shall i do it again?

[CRAZMIN4EVERER]

Seven years ago, I went home to visit my uncle family. I shared the bedroom with my male cousin. In the middle of the night, a strange noise woke me up. I opened my eyes .... I saw my cousin jacking off with his cousin on his mother side. .... Several nights later, I woke up and felt a hand rubbing on my short. My cock was so hard and horny. My cousin took my hand to grasp his penis .... I started to stroke his big and fat cock.... Suddenly, he pulled down my short and sit on my hard dick .... I supported him to pump harder until I cummed inside of him and he shot all over my chest ....
Now we are both married and having children. This april, I will be comming home to visit them. He said he would take 5 days off from work to take me hiking .... Please tell me what should I do. Shall I have sex with him again if we can not control it? I do think of that memory with him sometimes and do miss him also .... but now I am married .... I do not want my wife knows about this ... she will not able to handle this ... and we may loose the relationship.

[Jobelorocks]

It is no worth cheating on your wife. This would be the worst way for her to find out about your bisexuality and the fact you cheated on her with your cousin would probably hit even harder. Not only would you really hurt her and be betraying her trust, you can also hurt his marriage as well. If you don't think you can handle the temptation of being on the hike, tell him you can't do it. Spending time with him is fine, but I would suggest doing it in a group setting if you can't handle the temptation of cheating on your wife.

[Long Duck Dong]

I am curious..... you know the situation, you know what COULD happen, you know your partner may not be happy about it..... but you ask us what you should do ????

it sounds like you want us to say that you are not responsible for anything that happens.....and that if anything happens, its cos you *lost control *....

YOU have to decide if you make yourself clear before you go hiking, if you do not want anything to happen.....

it also sounds to me like you got married to a partner that you a) have not talked with about being bisexual b) got permission to play around and c) you are more concerned with having sex with other people, than about working with your partner to reach a working compromise in regards to your bisexuality

[tenni]

There are pieces of information that are not clear.

How old were you when this first sexual encounter happened? (mid teens or ?)

I get the impression that you consider this a sexually enjoyable encounter rather than molestation? Have you had any other sexual encounters with men since the incident seven years ago? Have you masturbated thinking about this encounter?

I think that your first priority is to yourself. If this is a temptation to go on a hike with your cousin and you are really hoping for a repeat, then you have some reflection to go through. Are you a bisexual? This is your first responsibility to yourself. Learn to accept yourself. I don't think that you presently see yourself as a bisexual man? This comes before discussing the matter with your wife or putting yourself into a tempting situation.

The others are taking care of guilt laden and saying that you need to discuss this with your wife. I say, be true to yourself first. Then you may go forward clearer in your mind.

[DuckiesDarling]

There are pieces of information that are not clear.

How old were you when this first sexual encounter happened? (mid teens or ?)

I get the impression that you consider this a sexually enjoyable encounter rather than molestation? Have you had any other sexual encounters with men since the incident seven years ago? Have you masturbated thinking about this encounter?

I think that your first priority is to yourself. If this is a temptation to go on a hike with your cousin and you are really hoping for a repeat, then you have some reflection to go through. Are you a bisexual? This is your first responsibility to yourself. Learn to accept yourself. I don't think that you presently see yourself as a bisexual man? This comes before discussing the matter with your wife or putting yourself into a tempting situation.

The others are taking care of guilt laden and saying that you need to discuss this with your wife. I say, be true to yourself first. Then you may go forward clearer in your mind.

That's a rather easy statement to make, Tenni, when you don't have a partner to consider. But for people who are married or in committed relationships and in this situation, TWO marriages are on the line. Your statement smacks of rampant disregard for anyone but the bisexual male.

To the OP, it's up to you whether or not you do anything with your cousin again but as others have said there is more to consider than just yourself. You don't mention if your wife is someone who wouldn't ever understand about bisexuality or not. You do mention you think the relationship could be lost if she knew about your past. Some things in our past will only hurt the ones we love, if you do not intend to go outside the relationship, then do not tell her about your past in detail. But over time see how she responds to some movies with alternate sexualities and see if that gives you an opening to tell her you are bisexual. Welcome to the site and I hope you find that although many of us have majorly different opinions on things we do actually care here.

[tenni]

"Your statement smacks of rampant disregard for anyone but the bisexual male. "


Opps! my bad. How dare I think about the bisexual first. Shame on me.:( I forgot that this site is primarily for spouses of bisexuals.:tong::bigrin:


Don't forget to run over to the other thread right away. Its been more than ten minutes since he posted this little gem. He needs your support. Hurry go and post your support.

""yet he is selfish and wrong and only thinking of himself ?..... is that not the same way that a good number of bisexual people can act, when it comes to sex ? its about them and their reasoning for having sex, at the expense of other people ?"

Sometimes it is hard to tell if there is Borg thinking going on ? Trollism? Spock mind melt?...cloning? , devine inspiration? :)

[DuckiesDarling]

"Your statement smacks of rampant disregard for anyone but the bisexual male. "


Opps! my bad. How dare I think about the bisexual first. Shame on me.:( I forgot that this site is primarily for spouses of bisexuals.:tong::bigrin:


I hope you give your internet "partner" support for his anti bisexual statements. Don't forget to run over there right away. Its been more than ten minutes since he posted this little gem

""yet he is selfish and wrong and only thinking of himself ?..... is that not the same way that a good number of bisexual people can act, when it comes to sex ? its about them and their reasoning for having sex, at the expense of other people ?"

