Does Age Matter?

[bobble]

Aloha!

I'm new to the site! It's not what I expected, by I find myself enjoying. I've had time to skim over some of the threads and such, and find it very interesting, and heart wrenching at times.

One theme I've seen repeated is a few folks really kind of freaking out about their age, as they get older. From other sites I sense an "age discrimination." Comments like "no one over (25...30...40) need reply."

It kind of makes me laugh, and sad at the same time. Guess who is over 50!

What makes me laugh about it is my reflections on my life in my 20's, 30's, 40's and 50s'.

I am a much better person today than I've every been in my life. No I'm not as tight and fit as I was in my 20's, but I'm warmer, wiser, accomplished and, I think, a better lover. My 50's have been my favorite decade...so far.

Personally, I find people who are aging with grace to be very attractive and stimulating. I hope to 'meet' similarly minded people here!

I guess my message is that I hope everyone can embrace their WHOLE lives!
My experience is that it gets better with age! I wish the same for all of you in the upcoming new year!

Peace and Aloha,

Bobble

[keefer201]

I totally agree with you here. First off, what I see is that some are just so selfish that it makes me crazy. I don't want someone who is 22, what the hell do they know about sex? This is like the 52 year old man who leaves his wife for a 31 year old woman...........crazy! What is good though, that if you are persistant, you will find the cream of the crop who actually have their shit together with this stuff. I am actually going to be nice here and not give my opinions on the ones who are so choosey. :cool:

[tenni]

Bobbi
I think that you write some interesting ideas and some what I see as myths but it may just be a personal opinion. I think that age matters but I'm not sure in what ways and whether personality and attractiveness physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually play at various stages of our lives. How we look at our world and the creatures in it may also change as our journey continues.

I'd like to read what your thoughts are about "aging with grace". What does that mean to you?

[cornholejoe]

no age dont matter in fact i have had my best sex with people 50 and older i have had sex with younger people of both sexs but always had more fun with older people like myself

[pepperjack]

Yes,it does matter. I've also experienced the bias on other sites you mentioned.Lately I've been feeling my age is becoming more of a barrier although I'm basically aging well. Which brings me to another problem I've encountered;the jealous, antagonistic resentment of competitive younger males. It usually manifests itself as cheap age related shots meant to demean and discredit(anything to infer older is inferior) and is usually indulged in by those who talk-the-talk but can't walk-the walk. By the way, I used to live on Oahu when I was much younger.:2cents:

[parageneric]

when I was younger age wasnt an issue, as I get older, Iam 47 looking at 50 just around the corner. My oldest is child is now 30 years old, my youngest is 24 years old. When I interact with 20 - 50 year olds it seems strange to be attracted to them.... I feel younger and like, bobble I am not quite as in shape as i used to be , 20 years as a medic firefighter then 10 years behind a desk has changed the old body a little. Thanks bobble for giving hope for my next chapter

[Long Duck Dong]

I am not tickling the half century for another 9 years, but I have found that older people are people I enjoy having contact with, and as lovers in the past when I was younger, I found that they are generally more relaxed, settled and easier to be around......

one thing I have noticed when I was younger, is the older males enjoyed my company and a few of them mentioned that most younger guys would not give them the time of day.... my reply was that I found them to be very interesting people and I enjoyed the chance to talk with them and learn from them.....

* hanging with the vets * at the local RSA ( returned services association ) bar is something I enjoy and these are people that are 50 years+, they are always good for a laugh and a smile.... and unfortunately with the older members, a funeral as we lose more and more of the WW2 vets......

we have a 50s+ biker group called the ulysses club, that have the motto " grow old disgracefully " and my father ( 74 years old ) has become a regular rider..... great bunch of ladies and guys.....

so yeah.... age matters to me, cos I like the older people, they enjoy living, not complaining about it, they are quick to laugh with you, not ask who the hell you are laughing at, and they are full of wisdom and knowledge, not full of themselves and their own opinions......

as one lady once said ... the secret to living a long life, is simply to keep breathing " :tong:

long live the older folk, the world is a better place for me with them in my life....

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Age is how you feel, act, and let yourself Be. Many people love, and seek out us "Old Farts" for education, wisdom, and sexual knowledge. You'd be surprised how many younger men seek out us Cougars for learning and experimentaion..lol I know "I" was vastly surprised!! :eek: But I enjoy it greatly. I've had two young ladies come to me recently from another site, wanting education and information, and as an educator, I have no prob in instructing. ;)

Be happy in your later years, and be proud that you're smart enough, and wise enough to have made it this far! lol :tongue:
Cat

[Realist]

Welcome, Bobble

As you see, there's no shortage of opinions, here! We've got 'em by the buckets-full!

There'll be some threads you will like, some you may not, and some may even get on your nerves, but you're free to share what you will.

I've learned so much and really enjoy the majority of the members, too. You'll find those with whom you can relate and it's possible that you will make friends...and maybe even find a lover, or two.

I'm one of the older members and I did!

[pepperjack]

Welcome, Bobble

As you see, there's no shortage of opinions, here! We've got 'em by the buckets-full!

There'll be some threads you will like, some you may not, and some may even get on your nerves, but you're free to share what you will.

I've learned so much and really enjoy the majority of the members, too. You'll find those with whom you can relate and it's possible that you will make friends...and maybe even find a lover, or two.

I'm one of the older members and I did!

Listen to this wise, old ( I use the word respectfully) patriarch.:cool:

[DuckiesDarling]

Personally, I think you can be disrespectful at any age and by the same token respectful at any age. I do know my partner is older than me, the ex I divorced was a year or so younger and it made a world of difference to me in attitudes and experience.


