When is it too late to take back a "lie"?

[DuckiesDarling]

Just a hypothetical question. Been discussing some things lately with LDD and ran into a scenario somewhere that had me questioning some things.


This is not a big lie, it's a small one, but one that builds and builds and builds until sooner or later everything is built on this lie and a confession would topple the entire construction like a house of cards.

For example you meet someone you want to impress and you "inflate" your self worth. You are a janitor wearing a suit cause you had court on child support yet you say you are a "teacher" to a hot looking parent in the hopes of a date.

You get the date and find yourself falling head over heels...only problem is will they still love you when they know you lied about something so basic as your actual job? Will they ever be able to fully trust you again? Or was the chance you sought thrown away because you lied just to make yourself look better?

Again, this is not a big lie, just something small that snowballs. So when is it too late? Is it ever too late as long as we are prepared to accept the consequences? Or in the end is everyone living a lie anyway so it doesn't matter?


Again this is hypothetical... take your time and I will enjoy reading the responses.

[void()]

Just a hypothetical question. Been discussing some things lately with LDD and ran into a scenario somewhere that had me questioning some things.


This is not a big lie, it's a small one, but one that builds and builds and builds until sooner or later everything is built on this lie and a confession would topple the entire construction like a house of cards.

For example you meet someone you want to impress and you "inflate" your self worth. You are a janitor wearing a suit cause you had court on child support yet you say you are a "teacher" to a hot looking parent in the hopes of a date.

You get the date and find yourself falling head over heels...only problem is will they still love you when they know you lied about something so basic as your actual job? Will they ever be able to fully trust you again? Or was the chance you sought thrown away because you lied just to make yourself look better?

Again, this is not a big lie, just something small that snowballs. So when is it too late? Is it ever too late as long as we are prepared to accept the consequences? Or in the end is everyone living a lie anyway so it doesn't matter?


Again this is hypothetical... take your time and I will enjoy reading the responses.

I think many live a lie. They do so by accepting the world is all
broken. This is accepted and then they suggest it will magically be
fixed or look better after a rest, relaxation. From my thoughts such
seems the same argument that alcholics use. "I drink to forget a little
while, it'll be better later when I'm sober."

This I think is a good portion of why the world is in a mess. No one
wants to do anything to change it, easier to take a nap. We all should
take a portion of the responsibility, myself included. Then we can
divide up the work. Each little bit accomplished will eventually add up
to larger changes and before you know it, the world changes for the
better.

Some would say though I'm a lost cause, an idealist fool, curmudgeon or
worse. I'm not too bothered by what they say. I know their place, off in
the void of nappers. Let them sleep. I'll be pounding the drums in
another cadence. Because it exists and I hear it.

As for your hypothetical guy. Maybe he should have considered all of
this prior to fibbing. That would require comon sense I guess. And
lately common sense has become about the scarest commidity, out
stripping plantinum I hear. The date can look him up on the Internet,
real easy. How far could such a lie go when information is but a point
and click away?

I lie, but that lying is done in creating stories to entertain. In life,
I'm honest. Lots of people cannot or will not understand a difference,
yet one does exist. I think it's kind of sad commentary you have to even
pose such a querry. But I'm just a know nothing kook.

[lizard-lix]

I guess the simple answer is that it is never too late...

The best answer, after not lying in the first place, is as soon as possible.

I lied a LOT as a kid and it almost always came back to bite me, by getting caught eventually, or the acid guilt that made me run away as not to have to face it.

It is why I told my wife I was bi. It was after we decided to get married, but before the wedding. I couldn't possibly start our marriage with that hanging. I should have told her before she said yes, but at least I told her when she still had a chance to back out if she couldn't deal with it. Luckily she didn't.

This was just an in-context example, but I cold tell several more that were just as important.

My moral of the story was to stop lying, to the total extent I could. I do still lie, but I try to only do so when it is a small courtesy (no, this tastes fine, thanks for making it...).

The snowballs you speak of always end up burying people alive...

Just my $0.02

[mikey3000]

I've learned that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. I was lied to by a couple of people right from the start of relationships, and when I discover the truth, I am always very disappointed with the individual, sometimes beyond repair. I may not be perfect, but I am honest.

[Rhevan]

Very interesting question, I see people lying all the time all around me. Just little things like "check is in the mail" or "no that doesn't make your ass look fat" but I have also seen examples of people trying to impress others and getting out of control. There really should be a right answer as to when is it too late but I don't think there is. I think it varies on individual cases and the individuals themselves. Some are forgiving sorts as long as there is true remorse but others will carry a grudge to the grave and beyond over something others would consider "minor". Personally, I feel that it is not too late as long as you do truly feel regret over the lie but that is my own personal opinion.


