Advice for single guys

[SoFlaPolyCouple]

I've been thinking about posting something like this for awhile, and finally have the time and energy to do so.
I'd like to premise this post by saying we've only had a couple of responses to our ad on this web site that could be filed under 'total waste of time.' Most of the correspondences we've received here have been thoughtful, polite and encouraging.
Over the past 4 years we have placed personal ads on CL and a number of adult dating sites, swingers sites, etc. Some we paid for, some were free. (none as worthy of your time as this site, in our opinion) So here's a few tips from a couple to you single guys intent on answering adult personal ads.
1. READ the ad in its entirety. You wouldn't believe how many guys read just the headline and then 'click' reply! People can tell when you haven't read the ad, just like your English teacher in High School could tell you didn't read the assigned book, only it's cover. FAIL.
2. LEARN etiquette. This may come as a surprise to some, but in the 'swinger's' world there is etiquette for single guys. It's true. Learn it. Follow it. While we don't consider ourselves swingers anymore, many couples do, and they will expect you to conduct yourself in a certain way. For example, if you are responding to a couple's ad, send a photo of yourself. Even if they don't have one posted. The 'burden of proof' is on the single guy, not on the couple posting the ad.
3. FOLLOW the rules. SEE 'LEARN etiquette'. The couple sets the rules, you follow. It's a matter of respect not obedience.
4. DON'T waste their time. Do you have any idea how many responses to personal ads a couple seeking a single male get? Depending on where the ad is placed it can be dozens. There may not be time to sort through them all, give an appropriate response, verify, set up a meeting, etc. So, if you're serious...
5. DON'T be lazy. Take a little time and expend a little effort in formulating and intelligent, thoughtful response to their ad. Remember, the couple has probably received dozens of responses, take a little time and post a reply that makes yours stand out from the rest. Witty is always good. It's amazing how many men fail to do this. We've actually had men email us 1 word responses. Like, "Interested", or "Hello", or my personal favorite, "S'up?"
6. DON'T be rude. The only thing worse than getting a lazy, one word response is getting a lazy, one word response with a cock pic. We know what cocks look like. What we don't know is what YOU look like. Be polite and send a face picture.
7. BE truthful. If there is a legitimate reason you cannot send a face picture, like you're a married congressman, then say so. If you're bi-say so. If you're straight-say so. The very first guy we met answered our ad for a bisexual male. It turned out he was actually gay wanting to have sex with husband only. Not long after that experience we met with another guy, who turned out to be straight only wanting to have sex with wife. This will not do. You don't have to share everything about yourself, but what you do share should be the truth.
We hope that helps and if you're fortunate enough to meet the couple of your dreams, there's a whole other list of 'etiquette' you should follow, but we'll leave that to you to discover.

[welickit]

Good idea for a post even though it has been run before. We would add..........don't try to rush into anything. We recently got an email from a local member (single male, recently divorced according to him). He expected to say hello in an email today and jump in bed for sex tonight. Single or not so single guys seem to be in a hurry. Most of them ignore any advise offered bi a couple and just push on in their search. It makes them easy to weed out but they could be having much more fun if they just took the time. :2cents:

[ErosUrge]

All that you point out is so true and I respect your comments very much. But being a single bi male, I have done exactly what you recommend many different times. With that said, I've had limited success. Now I'm not just saying that I've done as you recommend; I actually have.

It has to be pointed out too that there are couples out there that for whatever reason still don't respond regardless of how considerate one is to their wishes. And I realize also that there is chemistry necessary and that there has to be a mutual interest for all involved for something to take place. I don't rush and have never insisted that someone do so. But when months go by and you get a message saying "we're still interested, etc", you begin to wonder. Of course things come up; they do for me also. But I had several couples send messages over the course of a year saying they're still interested and not responding to anything I sent but to let me know they were still there and interested. Though it might be their perogative as to when, after months or a year one just doesn't take it seriously anymore. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I have never been high pressure or demanded ever. Etiquette requires all parties taking responsibility for their words and actions.

Often I have had couples tell me how interested they are and then stop communicating altogether. It's okay that they might have changed their mind after expressing they were interested. But the courtesy of at least saying so is part of being responsible enough to inform the person they've changed their mind. I have indeed been able to get together with certain couples and enjoyed myself as they did. One particular couple I use to get together with on a regular basis until they moved 200 miles away.

It's a two way street and there has to be balance. Though a couple expects certain qualities in a person when they post an ad, it can't all be about just want they want. And this is something I have seen happen too often. There has to be equal give and take in any situation with anyone. Just because a couple desires a certain person/situation, there has to be a willingness to be open and an attempt to understand what the potential playmate/lover wants too.

I have had situations with people take place from having no expectations as to how things would be and simply let the moments unfold. And because of that, there have been very mutually satisfying experiences.

