New here, and I have a question!!!

[Coppermoon]

Okee dokee... First, hello to everyone! :bigrin: I have a question to ask other fellow bisexuals: What is the best way to find out if someone you know is also bisexual, without risking alienating her if she isn't? You see, I had become friends with a work colegue of mine, and I am attracted to her (she is so damn cute, brunette with dimples, and a spunky personality!), but I am afraid of ruining our friendship once she found out that I was interested in her, or that I am bisexual..... what does anyone think I should do?..... Thanks for any input!!! ;)

[PCCouple2006]

The one thing I can say is to chill out with her one day in a relatively neutral environment and say to her that you think she is an awesome friend. Then let her know, that in the spirit of friendship you want to "come clean" with her so that it doesn't catch her off guard when she finds out from someone else that you are bi. Everything "should" flow relatively well from that considering you made sure she felt she had ample control of things without feeling dominated or having it forced upon her. I hope this helps! If that doesn't work...there's always Captain Morgan's?!? Just kidding...

Mike :)

[citystyleguy]

well the first hurdle successfully crossed is that you have a friendship going; you do not say how long this has been. in order to give some input, and as you are still somewhat unsure of her nature, i would suspect it has only been a short time for this friendship to develop and the shared times have been limited and/or infrequent.

as i am taking the short route, i would say it is still too soon to spring anything at this point. have you had a chance to engage in joint participation of an event that challenges conventional thinking without necessarily opening up too much and scaring her off. start with a k-run in support of aids, a political cause/march in support of something similar, or a community special olympics in aid of gay teens, etc. as i dont know your community, anything that might stimulate conversation on any controversial topic along the idea of what you want to share, i.e. your bisexuality, is an effective starting point.

if she is hesitant, or questions your motivations, this may help spell out her orientation and/or position on the subject.

all of this is to steer away any focus on you risking a direct question this early in the game!

good luck, let us know what happens!

citystyleguy

[strawberry8302]

I agree with PC and Citystyle. Take both their advice. As PC said, get together with her for a friendly dinner or something. Then you guys should get talking, and mention that you are bi. Ask her if she has a problem with it, and whatever she says, go by that. If she is hesitant, this is where citystyle's advice comes into play. You know then and there that she kind of does. If she says no, then you can kindly tell her that you were interested and you wanted to know if she was curious, or bi. If you dont want to ruin your friendship with her, TELL her that. Tell her you still want to be friends, so even if she turns out not to be bi, or turns out bi and is just not attracted to you, you guys can continue on with the friendship.

[Nara_lovely]

I found that making friends at work does improve the work environment, you spend time together, interact, help each other out. The friendships don't always last if one changes companies or departments, although some do and they'll be real friends. A few girls I worked with knew I was Bi. They initially had a slight reaction, but since we'd known each other for awhile, the friendship remained. I trusted them and they didn't let me down!

However; it's not always the best idea to have a 'relationship' with someone you work with. If problems occur in that relationship, it can effect the work environment too. So...seriously think about the situation you are in. If she has a negative attitude towards your orientation, how will that effect your work, advancement opportunities, or the possible gossip? Are you secure enough in yourself to handle that possibility?

My personal choice is to never date someone I work with. But as always...you are your best judge, so follow your instincs and yet, be accountable for your own actions too.

[KevsBi]

Citystyle guy has the best answer, although all are very helpful!
Bring up a current event that is in the news such as gay marriage or gay bashing...something to bring focus to the gay or lesbian lifestyle...not something out of the blue mind you, but something current such as local news in your newspaper (i.e. recent partnerships or marriages between 2 men or 2 women). Reading her reaction to this will help you in your quest. :2cents:

[JohnnyV]

I was wondering what the cultural context of your situation is. I have to admit I know very little about Portugal's sexual culture. Is bisexuality something that's often discussed openly? Or is it more like Latin America, where lots of people engage in bisexual activity without calling it that or even talking about it? Maybe your approach depends on your particular cultural context, which might be very different from the one familiar to us in the US or the UK. Tell us a little about Portuguese sexual mores....

J

[bishaniyah]

I would suggest you take her out raving at a local gay club. Then see how she vibes with the surroundings. If shes uncomfortable she'll let you know, if not she'll most proberly start telling you about her thoughts on the whole subject, ask you your sexuality and bombard you with stories (or hopefully for your sake make a move on you) or, you can just ask her her sexuality or how you feel about her. If shes gets funny then you can say she wasn't a real friend anyway. It shouldn't matter....go for it what have you got to lose.
I hope i've been helpful.

good luck..x

[biecnal]

Okee dokee... First, hello to everyone! :bigrin: I have a question to ask other fellow bisexuals: What is the best way to find out if someone you know is also bisexual, without risking alienating her if she isn't? You see, I had become friends with a work colegue of mine, and I am attracted to her (she is so damn cute, brunette with dimples, and a spunky personality!), but I am afraid of ruining our friendship once she found out that I was interested in her, or that I am bisexual..... what does anyone think I should do?..... Thanks for any input!!! ;)

I would invite her to go to your local GLBT Dance Club! This is a great way to find out how open people are. It doesn't necessarily indicate to her that you are gay/les/bi. Alot of "straight" people go to gay bars.

Lance & Jess
:three: