I have a question?

[Moonlight_BHI]

When you've messed up to the point where everything may end...
How can you fix it?

Example,
My friend is really in love with her man and she said something stupid, that has him thinking she doesn't love him anymore.


advice would be great cause I don't what to tell her.

[DuckiesDarling]

Advise your friend to talk to the man, it can't be any simpler than that. Words said in the heat of the moment can have a large impact but communication has to be there or there is no point in any relationship. I wish your friend good luck.

[Moonlight_BHI]

Shes been talking to him but the more she talks the angrier he gets.
Now he won't even talk to her, and shes just freaking out and bawling her eyes out. She even prayed to God which isn't something she usually does.

[DuckiesDarling]

How about having her say "I'm sorry" and meaning it if she does?

[Moonlight_BHI]

Shes trying.

[orallybi4cpl]

tell her to give up on the jerk.. he's not worth it

have some self respect...

there's plenty of fish in the ocean..

[Moonlight_BHI]

Sir, I know he is not a jerk.

And did your mother ever teach you, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all.:2cents:

[cddm50]

Sometimes guys just need some space to figure it out. If he won't talk right now maybe a short, pointed letter from the heart can help. Have her express her thoughts and feelings in a letter or a card to him telling him she is sorry. Don't get too wordy or make it into a novel. If you can find a clever card with a good bit of humor might break the ice. Try not to get a real sappy card.

And make sure that she "leaves the light on" for him to come back and knock on her door when he has calmed down and is ready to talk again. It's okay to check in every once in a while but she will have to back off a bit. Just don't stalk him. That's a red flag for any guy.

But, not to add to your friend's distress, also be aware that maybe he has had some doubts about the relationship earlier on and has been considering to break up. And this event was a way out for him where he doesn't look like the bad guy. Be prepared for this. It won't be easy to take either and she will have to deal with it. People do break up, sometimes even over the silliest things.

Just try to keep the lines of communication open. As long as he knows she is available and willing to talk that's all she can do. The ball will be in his court now.

GL

[orallybi4cpl]

Sir, I know he is not a jerk.

And did your mother ever teach you, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all.:2cents:

nope... she said stand up for yourself.. and don't take crap from people

if we didn't say anything except the nice things.. we'd all be speaking German and belong to the communist party by now.

stand up and be American... don't vote Republican again if you want
to live in a free America with a strong middle class.

Otherwise be a whimp and let them take over... My mother said
it's you and me against the world... remember that song?

Love those who love you back..

[Light_and_Dark]

tell her to give up on the jerk.. he's not worth it

have some self respect...

there's plenty of fish in the ocean..

actually to correct you your account clearly stated he was a jerk....

[dafydd]

nope... she said stand up for yourself.. and don't take crap from people

if we didn't say anything except the nice things.. we'd all be speaking German and belong to the communist party by now.



And here we find an example of Godwin's law....
:rolleyes:

d

[elian]

As a friend sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there to listen and maybe NOT offer advice.

One of the hard lessons to learn in life is that some words, once spoken, can never be taken back. Short of a sincere, honest apology and saying she spoke in the heat of the moment there is not much SHE can do because it takes two people to have a relationship.

No one is perfect, part of the reason we get into relationship in the first place is to learn and grow - sometimes change hurts, especially if either one does not have the wisdom learned from experience that it takes to love themselves FIRST. Only when you truly, deeply and compassionately love yourself can you know what it means to love other people in a healthy way and treat them likewise.

[Gearbox]

IF the friend is actually you, and he thinks you don't love him after you told him about your liking for women, then there's really no need to be coy about it here.:tongue:

BUT anyways, in whatever situation, for whomever ...... no amount of crying and begging will fix it! He obviously doesn't respond the way she'd like him to, with that. It might even give the impression that whatever was said was even more terrible than it was.

So, if a chance is given to chat with him, no tears, no emotional wreck pleading! Just a calm and deliberate explanation of what was said, and a confidant assurance that she loves him.
That's all that can be done! If he rejects in any way, just leave it at that.
Good luck to her!;)

[dafydd]

Love those who love you back..

but someone has to go first, right?

[elian]

Someone asked me to elaborate on my post above..

I know a lot of people in co-dependent relationships, For example, one spouse has self-esteem issues. and potentially enables bad behavior or lashes out at the other. They think they cannot survive without the other. I grew up watching my mom in abusive relationships, she would always hope and wish "If only he would change, If only I could change him..." Abundantly clear, the only person you can "change" is yourself.

All I'm saying is that if you have self-esteem issues, depression, anger issues - learn to love yourself, learn to be compassionate with yourself first.. All beings want to be happy, all beings are worthy of love and respect, yourself included. You don't have to live and learn ALONE but you must also treat others with care..the golden rule. Communicate honestly and as lovingly as you can. Use "I" language, not "you" language since it is less tempting to place blame. You stand a better chance of being in a truly healthy relationship that way.

All throughout my teens I was fantasizing about a knight in shining armor, a man to love me and protect me, someone to be whatever I thought they should be..all of the good - none of the bad.

There are no humans who can always and only be good, if they try it is more likely that eventually they will burn out. Part of the gift that is sharing love is learning to love the whole person. Don't just love them for who you THINK they ought to be, but who they really are. Building a good relationship can be hard work.

In so many words I have said "forgive" but IF there is chronic constant domestic abuse don't just accept it - run like hell away from that situation as soon as you have a safe plan to do so.

[elian]

..then again every situation is different I can only speak from my own experience so my advice is probably worth the paper it's written on..