What Was It Like Back In The Day?

[RavenEye]

As a bisexual? I mean I tell all my friends and they're either like "Oh wow that's cool." or "Me too!" I imagine it was never this easy way back. And I don't just mean coming out (and reactions), I mean what was society like back then? Not just America, how was it like in other countries and even those countries today? :grouphug:

[fredtyg]

As I recall the mid- 70s, it was a time when homosexuality wasn't really discussed except in derision. I became actively homo for a period back then but it was mostly a matter of opportunity as I didn't know where to go to find guys and we didn't have the internet back then to allow guys to find each other.

I fagged off with few friends during that time and I don't recall us ever referring to ourselves as being homo or queer or talking much about it at all after sexual activities. We just did it, kept it to ourselves and hoped nobody found out.

I don't know that the word bisexual was even used back then. I don't recall when I first began to hear the term bisexual.

[jamieknyc]

In the 1970s gay liberation was just getting started, and bisexuality just starting to be recognized as a separate category. Time magazine did a cover story on bisexuality in 1974, but after that it kind of dropped off the radar screen (an expression which, by the way, wasn't commonly used until after that time).

I was in college in the late 1970s, and by that time gay and lesbian student organizations were starting to get a foothold on college campuses. In those days they were called gay and lesbian: bisexuals and transgendered weren't added to make LGBT until later.

[mikey3000]

The first time I sucked a cock was in 1978. I was just a kid but it was no big deal. No name calling or anything like that. A few more gay play incidences followed in junior high and highschool locker rooms but again, no big deal. Then in 1984 a few of my school mates murdered a gay guy in a local park. From that moment on all gay play stopped, no one even looked at eachother in the change rooms anymore, and that's when the homophobic slurs started.

I guess that was when I chose to be straight.

[Realist]

My very first sexual experience, that culminated with an orgasm, was in '54 with an older neighbor. Before he did anything with me, he told me that sex between the same genders was not only looked down upon, but was actually considered perverse! He added that because he was older, it was illegal for him to touch me, as well.

The seduction took several steps and he give me an opportunity to say no. He would stop if I asked him to. But at each step, or phase, I wanted him continue. We began with discussions; him answering my questions, him telling me about sexual things that I never knew existed, and finally with him explaining his feelings and him asking how I toward him.

So, I knew that it was "immoral, illegal, and taboo", for him to have sex with me, before it happened. But I wanted whatever it was that had compelled me all my life to touch and be touched others...and whatever that lead to! The day after my 14th birthday, I allowed him to suck me and therefore my very first orgasm was generated.

In the school year of '54-'55, I had relationships with two boys my age. One was brief and then I fell in love with and had my first anal sex with the 2nd boy.

Still, I remained discreet and avoided being outed. I was straight with almost everyone I knew, except my male lover.

Then, I began noticing things that mostly guys would say about "Queers, homo-SEX-uals, fags, fairies", etc, etc.

Like the other posters said, the word bisexual had yet to enter my vocabulary. I began to hear about violence against gay people.

Parents would disown a child who was gay...or send them to a place where they CORRECTED the problem!

A young guy was found beaten to death and the rumor was, he had attempted to kiss another guy!

My parents said, "He deserved whatever happened to him!" Everyone I knew felt that way...or at least they SAID they did.

Exactly as Mikey said, that tends to send anyone, even if they're slightly interested in a same-sex relationship, into hiding!

Still, over the years, I have had 11 MM relationships. I've only regretted one, which I think is a pretty successful average. Always, I've been careful, discreet and secretive. That caution has served me well and I am comfortable with that.

I have never lived in a location where I felt totally at-ease with my bisexuality.

I've met others, who have lived in idyllic places, where freedom is abundant and opinions about one's choices are "live and let-live".

I guess there's many locations, in different US states, that are pretty gay/bisexual friendly. California.....Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Key West, Florida comes to mind. I've never lived in any of those places, however.

During a couple of trips to Canada, I talked to a gay female couple, who felt totally at ease, there. One had a bisexual brother, who also had never had any difficulty.

Some places I'd been in Germany seemed tolerant, too. London, even in the late '50s, didn't seem too concerned about gay and bisexual folks.

Maybe things are getting better, but there are still many places where bi and gay people will probably never feel totally safe.

