A brief history of my dating/sex life - A bi guy

[sparander]

As a kid I remember being physically attracted to guys more than girls but, being more emotionally attached to girls. If that makes sense. If I was going to masturbate it was going to be looking at guys. Yet throughout high school I had more crushes on girls than guys. (I had a crush on one of my guy friends but that was it. I wasn't attracted to any other guys.) I defiantly did appreciate the beauty of girls (long hair, smooth legs, and a cute smile never hurt) but in a less sexual way (though big boobs...I had to stare. No control over my eyes). I fantasized being married to a woman and thought of pretty girls (with clothes on usually lol).

The first time I had sexual relations with was when I was 18. She was my current girlfriend then. Previously I had gay feelings but when I was dating her they all seemed to go away. I never told her about my bisexuality because I knew her views toward it. She thought black and white, straight and gay, and I knew she would see me as emasculated or something. Yet, I would get turned on by the just the smell of her and we'd have sex sometimes twice a day. (My poor roomate lol). Fun times. We broke up after dating for a year because our parents found out (She is Muslim). After which I started feeling the lust for guys coming back (though I now lusted after girls sexually as well unlike in high school). I experimented trading blowjobs with a 22 year old guy when I was 19. I remember that I wasn't able to cum (I think I wasn't comfortable with him. I was really nervous lol, it was my first gay experience).

When I was 20 I met this guy, he was 22, and we started dating discreetly. I surprisingly did connect to him on an emotional level but I still desired women and he knew it. Whenever I talked about girls he seemed to dislike it. I was always the top, (though before he claimed to be versatile but that was such a lie.). I wanted to get fucked but he was very unwilling to try, he even suggested opening up our relationship so I could find a guy to top me (ironically he was unwilling to open the relationship for a girl {though even if he did I'd never do it because I am weird and like monogamy, I was just testing him to see if he would he a hypocrite.}). I never did it because I can't do NSA kind of things and I told him that. Which kind of led to us breaking up (the main reason was that he felt that I didn't love him like my previous girlfriend. But if you saw me after and knew about our relationship you'd think otherwise.)

Now being 21, I don't know what I want. I feel like I had better sex with my ex girlfriend than my ex boyfriend but maybe it will be different with another guy?

It is so much easier to find girls because I like dating and monogamous relationships and thats what most girls want. But I feel like a lot of straight girls judge bi guys harshly. Nevertheless I connect more easily to girls but my previous boyfriend proved to me I do connect to guys as well. The thing with guys is that to find a guy who wants monogamy, around my age, and we are both discreet about it is beyond impossible. I wanted to rebound this year back into the dating world but, alas I am having no luck with girls or guys these days * sigh *

I someitmes do wish I could date a guy and a girl at the same time but at the same time but I want a monogamous relationship like other straight/gay couples. Monogamous is MUCH stronger preferance for me. Damn you society lol.

I really don't know why I wrote this. I just needed to tell someone.

[Jobelorocks]

Well to start off it is very natural and common for bisexuals to like the two genders on different levels and even in different ways. For instance I am a bi woman who is romantically and sexually attracted to men, but only attracted sexually to women. We are all unique and quite often our sexuality is fluid and changes.

Now, from what it sounds like it is very possible for you to be in a happy monogamous relationship with either a male or female. It is about finding the right one. There are straight women out there that are fine with bisexual men (although they are hard to find) and there are men out there that want monogamous relationships and are willing to be top or bottom. Think about it, you are a man who wants monogamy and you are fine with being the top or bottom and there must be others out there who are the same.

It is just a matter of finding the right person for you. Don't loose hope. You are still young and there is plenty of time. Most people have to go through relationships that aren't right for them until they find the right person.

[sparander]

Thank you so much for your input :) It really did make me feel better and allows me to see things much more clearly than before. (Why didn't I find this forum earlier?)

With straight women though, how do you tell her that you are bi? Is it something you mention on a first date or wait a bit later?

[CorePDX]

As for the dating question it all depends on what your trying to get out of it. I've always seen the first few dates as more sexual then emotional, unless she was in my life for long enough to get emotionally attached. So, I would not say anything unless she's into 3somes, open minded, or your about to take things seriously. Otherwise, just have some fun with all the sexy people.

[Jobelorocks]

That may not be a first date admission, but it is something you should eventually tell them once you are getting serious. Honestly my hubby was the first person I told, mostly because I didn't come to accept my own sexuality until after I was married. I would also be sure to explain that although you are bi, you do want monogamy and that you don't want an open relationship. In the end it is up to you when to bring it up, but I feel that it is a helpful thing to be out to your partner.

[Long Duck Dong]

hi sparander

some of the people I know that are bi, found it easier to be out as bi.. and they gained awesome partners that shared their understanding and desires..... others came out when they were dating, and some when they were married.... so there is no real * correct * answer on when is the right time to reveal your bi nature......

with my straight partner (duckiesdarling in the site ) I gave her the link to this site so she could learn about bisexuality and make her own mind up about me and how she felt.... tho she had had LGBT friends for most of her life anyway.....and that may have influenced things in my favour, as she has since told me, that if bisexual.com was her first view into the bisexual world, she would have backed off me immediately cos of a lot of the * bi male comes first / heteros are wrong and selfish etc " theme that is a constant in the site....

so yes I took a risk with what I did.... but she made some very good friends here and so I do not regret taking the risk.... and its something I would do again.....