Have I made the right choice?

[dseven]

Hi everyone, some of you might remember me from when I was asking you guys if it was okay to cheat on a guy I was seeing with girls.

Well, I've come a long way since then. So I broke up with that guy I was seeing, but I started missing him, so one day drunk at a party, I texted him so we could meet on sunday (it was a friday). He said yes.

But life can be a bitch, next day (Saturday) I went to a friend of mine, and I met this beautiful girl, we have LOTS in common, we hitted it of, I kissed her, and agreed to see each other again.

But again, I couldn't just go meet him on sunday and tell him "Oh, nevermind..." So I said that I wanted to keep on seeing him, so I started seeing both of them at the same time, I mean, I had no problem with it. But the thing was that I didn't want to lie to them.

Time passed, I kept seeing both of them and I decided I wanted to be with the girl, so I broke up with the guy. It was brutal, he cried a lot and I just hated to see him suffer that way and I wished that I could stay with him so he just wouldn't feel bad. The truth is that he was falling in love with me and I just was not... I mean I cared a lot about him, but I wasn't in love with him.

But you know how stupid a person can be, I have a beautiful perfect girlfriend but today I was feeling a bit vulnerable and I've just found out he had deleted me on facebook and I realized that I miss him. Of course I can't go back to him cos he probably hates my guts, so that saves me from doing something stupid that I would regret later.

Anyways, can you say something that might make me feel a little better???

Thanks
Hugs
Dseven.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Hi everyone, some of you might remember me from when I was asking you guys if it was okay to cheat on a guy I was seeing with girls.

Well, I've come a long way since then. So I broke up with that guy I was seeing, but I started missing him, so one day drunk at a party, I texted him so we could meet on sunday (it was a friday). He said yes.

But life can be a bitch, next day (Saturday) I went to a friend of mine, and I met this beautiful girl, we have LOTS in common, we hitted it of, I kissed her, and agreed to see each other again.

But again, I couldn't just go meet him on sunday and tell him "Oh, nevermind..." So I said that I wanted to keep on seeing him, so I started seeing both of them at the same time, I mean, I had no problem with it. But the thing was that I didn't want to lie to them.

Time passed, I kept seeing both of them and I decided I wanted to be with the girl, so I broke up with the guy. It was brutal, he cried a lot and I just hated to see him suffer that way and I wished that I could stay with him so he just wouldn't feel bad. The truth is that he was falling in love with me and I just was not... I mean I cared a lot about him, but I wasn't in love with him.

But you know how stupid a person can be, I have a beautiful perfect girlfriend but today I was feeling a bit vulnerable and I've just found out he had deleted me on facebook and I realized that I miss him. Of course I can't go back to him cos he probably hates my guts, so that saves me from doing something stupid that I would regret later.

Anyways, can you say something that might make me feel a little better???

Thanks
Hugs
Dseven.


Well it's clear that you have feelings for both of them which understandable. I would suggest you go to him make amends and be friends, that's it. unless you have other plans. If this guy was really a good person, then there should be no reason for just a simple friendship. And also talk to your girl see how she feels. This is just my:2cents:;)

[tenni]

Hey Dseven
You are young and exploring. I think that you made the correct choice since you don't want the relationship that this guy wants. The last time that you wrote about him you stated that he wanted to be your exclusive partner(sexually). Now he has fallen in love with you. He didn't want you seeing women and you want to see women. If he is developing romantic feelings (love) for you and you know that is not going to work, then don't torture him with possibilities. Walk away from him.

Explore things with the girl. Find another bisexual guy interested in women and men if that doesn't work. Leave this guy alone and let him heal. He is not for you.

[NeonSwing]

I think that if you plan to re-establish any kind of relationship with him, you should tell him what everything; I think you should also be forward with your girlfriend too.

But that's my opinion; I've been on the other side of that experience and it would have been so much easier had everyone been straightforward with one another.

[dseven]

My girlfriend knows about all this, I told her the other day before I asked her to be my girlfriend, she was very understanding of all the situation. She even said "And for this you make me worry?" cos I asked if we could meet by saying "We have to talk, there's something I have to say to you" and she kinda thought the worse XD...
That's one of the reasons I like this girl so much, she understands everything, she literally knows everything my best friends know and she likes me anyway... Oh, and plus she's a yaoi fan XD.

But still, I can't help but wonder about the "what if". Well, I just hope that everything turns out okay, cos he is a really nice guy and he deserves to be loved. I'm very easy to fall in love with, so I can't blame him...