[jackbirdjay]

I was all done with high school in 1975. In high school I wanted to try a cock but was scared of getting beat up. if you were gay or even bisexual u were looked down on. So I would look in the gym showers but scared some one would find out. The year I was though with school I turned 18. I started going to the adult movie theaters alone. Still was scared to try but did see a few guys getting sucked. At 19 found a adult xxx rated drive-in started going there a lot. I started walking around looking in cars to see what was going on. I found one area where all the gays and bisexuals were hanging around. Then on hot Friday night when I just turned 20 I was in the mens room taking a leak when a guy in his 50's walked in right next to me started pissing. There were 4 urinals he chose the one right next to me and was not trying to hide his cock but was showing it. Of course I was checking him out. After he was done piss about the same time I was done he stared stroking his thick cock as I put mine away but was looking at it. He turned facing me and started stroking faster and said want to go to my car. I jumped at it. In his car he pulled his pants down to his ankles and said u suck dick? I told him never did it. He said but u want to u were staring go for it so I did. After he was done he said be care full they don't like gays. He asked if I came around here a lot, told him yes he said good see u next week. I was in the closet and still am but it's easer to find guys now than but then

[BiDaveDtown]

I came out as bisexual in the late 70s and was active then with people of both genders. Even though this was before HIV/AIDS I was not really that promiscuous, and I have never bottomed for anal sex.

I knew about bisexuality, met other bisexuals, and as a teenager during the 70s and adult during the early and mid 80s I read about bisexuality in magazines. When I was a teenager I did come out to my parents and other family members and they were fine with my sexuality and knew about bisexuality.

In the early 80s I started going to bisexual groups and meeting other bisexual men and women. I also met lots of gay men and they accepted me as a bisexual man even though they are not bisexual.

[Long Duck Dong]

I grew up in new zealand, and it was generally quiet in terms of LGBT, there was a kind of unspoken peace between the LGBT and the non lgbt....

issues like bullying and gay bashing did not begin to really take hold until the 90's as the human rights / lgbt rights movement began to pick up pace......
I used to be a doorman / bar tender at a LGBT bar, a back bar with the front bar being a biker gang bar....so there was not really the animosity between the two groups, and it was not unusual to see bi's, gays, lesbians etc all sitting around drinking together.....

as the 2000's dawned on us, the splintering of the groups has become more pronounced, as each group wanted their own place, their own voice, their own part of the rainbow..... and as a result, much of what was once a united group, has disappeared.... many of the gay cruise bars / saunas etc are gone....
that is also in part to the LGBT rights, the anti discrimination laws, the equal rights laws.... and peoples understanding that they have the power to make their own choices, be who they want to be, done what they want to do......

the winning of the fight for the civil union ( equal rights to a legal union on the basis of marriage for ALL people, not just LGBT ), was both a blessing and a curse..... as the LGBT were soon to find...
for many many years, due to the fact the legal rights of LGBT to be recognized in relationships, did not exist, they enjoyed benefits, tax credits and family support that people in relationships were not entitled to... and so the LGBT in a sense, had a higher standard of living to the average person......
that ended 3 months after the civil union law was passed, as the government also changed the laws to make all people equal, in terms of benefits, tax credits and family support....... and the effect on many LGBT people was clearly visible, with the extra money gone, so were a lot of the luxuries they enjoyed...... and the cries of discrimination fell on deaf eyes, as they were not being discriminated again, they were being made equal to every other NZ'er

now for a lot of people ( teenagers and adults coming out ) they have often mentioned to me about how nobody cares and how wrong it is...... and my reaction is often, " you are complaining cos people just accept it, they do not judge you, condemn you, throw parties etc ???"

being LGBT now, is no big deal, you are just one of the crowd.... just another person....

unfortunately that has caused issues amongst the LGBT, as the funding for a lot of things has also dried up.... things like the hero parade, the gay / lesbian mardi gra, the big gay out, queens on the quay... all of the organizers have been told, you want to hold it, you pay for it with your own funds......
again there have been cries of discrimination but they fell on deaf ears once again.......

have things got better or worse..... ???? it depends...

yes they have got better in regards to rights, legal protection etc etc.....

no... its cost the LGBT the very thing they were wanting.... to be visible.....
cos they are now visible, but being one of the crowd, means they do not stand out anymore....

[pepperjack]

My very first sexual experience, that culminated with an orgasm, was in '54 with an older neighbor. Before he did anything with me, he told me that sex between the same genders was not only looked down upon, but was actually considered perverse! He added that because he was older, it was illegal for him to touch me, as well.

