amie82
Jan 17, 2012, 2:38 AM
I need advice I've made a big mistake!! My boyfriend of 2.5 years is so hurt with me and not sure if he wants to stay. Last year in Sept. I thought he was sleeping with someone else so I went in to his email and found out he had been emailing other men trying to meet to have sex. I was so shocked when I saw this it was more then one email it was alot. I didnt know what to do what to think. I emailed all the emails to my acount printed them out and planed to talk to him. When he got home from work I handed him the print outs and asked him if we could talk about it. I was calm all I wanted was the truh I love him it doesn't matter to me if he is bi I still love him the same!! He got so upset told be that someone must have broken in to his email and made all this up to brake us up. I didn't want to push him if he was not ready to tell me so I acted like I bought the story and left it alone. Out of my confusion I started sending out emails looking for girls flirting sending pictures witch was so wrong on my part :( I never met up with any of these girls at the end of the day I couldn't do it I love him and only want to be with him. So after a month of doing this I stoped. I started worked on our relationship and we got to a really good place we are planing on getting married. Until today he found old emails of me looking for girls is hurt him so much he not sure he can stay he never thought I would cheat.I want to explain but I don't know how to tell him it was a stupid mistake I made out of confusion. Please help what can I do to save my relationship...
Long Duck Dong
Jan 17, 2012, 4:27 AM
what can you do ????
personally I believe that the relationship can move beyond this... as long as both partners are open, honest and not judgemental about the actions of the other person..... but open to understanding WHY each person did what they did......
communication is a key part of ANY relationship..... and personally I want to kick both ya asses, yours for compounding a issue with your actions... and his, cos he has a partner that he has been playing games with.......and if he is bi, hes just made it that much harder for him to admit that he lied to you
the lies he told you, are not a issue, its a defence reaction to something coming out... so I would not concentrate on the lies, more on the fact as to why he hid something from you and did not give you the option of hearing him out and giving him the chance to be open about himself......
nobody is perfect... and coming to terms with sexuality and coming out, can be two of the biggest obstacles in a persons life, if they are gay / bi / les....and when it comes to opening up to a partner, its even harder as everything can be at stake, but it can be the best move a person makes, when their partner holds them close, smiles and says, I love you still, lets work thru this together as a couple........
so my dear.... talk with him, openly, honestly and with the intention of putting the past behind you.... tell him that if he is bi, that you are ok with that, but you want to be his partner, not the person he feels that he need to hide things from.... and that you respect the fact that it will take time for things to settle for you both... and that the wedding can be put on hold while you both rebuild a stable base........ and let him talk and express his side of things... however if he tries to sidetrack and skip some issues, do not let him... tell him clearly, if he is bisexual, that you BOTH need to know that so that in the future, if he wants to play around, he already knows how you feel, what guidelines are in place, etc etc..... so that way you both do not end up married, then he drops a bombshell about being with other guys after you both talked and nothing was said about this, and you end up questioning the marriage......
he may not be bi at all, he may have fantasies about being with guys and may never follow thru so that could be something you need to bear in mind, but only he can tell you if thats true or not