Need advice

[hisanalvirginwife]

I married my high school sweetheart. been married for 26 years. we still can't keep our hands off of each other-such stong sexual attraction. He was and is still my first and only. However,I do need advice. I am wanting to celebrate our coming anniversary by letting him have me anally. I'm scared, afraid and I can't talk to my doctor or anyone about this.

I have joined here to hopefully learn and prepare for this huge leap.
We have tried once before, about ten years ago-although he was very gentle and loving, the pain was scorching. I could not take it.

I know he has given anal in a relationship that he had years ago, before we met and married. I know he enjoys it-but he has never pushed me-but he does suggest gently when I'm lit with wine and Hypnotiq (great aphrodesiac for the both of us). Anyway...can someone help me with learning how to prep myself before my anniversary suprise. I can't just let him in- it's very painful. Is there something I need to do first?

Can anyone help me?

[DuckiesDarling]

Hi, I'd recommend some good lube and maybe trying to play with butt plugs or thin vibes to get a bit more comfortable. Try and relax as much as you can and go very slowly. Anal is just not for everyone, though, some people can never comfortably have anal and in your case I'm hoping it was the fact you were tense and not enough lube and prior playing around with fingers and toys that caused the pain. I wish you luck when you try again.

[Long Duck Dong]

hi and welcome to the site.....

two words, relax and lube........

no matter how *ready* you are, most people will still tense up with having anal so prepping yourself for anal is more than just a lubed finger in the ass then sliding the cock in... unless you are pretty experienced at anal and used to being taken anally.....

light stroking with the finger and soft, gentle, consistent pressure against the ass can help, same with rimming ( licking the ass with the tongue ) can help people relax anally but allow for about one hour of anal stroking / probing so the anus is relaxed more......

it will not always mean that you do not tense up when he first penetrates you, as the muscles has a natural instinct to expel so part of the goal is to get past that point with the stroking and the anal pressure.....

position is everything, laying on the bed on your back with your legs over your shoulders may be perfect for deep vaginal penetration but it can be a bad way to have your first anal example......
some people recommend the spooning position, some recommend that you are on your stomach, others recommend that you are doing it doggie style..... I normally suggest a position that gives you more control over the depth of the penetration and the ability to control the situation better..... so if you are able to handle riding him ( woman on top ) try that position........

if you get the chance and you are alone, you can practice / experiment on yourself using lube and a finger, laying on your back with a pillow under your hips and slowly work your self with your finger so you get a better idea on what you anus does and how it reacts........

something you did not mention, is the size of your husbands cock and if he is long and thick, it can make anal difficult, a medium length / narrow to medium thickness cock is good for most beginners..... having a husband hung like a horse can make it a lil harder ( 7+ inches long and thicker than you can get your hand around )
sure that doesn't sound that big, but your anus may disagree there lol

faecal matter.... the dreaded mess... lol a shower before sex is a good idea, being clean for anal play is always recommended, and if you can have a good bowel movement a couple of hours before sex is also good......
a bit of a mess is generally to be expected, as unless you have flushed yourself right out just before sex ( enema ) there is a good chance that you may get some mess involved.... so a towel or other way to wipe, is a good idea as well.....

you mention scorching pain, thats a indication of a couple of things.... the wrong type of lube ( you want a plain lube ) hubby may be a smoker ( nicotine can cause a burning sensation inside the anal canal if fingers are used ) reaction to condoms / spermicide... or simply the fact that you were not ready for anal......

one last bit of advice, do not attempt anal if you are impaired by drugs or alcohol to the point that your judgement is not as clear as it normally would be..... it makes it easier to misjudge your ability to take him anally and can result in pain, tearing and other issues.....

so in a nutshell, experiment, lots of lube and taking time, have a clear head and clean body... and if it all works, enjoy.....

[midnightplayer]

I would make some suggestions. First Get a good enema solution for your preparation. You should do 3 cleanings first to prepare yourself for your husband. Then after the third take a shower and use a antibacterial soap on your bottom, so he can rim you in preparation.
Then insert a hemroidal supository into your anus this will help relax your muscles and help you accept his cock. It is painful but if he is gentle and takes his time and you are ready with this preparation you will be relaxed and more accepting of his cock.
Have him rim you to his and your enjoyment, the anus has so many nerve endings you need to do this for both prep and for pleasure. Then have him using lots of lube (lube for anal), have him insert one finger and slowly massage your opening; then two fingers and then three if you can handle it. This will relax your primary muscle and once you are ready then have him well lube his cock and slowly enter your hole; stopping once the head is in and letting you adjust. Take it slow this is not a slam bang situation this takes time. Then slowly let him push a little more cock into you and withdraw a little and do this to your comfort until he has as much cock into you as you can handle. Best Advise I can give. Good luck and enjoy

