Please I need advice!!!!

[amie82]

I need advice I've made a big mistake!! My boyfriend of 2.5 years is so hurt with me and not sure if he wants to stay. Last year in Sept. I thought he was sleeping with someone else so I went in to his email and found out he had been emailing other men trying to meet to have sex. I was so shocked when I saw this it was more then one email it was alot. I didnt know what to do what to think. I emailed all the emails to my acount printed them out and planed to talk to him. When he got home from work I handed him the print outs and asked him if we could talk about it. I was calm all I wanted was the truth I love him it doesn't matter to me if he is bi I still love him the same!! He got so upset told be that someone must have broken in to his email and made all this up to brake us up. I didn't want to push him if he was not ready to tell me so I acted like I bought the story and left it alone. Out of my confusion I started sending out emails looking for girls flirting sending pictures witch was so wrong on my part :( I never met up with any of these girls at the end of the day I couldn't do it I love him and only want to be with him. So after a month of doing this I stoped. I started worked on our relationship and we got to a really good place we are planing on getting married. Until today he found old emails of me looking for girls this hurt him so much he not sure he can stay he never thought I would cheat.I want to explain but I don't know how to tell him it was a stupid mistake I made out of confusion. Please help what can I do to save my relationship...

[keefer728]

The two of you are so obviously immature, that the thought of you guys getting married is a total nightmare. The both of you burned the very bridge of confidence and trust that any relationship stands on, that to ply any further into the waters of matrimony would be an immediate mistake, on both your parts. You may have had a case for being a knucklehead for even assuaging your suspicions by acting like you believed his trumped up story. You blew it though, when you went and did the EXACT thing that he did. Some people need to understand that marriage is based on mutual love and respect for each other and it is to be exclusive. Finding out that he is playing around without you guys being married is a blessing in disguise. If you had already been married and had vested interests in being together, I might say that counseling may help, but being that you are shacking up...I'd say move on with your life...it will only get worse. This is just an opinion, based on what was mentioned in your post. I do find it suspicious though, that you somehow found a bisexual website, of this kind, to vent your worries. Just curious; how did you find this site, and did you talk with a close friend, a parent a counselor before coming here and airing yourself out? :banghead:

[dave98106]

As you are now planning to get married here's a list of things to consider before you go shopping for dresses and cake:

1. Your boyfriend is a liar.
2. You are distrusting of your boyfriend.
3. Your boyfriend is distrusting of you.
4. You are manipulative and vindictive.
5. Your boyfriend is a hypocrite.
6. Neither of you know yourself all that well.
7. You don't know each other all that well.

You asked "What can I do to save my relationship..." The question you should be asking is: "Do I really want to save a relationship full of lies and distrust?"

But maybe you two kiss and make up and claim craziness and confusion for your misunderstandings, blah blah blah. You need to keep in mind that your boyfriend's email account was not broken into and he was looking for guys to hook up with and he probably still wants to be (or actually is) hooking up with guys. You need to openly address that now. If you don't you'll probably be back here in a few years with a thread titled Help! I just found out my husband has been having sex with other men!!!

[The Bisexual Virgin]

As you are now planning to get married here's a list of things to consider before you go shopping for dresses and cake:

1. Your boyfriend is a liar.
2. You are distrusting of your boyfriend.
3. Your boyfriend is distrusting of you.
4. You are manipulative and vindictive.
5. Your boyfriend is a hypocrite.
6. Neither of you know yourself all that well.
7. You don't know each other all that well.

You asked "What can I do to save my relationship..." The question you should be asking is: "Do I really want to save a relationship full of lies and distrust?"

But maybe you two kiss and make up and claim craziness and confusion for your misunderstandings, blah blah blah. You need to keep in mind that your boyfriend's email account was not broken into and he was looking for guys to hook up with and he probably still wants to be (or actually is) hooking up with guys. You need to openly address that now. If you don't you'll probably be back here in a few years with a thread titled Help! I just found out my husband has been having sex with other men!!!

Yeah agreed, with almost everything this guy said. Your boyfriend is a liar, and a big fat HYPOCRITE. He had no right to get pissed because you decided to do the same thing he did to you. Hell if was you I would make sure he is cheating on me so I can go out fuck anyone I want to, make sure he knows about it, and then break things off. But that's just me.

You seriously might need to leave your boyfriend.

[Gearbox]

Just tell him why you sent those e-mails. That you wanted him to feel the way he made you feel, and in your own crazy way that your ok with his bisexuality.

Inform him that he won't easily find another female partner who's ok with him being bi, and don't even think of marriage till he admits to it.

[FunE1]

Amie,

Please: put a pause on the wedding plans and really stop to figure this stuff out.
You'll be glad you did.

There are obvious trust, commitment, and sexuality issues between the two of you that are not going to just go away without a lot of concentrated effort on both your parts.

Get some counseling, address these issues, then see if you both still want to go ahead with getting married.

[drugstore cowboy]

Tell him what you told us how you never cheated on him with anyone you just sent them pictures of yourself and flirted. Tell him how you want only him and how you want to marry him.

[swmnkdinthervr]

Whew...like everyone said, please step back and take a long careful look at all this before you get married. Play the tape to the end, getting married won't fix your problems...even if you don't get married you both are in for a VERY rocky road ahead.

If you have the tenacity to work through ALL your problems then you have a chance at a long term relationship. Working through them doesn't mean just sitting down and discussing things!!! From what you've told us this is going to be a long arduous task and you'll need outside help!!!

PLEASE use protection or birth control until such a time as you are BOTH ready to raise a child, even an "accident" now could mean tough decisions and should your choice be to keep a child it will be facing what could be a terrible upbringing!!!

[Jobelorocks]

First of all he attempted to cheat, has cheated, and is possibly still cheating. He got caught and instead of manning up and admitting what he did, he made a lame excuse and lied about it. You shouldn't have just let it go, not only was he cheating, he lied about it and relationships can't work when you are both lying to each other. Also you shouldn't have written those emails, but I think you know that.

He found out about the emails, which hurt him, but he as other posters have said, he has NO RIGHT to get mad at you about it because he did the same thing and most likely more. He is a liar and a hypocrite. He thinks he can get away with that sort of behavior too, because you let it go and don't call him out on things. Until you show him there is consequences for that kind of behavior, he will keep on doing things like that.

You need to realize that you need to talk through these issues instead of getting payback, because it just causes more problems and distrust. Until you both grow up a little bit and decide to be open and honest and start working through these issues, you should not even think about marriage.