All in all, it takes effort from everyone. I mean no disrespect to what you recommend; not at all as I am fully aware of the types of characters you describe as I too have encountered them myself as a single bi male with a single bi male. I am speaking for those of us who have most definitely observed and carried out what you recommend and been ignored just the same. And to add to this though it might sound egotistical, it surely isn't because of my physique as I am fit nor am I rude ever....
I wanted to respond to this for those of us who ARE considerate. It's not so black and white.

[want2havefun]

It has to be pointed out too that there are couples out there that for whatever reason still don't respond regardless of how considerate one is to their wishes.

It's a two way street and there has to be balance. Though a couple expects certain qualities in a person when they post an ad, it can't all be about just want they want. And this is something I have seen happen too often. There has to be equal give and take in any situation with anyone.

All in all, it takes effort from everyone.

All of this^^^
Many times couples act as though they are above the same etiquette they require. They put most the responsibility on the male while they themselves issue short, demanding, or rude replies if ANY at all. I often see unreasonable or superficial demands rather than just interest meeting someone they click with and may actually enjoy knowing should they give it a chance. It would seem if its a couple or woman and there is a vagina present than others (those with a penis) are expected to clamor and beg for attention rather than be on equal terms.

All in all these roads run BOTH directions.

[ErosUrge]

All of this^^^
Many times couples act as though they are above the same etiquette they require. They put most the responsibility on the male while they themselves issue short, demanding, or rude replies if ANY at all. I often see unreasonable or superficial demands rather than just interest meeting someone they click with and may actually enjoy knowing should they give it a chance. It would seem if its a couple or woman and there is a vagina present than others (those with a penis) are expected to clamor and beg for attention rather than be on equal terms.

All in all these roads run BOTH directions.

Kudos for your comments; indeed so true.

[shaver6]

I agree with ErosUrge completely. This is what my experience has been: When I answer a personal ad from a couple, I look to see what type of guy they are looking for, as far as age, race, body type..cock size, cut or uncut, and the type of sexual activities they are looking for. I'm a white male in my 60's...average cock, 6 inches cut and I'm interested in most of the usual sexual activities.

Therefore, if the couple is looking for a guy 20 to 30 years old...or a Latino, or a guy with 8 inches or longer or into more bizarre sex practices....I DON"T answer their ad. Why waste my time and their's

On the other hand, I will answer a couple's ad, and if I fit all the requirements they are looking for...the right age, race, cock size..and sexual interests. I answer the ad, following all the etiquette that SoFlaPolyCouple suggested.
Then I wait...and I never get a reply from them. It would be nice if they just sent back a quick message that said: "we are not a good match because."...and then tell me where I failed to measure up. Even if they just said...."we are not a good match".... that would be satisfactory.

So I'm left to wonder....."Whats wrong with me"? or are these couples just very picky?

Once in awhile I will get a message, saying that they are NOT looking for a single male at this time, but they will get back to me, when they are...I never hold my breath waiting for them to write back.

In general...its seems like single males are sort of the unwanted step-child when it comes to group sex. If you want to have bisexual activities with a group, then you better find a female partner, to have any kind of a chance.
Either that, or stick with your own sex, and avoid all the drama.

[Spaka69]

I've been on both sides of the fence on this issue. As a couple we got dozens of messages from rude obnoxious trolls with no manners. Really got tired of reading "I'm going to fuck your wife as you watch" or "I'm going to give your girl a good cream pie" simply amazing. Or the guy has a banging body and cock but his grill is all smashed, the attraction has to be there. As a couple sending the rejection email is hard even though your sitting behind a bullet proof computer screen, but it has to be done.
As a single guy sending pm's to couples with all the bells and whistles and not even getting a "not interested" is just lazy on behalf of the couple. We got literately 20/30 emails a day (on AFF) and still had the time to read and respond to all of them, so the argument of not having time to respond is BS. There is a responsibility on both parties to act appropriately when looking for sex even if you have to write the hard reply.

[CuriousInChicago]

All of this^^^
Many times couples act as though they are above the same etiquette they require. They put most the responsibility on the male while they themselves issue short, demanding, or rude replies if ANY at all. I often see unreasonable or superficial demands rather than just interest meeting someone they click with and may actually enjoy knowing should they give it a chance. It would seem if its a couple or woman and there is a vagina present than others (those with a penis) are expected to clamor and beg for attention rather than be on equal terms.

All in all these roads run BOTH directions.

i concur.

[want2havefun]

One thing I frequently see from couples seeking playmates is that they get all judgmental, uppity, demanding, and careful about playing with a male who may have a wife or GF, pontificating about potential 'infidelity' blah blah blah.....yet the same have no such scruples or requirements if its a potential female playmate. Their 'morality requirements' only extend to one gender which is ridiculously laughable.

In other words...
Possibly someones wife/GF? Bring it on! We love the pussy! We dont want to know about your personal life, we dont care about your moral choices or why you play, we just want a horny woman and some pussy! And now!
Possibly someones hubby/BF? You are likely a dirty cheating bastard!! We demand proof that you are single, or allowed to play, etc etc and even then you are probably a liar so just show up with a wife/GF if you want to play.