I have always enjoyed being around older people, listening to the stories they tell and enjoying the benefit of their wisdom.

So welcome, Bobble, and I truly hope you find what you are looking for here :)

[darkeyes]

Depends how we feel bout age.....

[Gearbox]

It's silly getting annoyed with ageism or any other preferences. We all have them, and would be foolish not to divulge them.

I love being in my 40's, even though I'm too old for some and to young for others, I'm just right for the rest.
Preferences are varied and don't belong to any specific group, age etc etc. Chances are, somebody in your preferences will have you in theirs.:)

[pepperjack]

It's silly getting annoyed with ageism or any other preferences. We all have them, and would be foolish not to divulge them.

I love being in my 40's, even though I'm too old for some and to young for others, I'm just right for the rest.
Preferences are varied and don't belong to any specific group, age etc etc. Chances are, somebody in your preferences will have you in theirs.:)

Kind of tricky not getting annoyed when you crawl out of bed early in the morning with all manner of creaks, groans and body aches.:smilies15

[bobble]

Gearbox,

Of course we all have some sort of bias, regarding something. But I think my point was that perhaps if we consider them, we discover they are unwarranted.

As I've grown, I find myself trying to focus of similarities more than differences, and seem to have fewer biases. But, you are right, nothing or no one is right for everyone! I'd still maintain that on some sites, haven't seen it here, people good be gentler about their biases.

Aloha,

Bobble

[pepperjack]

anyone who says age doesnt matter is full of complete crap and should be promptly ignored. Since the topic seems to be confined to the age of a sex partner, though it mentioned life in general, ask yourself this? Would you have sex with a 100 year old? A 5 year old? So of course it matters, lets not be stupid about it.

For that matter age matters in general life as well. You can't play sports in your 50's to any high level, just like you can't do a lot of things based on your age (such as drive worth a damn at age 70+). It's not a matter of your outlook, it's a matter of fact. Denying it just makes you look like an idiot. Not optimistic or cheery, just delluded. You can say "blah blah blah it's not how old you are its how old you feel" all you want, your body and senses will tell you otherwise, as will anyone around you if you don't act your age in public.

Thank you for reality! And with that,I will take my weary bones to bed & return to fight another day.:bigrin:

[DuckiesDarling]

anyone who says age doesnt matter is full of complete crap and should be promptly ignored. Since the topic seems to be confined to the age of a sex partner, though it mentioned life in general, ask yourself this? Would you have sex with a 100 year old? A 5 year old? So of course it matters, lets not be stupid about it.

For that matter age matters in general life as well. You can't play sports in your 50's to any high level, just like you can't do a lot of things based on your age (such as drive worth a damn at age 70+). It's not a matter of your outlook, it's a matter of fact. Denying it just makes you look like an idiot. Not optimistic or cheery, just delluded. You can say "blah blah blah it's not how old you are its how old you feel" all you want, your body and senses will tell you otherwise, as will anyone around you if you don't act your age in public.

Gee, can't play sports... amazing all those Senior League people would probably disagree. They are just as competitive now as they were then they just realize that it's a game. I really think the over all tone of your post is offensive. Obviously age matters when discussing children but for anything else if the spark and love was there, then hell yeah I would have sex with a 100 year old.

[DuckiesDarling]

Convenient how you ignored the part where I said "to any high level". And the fact you see no problem having sex with a 100 year old says more about your lack of standards and personal desperation than anything else you might be trying to convey. If my post is overall offensive, then I guess you should stay inside most days, because it's reality. Sit in front of a glade plug in air freshener if you want some rosey scented smoke blown up your ass.

Im just here, like others to point out the idiocy of saying age is how you feel etc etc. Here's a few more examples since you seem to struggle with the concept:

Do 60 year old's run the 100m dash in 10 seconds? I dare you to find a 34 year old even.
Do 60 year old's give birth to children?

Do 20 year olds need boner pills to have sex?
Do 20 year olds die of old age?

How any of this has to do with how you feel or how "agist" you are is beyond logic.

Excuse me? Did you miss the part where I said if the spark and love were there? I have a partner who is not 100 and I'm happy with him. So I'm not desperate in the least. As for the rest of your post perhaps you should google more because indeed there are older women giving birth all the time. Yes some 20 year olds do need help having sex with pills due to medical conditions and above all some people who are the same age as you are having problems with brain function period.

[BiCplAz]

anyone who says age doesnt matter is full of complete crap and should be promptly ignored. Since the topic seems to be confined to the age of a sex partner, though it mentioned life in general, ask yourself this? Would you have sex with a 100 year old? A 5 year old? So of course it matters, lets not be stupid about it.

For that matter age matters in general life as well. You can't play sports in your 50's to any high level, just like you can't do a lot of things based on your age (such as drive worth a damn at age 70+). It's not a matter of your outlook, it's a matter of fact. Denying it just makes you look like an idiot. Not optimistic or cheery, just delluded. You can say "blah blah blah it's not how old you are its how old you feel" all you want, your body and senses will tell you otherwise, as will anyone around you if you don't act your age in public.

This is probably the dumbest post I have ever read. First of all a 5 year old is totally out of the question and if you're 38 or 98 and have sex with a 100 year old "GO BABY".

Listen you idiot, I am 70 and have a class B CDL, and if you don't know what that is go look it up, with a passenger certification and I drive school kids to and from school and I do it very well. I have not had an accident or ticket in over 40 years and passed my medical with flying colors.

