I miss being bisexual

[xtopherix]

I'm in a very committed relationship with a girl I've been seeing for the last six years. She's probably the best thing that ever happened to me, but the longer I've been in an exclusively heterosexual relationship, the longer I feel like my identity as a bisexual is slipping away. I get these longings for emotional and even sexual connections to other males but I'm a faithful guy and I'd never act on these desires. It just hurts that I miss being the person I was when I was "available" and able to have fun with a variety of people. I know there's a distinct difference between the way I act with my girlfriend and the way I've acted when I know I can be openly bi. Sometimes I wish I could have that other part of my personality back. Any advice?

[lizard-lix]

Well I have been in love and married for 32 years monogamously and about 2 years ago I came back out to my wife (I'd come out before we got married, but having been monogamous so long, it kinda faded in her mind).

I also missed having bi experiences, from flirting to fucking.. and just being dis-oriented.

Also, I guess hitting my 50's gave me that soon or never feeling and I didn't want never.

Happily, she has been OK with my identity shift.

So we've been discussing it and and working at it (expanding our sex life, trying some light BDSM, toys and going to a swinger's club) it looks like she is not interested in playing with others, but we are working on letting me out to play.

Talk to her, be loving and open... It is the rest of your one and only life you are talking about..

Liz

[void()]

"Any advice to sooth an old wound?"

Do feel your need. It can be difficult at times.

Wanted to address your line above. You've chosen the path you're on. No one has wounded you, unless you feel you wound yourself.

Open and honest communication may be effective. Be honest with your partner and yourself. You may need to part ways and find another.

Of course, your partner may surprise you and accept your bisexuality. They may even encourage the expression of it, i.e. you can fill the need. Never know until you communicate.

Please though, do yourself and others a favor. Don't continue thinking of yourself as wounded. Thinking like that can lead to further agony and separation.

Hope these words bring help. If not ignore them as no harm is meant. You sought advice, I offered.

[xtopherix]

You're right, of course. That was a poor way to phrase it. I don't feel wounded per se, I just feel like there's something missing.


"Any advice to sooth an old wound?"

Do feel your need. It can be difficult at times.

Wanted to address your line above. You've chosen the path you're on. No one has wounded you, unless you feel you wound yourself.

Open and honest communication may be effective. Be honest with your partner and yourself. You may need to part ways and find another.

Of course, your partner may surprise you and accept your bisexuality. They may even encourage the expression of it, i.e. you can fill the need. Never know until you communicate.

Please though, do yourself and others a favor. Don't continue thinking of yourself as wounded. Thinking like that can lead to further agony and separation.

Hope these words bring help. If not ignore them as no harm is meant. You sought advice, I offered.

[Cathy38c]

If she cannot accept me for what I am - bisexual/ lingerie fetish - then she is not right for me.

[newporter4u]

You say you were openly bi so did she know about it before you two became serious and in a committed relationship? If she didn't it might be tougher to bring it up in conversation but either way if you feel you are losing your identity then you probably need to have that chat real soon.

[The Bisexual Virgin]

"Any advice to sooth an old wound?"

Do feel your need. It can be difficult at times.

Wanted to address your line above. You've chosen the path you're on. No one has wounded you, unless you feel you wound yourself.

Open and honest communication may be effective. Be honest with your partner and yourself. You may need to part ways and find another.

Of course, your partner may surprise you and accept your bisexuality. They may even encourage the expression of it, i.e. you can fill the need. Never know until you communicate.

Please though, do yourself and others a favor. Don't continue thinking of yourself as wounded. Thinking like that can lead to further agony and separation.

Hope these words bring help. If not ignore them as no harm is meant. You sought advice, I offered.

Yeah I agree with Void Dweller. If these feelings are so strong, and your wife cannot fix it, or you rather wants to be with a man maybe you should get a DIVORCE, and part ways. Why put her through all that drama?:cool::2cents:

[bityme]

I'm in a very committed relationship with a girl I've been seeing for the last six years. She's probably the best thing that ever happened to me, but the longer I've been in an exclusively heterosexual relationship, the longer I feel like my identity as a bisexual is slipping away. I get these longings for emotional and even sexual connections to other males but I'm a faithful guy and I'd never act on these desires. It just hurts that I miss being the person I was when I was "available" and able to have fun with a variety of people. I know there's a distinct difference between the way I act with my girlfriend and the way I've acted when I know I can be openly bi. Sometimes I wish I could have that other part of my personality back. Any advice?

You say you are in a committed relationship rather than a marriage. Does that mean that you specifically agreed to enter into an exclusive heterosexual relationship and forego your bisexual desires with her knowing you were bi?

If she doesn't know you are bisexual, this may be the time to bring it out into the open with her before you commit yourself further. You say that it "hurts that I miss being the person I was." That certainly is a sign of growing discontent with your present relationship. If your urges are getting stronger, it is likely that at some point you will start to reconsider your "faithfulness." That might not have a desirable result.