Tenni, you really have no clue what you are talking about. LDD is not my internet partner, he's my fiance, we have been together for four years. I am going back to NZ again next year to spend some time and we are working out the details for the move. Now I notice you didn't answer the part about it being an easy statement to make when you have no partner. How many times have you posted that you have no partner, just jerk off buddies? How many times have you posted you have no problems with people cheating on their partners because it makes more people available for you. How many times have you posted things that say the bisexual MALES have the rights and anyone else can just go to hell? We, the partners, matter and our partners matter to us. Let me be very fucking plain here, I told my man he could be with another male if it's what he needed, he declined as monogamy was his thing and he was committed to me. Maybe someday you'll be able to find someone that makes you want to only be with them, Tenni. I wish you luck. Til then...well as Cat would say Bless your little heart.

[Long Duck Dong]

tenni, what I posted in the other thread, was in regards to a person bare backing and the reaction of people about how it was selfish and wrong of him, not to think about his partner / family... the people he doesn't mention so remarks about how he is selfish for not thinking about them, are based around assumptions......

but that has nothing to do with this thread, now does it....... unless cruz is bare backing ( bug chasing as some call it ).....

cruz has been married for 16 years, to his wife, if I remember rightly, and she has said no to him being with other people, male or female, even tho she does play with him during sex...... so cruz knows his partners stance.....

cruz is clearly a adult with a option of making his own choice in this matter, but he clearly knows the risks and knows the choice...... and therefore what I said to him, stands.......


btw, its called communication with a partner..... talking with a partner... HAVING a partner that I can talk with......

[elian]

Tenni's got a good point about the self-reflection. I know most men try to figure things out for themselves..he's trying to get the guy to reason through his own feelings. There is a good point to be made in thinking of others as well. Hopefully the OP will consider both. Perhaps the question is, "How common is it for two married men to spend time alone together in a "retreat" ?" I would say pretty common, but most guys just drink beer and talk as far as I know.

Have you ever seen the movie "Brokeback Mountain" ? Being anything other than straight really sucks because unfortunately it puts people in moral dilemmas just like this one. Of course, there's also no shortage of straight people committing adultery as far as I know so maybe sleeping with other people besides your spouse is blind to sexual orientation.

If you don't feel like you are getting the sexual attention you need at home maybe you ought to see if your wife can help you with that?

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm being judgmental, I can imagine it's NOT an easy decision to make but I hope you'll make the right one..especially if there are children as a result of these marriages. I'm sorry.

Can you love your cousin WITHOUT sex, or is that not the point?

[Gearbox]

Well it's not a great time to tell the Mrs your bi, just before you go hiking with your cousin. That would out him too, and may kick off a BIG family dispute.:rolleyes:

You KNOW that by going on that hike you are going to cheat with your cousin!
That's something you really want to do, but don't want the guilt of secrecy or possible damage to your marriage!

My advice would be to not go! Then tell your wife that your bi and want to explore your sexuality with men.
If she loves you as who and what you are, you'll have no problems.:)
If she doesn't, you are both with the wrong person!:(

Your certainty that she'd not accept you, maybe due to you not accepting yourself?
Give her a try, or spend the rest of the marriage cheating or denying yourself and live with it.;)

[Lay-Lay]

This is a very difficult situation. I went through this not to long ago. The only thing I can suggest is to talk to your spouse. I understand the fear of thinking that they will not accept you but cheating will not make you feel better, in fact it will only make it worse in the long run. You also have way more to lose then I did. And the hike also does not sound like a good idea. I think it might be a good idea to take the time to think and reflect on how you feel, so when you do get the nerve to talk to her you will have a better grasp on what you want to say. If you truly love her and don't want to lose her you know what you have to do. Eventually all secrets do come out. And one of the previous posters are right. Finding out your cheating with another man will be shocking enough but if she finds out its with your cousin then the whole family will be involved. You both are risking each others families here. Just think first and the answer will become clear. Only you can decided what is right for you.

[**Peg**]

...My advice would be to not go! Then tell your wife that your bi and want to explore your sexuality with men.
If she loves you as who and what you are, you'll have no problems.:)
If she doesn't, you are both with the wrong person! .... Give her a try, or spend the rest of the marriage cheating or denying yourself and live with it.;)


Ya know what? Those statements have to be the most incisive and coherent summary of the bi situation I've seen here in the forum in a LONGass time. In fact, those comments should (IMO) appear at the top of the forum postings so that all the people who are conflicted about their bi selves can learn from it!

good job Gearbox + Lay-Lay :tong:

[CRAZMIN4EVERER]