With any luck at all, and you'll need it, you will be 70 and not believe how fast your life went by. Hopefully you'll remember what a stupid thing you said and feel bad about it, but probably not.

[LionTamer7]

I personally have a preference for people my age, but age doesn't matter that much to me (the 22yo inexperienced guy). In fact, having someone older may be an advantage in that they know a few tricks and may be willing to do a few things that someone like me may not know of. On the other hand, I would like to have someone who is just as naïve as me so it's a mutual act of discovery rather than a night of learning.

Idk, I feel that those who are picky about age aren't exactly right for me.

[tenni]

BiCplAz

Will you be in the next Indianapolis 500?...:bigrin:

Good for you to have a specialist license. There are reality checks and there are those who are doing wonderful for their age.

To deny that aging doesn't happen to a human body and its functioning reduces over time is to be foolish. To want to live your life to the fullest but be wise enough to acknowledge that limitations have changed over time is even better.

Can people of differing ages enjoy each other's company in a variety of ways? Most definitely yes.

[æonpax]

Age is one thing, emotional maturity, another. This cuts across all barriers such as sexual orientation, gender, race, culture, nationality, religion, etc. I was once told by an older gentleman this rather interesting truism;


Stupid young people, grow up to be stupid old people

There's an old philosophy about age and one's "elders." It's called Filial piety which in Confucian tenets, is one of the virtues to be held above all else: a respect for the parents, elders and ancestors. I stopped buying into that when I was a teen. I feel any respect must be earned and I will not freely give it.

To me on the social level, it's all about compatibility, regardless of age. Generally, I've been with older men and women, a few much older than myself but these I came by through serendipity.

[slipnslide]

Seems the only people who think age doesn't matter are old people.

Sounds more like denial.

[Long Duck Dong]

Seems the only people who think age doesn't matter are old people.

Sounds more like denial.

its called reality, we see age in terms of numbers, they don't....

we grow up with the idea of age means something IE 16, we can get laid, 18, we can vote and drink, 20, get married ( and divorced )
( nz ages, they will differ per country )

when you get to a certain age, there is no more * check points * well 65 for retirement and a pension in nz..... but no 50, time for viagra, 65 time to win lottery, 75, time for 25 year old wife, 80 get tested for memory loss cos can not remember where young wife is, nor wallet

we may age the same way growing up but over a certain age, we age differently, hence we have some bright, active, alert 81 year olds ( the gay guy I care give for ) and some 25-30 year old people that think its time to retirement cos they have done a 9 to 5 / 5 day working week for the first time in their lives......

there is no fountain of youth, only mountains of ignorance, and one day we will be old too.... and watch as people tell us that we are old fools and should be shoved into rest homes and ignored cos we are past our use by date...... or hurry up and die so the family can fight over what we worked hard for.....

yeah I love the company of older people..... I can only hope that one day, somebody still loves my company when I am * past my prime *

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Sounds like a couple of people didnt have enough fibre today...or yesterday in this case. :rolleyes:

And look out world, hell is freezing over again, because Tenni and I are agreeing on something...lol It doesnt matter what age you are, or arent. Live life as it is and enjoy every age that you Get to be. Life is a gift meant to be lived.. Do it. Its that plain. ;)

Cat

[sammie19]

I like older people a lot socially. A while back in another thread I wrote of what I thought of them in respect of sexual attraction. I have limits who I find attractive. It might be shallow but 40 for men and a little older for women. There are occasional exceptions so it isnt hard and fast but it is general and when I say occasional exceptions I mean very very occasional.

It doesnt matter how fit an older person feels and how well they think they can do sex, what my eyes and mind tell me is attractive is what my eyes and mind tell me is attractive. I dont mean to be insulting and hope I am not being, but being an old man's darling is not my idea of sexual compatibility or desirability.

[darkeyes]

It might be shallow ...


Now who, wee Craigie, wud dare callya shallow???:eek::bigrin:

[Realist]

I'm an older man and, as most of you know, have a much younger GF.

But, to me, nothing is worse than seeing an older person, who is falling all over himself/herself, trying to impress a younger person, basically making a fool of themselves. I did not do that, nor did I seek this relationship. Like I'd mentioned before, our falling in love, just happened before we knew it.

Even though we've been lovers for 4 years, it seems like a miracle to me that we were able to meet, find so many common interests, then actually fall in love. Recently, we both agreed that we've never had a better relationship.

The sad thing is, I'll be gone much sooner than she will and she's put a lot of herself into this connection. She, then, will have to start all over again.

At first, I told her it can't work, it's not appropriate, or even smart to start; so much of our hearts are in a relationship that is doomed to be brief. I really did try to convince her that she should find a younger person, who she can bank on being with her for a much longer time.

I thought I was going to break out crying, when she told me she would rather be with me for a little while, than with someone she loved less, for many years.

Really, I know how lucky I am to have a love like that, especially at this stage of my life. I probably will never understand it, myself, but she really does love me, too.

We began talking because we're both bisexual, but have long left that initial draw behind. We have the same interests, thought process, values, ideas about relationships, and I've rarely know anyone who communicated, and listens, better than she does. On so many levels, we are so right for each other.

How cruel fate is, to not let us meet until these stages of our lives! Whatever happens, I intend to make the best of what time we have.

So, anyone who feels that being with someone vastly older is not appropriate, I agree.

Our time will be very limited and it's not fair to her. But she insists we should live for this time together and try not to dwell on what is surely in store for us, in the near future.

Who can say no to love?

[Gearbox]

Kind of tricky not getting annoyed when you crawl out of bed early in the morning with all manner of creaks, groans and body aches.:smilies15
I'm no 'morning person' either.:bigrin:


Gearbox,

Of course we all have some sort of bias, regarding something. But I think my point was that perhaps if we consider them, we discover they are unwarranted.

As I've grown, I find myself trying to focus of similarities more than differences, and seem to have fewer biases. But, you are right, nothing or no one is right for everyone! I'd still maintain that on some sites, haven't seen it here, people good be gentler about their biases.

Aloha,

Bobble
When people write "Over 40 need not reply", "No under 30's please!","No overweight!", "No fems!", etc, it's not to offend, but for the benefit of others.
It's no good saying "Any age! Any body type! Anything from fem to masc for anything sexual and no holds barred please!", when you won't get it up for a 70yo fem CD who wants to pee on you!:rolleyes:

I've read many nasty profiles on hookup sites, and thought how needlessly bitter they seem. BUT unfortunately there are those who lie through their back teeth about their age, body type etc etc etc etc etc just to get what THEY want. It's VERY annoying when your being honest and being conned!:(
Those who are less than polite about their preferences have probably met a few cons, and I can see why they get bitter about it.

I am actively trying to lower my age range (I likes em over 30), and found 1 that I'm attracted to (not met yet so that jury is out.lol). But that is mainly due to me being made to feel guilty for my preference for older with remarks from twinks like "Age is just a number" + "But I like older!" etc etc.:rolleyes:
:bigrin: I think I'm talking myself out of it!lol

[elian]

It makes my heart smile to see that you are so inclusive bobble, I am generally accepting of most people as friends, but people putting disclaimers on personal ads makes sense to me because there are certain traits that I couldn't live with in a "mate" who I planned to spend the rest of my life with..

Do I think that people could be missing out on a wealth of love and experience? Yes I do, but if they aren't mature enough to know that maybe it's better to have the disclaimer on there anyway.

I used to believe that age did not matter, as a matter of fact for my first "chosen" same sex experience (as opposed to the ones I sort of fell into as a child) I specifically picked a much more mature man. I really didn't want an 18 year old with no experience.

I will tell you that man and I are still good friends, but we never became lovers due to some differences of opinion that I can only attribute to age and experience. The man is a Vietnam Vet. Because of his experiences growing up, his experiences overseas and anti-gay discrimination he struggles with depression, etc.

He has told me that he believes women should not be allowed to drive cars, etc. I tried to tell him that women don't ask to be born female, similar to how a gay person doesn't ask to be born gay. He'll agree with me but he still reverts back into those old patterns.

In a way I think he struggles too much and some of what he feels is directed toward himself but I'm not sure he realizes it. I love him about as much as any friend can, he has taught me a lot recounting his experiences of coming out in the 1970's but that's about as far as I can go..our differences are too strong and he's not really interested in having a relationship anyway.

I don't want to say that LGBT people are weak, because some LGBT and straight allies are the most courageous people I have ever met but I will say that most of the people I've met, at least in this area seem to have "wounded souls". Some sort of trauma they've endured either in spite of their sexuality or because of it.. That's why you'll usually find me on here preaching about healing, because I've been one of those teenagers who THOUGHT that nobody loved me, I'm glad that I was wrong.

[12voltman59]

I am glad that Drew once again deleted the remarks made by rw44--but yet glad that someone quoted what he said----to his remarks about playing sports and all---he needs to go to pay a visit to The Villages, Florida--my parents live there---my parents are almost in their 80s now and are having a second childhood--along with almost 100,000 plus people of their age who are very active "senior adults."

I can tell you----you have people who are all aged 55+ who are very active in all kinds of ways----with sports playing a very big role--they have softball leagues with people playing not just once but sometimes several times a day---four or five days a week who are well into their 90s. With the oldest guys---they do have pinch runners for them----younger guys in their 50s and 60s who may not be able to hit well but can run---there is one man who is in his 80s and even though he doesn't run---has a homerun record that rivals the top performers in the major leagues---when I was there back in October he hit a walkoff grand slam homer that went out like nearly 500 feet for his team to win an another championship in the age classification for his team!!

The people who go to live in places like The Villages are hardly going there to sit in a rocker and wait for death---they are living life to the fullest--in fact they are setting the standards for a new way to live that has attracted the medical establishment with one university's medical school doing a long term program to look at the ways the people there are approaching aging in a new way.

http://medicine.usfhealthalumni.net/news/65461/The-Villages-Joins-with-USF-Health-to-Create-Americas-Healthiest-Hometown.htm

This guy might be a troll----so far his posts kind of seem like he is one--but no matter what----the fact is--we all age--or we don't and we get planted to help "push up the daisy's"---so I would recommend that he reconsider his own attitudes regarding getting older----unless he wants the alternative---which means he gets put in the ground or his body sits in an urn on the mantle piece of some relatives.

Here is one such story now being featured in the local paper on how one young lady is approaching her age: http://www.thevillagesdailysun.com/news/villages/article_ab4f3d62-3110-11e1-8499-001871e3ce6c.html

Here is a link to the recreation guide for The Villages: http://www.thevillagesdailysun.com/sections/ This guide is put out each week in the paper's Thursday edition.

Don't tell the people who live in The Villages that if you are older--then you have to be "old."

