Feeling very confused

[lovelyone_80]

Hi, I'm sure this post is nothing new because I intellectually understand that there are others out there that feel like I do and constantly are going through the ups and downs and feeling scared about what it is that I'm feeling, but emotionally it feels like I'm by myself in all of this.

From the time I can remember I know I have looked at girls (myself being one of them) in much the same way I would look at boys. Even though I didn't come from an overtly religious/christian home I still felt extremely guilty and scared that what I was feeling/thinking was wrong (I was pretty much catholic minus being baptised, etc.) I of course never said anything to anyone when I was younger and I didn't understand why I was even thinking/feeling what I was. I remember back in junior high school, one day walking home with my best friend and having this huge urge to kiss her, I wondered what it would be like to kiss her even though I still got huge crushes on guys. I never told my friend this either.

Also, while I was growing up I ended up finding my father's playboys and looking through (at first curious) but then while looking at them I just couldn't look away. It was very strange for me and I had felt like what I had done was wrong, again not sure why.

I've had many unfortunate interactions with people, many have broken my trust and hurt me in major ways (both male and female) especially while I was growing up and I shied away from others and I didn't get my first kiss until I was 20 nearly 21 and the only reason I got it to begin with was because I wanted to know what it felt like, this being with a guy. I ended up getting it and then I felt nothing. I didn't even know the guy so I feel like that was why I didnt feel anything but I'm still unsure about that. I have always found women to be pretty/beautiful etc. And it seems to ebb and flow, for long periods of time I find myself just looking at guys but then WHAM! I'm hit with the idea that I like women too. I've tried talking to my other best friend about it and she told me that I would only know when I try it out, but isn't there a point when you say to yourself you just know? Like how do all the straight people out there know their straight? They dont seem to have to "try it out"? I even tried talking to another friend about things I was feeling/confusion, told her I liked a girl we saw at the one gay club in our city but then I started to feel weird and told her my "confusion" was over and that I was definitely straight. End of story. **sigh** And I haven't talked about it much since with my other best friend either so I'm just feeling so alone at the moment.

I flirted briefly with a girl back in college via AIM and she was on campus like I was and I liked flirting with her and it felt nice but then just like before I got scared and ended up telling her I was definitely straight etc. She seemed to find it cute and seemed to accept it.

I know I definitely like guys, I've had WAY too many fantasies/crushes on guys not to be, but I get so confused/conflicted about my feelings towards women.

At times when I feel like saying, "FUCK IT" I try on the whole "I'm bisexual" and it has made me feel better, almost like it fits but then again it all feels like too much.

I've never been out on a date with either sex (I'm 26 btw), and I'm not socially incapable of it I just truthfully haven't felt like I had the time for it, I was in school working nearly full time, etc. It just never seemed to come up...Now though I just...I feel lost and scared and I just...I just want help and some clarity that's why I joined this site to see if I could chat with others and gain some insight and possibly figure out what the hell is going on with me.

Any help, thoughts, etc. from anyone would be VERY appreciated.

[Long Duck Dong]

pretty detailed post,.... and you answer many of the questions that most of us would ask, lol

you try the bisexual label and it fits but feels like its too much ? I have one question,... when are you going to stop thinking and trying to work everything out and just allow yourself to live ?

my simple advice, is make friends with a bisexual female, then slowly allow things to go from there, it gives you more room to shift and change and adapt..... and when you are ready, with their permission, try kissing them, just simple plain kissing.......

do not worry about what your sexuality is or is not, cos you do not even know who you are as a person and what you enjoy...... you have fantasies, feelings and desires,... and that is a good indication of what your sexuality is.... but wrapping yourself up in a * busy * lifestyle, is leaving no way for you to live a life........ and thats why you have limited experience.....

as for heteros... lol they experiment just like LGBT, and thats how many of them know that they are straight.... and its using the same thing we do, it felt nice, it felt good, we enjoyed it so lets keep doing it.......

rigid sexualities such as 100% hetero / gay / lesbian people just feel no desire for other variations, so they have a pretty good platform to work with in regards to their own sexuality...... its bisexuals that can have a harder time, understanding that they are bisexual as we do ebb and flow and that can make it a lot more harder and confusing for some bisexuals....

so, take the time to breath.... experiment.... but as I said, it sounds like you need to relax and maybe experimenting with a bisexual friend would be easier than hooking up at a LGBT bar

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Like Duck said, BabyGirl. Relax, let it come naturally, and let it happen. Explore, experiment, try new things on to see if you like them, have fun, and above all, be safe..:}:cool:;)
Cat
Everybody's Feline

[elian]

If you can't view video, let me know - otherwise watch these..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3rr4CEHjOk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeLDsBPSzYg

"God" does not discriminate against LGBT people, other people do. Some people in our society just don't understand what love is really about.

Go one day at a time and love yourself. You are beautiful and worthy no matter where you are on your journey. You are the person you were created to be. You aren't "broken" because of your sexuality..just still learning like so many of us. When you truly know what it means to forgive yourself and love yourself with compassion then you will know what it means to love others in a healthy way.

Although your suffering may seem like a curse right now compassionate love is a gift that the world desperately needs..bisexual people can love anyone, regardless of what is between their legs.

[void()]

bisexual people can love anyone, regardless of what is between their legs.

Reminded of some various song lyrics.

"everybody wants you ..." & "anyway the wind blows .." Both come to mind.

This sort of attitude with me seems a bit of a façade. Yes, we technically can love anyone. This does not imply we can love everyone and anyone. I love you and my wife. Yes, can have sex with anyone. Sexually, I'm a universal adapter. Lovers though, are chosen quite selectively. They should know then, beyond any doubt that such love is genuine, and they are indeed blessed its given.

