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monroe
Feb 8, 2012, 3:45 PM
"Honesty is the Best Policy" - Benjamin Franklin

Nothing could be truer. As a new member here I have vowed to be honest with everyone I meet on this site. First off I am an atheist. I am as strong in my convictions as Christians are in theirs so please don't preach at me. I know this is a strange thing to post in an introduction, but it has caused relationship problems for me in the past. Secondly I don't consider myself gay, I don't even like the "bi" label. I fall somewhere between a two and a three on the Kinsey scale. I could never imagine having an intimate relationship or any type of a connection with a man. I enjoy everything about the female body. They are soft, hairless, and smell wonderful. In contrast men are muscled, hairy, and gruff. However, when it comes to NSA hot sex I would love the opportunity to hook up with a hunky guy, preferably in a threesome with a woman I love. Two years ago I made the mistake of coming out about this fantasy to my wife, and my marriage has been crumbling ever since. To her its black and white, your either gay or straight. She doesn't understand that there is a whole spectrum in between. Through many tears and angry words we are somehow together. Not long ago I finally told her that being bi-curious was a part of me that I could not change even if I wanted to. You see when I was a child I was molested by two of my male cousins on multiple occasions. I am not sure if these events contributed to my bisexuality, but I had repressed them for years. Had I known this was the man I was going to be at 30 I would have been able to let her know what she was getting herself into before we got married. This is without a doubt the hardest thing I will ever face in my life and I wanted her support. Instead she told me never to bring it up again. If I needed to talk to someone about it then find a therapist. Maybe that's why I joined this site, to be surrounded by people who understand me. I don't know if my marriage will last, I don't know if I want it to. I read so many stories from men who came out to their wives and there sex lives and relationship in general have blossomed because of it. Why couldn't that have been me? In the mean time I will continue to be a great father to my two little girls, and a loving husband to my close minded wife. Thank you all for accepting me into your community.

JT

Brian
Feb 8, 2012, 4:01 PM
Welcome!!

- Drew :paw:

Herculoid Poirot
Feb 8, 2012, 4:13 PM
hi JT - welcome, feel free to join the bi atheist group.

This is a touchy topic for some but there is little reason to believe that your painful childhood experience would affect your sexual orientation. It would affect many other aspects of your life, such as your comfort with sexuality, your sense of privacy and safety, etc.

You are not alone as many other people have been right where you are. I do recommend therapy as it will give you a chance to speak your mind honestly (very powerful) and to have someone who really understands people offer you advice. In the future it would be great if you and your wife could see a marriage counsellour.

This is getting ahead of the game, but at some point you will need to look at your desires and your marriage and try to find a solution that works for all. What will that be? Time will tell. Don't give up hope.

dafydd
Feb 9, 2012, 12:56 AM
Hi there, welcome!
You seem at least to have one thing sorted, and that is honesty with yourself (not so easy at all) and certainly shows the strength of a thousand men: whether they be muscled, hairy, gruff or just as you like them.

d