Open communication may allow you to have a dialogue about your feelings and hers, giving you the opportunity to work out a solution. If you can't work it out, you'll have to give some serious thought about how things will progress if you continue to suppress your desires. Since you feel she is "the best thing that ever happened" to you, being open and honest with her is the best chance for the future.

Pappy

[cuttin2dachase]

I became bi later in life, as a result of swinging in mfm 3somes with my 1st wife. She enjoyed having 2 men to herself and being the center of attention. She would often tell me as were were making passionate love alone that she would love to see me try foreplay-type oral sex with men as part of our 3some activity/ies. I had macho/hetero misgivings about it, but decided I would try it to please her. Short story long..I liked it ! Very strangely erotic and exciting it was to have a masculine man go down on me and vice versa, as my hot wife watched and masturbated with all of us knowing she was about to be ravaged by two extremely turned on men (and she would ravage us as well) ! I became very comfy with it and began to be curious about 1 on 1 sex with men without her present. It happened one night after a particularly hot 3some with her and a bi married man we'd met once before. She fell asleep, buzzed on wine and completely satisfied and he and I ended up in the den making small talk and I acted on my curiosity. We made out for a while, became extremely turned on (and hard) again, then 69'ed to mutual orgasms and it was mindblowing! From that night on I knew I was more than bi-curious, but it was the only time I was with a man alone until after wife and I legally separated.

In the interim between meeting my 2nd wife, I sought and met bi married men and bi couples almost exclusively and enjoyed the fun times I had immensely. 2nd wife was quite str8 and closed-minded to any sort of non-hetero, non-monogamous ideas. Despite this, she satisfied me sexually because she loved and preferred oral sex to intercourse. I stayed physically faithful to her and did not seek nor meet other men, however I did frequently fantasize about mm oral sex and secretly visited mm chat rooms online. I did not risk either of my marriages by acting alone on my naughty, secret mm desires and YES I DID MISS IT TOO !

Now I am separated and divorcing again and back to indulging my mm desires with bi married men and couples and enjoying it immensely again. I would hope to meet a woman who understands, supports and even shares my oral cocklust and desire for other men so that I would never have to miss it again ! The odds are against it and if the opposite is the case (ie, she's str8 and traditional), I will give it up, be faithful and miss it again !

[ErosUrge]

I'm in a very committed relationship with a girl I've been seeing for the last six years. She's probably the best thing that ever happened to me, but the longer I've been in an exclusively heterosexual relationship, the longer I feel like my identity as a bisexual is slipping away. I get these longings for emotional and even sexual connections to other males but I'm a faithful guy and I'd never act on these desires. It just hurts that I miss being the person I was when I was "available" and able to have fun with a variety of people. I know there's a distinct difference between the way I act with my girlfriend and the way I've acted when I know I can be openly bi. Sometimes I wish I could have that other part of my personality back. Any advice?

I can relate to this very well. Before getting married the second time, I told my then to be wife that I had been sexual with men and she was fine with that. At that time I thought I was done with wanting sex with men anymore because I was so in love with her. And as far as she was concerned and knew that was the end of the story concerning that.
But it was not to be because after getting married the urges and desire returned multiplied and I wanted sex with men more than ever. So, I acted out on those urges while keeping it secret. This made me absolutely miserable because of the double life. I hated myself for it and considered my urges for the same sex a curse. And at that time and before marrying her I had already been having issues with being interested in sex with men. There was no way I was going to admit to myself that I was bi and kept fighting it. Every time I had sex with a male whether I was with someone or not, I felt terrible about it because I wanted to be heterosexual.
After almost 3 years of marriage, things were not working out. And though she never knew I'd been acting out on my urges with men, it was the very thing that caused the marriage to collapse. Not the urges to be with men, but the secrecy. After we were divorced, I went through a great transformation in the years that followed finally coming to terms 10 years later and accepting my sexuality. Since then, I have lived openly and honestly about it and have told the women I've been interested in that I am bi and must be allowed to be sexual with men. No takers so far except for one. But she and I have decided not to get seriously involved. We're good friends and enjoy sex with one another. And since I am honest and open about it, I am at peace and enjoying my sex life more than ever before.
In time I trust that such a woman and I will cross paths as I know many couples now who have this kind of relationship with one another and have been together for years.
I know how you feel and wish you the best. Keeping your sexual urges and feelings secret is very painful.

[redngoldpride]

you are in a really tough spot, just remember you only have one life and you owe it to yourself to be honest and true to yourself, i guess thats why i have never married when i was 16yo i had a gf who's brother was a gay crossdresser and my first experience was incredible and memorable and it had a hand in shaping who i would become sexually it also started me in the swinging lifestyle,i have never looked back with any regrets and would not change what has been a very fullfilling sex life. so just be true to yourself don't settle for less than you deserve or want