's start with this issue right here.

[mandoprof]

keefer,

Please re-read my post. I haven't betrayed my vows in any way. I've expressed my needs and desires to her, only to have them dismissed as inconsequential. I'm frustrated, and I've THOUGHT about acting out. My vows and the life we've built together are so important to me that they've held me in check for some time now

I don't think I've dismissed her or her needs in any way. I've denied her nothing that I could provide. I haven't told her "that aspect of our relationship is probably over." To me, sex is an important part of marriage. It was certainly one of my expectations, and we once had an active, mutually satisfying sex life. It has waned, and I miss it. And in my opinion (and my wife's) marriage, like all relationships, has an element of bargaining. We give and get from one another, and not just sexually. We trade responsibilities, make our expectations known to one another, etc.

I can't imagine any circumstance that would see me dismissing the important sexual component of our marriage. If things were reversed, and I was unable or unwilling to meet her physical needs, I'd let her know that she could pursue them elsewhere with no danger of me ending our marriage. She hasn't extended me that courtesy.

[R. R. Wayne]

Mando,

I agree with you 100 percent. I am in the same situation. I know lots of great guys who complain about no sex at home. If I were you I would carefully explore other options with married men. If you are lucky you might find someone who lives close to you with whom you can share a common need.

No relationship is perfect. You are a gooed family man and a good provider. To hell with those that don't like our postion. I say go for what helps your sense of well-being.

[Gearbox]

Just tell her that you'll be having sex. Simple as!

[a2smith09]

I can relate. My marriage has hot and cold times and never as much sexual fulfillment as I wish. RR Wayne makes a bit of sense.