New to this whole thing...

[hypnozed]

Hey I've recently "accepted" I'm bisexual, i put it in quotes cuz there is still some degree of difficulty that has come along with it for me. I'm still trying to find out who I am right now. I have told a few friends I'm bisexual each time it was extremely liberating and their response was great to it (which I was nervous some of the times I might get a negative response). Anyways I'm a 21 year old guy who would like some advice on this whole process...

[bityme]

Welcome aboard!

What happened that resulted in your "accepting" your bisexuality?

It's not clear what you are asking advice for. While you use the term "whole process," I view each of us as being on a journey. Along that journey you will have any number of experiences and you will grow and change because of them. It is true of all things in life, not just your sexuality.

There is no set pattern that can be used to apply to any gender or orientation. It is just taking life as it comes and dealing with events as they take place. Everyone has different desires, things we like to do, things we don't necessarily like but will do, things we won't do. That's as of today and we may change our mind tomorrow.

You will find that many members here are more than happy to give their opinions on almost any subject. but you need to give us a better idea of what you would like discussed.

Feelings of nervousness and liberation that you experienced are common.

Pappy

[hypnozed]

Hmmm how i finally accepted it like the past two years or so I noticed myself finding other guys to be attractive and more so I was attracted to them...I kinda drowned that away with drugs and alcohol I just could not understand it. Now that I've been clean for over four months I've had to deal with things...like a normal person what a concept right? Anyways the next step in my denial was to blame it on the fact I have not been laid in awhile (talk about denial right lol). As I realized how silly that was through thorough online research and well the whole duh factor of it, I had some serious sexuality questioning going on that I finally allowed myself to have with out trying to escape in some various form. I allowed myself to just let the feelings flow. I noticed more and more that I was attracted to people not just girls or not just guys. Then how relieving it was to tell some friends that I'm bi.

The whole process thing, at least for the moment is should I tell my parents? I just don't like the idea of having a sit down with them and it being all formal and crap. When I've told people, at least the latest few I've kinda dropped it casually in conversation like my orientation was something known. And to my joy one of the peeps i told actually asked me questions about it (human sex and sexuality major I think, and i think she had general curiosity about it too). The first few times I came out I did it all formally and dramatic "I've got something I need to tell you" then proceed to build up and all that nonsense, then finally spit it out that im bi. Lotta stress compared to my casual drop in a conversation and honestly makes it out to be more of an admission of guilt, which I'm feeling less and less guilty about it but it still is tough and I'd like to find out more on how to get rid of that lingering guilt.

That being said being bisexual is pretty fucking awesome, it is making more and more sense to me now and it is real exciting, that kind of excitement i just wanna share with others like me. Finding out more ways i can get involved in the lgbt community would be great, Ive been to pride fest in kc before and had a blast. And last issue but not least at all my roommates have no clue and they have given me no reason to believe that they arent homo/biphobic, it is an odd living situation it is very cost effective and none of my roommates use which is great, but I can't be myself even in my house... not really sure what to do.

Breakdown of questions: Parents, guilt, involvement, and roommates. I will definitely have more but these are some of the main points for me at the moment. Thank you!:flag4:

[Realist]

My own decision, about not telling my parents, was determined by the fact that I didn't want to know about their sexuality, so why should I reveal my bisexuality to them? If asked directly, I would have told them...but, luckily, the subject never came up.

Also, I'm sure you're living in a much more gay/bi/friendly era, than I was/am. The only persons I feel need to know about my bisexuality, are those I interact sexually with.

You should do as you see fit, with no conflict from others.

The above is not a recommendation from me.......... just a description of how I'd handled these issues my own life.

[ErosUrge]

How well I can relate to what you're going through. At least you're dealing with it in your youth.

I went from accepting it at age 18 to denying it at age 27. During those years, I was fairly open about it. But for the next 16 years I was in denial wanting to be straight and wasn't ever. Every time after a sexual experience with a male, I felt tremendous guilt. I wasn't against anyone else for being gay or bi, I just thought that I needed to deal with it because though I loved dearly the women I would get involved with, I could never put to rest my urges for the same sex.

This involved me hiding the fact whenever I would get together with a male sexually and then come home hiding it from the woman I was involved with. I hated myself for it and always feared I would be left if she found out which would definitely have happened. Though there were 2 women who did accept it completely, it was for other reasons we parted.

Finally, I realized that I no longer wanted to live that way. I came out to all my dearest friends. But I feared telling my closest male friends because I was concerned that they would worry about me making a move on them. And strangely, I am never interested in sex with my closest male friends; it has always been and is totally platonic. Can't explain that except to say that the male friends I am sexual with are for that reason primarily.

As far as telling your parents, I don't think that's necessary. They don't need to know in my opinion. There are certain close friends I don't tell either because though they aren't against anyone being bi or gay, some of them don't understand why anyone would be interested in sex with the same sex. And why complicate things if they don't understand? No big deal that they don't get it or can't step outside the box to try and understand.

I've made peace with things that if anyone found out from some outside source, it's not going to change anything for me. Even if they reject me, it's not my problem. I am who I am as you are who you are. We allow people's opinions and society to affect our idea of who we are at times. I think this is sad.

My advice is stay true to you beyond all else and you will find your way and grow. It also makes life much less complicated for the most part.