Basically the whole balance is thrown off by the fact that in this world there are far more men interested in sexual play than women. This unequal environment leads couples to think that they are free to make all manner of demands upon potential male suitors. These demands often go beyond the ridiculous 'moral requirements' into specific cock length and circumference, hair type, eye color, height, etc etc etc and all manner of ridiculous superficial areas. I have seen tons of such requirements.

Obviously there are obnoxious jackass males out there and I dont blame any couple for eliminating them immediately. But one not need to enforce a host of stupid requirements to accomplish that.

From my point of view, if a couple truly wants a really nice compatible guy to play with they should drop all their bullshit requirements, and just demand reasonable respect first...and try to determine a good match from more important characteristics, and leave their pontificating at home.

[swmnkdinthervr]

We both feel this is a cultural thing, we find that more and more people are rude, self centered or selfish in the way they treat others. We have a fairly complete profile explaining our interests along with several photos for people to respond to. We have only received less than a handful of polite inquiries/responses in the time (a couple of years now) we've been here. We find this pattern to be reflected in the other sites we belong to also. The part of this site that excels is the message boards!!!

We answer absolutely everyone that writes us, always answering politely even if were not interested. A fair percentage of the time we are interested and politely say so.

We have also written quite a few people, (more than 50-60) again all politely asking them to view our profile, explaining similar interests etc.

To date...at or fewer than than 10% have ever returned our responses even to so much as say "sorry, not interested" they just stop writing seemingly falling off the face of the earth. Of that 10% at least half were nasty responses to our "sorry not interested" (we also wish everyone luck in their search) and of the other 5% most had never read our profile, live a couple hundred miles away and aren't looking for the same thing we are!

You advice is most welcome!!!

[want2havefun]

We both feel this is a cultural thing, we find that more and more people are rude, self centered or selfish in the way they treat others.

I quite agree. A self centered attitude pervades society these days.

As for your ad, it seems fairly polite and clear to me, and doesnt contain the aforementioned 'bullshit requirements' or 'pontification'. I think that polite people actually do sometimes find it hard to find others on forums cut from the same cloth to play with. Also, it far too frequently seems that when we do find them they live too far away. :)

[fubar13]

A reply of any kind would be nice instead of just ignoring the person who took time to write you. That is assuming you meet their criteria, tho i see a lot of couples/singles don't put on their ad as to what they're looking for so it's left to chance if they're a match or not. Anyway, unless they are an out & out troll, or obviously have not read the ad then courtesy would dictate a reply even if to say no thank you...

[SoFlaPolyCouple]

It's been good, and educational, to read some of the posts from all the single guys out there. I appreciate all the feedback, especially regarding the number of experiences you've all had with 'asshole' couples. I wasn't aware the problem was as much a two way street as it obviously is.

[SoFlaPolyCouple]

A reply of any kind would be nice instead of just ignoring the person who took time to write you. That is assuming you meet their criteria, tho i see a lot of couples/singles don't put on their ad as to what they're looking for so it's left to chance if they're a match or not. Anyway, unless they are an out & out troll, or obviously have not read the ad then courtesy would dictate a reply even if to say no thank you...

We agree with you, with one exception: CraigsList. We posted our first personal as on CL a few years ago and continue to post there from time to time. We quickly learned that there are people out there collecting email addresses and the most efficient way for them to do this is to give quick responses to ads on CL. We used to respond to EVERY email we received. No more. We've had to change email addresses four times in the last three years due to the spam.
Now, if we place an ad on CL we completely ignore every response that does not meet the majority of the criteria mentioned in our 'Advice for single guys'. Does that mean there are some really great guys out there whose message gets tossed in the trash without a second thought? Absolutely! What should this really great guy do to avoid such a fate? Read our 'Advice for single guys'. It wasn't written for the fakes and flakes and time wasters, it was written to help all the really great guys out there find what they're looking for.

[CuriousInChicago]

We agree with you, with one exception: CraigsList. We posted our first personal as on CL a few years ago and continue to post there from time to time. We quickly learned that there are people out there collecting email addresses and the most efficient way for them to do this is to give quick responses to ads on CL. We used to respond to EVERY email we received. No more. We've had to change email addresses four times in the last three years due to the spam.
Now, if we place an ad on CL we completely ignore every response that does not meet the majority of the criteria mentioned in our 'Advice for single guys'. Does that mean there are some really great guys out there whose message gets tossed in the trash without a second thought? Absolutely! What should this really great guy do to avoid such a fate? Read our 'Advice for single guys'. It wasn't written for the fakes and flakes and time wasters, it was written to help all the really great guys out there find what they're looking for.

having read this I will try to send a photo with the first email. Pic collectors can hide behind the guise of couples just as much and I value discretion. I could easily send a blurred photo initially.