[darkeyes]

Age matters 2 our daughter... she keeps tellin' us we are so old we r only dykes cos no self respectin' young guy will have us... Christ..bloody sauce:eek:!!! 32 and 30 an we r ole bags...:(

[mikey3000]

I am glad that Drew once again deleted the remarks made by rw44--

Damn! rw444 got banned too. And right after he hit me up last night for a date. I wonder if 42 is too old for him?

Seriously, I've had younger guys who looked good for about 10 minutes, and were absolutely horrible in bed. I've also had a much older guy who was a rock star and totally surpassed me in the sack. So I've learned to not judge. The older gentleman won hands down. Thus, now the guy I'm with is 15 years older than me and totally satisfies me. If only he were closer.

[Rhevan]

I'm an older man and, as most of you know, have a much younger GF.

But, to me, nothing is worse than seeing an older person, who is falling all over himself/herself, trying to impress a younger person, basically making a fool of themselves. I did not do that, nor did I seek this relationship. Like I'd mentioned before, our falling in love, just happened before we knew it.

Even though we've been lovers for 4 years, it seems like a miracle to me that we were able to meet, find so many common interests, then actually fall in love. Recently, we both agreed that we've never had a better relationship.

The sad thing is, I'll be gone much sooner than she will and she's put a lot of herself into this connection. She, then, will have to start all over again.

At first, I told her it can't work, it's not appropriate, or even smart to start; so much of our hearts are in a relationship that is doomed to be brief. I really did try to convince her that she should find a younger person, who she can bank on being with her for a much longer time.

I thought I was going to break out crying, when she told me she would rather be with me for a little while, than with someone she loved less, for many years.

Really, I know how lucky I am to have a love like that, especially at this stage of my life. I probably will never understand it, myself, but she really does love me, too.

We began talking because we're both bisexual, but have long left that initial draw behind. We have the same interests, thought process, values, ideas about relationships, and I've rarely know anyone who communicated, and listens, better than she does. On so many levels, we are so right for each other.

How cruel fate is, to not let us meet until these stages of our lives! Whatever happens, I intend to make the best of what time we have.

So, anyone who feels that being with someone vastly older is not appropriate, I agree.

Our time will be very limited and it's not fair to her. But she insists we should live for this time together and try not to dwell on what is surely in store for us, in the near future.

Who can say no to love?

That was a beautiful post and sums up a lot of the conflicts as well with your last question.

Rhevan

[mikey3000]

I'm an older man and, as most of you know, have a much younger GF.

But, to me, nothing is worse than seeing an older person, who is falling all over himself/herself, trying to impress a younger person, basically making a fool of themselves. I did not do that, nor did I seek this relationship. Like I'd mentioned before, our falling in love, just happened before we knew it.

Even though we've been lovers for 4 years, it seems like a miracle to me that we were able to meet, find so many common interests, then actually fall in love. Recently, we both agreed that we've never had a better relationship.

The sad thing is, I'll be gone much sooner than she will and she's put a lot of herself into this connection. She, then, will have to start all over again.

At first, I told her it can't work, it's not appropriate, or even smart to start; so much of our hearts are in a relationship that is doomed to be brief. I really did try to convince her that she should find a younger person, who she can bank on being with her for a much longer time.

I thought I was going to break out crying, when she told me she would rather be with me for a little while, than with someone she loved less, for many years.

Really, I know how lucky I am to have a love like that, especially at this stage of my life. I probably will never understand it, myself, but she really does love me, too.

We began talking because we're both bisexual, but have long left that initial draw behind. We have the same interests, thought process, values, ideas about relationships, and I've rarely know anyone who communicated, and listens, better than she does. On so many levels, we are so right for each other.

How cruel fate is, to not let us meet until these stages of our lives! Whatever happens, I intend to make the best of what time we have.

So, anyone who feels that being with someone vastly older is not appropriate, I agree.

Our time will be very limited and it's not fair to her. But she insists we should live for this time together and try not to dwell on what is surely in store for us, in the near future.

Who can say no to love?
Damn! You make me cry. :(

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Being the Cougar I am, I do have young lovers here and there, but theres no denying that an older, more skilled lover has got them beat hands down..lol Age, skill, knowledge, talent...we oldsters have it..:};):bigrin::cool::tongue:
Cat.

[falcondfw]

I'm an older man and, as most of you know, have a much younger GF.

But, to me, nothing is worse than seeing an older person, who is falling all over himself/herself, trying to impress a younger person, basically making a fool of themselves. I did not do that, nor did I seek this relationship. Like I'd mentioned before, our falling in love, just happened before we knew it.

Even though we've been lovers for 4 years, it seems like a miracle to me that we were able to meet, find so many common interests, then actually fall in love. Recently, we both agreed that we've never had a better relationship.

The sad thing is, I'll be gone much sooner than she will and she's put a lot of herself into this connection. She, then, will have to start all over again.

At first, I told her it can't work, it's not appropriate, or even smart to start; so much of our hearts are in a relationship that is doomed to be brief. I really did try to convince her that she should find a younger person, who she can bank on being with her for a much longer time.

I thought I was going to break out crying, when she told me she would rather be with me for a little while, than with someone she loved less, for many years.

Really, I know how lucky I am to have a love like that, especially at this stage of my life. I probably will never understand it, myself, but she really does love me, too.

We began talking because we're both bisexual, but have long left that initial draw behind. We have the same interests, thought process, values, ideas about relationships, and I've rarely know anyone who communicated, and listens, better than she does. On so many levels, we are so right for each other.

How cruel fate is, to not let us meet until these stages of our lives! Whatever happens, I intend to make the best of what time we have.

