Bi or bi-curious?

[Zinetha]

I'm a bit confused... I have thought for years if I'm bi but the most outrageous thing I've ever done with a girl is a kiss on the cheek. I've kissed almost all my close friends on the cheek, some of them are straight, one is bi, one is lesbian, but all kisses were just that kind of from-friend-to-friend. The bi girl and the lesbian girl are together. Back then I thought myself as bi-curious but none of those friends know about this. I've never had a relationship with a girl, either. My 1st "relationship" was with a guy when I was 10 and he was about my age, and the short version of the story is that he took my virginity and then moved out of town (knew about the moving before we did it) and I never heard from him again. I was so traumatized I slowly developed a depression (which I'm recovering from right now) and dated no one for years. Had many many crushes, only one was a girl (but at 1st I thought she looked like a boy and then I found out her name and that he's a she and I didn't mind, but didn't have the courage to do anything about it, like I had no courage to do anything about anyone I had a crush on). Finally, 10 months ago (almost 9 years after that asshole dude), I kinda accidentally was able to hit on a boy a liked, and he asked me to be with him. We were together for 9 months and then had a short break because of my problems with depression (I blamed him too much and was too self-harming for him to be mentally strong enough to help), and during the break I started to look at other boys again, just to flirt, nothing serious, and noticed I also looked at girls the same way, especially the bi girls I know. But we had agreed that only flirting is allowed during the break (which neither of us did much for that matter, we missed each other so much), and no one knew I liked girls, too, so no girl flirted with me. Now we're back together, but I still like girls almost as much as I like boys. He knows I was curious during the break but not that I'm still...
I love my bf, I would never cheat on him. We both count even kissing someone or serious flirting (=the other person doesn't know or isn't sure if it's a joke) else as cheating. I doupt he'd like to "experiment" and take another girl to the bed with us (like some people here suggest), and I wouldn't like that either, it feels wrong to actually think of doing so. I mean, I think it's ok if I fantasize about kissing or being in bed with other guys and girls, but not actually thinking of doing so.

I feel bi :D I like boys more (naturally, since I've considered myself as "straight, tiny tiny possibility of bi-curious" for all my life so far) but many of the people here seem to think you have to do something sexual with the same sex to be bi. Is there ANYONE who would count me as bi? I'd so much like to finally put an end to all this thinking and get a word to decribe who I am. Bi-curious sounds like I'm not sure if I'm bi. But I'm sure now. I like girls, too, almost as much as boys, and just the same way. Dot. I love my bf forever and so will never be together with a girl. Doesn't bother me, he's the one I want for life. <3

[Jobelorocks]

A bi person is bi before they do anything with either gender just like a straight person is straight before they do anything with the opposite gender and a gay person is gay before they do anything with the same gender. Sexuality is about attraction and not exactly action. People tend to use this argument with bisexuality, but don't use it for heterosexuality or homosexuality. It is just nonsensical.

Only you can figure out your sexual identity and don't let anyone else tell you what your sexuality is. There are plenty of urban myths about bisexuals and bisexuality, don't buy into them. They are bred from bi-phobia and/or a lack of understanding about bisexuality.

[elian]

If you find that you are physically, emotionally (romantically) or sexually attracted to girls then by my definition you would at least have bisexual tendencies. You may feel different levels of attraction and in different ways and your identity may change over time as you learn and grow. It's not a crime for your sexual identity to change naturally over time as your personal understanding changes. What is a crime is trying to FORCE someone to change something as fundamental as who they love. That is not really what we are talking about, but I wanted to make that distinction anyway.

I won't TELL you that you are bisexual, your identity is your own, as you grow and gain experience that is something only you will know. It may be hard to admit to something that others in society disapprove of, but sexual identity to me is not about a sex act, it's about who you love in your heart. We should never have to feel ashamed of the love we feel in our hearts. Remember that your sexuality is only one part of who you are as a whole person.

My first sexual experience was with a boy, he was abusive mentally but being in his arms, I had never been held that way before by any male and I fell in love with the feeling. Then, like you - I never saw him again. What I resented more than anything else is that he made me feel loved, then left. I was very angry with him but now with time and experience I know that it does get better. I choose to forgive him, mostly to let me have peace. I know as an adult that he ALSO had to be abused as a child to know as much about sex as he did at that age.

Don't give up..good things worth fighting for are never easy. It is important to know that no matter who you choose to love and where you come from in life you are worthy of love and respect just as much as any other part of creation.

One of my favorite videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3rr4CEHjOk

If you don't think you have a great desire to act on your bisexual impulses then I don't see any real reason to even mention it to your boyfriend - just know that some people (probably a lot more than would admit it) have experimented with, admired or loved someone of the same sex..whether they would act on these impulses I cannot say.

[Zinetha]

Wihii! :DD I feel so relieved and free. I'm bi!! :DD And I shall tell my closest friends and my bf, they're all ok with bis and homosexuals. :) This does nothing to my relationship with my bf, since I'm not gonna do anything with girls that I wouldn't have done with boys before tonight. I don't feel like coming out to everyone, 'cause they'd just all ask if I'll leave my bf and so on... Plus I know people who are not ok with bis & gays. :/ If someone asks, I'll admit I'm bi, but won't change my FB profile for this or anything... Not that big a deal, since I'm with a boy. :)

But I shall wait 'till next morning to tell anyone, it's 2:53 am here now. :bigrin:

:bipride:

[lucky.cucky]

Dear Zinetha,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Many of us here have been through a similar process of self-identification. You may find the Kinsey Scale useful as a starting point. Many people find that this Bi lifestyle is a changing thing in life. It is different things at different times for many of us, so don't worry if you experience that also, ok dear? Just enjoy being a good, kindhearted, loving person. That may mean physically at times, and not physically at other times. It is all up to you.

FYI - One version of the scale works like this:

0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual

I myself bounce around between 1 to 5 with a concentration on 2 to 4. So you can see that we all have varying degrees of Bisexuality at different times. You may want to try to relax, find a good person to talk with and enjoy life as best one can. Isn't that what we all try to do in life?

Good luck with it all. :flag1:

[softfruit]

"I like girls, too, almost as much as boys, and just the same way."

I think this is the bit where you answered the question for yourself :)