[keefer201]

For my anniversary my former wife wanted to cut off my pinky toe; she said it was this huge kink she had. I decided against it as it would be too PAINFUL. Of course I am joking. Your first clue as to why you should not do this is that fact that you said it was PAINFUL!!! You have to understand that the part of your hiney that he is going into is your colon. There is a reason that your body feels pain, it means that something is unpleasant and thereby telling you to stop. I really can't think of anything more gnarly to deal with than a torn colon or any tissue around the anus. I would think of another surprise for your husband. :eek:

[cornholejoe]

make sure your asshole is clean and get him to rim you and get you hot then fingerfuck you with lube to get you opened up some and then let him just ease it in till you feel like really taking it all in your ass

[keefer201]

make sure your asshole is clean and get him to rim you and get you hot then fingerfuck you with lube to get you opened up some and then let him just ease it in till you feel like really taking it all in your ass

Corn; how many women do you get to have hiney sex with by calling it an "asshole?" Please keep your pants on and only reply after you have jerked off.

[tsmvb45]

Hello & wellcome to the group. The best advise I can give you is in a book by Tristan Taormino called The Ultimate Guide for Anal Sex for Women. It is published by Cleis Press. All you need to know about anal sex is in this book other than time & experince but you also need make sure that your Heart & Mind are in it to this because beleve me once they are your ass will be their Good Luck & Take Care Tom.

[onesucker4u]

Lots of great advice,but, am I the only man who loves to use my tongue? I just love, and so does she, licking and probing and finally really tongue fucking her ass. I do this untill she actually wants something bigger,and then, 'Astroglide". I highly recomend Astroglide,and alot of it. She has even used it on me(with a small dildo just right for a tight anus).

[FunE1]

Uhm... ditto to all the above.

Seriously, tho, congratulations to you for wanting to do something so giving for your husband.

There really is some great advice here, but I'm gonna throw in mine, too. I used toys in the past to play anally (by myself) but finally started getting the "real thing" here in just the past few months. So, I'm in the "beginner" category, too, but I'm finding that I really (REALLY) like it.

So my advice:

Relax. Tension is the enemy. So focus on the pleasure you want to have (and give).

An enema an hour or so ahead of time can help because you won't be worrying about making a mess, etc., when the time comes.

Make the ANAL a PART of the overall menu. So, lots of foreplay and whatever else you enjoy BEFORE the anal. Again, it goes toward helping you relax and really get in to the mood.

If your husband will do it, rimming truly is a wonderful way to relax that area before moving on to the main event.

Then, lube. Lots and lots of lube. Have him start massaging the outer area, then SLOOOOOOWLY work in a lubed finger, then two, or three (whatever you're feeling comfortable with).

When you're relaxed enough, move on to the real thing... after you apply a bit more lube to both of you.

Have him enter you SLOOOOOOOOWLY. Very slowly. Take your time. Have him take his time. If you need to, have him stop while you relax and let your anal muscles get used to what's going on. When you're ready, have him continue, but again, slowly. It helps sometimes if you push with your sphincter (like during a bowel movement) while he is entering you... just not too hard (think "relax" not "push"). Exhaling right after a nice deep breath before he pushes and you relax can also help. And, as long as you're not experiencing any sharp pain, continue going slow, stopping & relaxing as needed, until he's all the way in you.

Once you're at that point -- stop -- now REALLY relax and take a moment or two before you or he start any thrusting, bucking, acrobatic humping. When YOU feel your ready, have him slowly pull out -- not all the way, just a little -- so you both get used to the feel. Start with slow, short thrusts as your anus continues to relax/adjust. He may need to apply a little more lube while this is going on. As you get more comfortable with the feeling you can encourage faster/deeper thrusts, but work up to this slowly.

I've found that pain comes from trying to do too much too quickly. Taking your time let's your body adjust and lets you both find the position that maximizes pleasure and minimizes pain.

And that "take your time" mantra may mean that you don't do the full-blown anal that first night... maybe it's just a few fingers... or fingers and a small toy.... There's something to be said for "building up" to a penis, but my recent experience has been that I've been able to take penises larger than the toys I practice with, and more comfortably than the toys.

Anyway, good for you for being daring! I hope you have a wonderful time!

[Cc33guy]

If you have a kindle or other eReader... Smartphone with a kindle app there are plenty of good books. The ultimate guide to anal sex is a quick read loaded with answers you didn't even know you had a question about books range about $5-9...

[Cc33guy]

Oh and practicing with a toy before the big event will help you actually enjoy it... No one nails it the first time without practice.