Polyamorous Relationships

[SoFlaPolyCouple]

Anybody out there have any experience with living in a poly relationship? My wife and I have been looking for a bi male to add to our relationship for some time and it seems there aren't too many people interested in such an arrangement.
We first learned about the poly lifestyle from a couple we met when we were in the swinging lifestyle. They were very close to another couple for many years, since their college days. One day one of the wives died unexpectedly. After awhile the surviving husband was 'added' to their relationship. They enjoyed 8 years living together in a triad until he eventually met and fell in love with a woman, whom he eventually married.
Any suggestions for us regarding how to meet potential partners would be appreciated.

[Realist]

I recently wrote that I'd lived with a married couple, when I was in the Army and in my 20s. As far as I'm concerned, it was one of the better relationships of my life.

I'm at a loss as to tell you how to find someone interested. It seems that the majority of my relationships, with either gender, just happened...fell out of the blue. I've never had a one-night stand, or sex with any male that I didn't know well, beforehand.

Posting a well-written profile, here, might help. I met my present lover here, in 2008, and we're still going strong.

I hope you find a compatible person to join you...when it works well, it's a magnificent way live! BUT, don't settle for less than you both want!

I wish you luck.

[SoFlaPolyCouple]

Thanks.
We've read extensively on the subject over recent months and discovered what you say is true; that most just sort of happened 'naturally'. Since we don't have any bi male friends it's not likely to happen that way anytime soon. :(

[NakedInSeattle]

I have to tell you that it takes just the right personalities. There's the rub. Finding someone that you are attracted to (not talking attractive) and vice versa, and who wants to do it, and then the personality thing kicks in. I tried it for about a year and a half and at the start all parties agreed that we could deal with the potential jealousy issues and we did - where the sex was concerned.

Where we came apart was in the issue of "equality." The husband, it turned out, had to be "more equal" because he was the husband and I wasn't. All decisions (from vacations to what to have for dinner) were his and I had to go along - even though I ponied up more than my share of the expenses. At social functions, there was never to be any open display of affection and as far as the rest of the world was concerned, I was a friend and quite often roommate.

If I were a total sub, maybe, just maybe, it would have worked out but I had my pride and I'm a strong-willed character which proved to be our undoing even though they said that that was what attracted them to me.

I wish you luck and just want to remind you that it takes much more than a willingness and a desire.

[brujo1313]

My wife and I have been married going on 9 years, she told me that she was Bi when we met and I told her that it did not matter to me. I told her that if she wanted to pursue her needs I did not have any problems with that and would not hinder her in any way, like if she found someone I would participate. After several years of being married she told me that she would like to find someone permanent that would become part of us. We started our search we put ads in everything we could find being very explicit as to what we were seeking. We met some women and it never panned out. We had found out about polyamorous and joined several clubs that we found on line. Even then it seemed that we were no closer to finding someone. We were ready to trow the towel in and give up, and got a message from this woman on one of our old ads. We met hit it off and several months later we all moved in together. On this month we celebrate our second anniversary. My wife and her have become life partners and celebrated with a very beautiful tattoo, she has become my slave and is registered to me on the slave registry and also got a tattoo about it. She wears her collar 24/7. It is not easy to find someone that will be right for both of you, but not impossible. We found out that if we could not find someone suitable for both it just would not work. If you truly want this do not give up and be patient, it is just like finding a wife or a husband. There are people out there that want this as much as you do, when the right one comes along you will know and your dreams will become a reality as it has for many others out there. Hang in there.

[ohmymy69]

We've done a lot of reading, discussing and have been trying to find more people to talk to about Polyamorous relationships. The nature of our relationship with the total security, lack of jealousy/insecurity we enjoy with each other could allow us to enhance what we already have by the addition of another loving partner.

Unfortunately all our discussion and the above relationship attributes also make one point glaringly clear...the person(s) we would need to find would have to be able to blend with us as completely as we have, sharing our depth of love, respect and trust! This has only taken us 30+ years and a couple of failed marriages and a lot of personal growth to achieve!!!

We're not threatened by the chance of another person causing us to lose what we share but we are concerned that this late in life our time together is VERY precious and could potentially be wasted on the effort. If someone came along great...but...we are not searching and have found that the best relationships are those you don't go hunting for!!!

Just our thoughts... :bigrin:

[Rhevan]

I've been in a few poly relationships, my last one lasted eight years as a triad. I'm sure if you keep looking you'll find someone that will suit your needs but I do caution you, being poly doesn't just mean everyone gets fucked, it means everyone gets loved as well. If you can't also fill the emotional needs of the man you find then it won't go well. Good luck.

[darkeyes]

Cant say I have ever lived a polyamorous lifestyle at least not with a set group of peeps.. twice tho in me late teens did pop off on me hols 2 a Villa in Spain an a Gite in France and spose u could call what we did as polyamorous.. 1st time 2 girls and a guy.. no holds barred muchas fun altogether or individually.. in France 3 girls and a guy and much the same.. got a lil tetchy towards the end of France as 1 of the girls started feeling she wasnt getting her share from the guy and felt left out of his affections.. nowt 2 do wiv me.. the bugger had only gone and fallen for third girl and even I didnt get 2 much of a look in.... ne ways.. decided polyamoury isnt for me cos it is just far 2 precarious and in its own way.. restricting..

.. on the last nite of that holiday we two poor cows left the luffers 2 it an went clubbin... Christ.. waste of time for poor young Fran.. but the girl was laughin all the way 2 her bed.. luffy big French guy wich made me just a lil green wiv envy an all Fran got was a hurried peck on the cheek from 'is m8 who wos 2 all intents an purposes.. a dork (and an octopus.. but have always known how 2 deal wiv Octopi).. an the cow wosnt sharin wos she?? An dork wosnt gettin' thats for sure...

.. sigh... a tart's life is not always a happy 1...:(

[æonpax]

Polyamory means "many loves."


Hedonistically: been there, done that...by my definition.
Spiritually: I share a certain kinship within select people.
Sexually: Good question.
Culturally: I'm adaptable.

Like with Bisexuality, "Poly" has many different facets.

[SoFlaPolyCouple]

Thank you everyone for your input. The issues brought up in this forum are issues we have thought very deeply about.