Please Help I Need Advise

[scared_n_confused]

Hello there,


Hi I really need help to know what to do about my current situation.
One thanksgiving night @ around midnight my boyfriend of 7 yrs
phone kept going off. I was getting really really mad as he would
go hide in the room to text the person calling. That person called
back like 4 times in 5 mins. So I picked up the phone and told
that person he was in the shower. Then I asked him who she was then he started lying. I got really pissed off and told him to take me home.
On the way to my house she called like 20 times. I got pissed off and
picked up the call and put her on speaker phone.

At first I didnt know if she was a boy or a girl my boyfriend said she was a girl but he sounded like a boy. Then I asked her who she was
she said "she was his girlfriend". I went off on her and said Ive been with
him 7 years. She said well your not taking good enough care of him
cause I am with him. I asked her did she have sex with him she said yes so
many times. He was silent the whole time and said she was crazy. Then I
hung up she kept calling I picked up the phone told her not to call anymore
and she said by the way I am a ladyboy and she was a man and then she had the nerve to tell me in detail about the ass sex.

I am completely heartbroken I do not know what to do can you please
tell me what is the right way to react to this?? I have nothing against
the LGBT and any kind of lifestyle. However I feel that its wrong he did
not tell me that he is bisexual. He keeps denying that he is not bisexual.
And I trust my instincts he is definitely lying. Also if hes cheating who
knows what kind of diseases he can get and I dont want to catch
anything from him. Can someone please tell me
how to deal with my pain as I am afraid to talk to anyone I know
about this thanks in advance for helping me it really means alot to me.
:(

[keefer201]

Do what anyone with even the slightest bit of self respect would do; kick his lying ass to the curb. A long rambling is not needed to assuage your feelings of hurt.

[Jobelorocks]

Well first off he is clearly cheating and I say dump his ass. Second off, just because the person he is sleeping with is genetically male, doesn't necessarily mean he is bi. This person may see themselves as a female and he may see this person as a female as well. If that is the case, then he may be sexually attracted to females only. He is obviously keeping things from you and how can you trust him if he is lying to you about such a big thing as sex? He is keeping sexual relations with another person form you and may be keeping things like possible others, possibly unprotected sex, and who knows what else. What his sexuality is isn't the problem, the problem is he is a lying bastard.

[scared_n_confused]

Well first off he is clearly cheating and I say dump his ass. Second off, just because the person he is sleeping with is genetically male, doesn't necessarily mean he is bi. This person may see themselves as a female and he may see this person as a female as well. If that is the case, then he may be sexually attracted to females only. He is obviously keeping things from you and how can you trust him if he is lying to you about such a big thing as sex? He is keeping sexual relations with another person form you and may be keeping things like possible others, possibly unprotected sex, and who knows what else. What his sexuality is isn't the problem, the problem is he is a lying bastard.

Thanks for replying you are right I should leave him. And yes the thing I
fear most is him cheating and not using protection. As I have only been
with him for 7 yrs and him and I dont use protection I am on a iud and
I thought we were in a monogamous relationship so I thought I was safe.
I am scared out of my mind I dont want to get any diseases from his little escapades.
I really appreciate you reply as I feel like I'm in hell right now and I have no
one to talk to about this issue. Have a nice weekend.

[Jobelorocks]

Thanks for replying you are right I should leave him. And yes the thing I
fear most is him cheating and not using protection. As I have only been
with him for 7 yrs and him and I dont use protection I am on a iud and
I thought we were in a monogamous relationship so I thought I was safe.
I am scared out of my mind I dont want to get any diseases from his little escapades.
I really appreciate you reply as I feel like I'm in hell right now and I have no
one to talk to about this issue. Have a nice weekend.

No problem hun. Also, make sure that you get tested. You don't deserve to be lied to and put in a position where you think you guys are monogamous and not knowing who he is with, if he is being safe, and what he may bring home to you.

[Moonlight_BHI]

If he would of been honest and became out with the truth than there might be a way for you two to work it out if that would be the road you'd want to take.
But that's not the case, he lied in all cases: about his sexual interests, his extra partner and the sexual identification of the person.
Honey kick his ass to the curb because obviously he has some things he needs to work through and needs to figure out whether he really wants a relationship with one person or more.

And next time, make some guidelines or rules with your new man along with finding out if they have some sexual interests like this one. And whether their straight or not, make guidelines. They do come in handy, I should know.


Now the hurt... That's usually a tough one cause everyones different but here's a few things that usually work;
1) Get some ice cream or something sweet.
2) Get a sad movie and funny movie.
3) Watch sad movie first.
a) Cry your eyes out and eat the sweets.
Its always good to have a good cry to get everything out.
4) Watch the funny movie.
Watching a funny movie once the crying is over is a good way to lighten up your mood and show you that you can go on without him and that things are gonna be okay even if they don't feel like it.

Hang out with friends as well, go see family or do something that maybe you couldn't when you ever with him.
And always remember something, it may hurt at first to go places where you have been together but never avoid them. Cause later on you might never be able to go to those places cause they become painful taboo.


Hope my post helps.

[Realist]

Jobel and the others have given you some good advice! I agree that you should get tested ASAP!

Listen, being bisexual doesn't require a person to be a liar and/or jeopardize their loved ones' lives!

