Top 5 regrets from the death bed...

[mikey3000]

Palliative care nurse reveals top 5 deathbed regrets


by Sarah Robinson
We all share common sentiments at the end of life, according to this anonymous nurse.


Death has been called the ultimate equalizer. Money, societal standing and physical appearance become irrelevant in death. But that's not the only way we become one on our deathbeds. According to one nurse, many of us share the same regrets.


The top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed has been spreading like wildfire in the social media world, and it's all courtesy of a nurse who worked in palliative care "for many years."

"People grow a lot when faced with their own mortality," said the anonymous author.

The nurse explained that the post stemmed from experience with patients in the last weeks of their lives.

"When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the most common five regrets, according to the nurse:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made."

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying."

But it wasn't all sad recollections for the patients. The nurse also said that all of her patients eventually came to terms with the life they had lived and experienced acceptance.

"Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them."

If you died tomorrow, would you have any regrets?

[pepperjack]

Palliative care nurse reveals top 5 deathbed regrets


by Sarah Robinson
We all share common sentiments at the end of life, according to this anonymous nurse.


Death has been called the ultimate equalizer. Money, societal standing and physical appearance become irrelevant in death. But that's not the only way we become one on our deathbeds. According to one nurse, many of us share the same regrets.


The top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed has been spreading like wildfire in the social media world, and it's all courtesy of a nurse who worked in palliative care "for many years."

"People grow a lot when faced with their own mortality," said the anonymous author.

The nurse explained that the post stemmed from experience with patients in the last weeks of their lives.

"When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the most common five regrets, according to the nurse:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made."

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying."

But it wasn't all sad recollections for the patients. The nurse also said that all of her patients eventually came to terms with the life they had lived and experienced acceptance.

"Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them."

If you died tomorrow, would you have any regrets?

Of course I would! Why is the expression "20-20" hindsight so popular? Very interesting thread. Thus far in reading, I don't have #4.

[pepperjack]

Who gives a shit?!! My boss tried to manipulate me today with " If I die tonite..." whereas before it was "don't have a heart attack today." ( because I need you to get the job done).:shades:

[*pan*]

hmmm...:cool: i started to write what seemed to be a autobiography of my life then erased it. lol.:tong: this is a topic to make one think and reflect on ones life. i have lived like i always wanted and not how i was expected to live. but then i am not your average joe. but i am happier for it. yes undoubtably there will always be some regrets, maby not being able to stay with your loved one and leaving them alone. but the regrets will not last either. for once gone is gone. nothing lasts forever not me not you not the earth ,sun or even the universe, everything comes to an end :eek: so enjoy what time you have now while you can for once done is done no time machine to reverse and re do over anything already done. live life, love and be happy. and remember to live and let live. stay out of other peoples lives because it is theirs alone to live not yours so let them enjoy theirs and you enjoy yours. :flag4:

[lizard-lix]

after reading the list, I did not see any surprises..

We've pretty much been trying to work on all these items for the last few years, better on some than others...

5, while seemingly the most straightforward, is hardest day to day, I think I may put a sign on the mirror reminding me to really try to be happy.

1, was the one that sent me here, after 30+ years of keeping my sexuality mostly buried, I've been working on that one a lot. It was about the only part of my life where I was not being true to myself (being reasonable, running off to become an itinerant liveaboard sailor, while one of my biggest dreams was never really practical given my other desires :bigrin:

[DuckiesDarling]

Very interesting, Mikey and it is something to remember as we never really know how long we have. Thanks for posting this. :)

[blugirl789]

I think most struggle day to day with being true to themselves. For myself, bottling up what I really want to say and do makes me crazy. And I often look around me and wonder if those I'm surrounded by are experiencing the same frustration. A lot of times I feel they are all just waiting for someone to fall out of line. So they can then either live vicariously through them or so they can entertain themselves with cheap gossip. Either way, they feed on that spark.

We aren't meant to be boxed in with so many societal expectations. Yet we built the box and we set the expectations as a whole.

[darkeyes]

If I died tomoz I wudnt have any regrets.. cos I'm afraid i'd be rather..errrr.... well.. errrrr.... dead..

.. but if I knew I'd was going to die tomoz.. I would have several..

Why now??? lots yet to do, places to go, people to see..

Leaving those I luff and that I wont be around to see how their lives pan out without me an' watch over and care for my babbas and no longer be able to hold their mum..:(

Being an x opinionated lil tart an not bein' able 2 open me gob.. real or cyber..

..an' that I couldn't have done more to make the world a better place and wasnt goin' to get the chance now..:(

[pepperjack]

This thread is timely & interesting to me because I have congenital heart disease. I've been dealing with angina pectoris for over 40 years now and feel like I've been staring at death an awful lot! The attacks were the most intense during my 30's, physical prime years for a man; I was fearless then; didn't care if I lived or died. Now, they're sporadic, varying in intensity, but ironically scare me more because of my age,which I never expected to see. Buried my 86 year old mother last spring who also lived longer than she expected to. This is one reason I'm a God-oriented person; I've had preternatural experiences throughout my life. I have two regrets combined into one, not following my dream and working too hard to make others prosper, so I can somewhat understand the occupiers' message. But my biggest regret isn't even on the list. I feel like I have failed God. I'm sure I'm going to ruffle some atheistic feathers once again but so be it.