Rhevan

[slipnslide]

18 minutes later.

[elian]

It is "too late" to take back a lie when the person you told it to does not want to hear the truth..

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

A lie is a lie, Sweetheart..no matter how big or small. Its an untruth of trust too, for if someone will lie to you, how can you ever trust them?
Just my humble :2cents:
Yer Fave Pussy..:}

[bityme]

Personally, I feel that it is not too late as long as you do truly feel regret over the lie but that is my own personal opinion.

Rhevan

I am not sure that a lie can ever be "taken back." But I do have to agree that as long as you truly feel regret over having lied, it is never to late to express that regret and correct the information.

I have to agree with Cat, also. A lie is a lie no matter how small. But it is usually those "little white lies" that we never regret because of the context in which they are made. It seems that those are usually the one's told to people who are aged, sick, or children. "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!"

Pappy

[falcondfw]

Ditto to what cat and bityme said.
I was in a relationship for four years to someone I loved so intensely, but she could not tell the truth. She would tell a lie and then tell me the truth a week or two later (it was a long distance relationship so communication was not as frequent as in a "dating" relationship). Each time I forgave her and I really did. I forgave and forgot. And then a month later, 2 months, 3 months, the same scenario would repeat itself. Half the time, as soon as she said it, I knew what she was saying was too ridiculous to be the truth.
As much as it hurt me to do it, I finally had to break off the engagement. I have to be able to trust my wife. If she would lie about, oh say ... the weather, what would stop her from lying to me when i really needed her support and needed to hear the truth?
I told her why I was ending the relationship. We are still friends and I really think she learned her lesson. She has not lied to me (that I have caught her at) in a year.

[ohmymy69]

Virtually everyone lies, if you've ever expounded on something you don't fully understand or like the above painted a prettier picture of yourself than reality does, then like the rest of us you have lied.

We lie to ourselves with regularity, from rationalizing behavior we wouldn't agree with in others to painting a false picture of ourselves that we not only accept as truth but we hand out to everyone else as truth.

I suppose there is a line someplace that is not to be crossed but that would be an ever changing landscape depending on the situation/scenario.

A lie that has done any damage is past fixing, so is a lie that has taken on a life of it's own. In fact you can't take any lie back...you can only hide it with more lies or apologize for your behavior and hope for understanding! JMHO

[**Peg**]

I've learned that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. I was lied to by a couple of people right from the start of relationships, and when I discover the truth, I am always very disappointed with the individual, sometimes beyond repair. I may not be perfect, but I am honest.

perfect response mikey.

[darkeyes]

I am not sure that a lie can ever be "taken back."
Pappy

It can't be.. once its out it cant be put back in the box, and we have to either run with it or 'fess up at some stage.. each has risk and each will have consequences... when we first meet people, even when we first get off with people, we have no idea what effect they will have on our lives, and how deeply enmeshed they can become into the fabric of our being... when I first met Kate I told her I was bi and she told me she was str8 and like a dumbo she believed me when I told her she was safe sharing a flat wiith me.. I then spent several months chasing her and trying to seduce her (in the nicest possible way).. the fact that well over 6 years later we are together is testimony to 2 little lies turning into gold. Had I not told that little fib, would she have flat shared? Now there is a question the answer to which would have steered our lives in an entirely different direction.....It could so easily have been otherwise.. and very often is.. like my lie by omission to my ex-husband of my sexuality..

It is best to the truth because lies will usually catch up with us and can ruin everything.. it doesnt always have to be so because some prospective partners are compassionate enough to understand why the lie.. but it is a gamble that we should avoid because for every fib which comes good, there will be dozens more which leave us weeping in the corner..

[elian]

There are certain words, once spoken you can never "take back" - it's one of the harder lessons to learn about life.

I don't think it's an outright lie if that's what you honestly believe or know at the time.

[Emunahd]

Better to not lie in the first place. Too much collateral damage.

[tenni]

Although a lie is a lie, small lies have less negative impact if admitted at some point. Some small lies have no impact even if discovered years later and never admitted. A problem might be is if a lie is seen by the liar as small and seen as significant by the person being lied to. You never know. In the case of the example, a lie about your job will be found out sooner than later. All lies made after to deceive the original lie will increase the damage to any successful resolution of that lie. You can not take the lie back but you may admit that it is a lie.