The seduction took several steps and he give me an opportunity to say no. He would stop if I asked him to. But at each step, or phase, I wanted him continue. We began with discussions; him answering my questions, him telling me about sexual things that I never knew existed, and finally with him explaining his feelings and him asking how I toward him.

So, I knew that it was "immoral, illegal, and taboo", for him to have sex with me, before it happened. But I wanted whatever it was that had compelled me all my life to touch and be touched others...and whatever that lead to! The day after my 14th birthday, I allowed him to suck me and therefore my very first orgasm was generated.

In the school year of '54-'55, I had relationships with two boys my age. One was brief and then I fell in love with and had my first anal sex with the 2nd boy.

Still, I remained discreet and avoided being outed. I was straight with almost everyone I knew, except my male lover.

Then, I began noticing things that mostly guys would say about "Queers, homo-SEX-uals, fags, fairies", etc, etc.

Like the other posters said, the word bisexual had yet to enter my vocabulary. I began to hear about violence against gay people.

Parents would disown a child who was gay...or send them to a place where they CORRECTED the problem!

A young guy was found beaten to death and the rumor was, he had attempted to kiss another guy!

My parents said, "He deserved whatever happened to him!" Everyone I knew felt that way...or at least they SAID they did.

Exactly as Mikey said, that tends to send anyone, even if they're slightly interested in a same-sex relationship, into hiding!

Still, over the years, I have had 11 MM relationships. I've only regretted one, which I think is a pretty successful average. Always, I've been careful, discreet and secretive. That caution has served me well and I am comfortable with that.

I have never lived in a location where I felt totally at-ease with my bisexuality.

I've met others, who have lived in idyllic places, where freedom is abundant and opinions about one's choices are "live and let-live".

I guess there's many locations, in different US states, that are pretty gay/bisexual friendly. California.....Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Key West, Florida comes to mind. I've never lived in any of those places, however.

During a couple of trips to Canada, I talked to a gay female couple, who felt totally at ease, there. One had a bisexual brother, who also had never had any difficulty.

Some places I'd been in Germany seemed tolerant, too. London, even in the late '50s, didn't seem too concerned about gay and bisexual folks.

Maybe things are getting better, but there are still many places where bi and gay people will probably never feel totally safe.

I still find myself trying to tolerate & deal with other males who aggressively denounce another man as a "fag" in order to appear more masculine; in my experience, this type of rhetoric & behavior is nothing more than hypocritical, homophobic,camouflage;in other words, "the pot calling the kettle black"! The irony is, that in most cases with these detractors, I'm usually the physically stronger one; I'm just a more peaceful type of alpha-male.

[bityme]

RavenEye,

You are absolutely correct. Things were completely different years ago.

In 1971, when my wife and I who had been swinging for a couple of years, we got together with another couple that was also adventurous. Together, the four of us discovered our bisexuality and tested it limits over a six-year relationship. As Realist said, "bisexual" was not part of our vocabulary. If we ever used a label it was referred to as "exploring our gay side."

Back then, you met people through ads in swinger magazines, bars that became known to be frequented by swingers, and introductions by or referrals from other swingers. Occasionally an ad would describe a woman with a gay husband, but there was very little discussion or advertisement of same gender sex and when it did occur it almost always was F2F.

The first time I heard the term "bisexual" was probably the 1974 Time article that jamieknyc mentioned.

The relationship with our first special couple was exclusive until they moved away in 1977. That caused us to again peruse the ads in swinger magazines, hit the swinger bars and reestablish ourselves in what was loosely referred to as the Swinger Network. From that point on, word of mouth and small house parties were the mainstay until the advent of the internet which we got hooked into in about 1995.

We often talk about how important communication is to relationships. The same is true in society at large. The computer, internet, cell phones, texting, IM and Video Chat have all made communication faster and easier. Information about everything is easier to find and becomes more extensive each day.

In my opinion, there is a significant downside to the present ease of communication. There seems to be a much greater tendency to be more "picky" and reject people simply on the basis of ads and physical characteristics without actual communication between the parties. In the earlier years, when it was harder for swingers to find each other, things were a bit more open and people were more apt to at least meet socially to see if there was any chemistry. We often found that we often had enjoyable, sometimes fantastic, times with those who didn't have the best writing skills or physical attributes. Today, one also has to wade through an ever enlarging sea of flakes, fakes, and trolls to find a match. Hell!! Who said life was going to be easy. LOL

Pappy