So, anyone who feels that being with someone vastly older is not appropriate, I agree.

Our time will be very limited and it's not fair to her. But she insists we should live for this time together and try not to dwell on what is surely in store for us, in the near future.

Who can say no to love?

Realist,
I am in much the same boat as you. I am 20+ years older than my fiance and with my health issues, I know I will be gone long before she will.
It seriously bothers me. I don't want her to be pining when I die.
But she has made it VERY clear to me that she is not giving me a choice. lol.
So, I have resigned myself to make her as happy as I can for the time that we have together and after that I will make sure she finds someone to treat her properly by haunting the HELL out of those who won't. lol.
She is incredibly beautiful. Smart. Driven. Honest to a fault. Intelligent. And will be a successful entrepreneur before she turns 30 (with her goals). She could have any guy she wants and many are drooling at the chance to be with her. But she says her eyes (and every other part) are only for me. She has convinced me a May/Late September (I'm not quite to December yet. lol) relationship can work. So far, she is right.
Go with the flow. Enjoy your relationship. May the last years of your life be incredibly happy.

[Trinity-Fl]

Wow! What a response. :)

I agree with much of the thread. However, as i look at my self (at 69 now) I wonder how a 40 or 50 year old me would have responded. The hair is white and the skin is rougher (60 years in the Florida sun.) My butt is lower and the sex drive has diminished. (Still good but I haven't cum twice in one session in quite a while.) Where the hell did those wrinkles come from?

I moved in with a couple when I was 56 and they were 14 years younger than I. It seemed less important then. (The lady and I are now a couple and we spent Christmas eve at the ex's house. Kids, grand kids etc.)

I recently met a guy from here who was in his 40s. It was very nice.

So... age is important. It has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. Inside we feel much the same as we did in our 20s. I've been bi since my late 20s and i like the same things I did then. But, the mirror tells a different story.

We are a culture built on youth. Look at the boom in cosmetic surgery. Each of us has to deal with the issue as best we can.

CC

[bobble]

Falcon and Realist,

I think I can understand your concerns, I'd have the same. The other side though, is pretty compelling, too. I think you guys are aware enough that you will cherish what you have everyday you are able to. That, it seems to me, is worth a lot!. I hope you all focus on what a special thing you have, and revel in it! Even if you were closer in age, chances are one goes before the other...same pain for the last one standing, I suspect.

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Aloha!

[Jobelorocks]

Well as far as sexuality goes, I think age can affect things, but not necessarily. If I am looking for a sexual partner, I really don't care how old they are, but I do care if I find them physically attractive. Chances are that I will not find myself attracted to someone who is significantly older than me, no matter how good they are in bed. I tend to be drawn to having friendships with people that are around my parents age (late 50's).

I actually find plenty of people on the swing site we use that say for people under the age of 30 or whatever need not apply. Honestly we say for people over 40 not to contact us, just because we get bombarded with pm's from people that age and older and we just don't want so many emails to sift through. If we find a couple that age or older we find attractive, we send them emails. So it may have nothing to do with age, but keeping down emails. We also tell single males not to email us for the same reason, but if we find one we are interested we contact them.

I find it is best not to make assumptions about motives and also we must accept some people may just not be interested in your age group sexually.

[jem_is_bi]

I'm an older man and, as most of you know, have a much younger GF.

But, to me, nothing is worse than seeing an older person, who is falling all over himself/herself, trying to impress a younger person, basically making a fool of themselves. I did not do that, nor did I seek this relationship. Like I'd mentioned before, our falling in love, just happened before we knew it.

Even though we've been lovers for 4 years, it seems like a miracle to me that we were able to meet, find so many common interests, then actually fall in love. Recently, we both agreed that we've never had a better relationship.

The sad thing is, I'll be gone much sooner than she will and she's put a lot of herself into this connection. She, then, will have to start all over again.

At first, I told her it can't work, it's not appropriate, or even smart to start; so much of our hearts are in a relationship that is doomed to be brief. I really did try to convince her that she should find a younger person, who she can bank on being with her for a much longer time.

I thought I was going to break out crying, when she told me she would rather be with me for a little while, than with someone she loved less, for many years.

Really, I know how lucky I am to have a love like that, especially at this stage of my life. I probably will never understand it, myself, but she really does love me, too.

We began talking because we're both bisexual, but have long left that initial draw behind. We have the same interests, thought process, values, ideas about relationships, and I've rarely know anyone who communicated, and listens, better than she does. On so many levels, we are so right for each other.

How cruel fate is, to not let us meet until these stages of our lives! Whatever happens, I intend to make the best of what time we have.

So, anyone who feels that being with someone vastly older is not appropriate, I agree.

Our time will be very limited and it's not fair to her. But she insists we should live for this time together and try not to dwell on what is surely in store for us, in the near future.

Who can say no to love?

Only the foolish would say no to love. What you and her have is wonderful.
I am so happy for you.

[jem_is_bi]

It makes my heart smile to see that you are so inclusive bobble, I am generally accepting of most people as friends, but people putting disclaimers on personal ads makes sense to me because there are certain traits that I couldn't live with in a "mate" who I planned to spend the rest of my life with..

Do I think that people could be missing out on a wealth of love and experience? Yes I do, but if they aren't mature enough to know that maybe it's better to have the disclaimer on there anyway.

I used to believe that age did not matter, as a matter of fact for my first "chosen" same sex experience (as opposed to the ones I sort of fell into as a child) I specifically picked a much more mature man. I really didn't want an 18 year old with no experience.