The real question is what is behind the creation of this thread. :eek::tong:;)

[Long Duck Dong]

Although a lie is a lie, small lies have less negative impact if admitted at some point. Some small lies have no impact even if discovered years later and never admitted. A problem might be is if a lie is seen by the liar as small and seen as significant by the person being lied to. You never know. In the case of the example, a lie about your job will be found out sooner than later. All lies made after to deceive the original lie will increase the damage to any successful resolution of that lie. You can not take the lie back but you may admit that it is a lie.

The real question is what is behind the creation of this thread. :eek::tong:;)

its a hypothetical issue....... about how people may *inflate * themselves so they * look better * to others.....

it arose from a discussion with her about the way that some people will lie about themselves, IE being closeted, in order to *look better * to others.....

[elian]

I don't worry as much as I used to about pleasing other people so I don't tell outright lies anymore, it's a lot easier to just admit the truth and live with it. It's gotten so I'm not very good at lying even if I were to try.

There is only one REAL lie that I still live with, and that's only because I don't want to be condemned by the people that I love the most. If my parents or coworkers were to ask me flat out if I was straight I would tell them a truthful answer - but they never ask and I don't volunteer information.

[*pan*]

hi, you may not like my answer to this topic but here goes. :tong: for me a lie is a lie there are no small lies or big lies, if it is untrue then it is untrue, end of story. life would be a lot simpler if everyone lived and talked in truth. there would be no doubts, no worrys. i have chosen through my path and religion to never lie. as it is written, a witch must be ready to accept the conciquences of their actions and own up to them. maby not in thoes words exactly but thats what it means. to live in truth frees the mind body and soul from worrying about anything said in past. the mind is freeier the body relaxes and the soul is untainted by untruths. the thing about lies is that even what you call a small lie will grow in time because a lie is always supported by another lie and hence you open the genies bottle and let him escape. living without lies to me is more rewarding especialy when one reflects and meditates, doing soul searching so to speak. i feel the better for being truthful, lies can damage friends, family, relationships, jobs , and the list goes on forever. even an omission to gain something can be considered a lie. i dont think a lie can be taken back because the harm is done as soon as it's spoken, wether it be harm to your self,soul,or another. even if retracted the other person will be aware that you lied and therefore always be skepticle when you speak or promise, if you told me something and i found it out to be a lie how could i trust you to speak the truth. so lies are more damageing then most let on because as we all know everyone lies about something or so it is thought. thats why no one believes anyone anymore, the reason for lying and concquences can vary greatly as can the harm done but never the less it is still a lie and untruth. and thats my :2cents: for what it's worth on this topic. :cool: p.s. as far as not being out i wont lie if asked by my family or friends, i may not answer and try to change the subject but will not lie. and by not being out is not lieing. it is using descretion on a need to know bases. there are them that would try to harm or destroy someone and use it against them if they could because society in general still harbors biases and hatetreds. one must also use common sense in situtations and can do it without lieing.

[tenni]

"its a hypothetical issue....... about how people may *inflate * themselves so they * look better * to others.....

it arose from a discussion with her about the way that some people will lie about themselves, IE being closeted, in order to *look better * to others....."

From my perspective, there are two very different issues here.
1/ lie to inflate themselves as to their worth
2/ fail to disclose your sexuality

I don't understand how not disclosing your sexuality to every person is in the same situation as lying to present yourself as better or inflating your value.

They are just completely different matters imo. I don't go around telling everyone when (and details of) I had my last bowel movement either. Am I lying?

I am inclined to agree to some extent with Elian about sexuality disclosure but I still do not tell everyone. I would think that if a casual acquaintance ask you about your sexuality, it might be wise to ask if they want to have sex with you first?...lol You would have that right to ask their reasons for being so invasive into your sex life. Why should you any more than you disclose details about your last bowel movement? If having your bowel movement impacts another person's life maybe but otherwise myob.

I think that the basic premise may not be clear in my mind. To fail to disclose your sexuality to everyone is equivalent to trying to "pass for white" seems to be the accusation. My position is that its only connection is to avoid discrimination and even physical danger in some places. Unless the person wants to have sex with you and they ask you your sexuality, tell them that it is none of their business. The same would apply to people asking someone if they are of a certain religion so that they may discriminate against them.

This is a delicate matter and should be left up to individuals. Those that believe by disclosing their sexuality or religion ( Islam) that they may "educate" the ignorant may do so. Those that see it as a personal and private matter should not be labelled a "liar" if they do not tell everyone (even those who do not ask).