[mikey3000]

I feel like I have failed God.

Don't. Believe me, God knows what's in your heart before you do. If you have to feel like you failed someone, let it be you. We ALL fail ourselves somewhere along the line. But the good thing is, I believe, that we get more chances to fix things. After we die, and after a bit of a spiritual rest, we are sent back to earth to again learn what our souls require to rise. Some learn faster than others ( some souls are younger and still new on their journeys), but we all learn and move on to become perfect beings. That is our soul's purpose, to seek Glory for us and our fellow man. :bigrin:

[pepperjack]

Don't. Believe me, God knows what's in your heart before you do. If you have to feel like you failed someone, let it be you. We ALL fail ourselves somewhere along the line. But the good thing is, I believe, that we get more chances to fix things. After we die, and after a bit of a spiritual rest, we are sent back to earth to again learn what our souls require to rise. Some learn faster than others ( some souls are younger and still new on their journeys), but we all learn and move on to become perfect beings. That is our soul's purpose, to seek Glory for us and our fellow man. :bigrin:

Thanks for the encouragement and I'd like to apologize for the way I came across on post #3. I wasn't trying to dump on your topic; I was in a bad mood that day because of my boss whom I mentioned. I think there's something to reincarnation. The belief has been around far too long for there not to be. Even Jesus was perceived by some of his contemporaries to be a reincarnated personage. And from what I've learned, the Gnostics, the earliest Christians, also believed in it. I once visited a psychic out of curiosity and was startled when she started telling me about a previous life. I hadn't visited her seeking that type of information. She told me I had been a Mayan Indian, one of the human sacrifices who had his heart cut out. Coincidence? I could surmise my karma revolves around my heart.:)

[darkeyes]

I feel like I have failed God. I'm sure I'm going to ruffle some atheistic feathers once again but so be it.

Whether God exists or not, Pepper babes, anya know my opinion on that, what matters is that ya try 2 b the best person ya can be.. sure ya'll fall flat onya face sometimes.. we all do that, even opinionated lil cows like mesel.. but if ur God exists, am quite sure the ole girl wont treat ya so bad... 'cept maybe for failin to ruffle the feathers of this lil athiest;).. *laffs* don't overestimate ya ability to ruffle athiestic feathers, hun... :tong:

[pepperjack]

Whether God exists or not, Pepper babes, anya know my opinion on that, what matters is that ya try 2 b the best person ya can be.. sure ya'll fall flat onya face sometimes.. we all do that, even opinionated lil cows like mesel.. but if ur God exists, am quite sure the ole girl wont treat ya so bad... 'cept maybe for failin to ruffle the feathers of this lil athiest;).. *laffs* don't overestimate ya ability to ruffle athiestic feathers, hun... :tong:

Guess I perceive atheists as touchy because of frequent media reports of an atheist making a legal issue out of something just appearing to be religious which was "offensive" ( that word is always there) to that individual. I have yet to see a report of a Christian soliciting the support of the ACLU because of having been offended by an atheist. So, it just kind of appears to me, atheists attack; Christians tolerate, endure. Guess you just have thicker feathers.:bigrin:

[chook]

My only regret would be.......All that beer and only one lifetime :tong:


And Fran you aint got nothing to worry about sweety after all only the good die young :rolleyes:


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[CorePDX]

I've seen to many people I know in the U.S. chase the "American Dream" only to end up stressed and miserable. I think sometimes in life it's hard to stop and see the world around you, to have the courage to free fall into existence.

[Long Duck Dong]

for me, it would be number 6.... why did it take so long ?

there has been a number of times in my life that I have ( clinically ) or should have, died and I am still here for whatever reasons..... so when I clock out for good, it would be nice to finally bugger off ....

[darkeyes]

My only regret would be.......All that beer and only one lifetime :tong:


And Fran you aint got nothing to worry about sweety after all only the good die young :rolleyes:


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

Hahahahaha ya cheeky ole bugger... I am gud.. always.. honest...:bigrin:

[Wolf_Sr]

Last time I missed this post, today I want to share that for me it is now clear that #4 is where I would be if I die today. I've been always too shy and never cultivated the good friends I had in the past and let them go except for a few mostly kept by my friend's than my own efforts. May be also because I was always on the move somehow and searching... something... This feeling of not yet having accomplished my mission, whatever it was, stayed with me along all my live and only recently started to receed, somehow today that sense of urgency that was always murmuring inside my head "it is not done yet, more has to be achieved, keep going" has diminished, so I overcame all others, except #4.
Hugs
Wolf