I will tell you that man and I are still good friends, but we never became lovers due to some differences of opinion that I can only attribute to age and experience. The man is a Vietnam Vet. Because of his experiences growing up, his experiences overseas and anti-gay discrimination he struggles with depression, etc.

He has told me that he believes women should not be allowed to drive cars, etc. I tried to tell him that women don't ask to be born female, similar to how a gay person doesn't ask to be born gay. He'll agree with me but he still reverts back into those old patterns.

In a way I think he struggles too much and some of what he feels is directed toward himself but I'm not sure he realizes it. I love him about as much as any friend can, he has taught me a lot recounting his experiences of coming out in the 1970's but that's about as far as I can go..our differences are too strong and he's not really interested in having a relationship anyway.

I don't want to say that LGBT people are weak, because some LGBT and straight allies are the most courageous people I have ever met but I will say that most of the people I've met, at least in this area seem to have "wounded souls". Some sort of trauma they've endured either in spite of their sexuality or because of it.. That's why you'll usually find me on here preaching about healing, because I've been one of those teenagers who THOUGHT that nobody loved me, I'm glad that I was wrong.

People my age have "wounded souls" for many reasons that have nothing to to do with age specifically other than the time it allows us to encounter tragic situations. However, while our wounds may never totally go away, some of us, never feel defeated. We feel anger and curse our bad fortune but refuse to be defeated. So we channel all our efforts to overcome disaster. Even, when our lifes are significantly destroyed, we come back all that much stroger than when we were young and life was great.

[LionTamer7]

Okay, let me blunt and say we may be breaking this conversation into two parts:
Does age matter when it comes to sex?
Does age matter when it comes to love?

Personally, I can see both sides of both questions, including positive and negatives for each possibility. As of right now, just getting started in the relationship business, it doesn't matter too much for both questions. Others have different points of views. Regardless, I don't see there being a right or wrong to either question. Or am I skewed? I'm not sure.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol lion, age doesn't matter to me in either aspect, and before anybody says anything.... I am referring to people that are legally over the age of consent....

my ex fiancee went off with a guy 35 years her senior and a few of my friends called the guy a dirty old man.... my ex fiancee hit on him and he put up walls to start with cos of the age difference..... yet I never saw the difference in ages, I saw two people that ended up married for 15 years......and yes I was friends with the older guy when I got to know him better......
she was 21, he was 56

would I act differently if I had a 16 year old express a interest in me as opposed to a 66 year old ( I am 41 so its a 25 year gap each way ).... yes, I would question the 16 year old's motives and understanding more than the 66 year old... and in part cos a 41 year old with a 16 year old, would raise a lot of questions....but a 41 year old with a 66 year old would not rise as many.... and the 16 year old would have to prove that it was more than a passing infatuation...lol

hell DD had to work hard to *tame * me and shes a year younger than me lol......


my only real issue with ageism and age bias, is the way that people can * rubbish * the older generations with offensive and degrading remarks, when a simple and polite * only under 40s please * ( example ) can do the same thing.... but as many of us know in this site, many people do not read ads, or take any notice of them...lol....
they see you in chat and go after ya like a pitbull with a raging hard on in a room full of bare legs.... lol

[elian]

People my age have "wounded souls" for many reasons that have nothing to to do with age specifically other than the time it allows us to encounter tragic situations. However, while our wounds may never totally go away, some of us, never feel defeated. We feel anger and curse our bad fortune but refuse to be defeated. So we channel all our efforts to overcome disaster. Even, when our lifes are significantly destroyed, we come back all that much stronger than when we were young and life was great.

Thanks for sharing your experience..the beauty of the human spirit is that given the right circumstances and encouragement it seems that it can be "reborn" despite very difficult circumstances. I really do not know the answer for my friend, I think some of his hurt is situational, he dislikes a small house he purchased several years ago and is convinced the neighbors are discriminating against him because previous lovers "announced" the fact that they were gay to the whole block. He has paid off the house now, is retired and really doesn't have the income to sell the house and go into debt with a new mortgage in what he calls a "desirable" neighborhood.

I would be a fool to squander the wisdom and love of people with more experience but I do occasionally find myself ashamed of discrimination. I'm a shy person to start with so I do find myself looking away sometimes instead of smiling when I see someone who looks different than I do. It may be my OWN problem that I don't have enough self confidence at times to be able to extend a hand or a smile and just say "hello" but I notice a lot of other people in the stores here who constantly look away. Once I actually do get to know someone I'm a lot friendlier.

Some people don't want to think of what it means to get older, even though it happens to EVERYBODY.

I'm glad that you all are taking steps to try and stay healthy and you aren't waiting for me to figure it out. I had to laugh at my mom. We went to visit my grandmother in Florida once and she said to me in a hushed voice, "Did you notice the *KY Jelly* on the bathroom sink??!" In my usual oblivious way I did not, but I just laughed. All I could think to say was, "Hey, OLD people need love too!!" <smiles> I guess it's human nature to not want to believe your OWN PARENTS could be interested in sex.

[pepperjack]

Being the Cougar I am, I do have young lovers here and there, but theres no denying that an older, more skilled lover has got them beat hands down..lol Age, skill, knowledge, talent...we oldsters have it..:};):bigrin::cool::tongue:
Cat.