[elian]

I appreciate you trying to stand up for us closeted folks tenni.

Maybe you are right, not telling people outright about your sexuality isn't exactly a lie but I still FEEL afraid to tell people about my sexuality the same way I felt afraid that they would figure out if I wasn't telling the truth. ..and it still emotionally hurts not being able to be honest with people that I otherwise love very much.

[tenni]

I appreciate you trying to stand up for us closeted folks tenni.

Maybe you are right, not telling people outright about your sexuality isn't exactly a lie but I still FEEL afraid to tell people about my sexuality the same way I felt afraid that they would figure out if I wasn't telling the truth. ..and it still emotionally hurts not being able to be honest with people that I otherwise love very much.

Elian
If you feel shame about your sexuality that is a different matter than stating that your sexuality is your business and those that you chose to have sex with. You may be dealing with other issues about self identity. If you want to share your sexuality with people you love and fear their reaction that is a matter to be dealt with. If you feel that you will experience rejection and discrimination, it is a matter of weighing your desire to be connected with these people who will not accept you if they knew your sexuality. I have only sympathy and empathy for you.

If I know that I will experience a job loss or harassment, I don't think that it is lying as much as self preservation for me not to disclose my sexuality to others who I have no intention of having sex with. A friend of mine(sexual friend) is so fearful of persecution at work and loss of his job if it was ever known that he had sex with men. No one has asked him if he is having sex with men and he doesn't want anyone to even suspect. He has not lied. He is using self preservation strategies in part because he has financial obligations beyond himself that he needs this job and due to age whatever fears that he won't be able to get another job in his small community. It is none of his work mates business. Their bigotry is what is shameful. The fact that it exists today in a society with same sex marriage is so very sad if not tragic.

I don't feel that I need to tell my family my sexuality. One sister knows and that is where it is. I think that it is a matter of evolving for all of us. Those that feel the need to make a public statement as part of their identity is one matter.

What concerns me is that those who believe that not disclosing that we are somehow lying and should feel shame. I don't see that as a positive step forward. It is a matter of perpetuating shame and stating that if we don't disclose our sexuality we are lying. Not so in my opinion. Even in from what I understand Elian's position of shame I don't think that we should add to any feeling of guilt and call him a liar. Unless there is a reason for you to disclose your sexuality, it is myob time. If you wanted to live with a man in a sexual relationship it may be easier to disclose your sexuality than build on deception that you are merely room mates. If you see a need to disclose your sexuality, then do so. If you don't and someone invades your privacy by asking you your sexuality. Give them a shock and ask them if they want to have sex with you. That usually shuts them up...lol

[BiDaveDtown]

I don't worry as much as I used to about pleasing other people so I don't tell outright lies anymore, it's a lot easier to just admit the truth and live with it. It's gotten so I'm not very good at lying even if I were to try.

There is only one REAL lie that I still live with, and that's only because I don't want to be condemned by the people that I love the most. If my parents or coworkers were to ask me flat out if I was straight I would tell them a truthful answer - but they never ask and I don't volunteer information.

Stop living a lie, being closeted, and come out.

I am a lot older than you are and I have been out as bisexual since I was a teenager to my friends and family, and all the people who I've been involved with.

If someone like me can do it and has done it for decades, you most certainly can as well.

[Katja]

Elian
If you feel shame about your sexuality that is a different matter than stating that your sexuality is your business and those that you chose to have sex with. You may be dealing with other issues about self identity. If you want to share your sexuality with people you love and fear their reaction that is a matter to be dealt with. If you feel that you will experience rejection and discrimination, it is a matter of weighing your desire to be connected with these people who will not accept you if they knew your sexuality. I have only sympathy and empathy for you.

If I know that I will experience a job loss or harassment, I don't think that it is lying as much as self preservation for me not to disclose my sexuality to others who I have no intention of having sex with. A friend of mine(sexual friend) is so fearful of persecution at work and loss of his job if it was ever known that he had sex with men. No one has asked him if he is having sex with men and he doesn't want anyone to even suspect. He has not lied. He is using self preservation strategies in part because he has financial obligations beyond himself that he needs this job and due to age whatever fears that he won't be able to get another job in his small community. It is none of his work mates business. Their bigotry is what is shameful. The fact that it exists today in a society with same sex marriage is so very sad if not tragic.

I don't feel that I need to tell my family my sexuality. One sister knows and that is where it is. I think that it is a matter of evolving for all of us. Those that feel the need to make a public statement as part of their identity is one matter.

