IS MY FRIEND BI AND WANTING MORE?

[nelco]

I have a best friend of 6 yrs that I am trying to figure out. He knows I am interested in him but for most of our friendship he has been married but now divorcing. He has a new girlfriend that honestly is very fit and has a more masculine body...his wife was model type. I am going to give you some events etc and want to find out what you think it may possibly mean.

1. He knows my interest in him.
2. He really cares about me and my looks are important to him.
A. I wear clear polish on my nails and he wanted me to change that.
B. He did not like who was doing my massages thinking there was more
going on, wanted me to use his massage therapist.
3. One year for my bday he gave me a card with a donkey on the cover
saying, my you look fine!! inside it said thought u would like a card with
a nice ass on the cover. When i asked him later about the card he got
defensive saying it was just a joke.

4. He once told me he gets wild when he drinks and i said so if i put my arms
around u to calm you down would u wiggle away? he said no not with you.

5. we have done the go the museum and then to dinner thing more than
once and he always loves it.

6. when we shop we always use only 1 shopping cart and friends tell me we
look like a couple.

7. i workout out with him 6 days a week but he rarely does other things with
me. He says he loves hanging out with me but then doesnt do it, yet he
hangs out with others.

8. We do have deep talks about life etc but all he says about himself is he
needs to deal with his demons.

9. A month ago he told me with his divorce etc going on he feels trapped.

10. we had a long talk about a month ago and i told him my entire story
about when i opened up to others about who i am. he asked me so
how did others react?

About 4 hrs later he texted, I need to learn how to be myself and not
worry about what others think. You do an amazing job at it yourself,
maybe you can teach me how!! :)

11. I send him ecards which he loves, but at times he tells me to cool it
for awhile.

Let me know your thoughts. My friends say he sounds like a guy in the closet,scared and doesnt know what to do. They see a guy who wants a life with me BUT doesn't know how to get there.

What do you think??

thanks!!

[magic669]

No one can read his mind. It sounds to me like he is at least thinking about a relationship, but nothing that you listed here jumped out at me as proof positive that he is interested in moving your relationship to a more intimate level. He could also be manipulating you to fulfill his own ego needs with no real intention of moving to intimacy.

I have a dear friend who "flirts" with me. He drops those vague hints and jokes like you mention. We got physical only once. It was nice, but he never wanted to do it again, and I have propositioned him. Since that one time, he has remained strictly straight and only dated women. We have stayed friends and he still will "flirt" at times, but there is a boundary there that I don't try to cross anymore.

[Jobelorocks]

Many of these things can be either platonic or possibly romantic. It is really unclear honestly. Nothing seems to say he for sure wants something more

[Gearbox]

You could make a list like that about the woman who works in your local shop etc etc etc.
Try listing ALL the reasons that suggests that your friend is JUST a friend.

Hope your not putting your love-life on hold due to him?

[nelco]

I meant to mention 3 other points.

1. He is a trainer and has told me he wants a more gay clientele. I have told
him I will help him get that and when I start to talk to people he gets
paranoid and says he is afraid they will think he is gay.

2. A year ago we were working out and he asked me if I ever see myself with
a partner. I told him I am happy where we are between best friend and
partner. He said yeah but what about sex?

3. We email alot too and he knows I am open with communicating. A year ago
I sent him an email talking about how he cares about me more than he can
handle. He pushed me away for 8 months. When he came around he said
he did it because he was told I was telling people he was going to divorce
his wife to be with me. There is NO truth in that statement, I would never
say such a thing.

4. We do christmas/bdays together and honestly spend alot on each other.

5. I do think him telling me he wants to be himself and not worry what others
think says alot about what he is struggling with inside with respect to his
sexuality.

[FunE1]

I think it definitely sounds as if he's dealing with something right now... and until he does deal with it, guessing that he might want to be in a relationship with you (as your friends have done) is a stretch.

Be there for him as a friend, let him know you see he's struggling and are willing to help if he needs it.

[BiDaveDtown]

It sounds like your friend is actually hetero/straight and not bisexual, gay, or interested in men including you at all.

Find a man that's actually bisexual or gay, and who is out.

[dave98106]

Apparently you two have a really good, close friendship which seems to have so far been beneficial in helping him figure out who he is. If you truly value the friendship you'll continue being yourself and let him be himself. Don't push him towards being what you would like him to be.

It seems like he's working through personal issues but whether those are just issues of intimacy (nonsexual) or same sex attraction you probably won't know until he actually makes a statement.

If he hasn't figured himself out yet and you corner him with a "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" type question that he's not ready to address there's a good chance he'll freak out push you away like he did before.

Most of the things you cited as a possibility that your friend wants more in your relationship are fairly neutral activities and behavior. Taking them to mean he's interested in you sexually or romantically is more wishful hoping on your part than actuality.

For your own happiness and well being you really need to keep in mind that there's a very good chance this guy will never be your boyfriend but he could be be very close friend you'll have for life.