My last girlfriend was a woman ten years my senior. She was a pretty woman with a very nice body for a woman her age; looked great in a pair of tight designer jeans. It was pretty passionate for awhile with her although she was a little inhibited and had some trouble keeping up with my energy. One morning after,she told me she "felt like she had been hit by a truck." I've also had girlfriends half my age who I thoroughly enjoyed in bed. So, there's something to be said for the freshness and energy of the younger as well as the skill and experience of the older. In other words, I like it all; I guess that's why I enjoy buffets so much.:bigrin:

[bi_couple_for_69]

It's all about the context when it comes to age mattering. I don't feel 50 and find younger people to be a lot more fun than friends my age. I live with my fiance and have been for several years. Since she is 25 we spend a lot of time with her friends. They accept me for who I am and because of way we all interact they think I'm younger.

Age does matter when one is looking for a sex partner that visually and mentally stimulates them. I've seen ads from people in there 20's saying no one under 40. It's all about what turns a person on. Keep in mind these are ads for sex. In other situations you wouldn't see something like "no one over 40".

[Jobelorocks]

It's all about the context when it comes to age mattering. I don't feel 50 and find younger people to be a lot more fun than friends my age. I live with my fiance and have been for several years. Since she is 25 we spend a lot of time with her friends. They accept me for who I am and because of way we all interact they think I'm younger.

Age does matter when one is looking for a sex partner that visually and mentally stimulates them. I've seen ads from people in there 20's saying no one under 40. It's all about what turns a person on. Keep in mind these are ads for sex. In other situations you wouldn't see something like "no one over 40".

I agree with this. For ads for sex, you will find age limits. Not everyone is attracted every age group. If you aren't physically to someone, you probably won't want to be fuck buddies with them. I know for me, I am generally not attracted to people 40+, there are exceptions, but they are few and far between. I may connect with them fine romantically or friendship wise, but I am not polyamorous, I am a swinger and I already have my husband for my romantic love. Other partners are sexual/ friendship and if there is the no romantic connection, I HAVE to be physically attracted to them.

[darkeyes]

In other situations you wouldn't see something like "no one over 40".

Age matters to whom age matters.. pure and simple... in sexual terms I'm quite sure that will never change..

...but as to not seeing agist adverts elsewhere u are right for the most part.. but then u dont see racist, xenophobic, sexist or homophobic adverts either. for the most part. doesnt mean homophibia, xenophobia, racism, agism or sexism dont exist in other situations, nor does it mean that advertising of these phobias and isms is entirely prohibited.. cos we all kno they are all there in buckets full... in employment for instance.. in politics (where certain kinds of adverts in support of these isms and phobias are quite legal).. in entertainment (where freedom of speech and expression allow many such isms and phobias to be expressed and advertised..)

[æonpax]

Age matters to whom age matters.. pure and simple... in sexual terms I'm quite sure that will never change..

...but as to not seeing agist adverts elsewhere u are right for the most part.. but then u dont see racist, xenophobic, sexist or homophobic adverts either. for the most part. doesnt mean homophibia, xenophobia, racism, agism or sexism dont exist in other situations, nor does it mean that advertising of these phobias and isms is entirely prohibited.. cos we all kno they are all there in buckets full... in employment for instance.. in politics (where certain kinds of adverts in support of these isms and phobias are quite legal).. in entertainment (where freedom of speech and expression allow many such isms and phobias to be expressed and advertised..)


Agree, this is a common sense issue. Who cares what age a person is looking for? In all these online "meet markets" that have a form you fill out, all of them ask what your age preference is. Everyone discriminates on their personal and sexual tastes, it's human nature.

[pepperjack]

Bottom line once again, it's a relative factor, like a food preference.

[pepperjack]

I'm an older man and, as most of you know, have a much younger GF.

But, to me, nothing is worse than seeing an older person, who is falling all over himself/herself, trying to impress a younger person, basically making a fool of themselves. I did not do that, nor did I seek this relationship. Like I'd mentioned before, our falling in love, just happened before we knew it.

Even though we've been lovers for 4 years, it seems like a miracle to me that we were able to meet, find so many common interests, then actually fall in love. Recently, we both agreed that we've never had a better relationship.

The sad thing is, I'll be gone much sooner than she will and she's put a lot of herself into this connection. She, then, will have to start all over again.

At first, I told her it can't work, it's not appropriate, or even smart to start; so much of our hearts are in a relationship that is doomed to be brief. I really did try to convince her that she should find a younger person, who she can bank on being with her for a much longer time.

I thought I was going to break out crying, when she told me she would rather be with me for a little while, than with someone she loved less, for many years.

Really, I know how lucky I am to have a love like that, especially at this stage of my life. I probably will never understand it, myself, but she really does love me, too.

We began talking because we're both bisexual, but have long left that initial draw behind. We have the same interests, thought process, values, ideas about relationships, and I've rarely know anyone who communicated, and listens, better than she does. On so many levels, we are so right for each other.

How cruel fate is, to not let us meet until these stages of our lives! Whatever happens, I intend to make the best of what time we have.

So, anyone who feels that being with someone vastly older is not appropriate, I agree.

Our time will be very limited and it's not fair to her. But she insists we should live for this time together and try not to dwell on what is surely in store for us, in the near future.

Who can say no to love?

One of my favorite authors when I was a teen was,O Henry, master of the short story with a surprise ending. His Gift of the Magi, a story of true love, is embedded in the hearts of many to this day;and yet, his personal life was fraught with failure, disappointment,as is often the case of the talented and creative. Shift to Tom Hanks in Castaway: " Tomorrow, the sun WILL rise....and who knows what the tide might bring in." (reflecting philosophically on his ordeal) Guess I'm trying to say something here, namely, have a happy 2012 with your SO!:)