What concerns me is that those who believe that not disclosing that we are somehow lying and should feel shame. I don't see that as a positive step forward. It is a matter of perpetuating shame and stating that if we don't disclose our sexuality we are lying. Not so in my opinion. Even in from what I understand Elian's position of shame I don't think that we should add to any feeling of guilt and call him a liar.

I do not think there is a need to call Elian a liar. From what he has said he believes it himself. As with anyone who is outed, should he ever be exposed to others, those who suddenly knew the truth of him would indeed believe him to have lied to them. The question of whether omission of the truth is a lie is a very old argument and there is a saying when people hold back the truth that one has 'lied by omission'.

In many instances outing one's self is both a brave and often successful resolution and this obtains the respect of those around. Many people understand why such a secret is kept, and are delighted when they are informed of the truth and no condemnation is forthcoming, but gladness that a person can finally be him or herself, but equally we all know there will be many critics and detractors, and many of those detractors have much sway and even power over that person's life.

Tenni, I agree with much of what you say, but when keeping a secret such as one's sexuality, the fear of exposure is because we wish to be considered in a better light in the eyes of another or others. Even when a bisexual, gay or lesbian person does lie and informs the world of his or her 'heterosexuality', and many do knowing themselves to be such, this is as much to do with being well considered by family, friends, business associates and workmate's as fear of exposure.

Similarly, many bisexual people have denied their sexuality upon falling in love or even just to get laid. To a heterosexual lover they are straight, to one who is gay or lesbian, they are gay or lesbian. This also is not lying by ommission, but openly lying to be thought of as better and more acceptable to a potential and actual lover, partner, husband or wife.

These examples without doubt meet with the the criterion LDD has laid out. They wish to be considered better and acceptable. The fact that fear and self preservation is much in play does not alter that fact. The reason is immaterial, but for reasons we all know and understand very well, for a gay, lesbian or bisexual person to behave as I have outlined have lied either by omission or by open statement.

However, as you quite rightly state, the lie or lies are for reasons of self preservation, but not only that, but also for reasons of self aggrandisement or ambition; even naked ambition. I for one would find it very difficult to speak one word of criticism.

[DuckiesDarling]

This is getting amusing, no where was this thread about sexuality. It was about a discussion I had over a lot of different issues and chose to pose the query here. In my opinion lying about your sexuality is a big lie but it's one that only the people involved in the situation can make a choice about.


This is more about someone who says they are something they aren't just to make themselves look better to a potential partner or even fuckbuddy. Think in terms of taking your friends kid to a walk in the park and pretending to be a daddy to get attention of females or taking your friends dog to a park and pretending to be a pet owner for attention. Same diff in my book. You still say you are something you aren't and this was hypothetical... HYPOTHETICAL (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypothetical).

[Gearbox]

I was wondering how many posts it would take before someone reckoned that being closeted is homophobic/biphobic.:bigrin:

Well I were pretending to be the owner of a dog in the park just so I'd pull, I'd probably fess up 2mins after due to my face giving me away. I'm the crappest actor on the planet, and I DO include John Claud Van dam in that!:rolleyes:

If I did get away with it (she might be blond!lol) I'd be found out eventually anyway, so I don't bother starting it.
* JOKE about the blonds!! JUST a joke ok?!:tongue:

[Long Duck Dong]

when cin and I were talking about lying and cheating in relationships, she asked if I would lie about things and I said yes, aspects of my military part are not something I can talk about, cos of confidentiality agreements ..and the same with my counselling and therapy work.....

I did explain that if I was asked a question about somebody, instead of saying that I was not at liberty to say, I would say that I have no idea about the person.... and yes that would be a lie, but even the fact that they have needed counselling and therapy work, is not something that I would reveal....

issues like discrimination on the grounds of sexuality, would not affect me in NZ, so telling cin that I was bisexual with a asexual nature, was not a issue.... even if it meant that cin would say that she was not interested in getting to know me better.......

I would rather be honest with my partner than live a lie with them, even if it cost me a relationship.....

I do respect the fact that in other countries, there are different laws that affect people in different ways...... so cin posed the question from another point of view that we talked about, would I lie about my criminal history, and my answer was no..... I am not proud of my past, but nor will I hide it... as it would surface faster than a morning hard on hidden by sheets......and that because the basis for the question in this thread.....

the fact that most people replied from a point of view of sexuality, gives the impression that the area that people are most likely to be honest or dishonest about, is sexuality....... so yeah it has been interesting to read the responses....