I have never enjoyed my life more especially when it comes to the enjoyment of sex. Though I always enjoyed sex even during the years of denial, there always seemed to be something missing. As soon as I accepted I was bi, the quality of the experiences with both sexes improved dramatically for me. I basque in the passion and the ecstasy of my sexual experiences now with both men and women.

[drugstore cowboy]

Yes by all means you should come out to your parents and your friends.

This is not telling them about your sex life at all, despite what people who live in fear in the closet claim.

Living in the closet is not a good thing and it's best to come out to your parents and friends as bisexual instead of living a lie and hiding this important part of yourself from them. These are your parents and your friends of course they should know that you're bisexual, and yes it is their business since you're their relative or child in the case of your parents, or they're your friend in the case of your friends.

Plus the harder you try to stay in the closet the more issues and problems you're going to have, and people are going to know that you're not heterosexual no matter how much you try to pretend you're heterosexual.

[ErosUrge]

Yes by all means you should come out to your parents and your friends.

This is not telling them about your sex life at all, despite what people who live in fear in the closet claim.

Living in the closet is not a good thing and it's best to come out to your parents and friends as bisexual instead of living a lie and hiding this important part of yourself from them. These are your parents and your friends of course they should know that you're bisexual, and yes it is their business since you're their relative or child in the case of your parents, or they're your friend in the case of your friends.

Plus the harder you try to stay in the closet the more issues and problems you're going to have, and people are going to know that you're not heterosexual no matter how much you try to pretend you're heterosexual.

The truth is that we all have opinions based on our own personal experiences and beliefs. And what it comes down to is what YOU want; not what I or anyone else here has to say. Everyone thinks they're right and correct about how to go about such matters, but what our journey in life is-is unique to us. I think overall it's best to be open and honest but that is a decision that is entirely up to you and no one should put themselves into a position of dictating how you should proceed. Suggestions are fine, but when people try to be an authority as to what others should do is in my opinion stepping beyond personal boundaries. You can certainly tell people about your sexuality, but I myself feel that there is no rule that states you should volunteer the information. If someone asks if you are bi, that's entirely up to you as to how to respond. Not telling someone who doesn't get it doesn't mean you're hiding a damned thing. You can tell them and if that makes you feel better for doing so, then do. But to reveal this part of yourself based on what others tell you to do or not do isn't our place including myself with these comments now. It's your right to reveal or not reveal who you are and no one else can say how that should be. I wish you the best regardless of what you decide.

[hypnozed]

How well I can relate to what you're going through. At least you're dealing with it in your youth.

Every time after a sexual experience with a male, I felt tremendous guilt. I wasn't against anyone else for being gay or bi, I just thought that I needed to deal with it because though I loved dearly the women I would get involved with, I could never put to rest my urges for the same sex.

Finally, I realized that I no longer wanted to live that way. I came out to all my dearest friends. But I feared telling my closest male friends because I was concerned that they would worry about me making a move on them. And strangely, I am never interested in sex with my closest male friends; it has always been and is totally platonic. Can't explain that except to say that the male friends I am sexual with are for that reason primarily.

I have never enjoyed my life more especially when it comes to the enjoyment of sex. Though I always enjoyed sex even during the years of denial, there always seemed to be something missing. As soon as I accepted I was bi, the quality of the experiences with both sexes improved dramatically for me. I basque in the passion and the ecstasy of my sexual experiences now with both men and women.


Holy fuck the similarities! Like I havent had any real sexual experience with guys (making out for the most part) but when I have thoughts of guys or watch pornographic depictions of male-male sex in various forms I'd be all into it then right about when I'm about to climax I'd switch over to girl-girl or male-female sex or later eventually actually climaxing then feeling insane guilt/shame. I was raised Catholic (I don't blame all my problems on it haha) and went to Catholic school for about 7 years (which I do blame all my problems on...kidding) but there was a large amount of homophobia to be found and later on even though I didnt really have a problem with lgbt I still never thought of myself as someone who could be. Now I know I'm quite the bisexual which as im getting more and more comfortable/open with it is a freaking blast. More so I'm about to close the empty part of myself that I never really knew about, im starting to feel more and more normal and things are less weird, still I have moments of doubt and where the "weirdness" overcomes me or I "relapse" for a bit and start to think I'm straight or sexuality has to be one way or another which I know is wrong and I accept the community just the difficult part is me. Dont really know what all to chalk it up to, sometimes this feels a tad bit on the surreal side, this is all ridiculously new to me.

Then the coming out I've come out mostly to friends that are girls. I try to tell myself that its because girls already assume that I am attracted to them so telling them I'm also attracted to guys doesntly really phase them which it hasnt. But telling a guy that I'm also attracted to guys is dealing with them more and a possible unknown to them. Odd enough my best friend in high school came out to me that he was bi a few years ago, really didnt phase me all that much cause he seemed like he was gay in the first place (pretty sure he is gay, doesnt matter though lol). Then recently after I had told that first person (this girl i was madly in love with at the time...wrecked this semester and is in my astronomy class... long story haha) the aforementioned high school friend sent me a text saying something to the sorts that he wanted me to fuck him and that he thought we had this "forbidden connection" pretty sure drunk cuz it was like 3-4am, which i was like not going to happen cause well i dont really find him all that attractive or have those kind of feelings for him. actually just told him I was bi gunna see what his reply is lol.