If you were aware of his being bisexual and were OK with who he was sleeping with, that's one thing.............but, who knows who else his hidden lover has also been with?

If he's lied to you about this person, how many others has he been with?

You have to make up your own mind, about what to do............but, if you asked my opinion, I'd follow the others' advice and say kick him to the curb!

Good luck

[Darkside2009]

Hello there,


Hi I really need help to know what to do about my current situation.
One thanksgiving night @ around midnight my boyfriend of 7 yrs
phone kept going off. I was getting really really mad as he would
go hide in the room to text the person calling. That person called
back like 4 times in 5 mins. So I picked up the phone and told
that person he was in the shower. Then I asked him who she was then he started lying. I got really pissed off and told him to take me home.
On the way to my house she called like 20 times. I got pissed off and
picked up the call and put her on speaker phone.

At first I didnt know if she was a boy or a girl my boyfriend said she was a girl but he sounded like a boy. Then I asked her who she was
she said "she was his girlfriend". I went off on her and said Ive been with
him 7 years. She said well your not taking good enough care of him
cause I am with him. I asked her did she have sex with him she said yes so
many times. He was silent the whole time and said she was crazy. Then I
hung up she kept calling I picked up the phone told her not to call anymore
and she said by the way I am a ladyboy and she was a man and then she had the nerve to tell me in detail about the ass sex.

I am completely heartbroken I do not know what to do can you please
tell me what is the right way to react to this?? I have nothing against
the LGBT and any kind of lifestyle. However I feel that its wrong he did
not tell me that he is bisexual. He keeps denying that he is not bisexual.
And I trust my instincts he is definitely lying. Also if hes cheating who
knows what kind of diseases he can get and I dont want to catch
anything from him. Can someone please tell me
how to deal with my pain as I am afraid to talk to anyone I know
about this thanks in advance for helping me it really means alot to me.
:(

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Firstly, I am sorry you have been caused so much pain by the thoughtless, selfish actions of your boyfriend.

He should have been honest with you, and explained he desired sex with other men, you then would have had the option of accepting this proposed change in lifestyle or parting and finding someone more compatible to yourself, and how you want to lead your life.

I think your instincts are correct that he has been lying to you. If this had been a single occasion he would not have given this person his mobile phone number. I believe it has been a relationship of some frequency.

The fact that this person rang so many times in such a short period of time, and went to great effort to give you details of the trysts with your boyfriend would indicate they are jealous of the time he is spending with you.

It is clear you cannot trust your boyfriend to be honest with you, so it would be foolish to trust him if he said he always used protection when having sex with this person.

As your health may have been put at risk through no fault of your own, I would advise you to get tested by your doctor or local clinic for any STDs you may have been exposed to, as soon as you possibly can.

Only you can know if you can forgive your boyfriend for what he has done to you. Only you can decide if you will be able to trust him in future. If it were me, I would call a halt to the relationship. Seven years is a long time to spend with a person you can't trust.

I wouldn't waste any further time with him, I would start afresh with my life. At the moment the pain is raw, so give yourself time to grieve. In time the pain will fade and you will be able to proceed with your life and find someone that you can love and who will love you, with both respect and honesty.

You do not say if you have any children together and if you do it will be that much harder, but my advice would still be the same to start afresh. Without respect and honesty there can be no love, and without love it would not be a relationship worth keeping. As a human being, with feelings and emotions, you deserve better, you certainly deserve no less.

Good luck and God Bless.

[falcondfw]

First, allow me to say that I am terribly sorry this happened to you.
Second, please get tested. There is no telling how long the cheating has been going on or with how many. You don't want any unknown surprises.
Third, please believe me when I tell you there are guys out there who will be honest with you and not cheat on you.
Fourth, I agree with the others. Kick his sorry butt to the curb. I had to do the same a year ago with someone I had been with for 4 years. Too many lies. I couldn't tell when she was lying about something and when she was telling the truth. I couldn't live like that. You can't either.
Fifth, take some time for yourself. Try a new hobby. Take a course in college. Really go after that promotion at work. When you are done, you will realize that by taking this time for yourself, you allowed yourself to heal, as well.

[scared_n_confused]

Thanks everyone so much for talking to me I am very sorry keefer201
about writing too many words and ranting. Please forgive me as I am
in alot of pain and I just wanted to explain what happened to me so
that everyone would be able to give me advise. I really cannot tell
you all how blessed I am that you took time out to speak to me. I will
definitely get tested as I already have a DR's appointment. Thanks for
helping me grieve and to Moonlight_BHI I took your advise and am reading
a book to help me not think of sad thoughts. I am happy to know that
all of you here are such kind people to help give advise to a stranger.
I wish you all the best and thanks so much. <3 And also I forgot to write
that I have told him in college I made out with a girl and he went on
to tell me how disgusting I was and he was just sick thinking about it.
He's such a hypocrite.

[keefer201]

I'm the one who should apologize, Scared, as I was not referring to you in what I said; I was simply referring to, in my opinion, not many words were needed to explain my response to your quandry. I've just found that the less I say the more I get across as any personal issue will bring about many avenues with a need to be dealt with. I wish you all the best but it is plain that he put you in a very bad situation, and he's not man enough to "man up" as it were.