[tenni]

"However, as you quite rightly state, the lie or lies are for reasons of self preservation, but not only that, but also for reasons of self aggrandisement or ambition; even naked ambition. I for one would find it very difficult to speak one word of criticism."

Forgive me Elian and Katja if you think that I am calling Elian a liar. I'm not. You do not need to disclose your sexuality in a free society. It is no one's business is my position. You are not a liar if you do not go around broadcasting your sexuality. Heteros do not. Guilt by association shouldn't work in society. Neither should you be told that you are lying if you don't broadcast that you are bisexual.

I do not disclose my sexuality to every Tom's dick and Mary because it is none of their business in a free society what my sexuality is.

It just is not a positive approach imo to think of those who chose not to go around screaming I'm "bisexual" are liars. Its bad karma that should come back and bite the arse of those who promote such an approach. :eek::bigrin::tong:

There is or should be room for both approaches to how to live as a bisexual.

Gear
Those that think that it is biphobic may want to hand in their bisexual card if they think that there is only one way to live as a bisexual...lol

[elian]

Forgive me Elian and Katja if you think that I am calling Elian a liar. I'm

No worries tenni, I got your point about not having to announce what "sex" you are, I am not offended - only sad that I haven't yet come out..I was pretty much on the verge of it a few months ago. What I need to do is not focus on the labels and just live life. Been sort of a strange day, I've watched too much "gangland marathon" on Spike TV and filled my brain with a very distorted and depressed view of the world..I get a little emotional around this time of year, sorry.

Every time DD brings us back to the focus of this thread I can't help but imagine a peacock strutting around with its feathers held high. I have to imagine that humans do a little of that too.. Is it really lying if the other person WANTS to be seduced? Hmm...

[Katja]

This is getting amusing, no where was this thread about sexuality. It was about a discussion I had over a lot of different issues and chose to pose the query here. In my opinion lying about your sexuality is a big lie but it's one that only the people involved in the situation can make a choice about.


This is more about someone who says they are something they aren't just to make themselves look better to a potential partner or even fuckbuddy. Think in terms of taking your friends kid to a walk in the park and pretending to be a daddy to get attention of females or taking your friends dog to a park and pretending to be a pet owner for attention. Same diff in my book. You still say you are something you aren't and this was hypothetical... HYPOTHETICAL (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypothetical).

My response to Tenni was on the points he raised, but they are equally relevant to your more general question.

To respond to a point LDD made regarding his personal history, some people will hide and lie about their criminal past as well as they can to make a better impression on others. Some will also lie about their state of physical or mental health to make themselves more employable or a more fit partner for another.

Those who make themselves out to be what they are not in respect of occupation are little different in that they say they are something which is untrue. These are probably more common claims made to make a good impression.

To claim one is a professional person when one is actually something much more mundane occurs often enough, but as has been pointed out, on first meeting, no one knows how involved in our lives another person will become. The more closely we become involved the greater likelihood of the initial lie and subsequent lies being exposed.

Make no mistake, if a relationship develops even into simple friendship, the initial lie will produce a need for further untruths. Ultimately, it will be a very understanding or gullible person who will retain trust once the lies have been brought to light and should it not be by the liar owning up, it will be a much more difficult thing to retain any trust or respect from the person who was in receipt of those untruths.

It is therefore in everyone's best interests to be as truthful as we know how to be on first meeting another person, because we do not know the future and what part they will play in our lives. Even from the briefest encounter, should the lie told be exposed, ignorance of the true nature of the person lied to can produce very unpredictable and sometimes even tragic results.

Also, we must always remember a lie told to one person may by it's exposure lose their trust and respect, but it may also have consequences which go far beyond that one relationship and destroy other very precious friendships. It may even cost the livelihood of the person who has told the lie and potentially even that of the person who was lied to as other lies may be necessary for the self preservation of the liar or even as I have seen occasionally, the injured party taking revenge by spreading lies themselves, or whereby denying the telling of a lie once exposed creates division among friends thus humiliating and further inflicting damage and pain on to the person to whom the first lie had been told.

No one can tell what the consequences will eventually be for the littlest of lies and no one should even risk those consequences.

[elian]

My main experience with lying was basically lying to please other people and frankly, I may choose my words carefully but I try my darnedest not to lie anymore...it's a lot easier to tell the truth. All people make mistakes, the only true SHAME of making a mistake is if you don't learn from it..lie, try to cover it up..(like most career politicians)

Like I said, the only thing I would caution against is that you can only tell the "truth" as you know it - what you think you know may turn out to be untrue.