I enjoy lovers who are equals, opposites of me. It offers me a continuous joy of a sort of flirting chase. Besides that, it keeps relationships interesting to love someone and still be able to disagree with some of the ideas they hold. And such disagreement does not alter loving them. We merely agree to disagree about idea x. Which brings up maturity.

Wow, much to consider on this end. *dons Yoda voice* Be you wise to know consider always I do, hm. 900 years lived have not I.

[lovelyone_80]

First, thanks to everyone who's replied to my thread I appreciated your words. I also wanted to say that I know I tend to over think things WAY too much. LOL. It's kind of a running joke with me and my friends and family. It's just how I am I guess, I don't know.

I've just come to the point where I really want to figure myself out and I wasn't sure on where I should start with that so I came here, I figured if I could find a starting point or get advice it would be here. :)

I'm going to get "out of my head" and see what happens. Thanks again. Truly.

[bityme]

At 26, having never dated yet, you are probably correct. You have a tendency to think things out too much.

Just give yourself a chance to enjoy life and the people you interact with. It doesn't even have to be on a sexual basis. Just get out and get some social interaction going. The rest will take care of itself.

If you end up having a sexual experience, enjoy it for what it is, an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Don't try to define yourself yet. There will be plenty if time to do that later.

Going out on a few dates should help you to learn more about yourself and others and help you to move toward understanding who you really are. No need to extensively plan anything other than the necessary arrangements to make for the date itself.

Pappy

[ErosUrge]

At 26, having never dated yet, you are probably correct. You have a tendency to think things out too much.

Just give yourself a chance to enjoy life and the people you interact with. It doesn't even have to be on a sexual basis. Just get out and get some social interaction going. The rest will take care of itself.

If you end up having a sexual experience, enjoy it for what it is, an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Don't try to define yourself yet. There will be plenty if time to do that later.

Going out on a few dates should help you to learn more about yourself and others and help you to move toward understanding who you really are. No need to extensively plan anything other than the necessary arrangements to make for the date itself.Pappy

Couldn't agree more. Defining who you are as a person sexually or otherwise is something that will come together when you are ready. I understand this too well. I've been bi all my life and when I first started experiencing sex it was alway with both. At first, I was willing to define myself as bi when I first heard the term back in 1973. But as I got older I got into conflict about my sexuality which caused me a great deal of confusion and un-necessary pain. It took me years to come to terms with it and when I finally did, I was so much more at peace and relaxed about it all. Like you, I use to over think it and struggle with the prejudices that society casts at anyone who doesn't adhere to the norm; being straight. It didn't bother me that others were gay or bi, I just couldn't accept it in myself. I finally realized it was/is who I am and since that moment all is well.

Just be gentle with yourself and it all will come together for you.

[elian]

Reminded of some various song lyrics.

"everybody wants you ..." & "anyway the wind blows .." Both come to mind.

This sort of attitude with me seems a bit of a façade. Yes, we technically can love anyone. This does not imply we can love everyone and anyone.

Void honey, I never take the love you share with me for granted but there are many different kinds of love. This world can seem a wicked place, I still get angry, sad, frustrated but love for me is a beacon, a grounding force and a shining light - a reminder that grace is always available. I look for love, in a good friend, in a lover, in art, in music, in natural beauty, in spiritual solace - and I do find that it shelters me from the storm. I have been WITHOUT love in a deep depression and it's just not fun (to put it mildly).

“Where we love is home—home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes

“If love is not present, everything is difficult. Therefore, preserve love, do not lose it...without love, life on earth is hard.” -St. John the Theologian

“Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time.” -Abdu’l-Baha

“The more we are freed by love to be ourselves, the more we are enabled to give our lives away to others. The more we know of life-giving love, the more we find the courage to risk exposing ourselves...as a way of expressing and revealing the Ground of our Being.” -The Rt. Rev. John Shelby Spong

“Love is an outgoing movement, an impulse toward another person, toward an existence separate and distinct from one’s own, toward an end in view, a future.” -Simone de Beauvoir

“You need not think alike to love alike.” -Francis (Ferenc) David

“It is through our most human quality—the ability to love—that we can touch the divine.” -The Rev. William G. “Bill” Sinkford

[bobble]

I think you've gotten very good advice! I'm much older than you (55) and went through the same things you describe. I, too, am a "thinker." You know the old adage, "ignorance is bliss?" The converse is also true. You are aware, for sure, and with that sometimes comes confusion and turmoil, emotionally.

Think it through (pun intended). The guilt, doubt, etc. etc. derives from awareness. Awareness that mainstream might not accept you for who you are. But, the next step is an awareness that the negativity is their issue not yours, unless you let it become yours. Again, I can only say this because I've lived it.

So much of our society's moral outrage is born out of fear and not understanding. Do you want to be a part of that mentality, or apart from it?
I think, in your heart you know the answer.

Other comments were very good. You can explore, and always return to where you started if you don't like where you go. There is no shame if failure, only in not trying. Think of it as a life's journey?

I only hope you can discover what it is you want; much sooner than I did.

The best thing I can tell you is be true to yourself

Aloha,
Bobble

[tsmvb45]

Hello lovelyone80 You just have taken your 1st step into coming to grips of who you are Bi-Sexual, & I can tell you it only gets easer from now on. I agree with all of my Bi-Sexual Brothers & Sisters on this site you will get all the help you can get & more so don't be shy speak up & be heard, & connect to any & all of us. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Take Care Tom