Thank you for your advices. Sometimes, I really want to tell my wife that I am bisexual, but I'm really scared that our relationship will place at the stop..
I love my family ... I want to be with them every day. I certainly do not want the separation of us .... will prevent me from being with our children every day. I will probably not go with my cousin for hiking. If we do ... there will be more people involved..... I wish there were nothing happened to us seven years ago .... so I do not have to think and crave for this experience..... It's so hard to forget

[Gearbox]

*@Peg- Thanks you lovely thing.;)


Thank you for your advices. Sometimes, I really want to tell my wife that I am bisexual, but I'm really scared that our relationship will place at the stop..
I love my family ... I want to be with them every day. I certainly do not want the separation of us .... will prevent me from being with our children every day. I will probably not go with my cousin for hiking. If we do ... there will be more people involved..... I wish there were nothing happened to us seven years ago .... so I do not have to think and crave for this experience..... It's so hard to forget.
This is is typical of how a Bi male in a monogamous relationship feels when his same sex urges surface, sadly.
Your right about your wife having the ability to make you a part time divorcee father if she has a prejudice against your bisexuality and the expressing of it.

It's not a risk all would take lightly. Those same sex urges are not merely the selfish whims of a heartless adulterer either. They are a BIG part of your ID and won't go away.
It's no shock that MANY bi's solve the problem by cheating in that situation, and who could blame them?;)

Why not try bringing up the subject of bisexuality and determining how your wife feels about it? You don't have to say you are bi. Just get an idea of how she'd react to you IF you did confess.
She may not be as against it as you think.:)
If she IS, then YOU might decide that it's a case of immorality for the immoral.;)

[The Bisexual Virgin]

Thank you for your advices. Sometimes, I really want to tell my wife that I am bisexual, but I'm really scared that our relationship will place at the stop..
I love my family ... I want to be with them every day. I certainly do not want the separation of us .... will prevent me from being with our children every day. I will probably not go with my cousin for hiking. If we do ... there will be more people involved..... I wish there were nothing happened to us seven years ago .... so I do not have to think and crave for this experience..... It's so hard to forget

It all depends on you, and how you feel about your wife. In most cases such as yours men or women usually take the selfish route and go have sex with the same gender, when their urges are way to strong, an results don't always end well for neither party. But You have to ask yourself is a weekended hike full of potential hot sex with a guy you lusted after for god knows how long, worth a marriage and a family? That decision is in your hands to make.

[elian]

Most men have had at least one same sex experience in their life, some enjoy it and some do not. Your bisexual urges do NOT make you a bad person, on the contrary you have demonstrated that you are an honorable person by trying the very best you can to honor your marriage vows and that is commendable. <hugs>

With time maybe you will be able to bring the subject up to your wife, a little bit at a time but for now trying to provide a stable loving home for your family is a good thing.. If I was a child again you don't know how much I would've appreciated that kind of sacrifice.

A lot can change in 7 years, you may find that your cousin isn't the person you remember after all. We are all only human, but at least you are trying.. :)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

So why is it so hard for You to be in control and say, "Hey, just cuz we go, it doesnt mean we are going to wind up like 7 years ago"
Just because the temptation is there doesnt Necessarily mean you have to give in to it...but it sounds like part of you Wants to, and you just need some validation that its ok to do so. Well, youre not looking at the bigger picture here. Sure, it could be all fine and dandy and sexually wonderful, but theres other things to consider here: Your Families. Yours, his, your parents, siblings, ect. How is a little fling going to impact Their lives, especially if it came out that it was with a family member?

If you have Bi-tendancies then dont you think it would be better to either: 1. Discuss this with your wife and get it out in the open, or 2. Decide if you want to give up the notion, or act on it.

Ultimately, the decisions you make are Up To You, and only you can decide whats right for your particular situation. You could even give in and go have a hot sexual time, but thats up to you to take on....
Good luck either way you go.
Cat

[drugstore cowboy]

Most men have had at least one same sex experience in their life, some enjoy it and some do not. Your bisexual urges do NOT make you a bad person, on the contrary you have demonstrated that you are an honorable person by trying the very best you can to honor your marriage vows and that is commendable. <hugs>

With time maybe you will be able to bring the subject up to your wife, a little bit at a time but for now trying to provide a stable loving home for your family is a good thing.. If I was a child again you don't know how much I would've appreciated that kind of sacrifice.

A lot can change in 7 years, you may find that your cousin isn't the person you remember after all. We are all only human, but at least you are trying.. :)

Actually that's not true that most men have had a same sex sexual experience.

Most people are heterosexual and have never had nor wanted a same gender sexual experience, since as heterosexuals they're not sexually attracted to the same gender at all.

Not everyone is somehow bisexual or somehow has an urge to have sex with the same gender even though people who are bisexual/gay or lesbian do.

[drugstore cowboy]

I read the original post and it sounds like fiction.

[lovebimarriedman]

It is not easy to tell your spouse that you are bisexual.... Some of my friends ended up separation or divorce.... the worse part that you have is to depart from your children.
You need to control yourself when you go hiking with you cousin alone. It sounds like he wants to have sex with you again... and you still have some craving for him too.... Sometimes it is hard to control the feeling .... but you need to be very carefull before decide to tell your spouse ... it sounds like you are a good family man ... you do not want your family to stop the relation especially your children ... good luck!