crushing on 2 people at the same time- what's a bi girl to do? advice please!

[AngelicaPickles]

Hi all,
this may get kinda long but I am wondering if anyone has been here before? i realized i am bi after 2 years of thinking i was a lesbian and now i am crushing on both a guy and a girl.. the girl is someone i have known for awhile and she is the main person who made me realize i wasn't straight... she lives in wisconsin and we have been friends on and off for awhile and i find myself thinking about her and i used to think of her before i went to bed- haven't done that lately, but i used to. she knows i am gay but that i'm not bi- and she doesn't know that i have liked her for soo freaken long- it has been about 3 years or so...

then there is J-who i work with. he is adorable, and gives me butterflies when i see him and it can get hard at work cause my kids told him i liked him last year and my boss tried to set us up last year but i was taking time for myself after and didn't do anything... he is religious and my concern about that is i don't know how accepting he would be if he knew i was bi and we both liked each other...i have talked to him some, but not much and i get the feeling he likes me too.. i find him smiling at me and he makes excuses to talk to me sometimes and i just get the feeling we both like each other. it is awkward when we run into each other sometimes and i do catch him staring at me and it seems like he makes a point of coming around where i am at the same time each day...

so what i am wondering i guess is, has this happened to anyone before and what advice could you give me? i like both of them and as far as i know, they don't know... i have never had 2 crushes before and just wondering what now?

[Long Duck Dong]

ok.... lol.... enjoy knowing yourself a lil bit, is first on the list..... and find the rule book on being bi... and throw it away....

right... now to the issues.....

the lady made you aware you were a lesbian, not a bisexual lady... based around the way you write, but there is a distance between you and her... as if you are friends and thats about it, there has never been anything beyond that......

the guy knows you like him and there is definately more emotion in the way you write about the interaction with him.....

so I am curious... what would you like to have happen, what are you seeking in your life at the moment as that would be the better path to follow...

one trick you can use, is to talk with both of them separately and in passing, say you are a bi lady and it makes you nervous sharing that info with other people cos they may not see you in the same light anymore... but you feel safe talking with them about it cos they are good friends and you trust them.....

it puts people on the back foot in a way.... and * disarms * them... as most people are more likely to be open about their LGBT stance when they are talking about LGBT people with people....than they are when talking to a person that is LGBT, unless they are vehemently anti LGBT.....

many religious people are not anti lgbt, they are taught that being lgbt is wrong, but they lack a real understanding of LGBT people, so its possible the guy may be more accepting then he appears to be, based around the religious aspect........

you know best how you handle things and yeah the crushs are no different... so you need to work out what you seek in your life now and what interests you..... and if you are looking to be with them both, just one of them, if you want a female more than a male or vice versa..... or if you want sex, a relationship etc etc......

its answers we find in ourselves that normally guide our next steps on our journeys....

[Rhevan]

Crushes are a wonderful thing, acting on them can be wonderful but there is always a risk. If you are truly interested in the guy, tell him. Share about yourself with him, you won't know how he will react until you do tell him. For the other woman, I'm not sure what to tell you, sounds like she has been a fantasy in your head for awhile and you are not sure if you want to take it further. It's been said over and over in other threads, communication is the key.

I've been in your situation with the caveat that I was already out as a bi female so there were no surprises. In the end I wound up talking to both my crushes and it turned out they were having fantasies about me as well. We enjoyed making the fantasy a reality and parted as friends. They are still a part of my life but the completion kinda killed the crush. Good luck.

[AngelicaPickles]

ok.... lol.... enjoy knowing yourself a lil bit, is first on the list..... and find the rule book on being bi... and throw it away....

right... now to the issues.....

the lady made you aware you were a lesbian, not a bisexual lady... based around the way you write, but there is a distance between you and her... as if you are friends and thats about it, there has never been anything beyond that......

the guy knows you like him and there is definately more emotion in the way you write about the interaction with him.....

so I am curious... what would you like to have happen, what are you seeking in your life at the moment as that would be the better path to follow...

one trick you can use, is to talk with both of them separately and in passing, say you are a bi lady and it makes you nervous sharing that info with other people cos they may not see you in the same light anymore... but you feel safe talking with them about it cos they are good friends and you trust them.....

it puts people on the back foot in a way.... and * disarms * them... as most people are more likely to be open about their LGBT stance when they are talking about LGBT people with people....than they are when talking to a person that is LGBT, unless they are vehemently anti LGBT.....

many religious people are not anti lgbt, they are taught that being lgbt is wrong, but they lack a real understanding of LGBT people, so its possible the guy may be more accepting then he appears to be, based around the religious aspect........

you know best how you handle things and yeah the crushs are no different... so you need to work out what you seek in your life now and what interests you..... and if you are looking to be with them both, just one of them, if you want a female more than a male or vice versa..... or if you want sex, a relationship etc etc......

its answers we find in ourselves that normally guide our next steps on our journeys....


wow... thanks for your reply! it gave me a lot to think about- let me see... kelsey, the lady i was talking about, is someone i don't talk to much. we text more than anything and she has her own stuff going on and i really don't wanna have this talk over text messenging.... i've known her for awhile and we have had a few years where we weren't talking and such and as Jonathan- the one at work goes, i have known him since last year but never really talked to him.... no one at work knows that i am bi and i don't know how well it would go over if they did and jonathan and i are are talking some, but not on the level needed to have that discussion... i do agree that i need to figure out what i want and so far what i want right now is to be able to talk to him and get to be friends with each other and see where that goes...i have his phone number and email and i have thought about emailing him, but since we don't talk that much, i don't know what would be a good topic for an email or phone call and it was boss that got it for me..the whole set up was her idea...

[AngelicaPickles]

Crushes are a wonderful thing, acting on them can be wonderful but there is always a risk. If you are truly interested in the guy, tell him. Share about yourself with him, you won't know how he will react until you do tell him. For the other woman, I'm not sure what to tell you, sounds like she has been a fantasy in your head for awhile and you are not sure if you want to take it further. It's been said over and over in other threads, communication is the key.

I've been in your situation with the caveat that I was already out as a bi female so there were no surprises. In the end I wound up talking to both my crushes and it turned out they were having fantasies about me as well. We enjoyed making the fantasy a reality and parted as friends. They are still a part of my life but the completion kinda killed the crush. Good luck.

wow... thanks for your reply! that is so true i won't know how he would react until i said something about it- the only thing is that we're not really friends, we just work together and i see him quite a bit and i would love to have lunch when he does, only thing is that there is normally a lot of people around and one of them is one of the people who were in on my boss setting us up last year soo yeah....believe me, i would LOVE to have lunch with him... just need to figure out a way to do that!