[drugstore cowboy]

You're 20, you have the rest of your life to date, get into relationships, and have sex with people.

The guy who you were with is someone who you're no longer with and he's in the past. No it does not seem like you're compatible with him and he would just get angry at you having a girlfriend and he'd never feel as though he was actually in a relationship with you.

I remember reading posts of yours where you said how you wanted to have sex with a woman, you have a girlfriend now so have sex with her.

[Realist]

Well, Alex, it's obvious you're bisexual! You will probably never be happy, unless you have both in your life.

It appears that your girlfriend accepts that you're bi and has no problems with it.

Believe it, or not, you can probably find lovers of both genders, if you're honest about yourself. Tell them what you expect of your relationship with them...AND listen to their needs, too.

Good luck, your life's journey is only beginning!

[onewhocares]

I completely agree with what Realist said. I do think that you will be denying part of who you are if you do not have both in your life. I think you have a most understand young lady in your life who accepts the man you are. I do think that if you wish to reestablish a relationship with the man, you must also come clean to him and tell him you are also in a relationship with a woman whom you care deeply about. If you can't be honest with BOTH of them, then I do not think you can move forward.

Belle in Boston

[BiDaveDtown]

D7, as a bisexual you do not need to have relationships with both genders in order to be happy or fulfilled.

Most bisexuals are fine having a relationship with just one person or with a single gender, and heck most people do not want an open relationship or a relationship where someone who they are with feels that they need or must have a relationship with other people.

I'm a bisexual man and I'm married to a woman and have been for decades.

We're monogamous and while I did date and fall in love with men in the past and even had ex male partners I also had relationships with women.

I agree with Tenni it sounds as though this guy is not the right person for you or someone who you should try to attempt a relationship or partnership with at all.

You already tried that once and it did not work, move on and just stay with this woman for the time being and don't go back with this guy who didn't work out when you were with him.

This guy is an EX fuck buddy and I agree that he'll just get mad or jealous if you attempt a relationship with him and tell him how you need and must have women.

He'll get very angry and hurt if you have a relationship with this woman and have him as someone on the side, or if you try a relationship with him and then cheat on him with other women or men.

[dseven]

Look, I learned my lesson, I'm not gonna be with anyone else but my girlfriend (unless she asks me to, she is a yaoi fan and I hope she ask me for yaoi fanservice ;) XDDD). I don't NEED to be with two people at the same time, but I definitely could but only under this circumstances:

- Only two people.
- Both of them have to know about the other person's involvement and be okay with it.
- I think I would prefer two people of different genders and probably one gay and the other straight.
- I would prefer if the two people either didn't know each other or they knew each other and get along fine.

Well, thanks for everything guys, see you soon.
Hugs
Dseven.

[*pan*]

hmmm.. live and learn i always say. there are always consequences to our actions and choices alike. learn to live with them and remember your bad choices and actions not to be repeated. you know what you want or should. you want someone to make you feel better about your choices ? only you know how you feel and if you feel bad about hurting someone mabe it was a wrong choice but that not for me to say only you have to live with it. i live by the harm none rule. harm none and do as you will. this simple statement is has very broad implications, it encompasses harm of any kind to anything even animals even emotional. i have learned to accept responsibility for my actions and choices and not blame something or someone else. if i make a choice to marry a woman then see someone i think i like more do i divorce her and marry the other then meet another and repeat the process. hmmm. that,s why choices can be so critical to ones life. we live in a throw away world so do we throw away people too. lol you made the choice right or not it was made. there is no time machine i know of to go back and redo your choice. this is just my :2cents: of course but has worked for me.

[falcondfw]

My girlfriend knows about all this, I told her the other day before I asked her to be my girlfriend, she was very understanding of all the situation. She even said "And for this you make me worry?" cos I asked if we could meet by saying "We have to talk, there's something I have to say to you" and she kinda thought the worse XD...
That's one of the reasons I like this girl so much, she understands everything, she literally knows everything my best friends know and she likes me anyway... Oh, and plus she's a yaoi fan XD.

But still, I can't help but wonder about the "what if". Well, I just hope that everything turns out okay, cos he is a really nice guy and he deserves to be loved. I'm very easy to fall in love with, so I can't blame him...

D7,
First, NEVER, EVER use the "we have to talk" line. With anyone (unless you want to torture their mind a little. lol).
Second, you asked for some advice that would help. Maybe a large rum and coke?
I think honestly you did the best you could, which is all any of us can do.